On February 5th of this year, Big Daddy Donnie called me (Dan-e-o) and said "I heard there's some sort of game going on today... apparently it's like the WrestleMania of football or something". I was like, "yeah, I heard that too. Supposedly it's supposed to be super". Sure enough, while the majority of the sports (and even non-sports) world was glued to the SuperBowl game on TV, Donnie and I played Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and talked eagerly about our own impending SuperBowl: the REAL granddaddy of them all: WrestleMania! Yep, it's FINALLY that time of year again, fellow marks, "O"-enthusiasts and wrestling nerds. So this Sunday, April 2nd, have a Happy WrestleMania day! Here are the WrestleMania predictions of myself, Big Daddy Donnie and the newest member of Tha Show, the Notorious T.I.D.:Handicap Match: The Boogeyman VS. Booker T & Sharmell
Dan-e-o says:
As mentioned in "Booker T: SmackDown's #1 Announcer", Booker T & Sharmell have been entertaining the hell out of me these past several weeks. Their super-scared reactions to The Boogeyman and Booker's crazy-heel excuses to not fight him are not only mad jokes, but help for this otherwise ridiculous storyline to be compelling. At Mania, we finally get to see Boogey and Booker (just realized they'd make a cool tag-team) hook up. Considering Boogey's current monster push (pun intended) I see him going over. Booker will probably punk out and end up getting his wife to give up the pinfall. I just hope Book doesn't get squashed considering the average length of a Boogeyman match is two minutes.
Prediction: The Boogeyman via pinfall.
T.I.D. says:
My question is why all this black on black crime? I can't imagine that the writing team are really going to be able to do a whole lot with this Bogyman character so the obvious is to get a guy who deserves to be back in the running for something meaningful out of this ridiculous angle.
Winner: Booker T
Big Daddy says:
Boogeymania is runnin’ wild brotha. The Boogeyman craze has surprised everyone in the WWE – including the Boogeyman. The WWE knows that their window of opportunity with him is small considering he’s already 41 years old. Dan is probably dead on the money though. Book will sacrifice his wife and we’ll get a one on one rematch at the next Smackdown PPV. My biggest concern for Boogey is that he’ll have to work more than 45 seconds and will be exposed on the grandest stage of em all… that can hurt a guy’s career… right Nathan Jones?? Who? Exactly.
Expect Boogey to chase some form of gold sometime this calendar year after sending Booker T to the announce booth full time.
Prediction: Boogeyman via pinfall
Playboy Pillow Fight: Torrie Wilson VS. Candice Michelle
Dan-e-o says: Seriously, who cares who wins? I just hope we see some titties! C'mon, I mean why else call it a PLAYBOY pillow fight? Both these chicks have already appeared naked in Playboy magazine, why not bare all on the grandest stage of them all? Either way, considering Candice is the current Playboy cover girl, I pick her to win. Hopefully, we'll ALL be winners though!Prediction: Candice Michelle
T.I.D. says:
So Wrestlemania has been reduced to throwing this into the mix. If I wanted to watch pointless soft-core porn I would turn on HBO so unless both of these chicks are going to come to the ring, strip naked and hop on a couple of those "B.O.B.'s" ( Battery Operated Boyfriends ) I could really care less.
Winner: Every 12 year old boy who has never seen anything more than his dad's Playboy stash.
Big Daddy says:
There won’t be any titties and there won’t be any Joey Styles to scream “CATFIIIIIIIGHT”. If we’re lucky we might get Lawler’s oversell making it sound like it’s the first time he’s seen any thigh at all. Go Daddy. Ya, I’m so bored with this crap. Jamie Noble, Shannon Moore, Kid Kash, Super Crazy, Psicosis, Paul London, Lance Cade, Trevor Murdoch and Spanky are all on your roster Vince…. And you’re choosing to air THIS piece of shit?
Prediction: I’ll say Candice and I don’t want to have to justify it anymore than that.
WWE Women's Championship: Trish Stratus VS. Mickie James
Dan-e-o says:
I have picked Mickie James to win this damn belt for so many damn weeks in that damn WWE Fantasy game, she damn well better win it on Sunday! The crazy bitch owes me! It's time for a change anyway. In a rarity in today's WWE, Trish has held her title for over a year. She's my homegirl...but I need the points to salvage an otherwise miserable WWE Fantasy season.
Prediction: Mickie James via pinfall to win the title
T.I.D. says:
Well this is barely a step up from the pillow fight but a step up none the less. My question is "Why even have a Women's Title if you only have one girl who can wrestle and 20 who look better holding their ankles in high heels?" With that said if they are gonna try and move the belt around ( like anyone cares ) then Wrestlemania would be as good a place as any to do it.
Winner: Mickie James
Big Daddy says:
Trish will miss the Women’s Title about as much as she’d miss an old pair of earrings that were lost in the couch while being shagged rotten. That belt is nothing more than a piece of jewelry to her character. I still expect that Trish’s contract will expire this calendar year and she’ll move on to other career aspirations. I’m digging Mickie’s character. This is way more compelling than the FIRST TIME they did the exact same story with Sable and Tori. That too, ended with a Wrestlemania blow off match. That one saw the champion, Sable retain. Let’s hope this time, my prediction is right and that big ugly dude Nicole Bass doesn’t interfere.
Prediction: Alexis Laree
World Tag Team Championship: Big Show & Kane VS. Carlito & Chris Masters
Dan-e-o says:
Like the titles themselves (sadly), this match doesn't mean a whole lot. The tag titles used to be something held by um....tag teams! And these teams would risk life and limb to win the straps (remember TLC and TLC II?!?!). Today, any hack who doesn't really have much of a singles push at the moment can hold the titles with a fellow chump whose in the same boat. All four competitors deserve better, but since the rookies have been getting their asses kicked on a weekly basis for the past month, I expect them to come out on top in classic WWE fashion this Sunday
Prediction: Carlito & Chris Masters via pinfall to win the titles
T.I.D. says:
No folks, there is nothing wrong with your TV's, the match really is THAT slow. Now I am sure it will a decent match but for some reason I smell a title change here too.
Winners: Masters and Carlito
Big Daddy says:
The Big Show and Kane have been built into SUCH a monster tag team that their story has become boring. Nobody has come close to taking their titles. That’s exactly why they’ll lose them on Sunday. The story has gotten stale. I do think Show and Kane have good chemistry together, and if the WWE has any plans of keeping them together for the long haul, then a loss on Sunday will revitalize them both, and force them to focus on their rematch. I hate seeing Raw every week with each of these guys coming out for singles matches wearing a tag belt on their shoulder. Unfortunately, I fear by the way the back story has been booked, the win will be a massive screwjob or viewed as a fluke and Masters and Carlito will not get the rub they deserve from going over on two former WWE champions.
Prediction: Masters and Carlito by pinfall.
United States Championship: Chris Benoit VS. JBL
Dan-e-o says:
I think I even speak for Big Daddy (JBL's greatest mark) when I say that I hope JBL doesn't win this belt. I'm a huge Benoit fan but I don't even think he should be wearing this title. I credit WWE for trying to bring some prestige to the U.S. championship but just a WrestleMania or two ago, both of these superstars were world champions in their respective brands. Not the greatest build-up for the match either with JBL being incapable of wrestling due to an injured hand and Benoit being incapable of using a microphone. But I expect a good match with no major changes in the push for each competitor and no title switch (although I'd prefer it for Fantasy purposes).
Prediction: Chris Benoit via disqualification to retain the strap
T.I.D. says:
If JBL is a wrestling god then that must make Benoit the "Zeus" to all wrestling gods and I don't mean that cock-eyed waste of a good payday that got punched out by Bret Hart. This match has the making of a really good match as does any match involving Chris Benoit.
Winner: Benoit
Big Daddy says:
Screw you Benoit and screw you Dan-e-o! What the hell do you mean Big Daddy doesn’t wanna see JBL win? Try again bro’. JBL has been the MOST entertaining this on Smackdown for 22 straight months. This guy can get ANY belt over. That’s right. You heard me. The belt isn’t needed to get him over – he’ll put over the stupid belt and add a little credibility to it. By the way Dan-e-o, the reason JBL hasn’t done much in the ring is because that DAMN transplanted American Chris Benoit stiffed him. Way to go Mr. Greatest Technical Wrestler. Break a man’s hand with a set of stairs. Well done. Screw Benoit. Screw the world. Vegas is laying heavy odds on the WRESTLING GODDDDDDD.
Winner and NEW Champion: JBL by pinfall
Hardcore Match: Edge VS. Mick Foley
Dan-e-o says: Well, here's the other match that I hope makes all of the viewers the winners. As mentioned in "Edge and Foley: Rated 'O' Superstars", these two superstars are "O" machines. I expect to yell out "O" no less than...oh, let's go with ten times during this match. I know Foley is really dying to have his 'crowning WrestleMania moment' and I refuse to believe that Edge is fully out of the title picture yet. With that, I expect a dope match...with Edge coming out on top.
Prediction: Edge via pinfall
T.I.D. says:
Ahhh....a good old fashioned Mick Foley type hardcore match. I also like the fact that this will add a whole new dimension to Edge's work-ability ( it's a word, shut up ). How cool would it be though if Lita got involved and got face bumped into a pile of thumbtacks and started leaking some of that new salt water solution she is hiding under her top.
Winner: Mick Foley
Big Daddy says:
Foley will do what Foley does best. Be a good little soldier and put over the company’s man. That’s Foley’s career in a nutshell, and he’ll do it again. He may get that ‘Wrestlemania Moment’ he’s seeking in the form of some sick bump or high spot – but Mick is going down. Here’s hoping the WWE says ‘Hey maybe we should give Edge another run at the title, cuz he’s kinda …. Umm … good”.
Prediction: Foley picking thumbtacks and barbed wire out of his pubes and Edge wins by pinfall
Casket Match: Undertaker VS. Mark Henry
Dan-e-o says:
Taker must win. Period. Mark Henry is easily one of my least favourite wrestlers in history. He's fat, slow, ugly and don't even get me started on his damn extensions! (See one pop off the other day on SmackDown!?). On top of that, I've been marking out for Taker since '91. If his WrestleMania undefeated streak is EVER broken, it BETTER not be by no damn Mark Henry!
Prediction/Hope: Undertaker will put Mark Henry in the casket and ship it off to the
Bermuda Triangle
T.I.D. says:They are going to have to bring down 2 different types of caskets for this one. A regular one for the Undertaker and a piano box for Mark Henry. When is Henry going to figure it out that being the daddy of a bouncing baby hand was the best it is going to get for him?
Winner: Undertaker
Big Daddy says:Bet the HOUSE on the Undertaker. Better yet – bet the house, the car and the naming rights to all your offspring. Taker isn’t losing.
Prediction: Undertaker
Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Shelton Benjamin VS. Rob Van Dam VS. Ric Flair VS. Finlay VS. Matt Hardy VS. Bobby Lashley
Dan-e-o says:
This one's tough. The entire line-up doesn't read like a list of ladder match participants. Also, based on last year's result, you'd think that the winner is best suited for a heel. Who seems ready for a major title push? Finlay? Yeah right. Matt Hardy? You wish. RVD? Think again. That leaves Lashley...don't think he's ready yet...he's the black Batista with half the charisma...and that ain't saying much. In fact, that's saying that he sucks...character wise that is. And while I like Shelton's in-ring work and new bad boy character, I don't think he'll be in the title picture yet either. So to me...that leaves...yep, Whooooo! The Nature Boy! It's a long shot, but he's the only participant in this entire match who's made it a point to even mention that he wants to be a world champion (in his case, for the 17th time!)...and that's the whole story to this match. Can Flair do it again? I'm guessing yes.
Prediction: Ric Flair
T.I.D. says:
So this is the match where the winner gets to hang on til he wants and then gets a shot at whichever title he wants when he wants to cash it in right? After watching Edge all last year with this gimmick shouldn't it be called "contract in the briefcase" match? I am kinda up in the air on this one as part of me really hopes that they finally give RVD the push he deserves but then the other part of me thinks that a match up between Hardy and Mysterio could be top notch. ( that's called for-shadowing).
Winner: RVD
Big Daddy says:
Why is this match so difficult to call? Simple. The winner gets a World Title shot, and not ONE of these mo-fo’s deserves it. RVD hasn’t done a damn thing since he’s been back expect be the same old RVD. Despite pre-comeback interviews and his killer promo at One Night Only, he’s still the same old WWE version of RVD. Bland.
Matt Hardy should have been catapulted to this level immediately upon reentering the company last summer. Instead he languished and is now a certified career curtain jerker.
Am I supposed to be impressed that Shelton’s mail-order for his “Rock-Starter Kit” finally came in? New threads, a gold chain and a pair of shades do not a World Champion make. It’s on the right path, but it ain’t enough. And umm… anybody remember Shelton was the I-C champ in the last Money In The Bank match too. How well did THAT work out for him?
I’ve been digging Finlay’s work, which shocks me because I couldn’t stand him in WCW… but he’s an upper midcard guy that can help get guys over. Legitimate title run? No.
Then there’s Blackberg. The guy who sounds like Mike Tyson on helium. Bobby Lashley is huge, has some ability (which he hasn’t been allowed to show yet) and no charisma. Sounds kinda like Batista. Could Lashley be the next musclehead to be flung towards a title run? Maybe – but I STILL don’t think ol’ Vince sees his company being led by a black world champion. Racism in wrestling? NO! I don’t believe it.
I guess I’ll pick Flair, with the understanding that he’ll probably blow his shot at Triple H the next night on Raw. Ho hum.
Prediction: Ric Flair
No Holds Barred Match: Vince McMahon VS. Shawn Michaels
Dan-e-o says:
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the McMahon family. Call them what you want, they are the reason we all love wrestling so much. And while they don't have to, they (specifically Shane and Vince) put their asses on the line (literally) for our entertainment (We're also getting an 11-match Mania this year, as opposed to last year's four-hour 8-match affair. Thanks Vince!). As mentioned in "Shane 'O' Mac - the name says it all" (yes, I love to keep referring to my own shit...so what?), a McMahon match is a guaranteed "O" getter. Another win for the fans in this one...I hope. I see HBK going over though, the McMahons have had their way with him for too long.
Prediction: Shawn Michaels via pinfall
T.I.D. says:
This is the one where Shawn went to Vince and said "I need to be on Wrestlemania" and Vince said "Well so do I". Then at the same time they said " Hey, let's work each other, and then we can have Bret Hart come out and ring the bell on us, and then...." Yeah, I know that sounds just as silly as the whole match itself.
Winner: Vince McMahon
Big Daddy says:
The Wrestlemania match should have been HBK versus Shane O Mac in a cell. They could have used Vince in more of a managerial role… maybe even have Shawn pick up a win against him at Saturday Night’s Main Event. Instead their doing the exact opposite. Vince is the bigger name and body, but Shane is the “O” machine. I’m still thinking we’ll see a Shane ‘Van Mac-inator’ before this one is over. Vince doesn’t win matches. Unless it’s for the World Title against his son in law.
Prediction: The Heartbreak Kid
World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Match: Kurt Angle VS. Rey Mysterio VS. Randy Orton
Dan-e-o says:
I love Rey Rey but I just don't see him winning this belt...but stranger things have happened...like WWE paying tribute to the memory of one of the greatest wrestlers ever in Eddie Guerrero...and then using his name and character to slander the guy postmortem and put over his friend. Randy seems poised for another title reign but I think they need to get some more burn out of Angle...one of WWE's all-time best. I see the Olympic Hero eeking out a victory and holding on to the title a little while longer. Hopefully, this should be a great match though.
Prediction: Kurt Angle via (oh, let's go with submission - Ankle Lock on Orton) to retain the title
T.I.D. says:
Three words for this one....Match of the night. This is the one I am looking forward to the most. You have in my opinion two of the top guys in the company in this match and yeah....Randy Orton too....baaa-zing.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Big Daddy says:
I’m hopin and prayin Kurt retains, but his arms may have shriveled so much from being off the juice that he’s too weak to hang onto it. Rey’s push is all Eddie. Sorry Oscar but you KNOW in your heart you don’t deserve to be top dog. Since my two brothas in O have decided on Rey and Kurt respectively, I’m going to say it’s Evolution Night and Orton slips in the backdoor with an RKO.
Prediction: Randy Orton
WWE Championship: John Cena VS. Triple H
Dan-e-o says:
I think John Cena is straight up wack. Ever since he turned face, he's been m
ad corny and it helps only to blatantly unveil his weak in-ring skills. Owner of the world's worst move "The 5-Knuckle Shuffle" (right up there with "The Worm"), Cena's time was done a long time ago. Mad fans (with the exception of little girls) have already started to boo him. It's time his character changes (the last time I "O'd" for Cena was when he battled cardboard cut-outs of Jay-Z and Fabolous a couple Manias ago). And although I'm sick of HHH as champ, it's been a while since he's had a belt, and anyone's better than Cena right now. By the way, notice the sort-of acknowledgement that Hunter is Mr.McMahon's 'family' on Raw. Yeah, the writing's on the wall people.Prediction: Triple H via pinfall to win the title
T.I.D. says:
Didn't they try this angle before with the rap dude against the rock dude? Only this time I don't think you have to worry about HHH running off to tour with Motorhead. This match will be the usual stuff you all have come to expect from a HHH match and to be honest it's a real shame that this match is getting a higher billing than the 3-way World Title match. The smart thing to do would be to keep the belt on Cena on the biggest show of the year to elevate him even more, but.......
Winner: HHH
Big Daddy says:
How much do I hate John Cena? I’m actually CHEERING for Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The last time that happened was when he had a mid card match against Bret Hart in 1996. Cena is everything that is wrong with the WWE. He’s a bullshit face with a stale gimmick and a horrible work rate. At Wrestlemania 22, the king of kings goes back on his throne. The good news is, fans have been turning on Cena for months (other than girls and little kids) and his heel turn should be off the page red-hot.
Prediction: HHH wins and lights that spinner belt on fire.
