Nobody's perfect. DJB paid homage to Maroon 5 by asking WWE to give him something to believe in, and they did to an extent, but there are seemingly some things on "Raw" that are never going to change.Vickie Guerrero, can you please say something besides "excuse me" when fans boo you? I can't think of any other heels that just repeat themselves that much when fans boo them. We're talking serious X-Pac heat here, O-sters.
CM Punk comes out and reminds Vickie that Edge has twice pulled the same stunt that Punk did last week, and this led to JBL, John Cena, Batista, and Kane all coming out talking about wanting title shots. In the end, we were given a Fatal Four Way for the main event. Anything that gives me hope that Cena won't be given a title shot.
Rey Mysterio returned to action last night, making short work of Santino Marella. I'm disappointed that Santino didn't get any mic time before or after the match, but I think I'm going to look past that and instead wonder what in God's name possessed Rey Mysterio to dress like a fly last night.
Over the past few weeks, I have praised WWE for putting a little more effort into their women's division. That ends now, as the divas tag match last night showed me that the women's division has grown stale. Not to mention, that Divas Championship belt is the ugliest belt I've ever seen.
Snitsky is so bad, but I still think he cuts better promos than John Cena. Sure, he's not over as a heel, and he's shit as a worker, but at least he managed to make a coherent thought and challenge without resorting to juvenile humor. I have no real beefs with Punk going over on Snitsky. Sure, Snitsky's not exactly a guy you want to use to build the credibility of a champion, but there are worse things you could do with Punk. But hey, it seems like Punk's getting a push, at least (*snicker*).
Speaking of John Cena...well, I don't really want to speak about him, but I sort of have to. Last night, he and Cryme Tyme vandalized JBL's limo. This segment was horribly written and remarkably unnecessary. Why isn't Cryme Tyme in the tag team mix? Not to mention, Cena was in his normal nonfunny form, as he once again went with his classic zinger, spray-painting "JBL is poopy" on the side of JBL's limo. When Cena was freestyling, he was entertaining. Now, watching his promos is like watching "Evening At The Improv". Just brutal.
Going from a bad promo to a great promo. Is Y2J ever going to equal big money or big ratings for the company? No, and I will concede that to my tall boss. However, he can be compelling, and he has a role in the company. Michaels and Jericho have still managed to make me care about their feud (I popped for Michaels telling Jericho that no matter what he accomplished, he would never be HBK), as well as their upcoming match at The Great American Bash.By the way, does anyone else find this year's Bash logo to be campy as shit? Trust me, O-sters, I got a whole slew of Batman jokes warming up for a review of that train wreck.
The Intercontinental Championship is seemingly starting to find meaning again, as "Kayfabin'" Kofi Kingston took on Charlie Haas. Sure, it was a non-title match, but at least he came to the ring with the title, and left the ring with it (presumably). Not to mention, we seem to be primed for a Kingston/Burchill feud over the title, as Burchill jumped Kingston after his match last night. Wow! A real feud for the Intercontinental Championship? Amazing!
At this point, I have a great opening to make a Ghana joke, but that's bush league; I have higher standards than that.
The main event was the aforementioned Fatal Four Way with the winner going to Batman...I mean, Great American Bash. I would have liked to have seen JBL win, as I think a JBL/Punk feud was already started last week and WWE could easily build plenty of real emotional interest in that match. Batista, strange as this sounds, would be my second choice.
Cena and Kane have no story with Punk. Batista, however, can easily play the quasi-heel by claiming (as he did last night) that he did all the dirty work in securing Punk's World Championship victory. Now, that being said, I don't want to see the belt on Batista, but I at least think that WWE has given themselves an easy opportunity to build a coherent storyline.
Plus, like I said earlier, anything is better than John Cena. Watching John Cena as a face is kind of like having an abusive girlfriend; you hope that things are going to change, and you'll read into any glimpse of hope as a sign that things will change, but alas. We're stuck with this idiot for the long haul.
Tha Results:
*Rey Mysterio def. Santino Marella
*Mickie James & Kelly Kelly def. Jillian & Layla
*CM Punk def. Snitsky
*Kofi Kingston def. Charlie Haas
*Batista def. John Cena, Kane and JBL
7 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"
I think Mysterio's costume was Ironman last night, not sure since the mask wasn't really Ironman-ish, but it was close and it would be really hard to do.
Batista is the only one that makes sense really. Can someone please slip something into John Cena's system so he fails a drug test or falls asleep and misses a show? Why wants to watch him write JBL is poopy, or talk about eating chili and being in the bathroom for three hours. Fire his personal writer or something, that's just bad. On the topic of Cena, what was up with the face he made when Kane grabbed him for a chokeslam? He looked like Christopher Titus after a joke flops.
The only other things I didn't like about "Raw" last night was the fact that Cody and Ted weren't on the show. I also didn't like the little kid who ran in front of Batista and mocked his entrance, followed by "Well King, haha, anything can happen on live TV." I thought we were past that, but nevertheless, I loved the fact that they put Charlie Haas on "Raw" and made him look like a real wrestler.
"Is he alive or dead?" Ok, simple WWE logic from years past makes you think Undertaker. Not so simple logic from weeks past makes you think Vince McMahon, so who is Kane talking about? Why does he have to be the unstable one anytime it calls for it? Why didn't they let him chokeslam Michael Cole? Why does Lawler always have to get the beatdown? When will we find out where and towards what this storyline will go? Great cliffhanger to end the show, and while there were a few moments of stale "Raw" it was overall a damn good show.
Pretty good show.
I agree DJB, I was uber disappointed that Rhodes and Dibease weren't on T.V.
On another subject, I agree the "Poopy" thing was lame and the bathroom jokes were too, but I don't really hate Cena that much anymore. Hold your tomatoes please Osters. With him not going for the belt currently, I can stand him a little bit more, plus, his promos are considerably better. This is not to say I'm buying his gay ass shirts or wristbands, but in this new era of the WWE, I think he has a place. Optimism people.
I agree with everything skittlez said about Cena, so I wont repeat it.
I really don't mind the logo for the ppv. Its fitting with the cartoonish vision that the fed has and their new marketing strategy aimed toward kids.
I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the whole kane thing, but i guess it adds intrigue to his character, which he hasnt had in a year or two. His run as champion was shit in ECW, and his character has been on the decline since the mask came off. I'm optimistically hoping that this leads to a paul bearer return, but I'm guessing its just for the stupid Vince angle.
I also wanted to see Santino's bodyguard debut last night, but I guess I'll have to wait. I think that the MYsterio fued will give opportunity for this to happen. I was happy that it wasnt a total squash, and Santino seems to be starting to get some offense in.
I think Jericho has finally made the adjustments to becoming a more serious character. I think his work since his return, and up to now, has just been him experimenting with techniques for more serious promos and ring work, since he's basically played class clown for his whole career in the US. He seems like he's drastically improved from his re-return to last night. I think his program with Micheals is the best fued going right now, and the best thats been going for awhile in the fed. I give both men equal credit for this fued, and dont thi nk its fair to say that micheals is carrying it.
Talking about the women's division being stale where the hell is Beth Phoenix at ?
FIVE matches on a two hour program. Way to keep the bar set high there Fed. The Sports Entertainment Cabal has desensitized you all to simple mathematics.
I got three words for ya...
Fire Brian Gewirtz
He's responsible for all the shitty Cena promos and weird shit that happened last night.
idk but i found cena ok last night, not amazing but he did his job and complaining about him recking jbls limo is dumb. i found his segments the most entertaining last night. especially with mickie and his mamajuana. i like him without a belt it shows more personality.
sorry but this micheals and jericho thing is wack and boring im not really into it. i know both are great wrestlers but i just didnt get into, not like anything else on the show at least. talk about deja vu.
i find the diva belt to fit since its a DIVA belt. not womens, poor layla she didnt wrestle at all and jillian lost her thick legs.
overall 2 good raws in a row is rare.
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