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Extreme Rules Recap

* Triple H v. Sheamus (Extreme Rules Street Fight)

Hunter's music plays, but Hunter never comes out to the ring. After about a minute we go backstage to a camera which has caught Sheamus and Trips brawling. Sheamus lays him out, with the lead pipe, in the hallway (see Clue). Cole: "We understand that action was live in the lockerroom area backstage." NO SHIT COLE. We would have assumed it was until you SAID SO, now I think it was pre-taped. Good job dumbass!

* Show-Miz Take Center Stage

Miz: "Well I guess this show didn't start off like we thought it would. So let's start it off with some excitement from the greatest tag team in WWE history, Show-Miz! But don't take my word for it, take Bret Hart's word for it. You see Hart made a deal with us that if I beat David Hart Smith (which I did) then he'd have to state the obvious - that Show-Miz is the greatest tag team in WWE history! Doesn't it have a ring? It has a ring to it! Show-Miz is the greatest tag team in WWE history! The only problem we have is lack of competition, so we beg, give us someone, anyone, we don't care! I have a GIANT as a tag team partner. 7 feet tall, 500 pounds. He makes Andre the Giant look like a little girl."

Teddy Long's music interrupts! "Look I've got my hands full with what just occurred in the back and now I've got my hands full with the two of you. Since you're already out here I'm glad to know you're looking for some action. I'm bringing out the team of my choosing and if they beat you they get a future unified tag team title shot." Miz: "I'm so scared Teddy! If I wanted mind-numbing incompetence I'd go to an Orioles game.

There's no team in our league. So go back to your office and think about how you can screw up the draft tomorrow for Smackdown." Teddy Long: "Since you want to keep running your mouth, I'm sending out another team." Miz: "Bob Barker would be a better GM than you! We are the reason people are here, we are the greatest champions, we are..." Teddy: "Since you want to keep talking, let's make it three teams!" Miz: "What are you gonna do next?" Teddy: "You want to make it FOUR?!" Show finally covers his mouth to shut him up. Teddy: "If you beat them all maybe you are the greatest but if you lose you'll defend to the team you lose to tomorrow night on Raw!"

* R-Truth Says WHASSUP!! (Morrison Is Also Here)

Looks like Truth and Morrison will be our first challengers. My guess is the third and final team will be the Hart Dynasty. Miz immediately lays into Morrison with boots. Morrison finally slides under him and hits a deep arm drag before tagging Truth in. Double team hip toss and then Truth does a leg split to celebrate. Truth hits a leg drop and Morrison hits a flip onto Miz simultaneously for a near fall. Show tags in and shoves Truth aside with one hand. Miz and Show take turns cutting off the ring to wear Truth down.

Truth kicks Miz in the jaw and crawls for the tag and gets it! Morrison tries to clean house on Big Show, knocks him aside with boots, but gets put in a choke slam when he goes to the ropes. Morrison counters by putting Show in a triangle choke on the ropes, Miz is cleared out of the ring by Truth, Show motions like he's going to tap out and the REF CALLS FOR A DQ BY ILLEGAL CHOKE.

* Mark Henry & MVP v. Show-Miz (Gauntlet Match #2)

Show sells the choke attempt on the outside, he's down and breathing hard. MVP lays Miz out and connects with the BALLIN' elbow for 2.9. Show finally recovers but MVP pulls down the top rope to dump him outside. MVP goes for the playmaker but the ref is distracted by Show, who throws a knockout punch at him from outside, and Miz flips over his knocked out opponent for the three count. SHOW-MIZ WIN AGAIN.

* The Hart Dynasty v. Show-Miz (Gauntlet Match #3)

David Hart Smith gets the pin in SECONDS. WINNERS: THE HART DYNASTY. The replay shows that The Big Show was cleared out with a double dropkick and Miz was hit with the Hart Attack for the pin. Afterward Sheamus comes out backstage to cut a promo on Triple H saying he can either man up and face him or be a coward and lose by forfeit - but Sheamus wins either way.

* CM Punk (Hair) v. Rey Mysterio (Nothing) - Luchas de Apuestas Solomente Punk

Punk is out first and Mysterio second. He makes the sign of a barber's razor with his hands over the top of his mask. Mysterio finds the barber chair conveniently left at the top of the ramp and beckons Punk to come up there and get it over with. Punk and his Straight Edge Society stare holes through Mysterio when he reaches the ring. Punk is all over Mysterio early, stomping a mudhole in him in the corner of the ring. Mysterio rolls out, Punk gives chase, Mysterio gives him a tilt-a-whirl headscissor into the ring apron, jacking Punk's jaw.

Punk counters a 619 attempt into a G2S attempt, Rey escapes but eats a powerslam for a two count. Punk throws Mysterio baseball slide style all the way out of the ring, where he lays on the ramp selling. Punk runs out to continue the attack with forearms to the face before throwing Rey back in.

Back in the ring Punk knocks Rey down, hits the "I'm your savior" pose and covers for two. Luke Gallows takes off his jacket outside - he's so big you can't help but notice. Speaking of big, how about Serena's... earrings? Those things are HUGE! Mysterio gets a near near fall off a head kick. Luke cheapshots Mysterio while Punk has him on the ropes, and Punk gets a two count. Backbreaker by Punk for 2. Punk puts Rey in a modified surfboard but Rey counters with a handful of hair into a near fall.

I've got to say, Punk looks even more hairy and gross than usual tonight - every closeup is like a homeless wino wrestling in the ring. If the beard gets any longer Punk could be a body double for Amish Roadkill. Punk puts Rey into a Gory Special. Mysterio escapes with a rolling arm drag and nearly counters Punk into a pinfall on a powerbomb attempt.

Punk gets up limping. Rey knocks him into the corner post and goes to the top rope but Punk cuts him off with a crotching. Punk pulls him off for the G2S but Rey elbows his way out and armdrags Punk into the ropes. Rey goes for the 6-1-9, Serena swipes his leg when he hits the ropes, Rey is distracted, Punk lays him out, and the ref THROWS OUT THE STRAIGHT EDGE SOCIETY FOR INTERFERENCE. Punk begs and pleads for them to comeback outside the ring, Rey knocks Punk down and does a springboard moonsault off the ropes to wipe Punk out on the floor. Rey throws Punk back in for a two count.

The children all chant SIX ONE NINE as Rey gets another near fall. Punk is selling his arm. Rey goes to the ropes. Punk gets up, Rey hits the seated senton, but Punk hits a dropkick when Rey tries a flying crossbody and gets a near near fall. Punk spikes Mysterio on his head for a near fall and is pissed that Rey kicked out. Rey counters a G2S into a roll-up and the whole bar chants ONE, TWO, NOOOO! Punk and Rey collide, Punk covers for 2.9. Fans chant six one nine again and REY DELIVERS. Someone is under the ring! Who is it?

He throws in a chair. The ref removes the chair and the stranger yanks Rey off the apron before he can finish the match with a diving headbutt. Punk crawls to the outside, selling his back, and slowly shoves Rey back in. Punk pulls Rey to the center of the ring for the G2S, nails it, and CM PUNK WINS THE MATCH (AND NOTHING ELSE). Punk celebrates by sitting in the barber's chair, mocking Rey by making scissor signs with his hands, and the Society join him on the ramp. Teaser for tomorrow's three hour Raw follows.

* Shad Gaspard v. JTG (Cryme Tyme Strap Match)

Striker asks Lawler about the strategy of this match. "Use the strap to your advantage, that's the strategy!" Well dumb questions deserve dumb answers. JTG smacks the heck out of Shad with the strap and touches the first two corners (you have to touch all four to win). JTG and Shad play tug of war from outside to inside the ring. JTG hits a senton and touches three corners before Shad cuts him off by yanking the strap. Shad goes outside the ring and yells NO MORE CRYME TYME NOW IT'S MY TIME and pulls JTG into the steel ringpost hard.

He pulls JTG back into the ring, slaps him around a bit, then starts to choke him out with the strap. Shad drags JTG behind him as he touches each corner, JTG does too without Shad knowing it, Shad goes for #4 and JTG cuts him off and leaps out to just hit the turnbuckle with his fingertips! WINNER: JTG. A Double Down commercial follows.

* Jack Swagger {C} v. Randy Orton (Extreme Rules World Heavyweight Title Match)

The only way to win this match is by pinfall or submission. Swagger comes out first to a chorus of boos from DJ's Dugout. Well at least he's over as a heel in these parts! GOOD LORD WE'VE GOT A CALL AND RESPONSE. More than half the bar is yelling RKO and the rest is yelling SUCKS. We get a huge pop for Randy's arrival and the kid sitting in front of us strikes a picture perfect RKO POSE. We get the BIG MATCH INTRODUCTION, the ref holds up the world title, Swagger and his lisp stare at Orton, jump up and down to warm up, and the match is underway!

Swagger immediately uses amateur wrestling technique to take Orton down and get a near fall. Swagger smiles like he's already got the match won. Orton misses with a spinning backfist and Swagger drives him into the corner. Orton goes underneath him while Swagger is standing on the ropes and knocks him down for a 2 count.

Swagger goes outside to get a steel chair but Orton gives chase and kicks it away. LET'S GO ORTON and SWAGGER SUCKS chants break out at the bar. Swagger baits Orton into chasing him up the ramp, then punches him in the gut, throws him into the barricade and hits him with a Northern Lights suplex on the floor. Swagger rams Orton back first into the apron, throws him in and makes a cover for 2. Swagger punches him down in the corner and puts a boot to his throat.

Orton tries to get up and Swagger shoves him back into the corner before hitting another suplex. He gets up to pose without going for a pinfall and we get a closeup of some sore on his lip. Fans in the arena chant R-K-O. Belly to belly suplex for 2.

Striker calls it a "su-play" as Swagger gets up and goes to stomp Orton - he's under the ropes but the ref can do nothing about it. Swagger lays in one move after another in succession without going for a pin to soften Orton up. Orton tries to counter with a knee to the head but gets thrown into the steel ringpost. Swagger goes outside to get the world title to use as a weapon and the PPV feed at the bar starts to break up - when it comes back it's obvious Swagger gave Orton too much time to recover because he's now on offense.

It only lasts for half a minute though before Swagger hits a scoop slam, leaving Orton down laying right in front of the belt. He blinks his eyes and sees the belt laying there, Swagger charges to hit his jumping bomb off the ropes, and Orton crushes him in the gut with the belt as he splashes down!

Orton goes on offense again and gets a near fall. Orton tries to drape Swagger off the ropes for a DDT but he recovers and tosses Orton over the ropes out to the floor, then goes underneath the ring for a trash can. Orton kicks him in the gut before he can use it, takes the can and CRACKS Swagger in the head with it twice. He throws Swagger into the announce table four times and adds an uppercut for good measure! Orton whips Swagger into the steel steps hard enough to cause them to come apart in the middle. Orton lays him out on the steps and stomps on his head! VINTAGE ORTON crows Cole as Randall lays the boots to him in the middle of the ring. Orton misses with a knee lunge and Swagger goes out to get a chair, but leaves himself vulnerable to being draped from the ropes for a DDT... WHICH CONNECTS.

Orton starts pounding the mat and the whole bar chants R-K-O. Orton decides instead to set up the chair in a seated position and go after Swagger, probably for a drop toe hold into the chair, maybe a Chair-K-O, but NO Swagger counts and Orton's back lands on the chair. Swagger tries to pick Orton up for a gutwrench bomb and gets it and makes the pinfall! WINNER AND STILL WORLD CHAMPION: JACK SWAGGER.

Orton gets a moral victory with the RKO after the match, and as he's leaving Sheamus' music hits and he comes out to the ring - the two exchange looks. Sheamus has the lead pipe in his hands and says Hunter has to come out for his match now or be the loser by forfeit. Grisham is backstage at Hunter's door saying he can't compete, and Hunter opens the door and shoves him to the side.

* Triple H v. Sheamus (Extreme Rules Street Fight Redux)

Trips beats him down and clotheslines Sheamus out to start, then bulldogs him to the floor on the outside. Commentary tries to sell that Hunter has nerve damage in his left arm. Hunter rams Sheamus into the barricade. Hunter drags him up the ramp by his hair and throws him into another barricade. Trips throws him back into the ring, hits a spinebuster, but Sheamus blocks the Pedigree as the left arm is sold by Trips and he hits a lariat to knock Hunter down. Now it's Sheamus hitting a bulldog outside on the floor.

Sheamus throws Hunter into the barricade and announce team says that's spinal damage to weaken the arm muscles even more. Sheamus throws Hunter back in and hits an elbow to the throat. Back in the ring he hits punches to the head for a near fall. Should WWE have really booked an Extreme Rules match and a Street Fight match back to back? Aren't they the SAME THING? Whatever. The Sheamus beatdown continues. A small group of fans in Baltimore chant U-S-A and quickly fall quiet.

In the ring Sheamus cranks on Hunter's neck and the commentary again discuss the nerve damage Hunter has sustained. Trips tries to fight to his feet, Sheamus has a chinlock applied, Hunter finally shakes him loose and rolls outside. Sheamus gives chase and hits a neckbreaker on the floor.

Back in the ring Hunter finally gets on offense, throws Sheamus into the ringpost, follows up with a DDT and sells his left arm the whole while. When Sheamus gets Hunter down again he goes outside the ring for the lead pipe, but Hunter recovers and hits a punch to the gut before he can use it, followed by a knee lift, but Sheamus finally gets his wits about him and cracks Hunter in the head for a NEAR near fall. Sheamus poses for the Razor's edge, Hunter escapes and lifts Sheamus over his head and the apron out to the floor!

Both men look for weapons under the ring, Sheamus comes up with a kendo stick, but he swings and misses and ends up being hit with a drop toe hold into the steps. Hunter takes the stick and cracks him in the head with it. (Didn't this man JUST have a concussion?) As Sheamus rolls and crawls up the ramp Hunter cracks one appendage after another, then hits him in the neck. Feeling he's softened Sheamus up enough he goes for the Pedigree and gets countered into a back body drop on the steel ramp! Cole calls that "the last gasp for The Game."

Sheamus goes to pull him up by the hair and drag him toward the ring. Sheamus is so pale you can actually see where the cane shots hit his back. Sheamus knocks Hunter down with a kick to the head and stand over him waiting until he can get up. The ref asks Hunter if he wants to quit and Trips mushes him in the face. Sheamus hits another kick to the head and Triple H can't get up before three. WINNER: SHEAMUS.

Speaking of hitting the head, I take a bano break and when I come back Edge is cutting a promo about not letting Jericho escape the cage. Afterward Lawler plugs Saliva's theme song Time to Shine. You may want to hit the head now too considering what's up next.

* Extreme Makeover Title Match - Michelle McCool {C} v. Beth Phoenix

McCool gets booed at DJ's but mostly because she's with Vickie Guerrero and Layla. Beth comes out on her own and gets a genuine pop. The match gets underway and Layla tries to interfere with a brom and it backfires. Next they try to put hairspray in Beth's eyes and succeed. McCool brings in an ironing board and whacks Beth hard with it but she kicks out at 2. She lays it over Beth's back and stomps on it then puts Beth in a scissor hold as Striker sells that they've weakened her ribs. The heels try to throw in an iron and it backfires into a near fall.

Beth dropkicks her into the table full of makeover equipment when she tries to bring the ironing board in again. The heels screw up and Layla gets a face full of hairspray. Beth lays McCool out on the table full of makeover equipment and then dumps it over. Beth throws the ironing board into the ring, tosses McCooll in, and Beth looks like she's about to have a wardrobe malfunction. Beth brings a red bucket into the ring and throws it at McCool so hard it bounces right back to her! She sets up two ironing boards in the ring side by side and picks McCool up.

She sets McCool on the top rope and climbs up. Vickie tries to knock her off with a broom and Layla tries to knock her off with a mop. They get her feet off the ropes and McCool shoves her into the ironing boards for a near fall. Beth counters McCool into the IMPLANT BUSTER and gets the THREE. WINNER AND NEW WOMEN'S CHAMPION: BETH PHOENIX! Beth gets a nice pop at DJ's for her victory and we go to a promo for the WrestleMania 26 Collector's Edition.

Jericho is interviewed backstage while the cage is lowered. He brags that he's "accrued so many accolades" that one NXT loss to a no-name rookie doesn't hurt him one bit. Grisham points out that his name was Heath Slater. Jericho says Slater doesn't matter because he's an honest man who always does what he says and guarantees tonight he will end Edge's career ever and SILENCE THE EDGEHEADS so they can never chant SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR again. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you right now? It ends, tonight!"

* Edge v. Chris Jericho (Steel Cage Match)

Edge tests the strength of the cage when he comes out to the ring as we get a replay of Jericho (allegedly) popping his left achilles tendon 9 days ago on Smackdown. I think I'll be happy no matter who wins this match, but I'd PREFER Edge. The only way this would be any harder for me is if they put Christian in the match too and made it a three-way, then I couldn't root for ANY Canadian competing over the other - I'd be totally stymied. Jericho stalls outside the cage, goes to bring in a steel chair, and Jericho dropkicks it out of his hands to cut him off before he can get in the ring. Edge and Jericho brawl for a few seconds before Edge throws him in the cage and calls for the ref to lock the door.

The bell rings and the match is officially underway. Jericho is already trying to climb out so Edge grabs the trunks and we get a FULL MOON OVER BALTIMORE. Jericho comes down and the trunks come back up and the match continues. Y2J tries to flee again and can only get to the top of the steel before Edge yanks him back down. BTW for those hoping to listen to K4D in the tonight the show will start an hour late at 11 PM EST so you can continue to read the recap and you won't miss a thing!

Jericho finally gets on offense by using Edge's momentum to put him head first into the cage, then he dropkicks him into the fence, then he snaps his neck upward into the ropes while he's down. Jericho hits him with a Lawler style drop punch and Edge is dazed and confused on the canvas. Jericho makes a cover for 2. Jericho locks in a double arm chinlock and screams C'MON EDGE WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? Edge escapes and elevates Jericho over his head into the cage fence. Striker claims a light SPEAR chant from the upper rafters but I don't hear it - not yet anyway. Edge with a boot to the gut and a sitout facebuster for 2. Jericho recovers and goes to escape. He gets one leg over the top before Edge catches him.

Jericho counters him into a Walls of Jericho on his bad ankle! Edge signals like he's going to tap but crawls for the ropes instead as the bar chants EDGE EDGE EDGE. Lil' Naitch signals that he can't force a break though because it's not illegal in a cage match. Edge grabs the ropes for leverage, rolls through and monkeyflips Jericho into the cage then covers for 2.

Jericho goes for the Walls a second time but Edge blocks it and knocks Jericho down leaving him flat on his face, causing the crowd and the bar to both chant SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR. Edge poses like he's going to do it, waits to hit it, and Jericho instead turns around and goes for the door! Jericho nearly crawls out, Edge drags him back in, and Jericho pulls a chair in with him. Edge gets control of the chair and throws it away, but then gets blocked with his arm slammed in the door.

Jericho could just walk away and win but decides not to (Lawler calls it JERICHO'S BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER) and goes back in the cage to punish Edge some more. He picks up the chair to whack him with it, whiffs, and Edge hits him with the SPEAR for 1-2 NOOOOOO! Jericho kicks out. Jericho hits the Codebreaker, 1-2 NOOOOO Edge kicks out! Both men have had their signature move defeated. What will they do now?

Jericho starts to climb out of the cage again while Edge is down on the canvas. Edge recovers as Jericho gets both legs over the fence to the other side, but Edge grabs a hold before Jericho can drop down and pulls him back in to the top rope. Jericho counters Edge with a low blow and he falls down to the canvas.

Jericho climbs again and gets all the way to the other side of the cage and starts climbing down slowly. Edge climbs up and grabs Jericho's arms THROUGH the railing on the top of the cage so he can't drop down, then climbs up to the top himself! Both men are sitting on the railing now throwing haymakers at each other.

Jericho decides to go back in the ring and try to pull Edge down by his injured leg. Edge climbs back down to neutralize the advantage and Jericho turns it into an advantage anyway with a SPRINGBOARD TOP ROPE CODEBREAKER. Jericho crawls over to make the cover and gets 2.9! Y2J is pissed off and grabs Naitch's ref shirt in frustration, then yells at Edge STAY DOWN YOU STUPID IDIOT!!

Jericho dives to chop the injured leg and Edge flops to the ground. I GAVE YOU A CHANCE YOU STUPID IDIOT I TOLD YOU TO STAY DOWN. He goes for a chair shot and misses and suddenly Edge HULKS UP and throws Jericho from one fence wall to the other. When he whips him toward a corner though Jericho jumps to the turnbuckle and starts to climb out, but Edge gives chase and cuts him off screaming NOW IT ENDS and ramming his face into the fence, sending Jericho flying backward.

Edge gets a shit eating grin on his face, pulls his hair down all psycho like and waits for Jericho to get up. Jericho crawls toward the open cage door and Edge boots him in the gut right as he gets there before laying in punches and SLAMMING THE DOOR ON JERICHO'S ANKLE. Y2J sells it for all it's worth, screaming in pain and rolling around. Edge twists the ankle and knee for good measure. Edge drags him to the center, pauses dramatically, stomps on the leg, then goes to the corner to set up for the SPEAR and HITS IT CLEAN. 1-2-3 IT'S OVER EDGE WINS!!

* John Cena {C} v. Dave Batista (Last Man Standing WWE Title Match)

Batista is out to a loud chorus of boos from the people remaining at the bar (approx. one-fifth to one-fourth left after Edge v. Jericho cage match was over to beat the rush). Batista and WWE stall in the cage until about 10:32 EST before John Cena comes out. I'm guessing this match goes 15 minutes tops. Cena kisses his dog tags (Kurt Angle anyone) and puts them away before the bell rings.

Cena comes out to the center slowly as the crowd in the arena chants CENA SUCKS quite loudly - it's a very pro Batista crowd (which makes sense given the proximity to Washington D.C.) in Baltimore. Cena knocks him down with a shoulder tackle and Big Dave rolls out to get a steel chair. He whiffs and hits the turnbuckle and Cena gives him a running bulldog. Batista gets back to his feet at 4 then hits Cena in the face with a forearm. Cena is up at 3 and down on a clothesline.

Cena is up at 5 and down with a boot to the head. Cena is up at 3.5 but fails to adjust Dave's attitude. Batista hits a chop block to the left leg and a dropkick to follow up. He snaps Cena's neck off the ropes then slams his leg into the apron before grabbing another chair to whack Cena's leg.

Batista continues the attack on Cena's leg, with Cena now getting up more quickly than he was earlier in the match. Despite that Cole calls this a RELENTLESS ATTACK. Batista hits a clothesline and Cena sells it all the way to 7 before hobbling to one corner. Batista catches up to him and nails Cena with a suplex. Sign in the crowd reads IF CENA WINS WE WANT A REFUND. Cena hobbles out of the ring, punches his way back into the match and whips Batista into the steel steps, leaving both men down briefly. Batista puts Cena in a (I'll say it for Michael Cole) VINTAGE Ric Flair figure four leglock. Cena tries to turn it over with all his might and at 10:42 he gets Batista flipped over, who sells the pain before wriggling away.

Both men are down for the ref count but back to their feet at 6. Double clothesline puts both men back on the mat until 6. Cena hits his patent pending set of moves that come before YOU CAN'T SEE ME and the FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE which causes a YOU CAN'T WRE-STLE chant at DJ's. Batista goes out for a weapon and gets a chair from under the ring. Cena counters his attempt into an ATTITUDE ADJUSTER ON THE CHAIR.

Batista makes it up at 9, shoves the ref into the ropes at the same time Cena is climbing up, knocking Cena down for Dave to hit a SPEAR, restarting the ref count. Cena gets up at 8 selling his ribs and gets a SECOND SPEAR. Cena gets up at 8.5. It's 10:47 so this match has to go home soon.

Batista goes outside the ring and dumps out a whole toolbox full of crap before finding a table and throwing it in. Cena goes for the STF and Big Dave kicks him away THROUGH the table in the corner. Cena rolls out of the ring to get back to his feet at 8.5 and Batista comes out and wallops him, yelling at the ref to start a count. Cena gets up at 7 and Batista WHIPS HIM THROUGH THE BARRICADE.

Nice spot but it broke a little TOO cleanly, right in the middle of the WWE HD sign, splt into perfect halves. Cena gets up before 10 and an enraged Batista tears apart the announce table and throws a TV monitor at Michael Cole, causing Cole to scream WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? Honestly that's a babyface move on Dave's part. Dave pulls ring steps over to the table, drags Cena up for a spinebuster, but Cena counters into an ATTITUDE ADJUSTER THROUGH THE TABLE! Batista gets up at 9.99999999!

Cena screams at the ref HOW IS HE UP? Rather than dwelling on his frustration for long Cena leaves the ring to get another table and throw it into the ring. We're really running low on time now as it's 10:53 EST. Cena sets up the table and throws Big Dave back into the ring, waiting for him to stand up as the ref removes another table. Dave counters the Attitude Adjuster, throws Cena off the ropes and picks him up for a SPINEBUSTER THROUGH THE TABLE. Both men are down!

Batista gets up at 7, Cena gets up at 9.5. The people in the bar are now quite literally on the edge of their seats - even the Cena haters have been emotionally pulled into the match. DEMON BOMB! The ref starts to count again. Will Cena make it up? 8, 9, he LEAPS to his feet. A pissed off Batista goes to push half of the ring steps in. Some kid yells I HATE YOU BATISTA and he yells back I HATE YOU TOO. He pulls Cena over for a spinebuster on it and Dave is put in the STF. Dave TAPS but TAPS DON'T COUNT. Cena keeps it locked on as Dave taps in the remnants of a broken table. Dave grabs the ropes and the ref still can't break the hold in this type of match. Dave seems to be out cold so Cena lets go and the ref starts to count again.

Dave's up at 9.5! Cena goes out and pulls Dave into the steel ringpost to crotch him, then grabs the duct tape from the toolbox and TAPES HIS LEGS TOGETHER SO HE CAN'T STAND UP. Cena puts on layer after layer, gets back in the ring, the ref counts, Dave wriggles in frustration and does the YOU CAN'T SEE ME as the ref gets to 8. 9, 10, IT'S OVER AND JOHN CENA RETAINS WITH ONE MINUTE LEFT IN THE PPV. That's it, good night everyone!!

3 comments: on "Extreme Rules Recap"

kathy said...

Tape? Thats fuckin awesome. nothing says EXTREME like tape !!

Hipnosis said...


Stevie J said...

I'll at least give them credit for coming up with a finish to the Last Man Standing stip that I've never seen before. Whether that makes it GOOD... well that's up for debate.