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3.09.2010

TNA = That's Not Advisable

Tha O Show would like to welcome Balmoral Drive to tha writing staff. View his blog HERE and enjoy his first piece of O now...

You shouldn't start a war by shooting yourself in the foot.

Almost every segment of the Monday Night Live, TNA "Global Impact" show tonight had some kind of run in, beat down or unfair advantage spot thrown in to the mix. And Brooke? Hulkster and and Abyss start things off, wasting no time calling out Flair and AJ to the ring. Out come Dueling Robes down the ramp (nice plunging neckline, AJ) and we're off and running.

Not even 5 minutes in and darkness falls; Sting out with the bat. Stands with the faces, predictably turns on them and both of the faces are bloodied in the ensuing beat down.

But it ain't over. Hulk really sold looking horrible to a tee at the end here as he gallantly and bleedingly announced from his back that they're doing it again later, no DQ.

Brooke & Jennifer should never be on TNA ever again.

The impromptu X Division match was good. It did it's part to show the wrestling alternative that TNA has to offer, and announced in so many words that it would be the "frontline of the war". Of course, the match was punctuated by the returning Shannon Moore running in and attacking Doug Williams.

The Beautiful People are the new Knockouts Tag Team champs and that's a good thing. They're a real team, they're good at being heels and they help to fill Spike TV's slut quotient. Well done!

Christy Hemme interviews Pope. Run in and beat down by Desmond Wolfe with a chain...next.

TIFG Moment # 1: Mike Tenay asks, "Who will be Sting's opponent tonight?" Taz responds, "Hey Mike, what were you doing at 4:20 this afternoon?"

TIFG Moment # 2: Start of the segment, Taz says, "I know Sting personally as a stand up guy." End of the segment, Taz says, "I have only gotten to know Sting in the last couple of months and his behaviour is a surprise." Way to go, dude.

This sets up for another HUGE botch, which is the match between Stinger and the mystery opponent (that the crowd is already chanting for). RVD hops over the railing, crescent kicks, rolling thunders and pins in 10 seconds. Then there's a long beat down segment killing RVDs return, where Sting kept going back to RVD to give more batting practice. Hogan's dried bloody face comes out, Bubba stops him, a throng of security holds him out of the ring. Seriously, this segment was so messy and badly done, that you could see Van Dam looking annoyed with it after 5 minutes.

Scott Hall looks like the uncle in the family that no one talks about.

The army comes, followed by Kurt Angle. I'd say it's subliminal for the Monday Night War, but it's a pure heart spot which is a set up for another beat down spot, this time on Ken Anderson. USA USA u...s...meh.

More Hogan, Bubba, Earl Hebner, Brooke crying, and a bunch of other shit that doesn't work for me...

I don't know why Jeff Jarrett took on Beer Money. I don't know why Mick Foley was the guest ref. I don't know why Slick Johnson screwed Double J. I don't know why I'm supposed to care about this either.

And it ends with the beginning. More blood, more run ins, Jeff Hardy and we're out.

The whole show was pretty much one big chaotic gang fuck centered around the Hulkster's storyline. Beat Downs and Run Ins defeated Matches this week by a 2:1 ratio. The show segments all looked thrown together, yet appeared to be over-booked.

The TNA roster is full of talent and a lot of it is being used badly or too seldom to get the product over. Do yourself a favor, TNA, and take a good look at what you're putting out to us, the TV audience. The crowd in the Impact Zone is already a diehard group; now you have to make the rest of us want to watch.


7 comments: on "TNA = That's Not Advisable"

D. Ross said...

"Scott Hall looks like the uncle in the family that no one talks about."

Hahaha! Too much. I was able to catch the rest of the show after only catching the main event last night. I'm done giving them chances. Every single time I watch I am confused. Not confused because I haven't watched and don't know the storylines but because things don't make sense.

Love(d) Sting back in the day. Wish he'd just head to WWE for a year and end his career. The longer he stays in TNA the longer he shits on his legacy. How long has he been in TNA and what has he done that I will care about a month from now?

And RVD showing up was the worst kept secret. They need to start banning these workers from using their twitter accounts and websites.

Great article dude.

Evitman said...

Hey Balmoral Drive, let me welcome you the way that I do:

WTF are you trying to say? You know someone who comes onto a site as a new writer, with such a disdain for the product as you do, shouldn't be writing about it.

You want to use "TIFG" in your segments? Then you sure as hell should be using the Black Prophet when you talk about Whitie (Desmond) beating down a Brotha (Pope) with a chain no less. Saying "next" like that proves that poindexter look you have on your site is shoot.

Why did the beatdown kill RVD's return? Didn't he just beat Sting? Getting beatdown after a match isn't the match. And RVD's return could have been him handing Hogan a tampon to take care of the cut on his head and he would have had the same pop he was getting. That is someone who is over, no matter what he was doing.

How about bringing up the fact that RVD's last two performances inside the ring at the TV level, have both been less than a minute squashes.

Now, let's talk about what really irks me about you:
Your article, "In (Perpetual) Defense of Professional Wrestling", it appears you have grown tired of wrestling. It appears that it is nothing but entertainment that barely keeps you interested.

Why the hell are you writing about something that you barely are interested in?

Dan-e-o and Donnie: You done fucked up 3 times this year. You let the portly Panda back in the show. You failed to get Jennifer Blake in her panties. Now, you let someone who obviously by his own writing, can't appreciate the wrestling product as it is right now.

Sure we all would like it back to what some think of as the golden era of wrestling, but the chances of that are slim to none.

Appreciate what you have, wish for something more, but don't you dare say you are done.

Anonymous said...

I agree, I actually try to enjoy the show no matter if its WWE or TNA. I will point out things that are badly done but enough with the bitching and crying.

If all you guys wanna do is pick the shows apart.
Maybe you shouldn't watch anymore!

Christopher Casúr said...

Damn, Evitman, put the tiger back in the cage. I haven't seen anything that brutal since Lance Malibu.

However, I do agree with you that Sting beating down RVD doesn't hurt his return in the slightest. Van Dam is over like a motherfucker no matter what. In fact, I feel that egregious of a spot was necessary, because otherwise by next week fans would have forgotten all about Sting's heel turn and would have cheered him again.

Also, even if he's not high on professional wrestling, he at least made his point, and his article was clear and coherent. This was by far the superior TNA article of the two posted.

Hipnosis said...

no ones Oing for Sting's Heel turn? lol

balmoraldrive said...

Thank you for the comments. I appreciate the feedback to my writing.

I'll respond to the show-related comments in brief.

Sting already turned heel in the first segment. Further driving the point into the ground at the expense of RVD's debut was dumb. I know that he's over already and I know that it doesn't ruin his spot. (In fact re-read what I wrote and I never addressed this jeopardizing his spot.) I'm saying the segment was messy and if they wanted a second spot for Sting then it should have been at the end of the show for continuity purposes.

RVD could have been in the Shannon Moore spot to really showcase the X Division and have a high profile PPV match set up to boot.

But that's just hope booking...

Hipnosis said...

so your saying Shannon Moore should have beat Sting and RVD should take on Doug Williams?...I like it but people would be more pissed about Moore getting Sting and RVD getting a lower spot no matter HOW good the X Division is lol