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Mike Poulin's TNA iMPACT! Recap

We go to Hulk Hogan who's apparently not there tonight but says that it's time for Jeff Jarrett to start a new and says if he can beat AJ Styles tonight he will be the next in line for a title shot at Lockdown. I actually wouldn't mind that. Next comes the part the made me fast forward as Jay Lethal comes in as Black Machismo and Hogan actually thinks it's Randy Savage.

The Band come out and apparently Bubba the Love Sponge comes out with them. Bubba says that the fans in the Impact Zone want to be him.

Sure we do Bubba Sure we do you keep believing that. Bubba that Jeremy Borash and Christy Hemme aren't in his league yeah because they're fucking better than you asshole.

Nash gets the microphone and calls Eric Young out to apparently apologize to him for what happened at Destination X. Young comes to the ring without music and Nash offers him a spot in the Band. Young pops Nash and gets beat down by Hall and Waltman until RVD and Hardy come out for the save.

Jeff Hardy gets the microphone and says that since the Band think they are the main event tonight they are the main event and in Honor of Lockdown tonight's 6 man tag is a Steel Cage Match. Hardy is terrible on the microphone but if had to choose between him and RVD I guess he's the lesser of the evils.

Match 1: Kazarian and Shannon Moore beat Doug Williams and Brian Kendrick when Moore Pinned Kendrick with the blockbuster.

Pope D'Angelo Dinero makes his way out to the ring. Pope says that being the TNA Champion is a moment he has been waiting for his entire life. Pope calls AJ Styles a shadow in the spotlight and says he is the godlight of TNA.

Pope tells AJ to go down to the Kennedy Space Center and get the biggest spaceship he can find because at Lockdown Pope is going to take him to the outer limits. Pope says that AJ Styles is phenomenal when he wants to be but he is not the Pope and rattles off a bunch of catchphrases and says after Lockdown he will be the new TNA Champion. Pope's music starts playing but Chelsea wonders to ringside for no real reason. Pope cuts the music and asks Chelsea what she wants.

Chelsea blabs on and proves that she has no personality at all and somewhere in there says she wants to be a Ho. A bunch of sexual innuendos are made but then Desmond Wolfe comes out and Pope quickly pops Desmond. Pope then grabs Chelsea and gives her the Rude Awakening 2.0 No not the move but the big kiss that Rick Rude would give a lady after the match. Pope then slips a dollar bill in her cleavage. You know I hate to do it but I like what Rhett Titus does better in ROH when he kisses the girl and then gives out a room key.

We go backstage to Jeremy Borash who is with TNA Knockout Champion Tara. Tara says that Daffney took something of hers and Tara says tonight she's going to make Daffney bleed. Daffney interrupts Tara and the brawl begins before the match does.

Match 2: TNA Knockout Champion Tara beat Daffney in a Non Title First Blood Match in about 3 minutes after nailing her in the back with a tool box which apparently caused her head to bleed somehow.

Match 3: TNA Champion AJ Styles beat Jeff Jarrett in about 9 minutes in a pretty good match when Eric Bischoff interfered and AJ hit the Styles Clash.

Match 4: Jay Lethal beat Beer Money in a Handicap Match. Who Cares Really.

Match 5: Desmond Wolfe pinned Pope D'Angelo Dinero by using a chain.

Kurt Angle comes to the ring which is encased by a Steel Cage. Angle says that he is an Olympic Champion and he is someone who plays by the rules. Angle basically does the same promo he's been doing and says at Lockdown he will be facing Mr Anderson in the Steel Cage and there will be no rules and he will be the one to walk out of the cage victorious.

Mr. ANDERSON comes to the ring and announces that they'll be a ladder match next week and at the top of the ladder will be the key that unlocks the cage door at Lockdown. Anderson says that Kurt's a nice guy but nice guys finish last so THANK GOD HE'S AN ASSHOLE...ASSHOLE.

Main Event

RVD Hardy and Young beat Nash Hall and Waltman in a Steel Cage Match when Young Pinned Waltman with an elbow off the cage.

We finish the show with a promo from Abyss who announces that Jeff Jarrett as his first team member at Lockdsown. Jarrett comes in and cuts a promo and tells Ric Flair that if he wants to cost him a title shot that he will get involved with him at Lockdown. Jarrett says that he has 6 months of pent off anger and frustration that he's going to blow off at Lockdown in St Louis. Whatcha gonna do when Abyssamania runs wild on you?

Pretty good Impact overall although I was busy watching the Shawn Michaels farewell during the cage match. Jarrett/Styles and the X Division match were good. Also next weeks Impact is on at a special time of 8 PM. I think it's one week only - maybe the editor can tell me differently.

1 comments: on "Mike Poulin's TNA iMPACT! Recap"

Not Fronte said...

Orlando Jordan? I believe the much anticipated homosexual angle was cut off or didn't happen. WTF? (Not Fronte) I wanted to see a 3some. At least it would be different (Not Fronte).