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Tha Raw Report

A couple of things entered my mind as I began to watch "Raw" on Monday night. First off, with the show eminating from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, wouldn't it have made sense to, perhaps, have a Canadian be the guest host?

Okay fine, I guess I can settle for Sgt. Slaughter since in the short time that "Raw" has adopted the whole "guest host" thing, it has been proven that only a former pro wrestler or someone who is, at least, a moderate fan can do a halfway decent job of hosting.

So I'm hopeful...

Looks like the Fed may have listening to Tha O Show last week and thought it might be a good idea to save face for Jeremy Piven's sake. The whole heel turn last week was explained by a Randy Orton promo: Piven fell victim to his "bullying". Okay...

Obligatory interuption sees John Cena spew his redundant garbage until Chris Jericho and The Big Show interupt that interuption. Anyone else find the new Y2J/Show remix entrance theme kinda knee? Pretty friggin' lazy if you ask me. Cut a piece here and paste it with that piece there. The two previous theme songs for each dude don't even mix together. Make a new damn theme!

So anyway, if Jericho is getting face pops 'cuz he's in Canada, why is he facing the babyface Cena while The Big Show, who lacks any Canadian relevance, is taking on the heel in Orton? Are we to believe that Slaughter is that monkeyheaded? Or is this just another case of the Fed just being...the Fed?

Four way Divas match is up first. Unlike some of my cohorts here on Tha O Show, I never get hyped up for these matches. Weird, maybe, considering that these Divas are the hype-alaz. But a few seconds after seeing what each of them are wearing, I generally hit fast forward.

Luckily, these matches - seemingly always first on "Raw" these days - are short. Other than Beth Phoenix proving she's the Fed's strongest woman - not much of an accolade if you ask me - by being able to powerslam two women at once, not much else to speak of here. Gail Kim is now in line for a Divas title shot. The crowd pretends to be excited.

Check that, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler pretend to be excited. Am I alone on this? These guys are getting more brutal by the week. Their hyberbole is exhausting. And when they run out of "never seen that befores" and "best (fill in the blank) evers", they settle for sound effects. I swear between the two of them, they used "ooof!" to describe a move in the Divas match Monday night.

Moving on...

I take it back. Slaughter as guest host provided the perfect opportunity for a heel turn. I was glad he started dissing the Canadian fans instead of sucking their balls. Without having to go all Iraqi this time out, Slaughter managed to pull a fast one on the crowd in the simplest way possible. Diss their country.

If "Raw" really plans on sticking with the guest host gimmick, it makes sense for their to be both face and heel hosts. While most "celebrity" guests will likely play the good guy, it stands to reason that a worker should play the bad guy. Slaughter's turn on the audience helped set up a more intriguing rest of the show. I almost got up and pledged to the U.S. flag myself. (Not really).

Didn't Evan Bourne lose to Jack Swagger last week? I hope WWE doesn't bury this guy until his "future endeavours" wish is posted. They really need to establish a Cruiserweight division again or at least their own version of the X Division so guys like Bourne don't get lost in the shuffle.

Why is there a "search" for Shawn Michaels? Did he ever come out on Fed TV and say he was done?

I really hate skits like the one Triple H was in last night. Bad acting. Clearly fake circumstances. It's pure cheese. Especially considering the feud with Legacy is supposed to be a pretty heated and personal one, gimmicky vignettes do not help push this angle. HBK is a cafeteria chef? Come on.

Didn't he make out on the sweet end of the pussy after that whole debacle with JBL? This muhfuggah really doesn't know how to manage his money! Needless to say, this angle is retarded.

And while we're on the subject of lame ass gimmicks, the E definitely knows how to fix a nonsensically broken storyline. Last week, The Miz is kicked off "Raw" by losing to John Cena. So this week he defeats Eugene - that's right, Eugene! - to "reclaim" his spot on the show. Problem solved.

I swear next week, "Raw" should be hosted by Peter Griffin and should just be a cartoon. Seriously, it wouldn't be any more far fetched than most of the stuff we're doing now.

I remember an episode of "The Simpsons" where after a harrowing adventure, Lisa makes a comment about how everything will return to normal next week - a reference to the fact that fictional shows always find a way to set things straight, even without a sensible explanation. That's "Raw" for ya.

It begs repeating...the tag belts are "unified", right? Unify the damn belts! The champs don't hold two different distinct titles anymore...why carry around two different belts? Anyway...

Still not sure why Orton faced The Big Show. Orton clearly played the heel in the match taking the sucker's way out and getting himself counted out to give Show the win. So Show gets a face pop...kinda. But why?

Speaking of asking that never-really-going-to-be-answered-if-it-involves-WWE-question...why was there ANOTHER "HBK is a chef" skit? Really? Where was Cole's call on this? "HBK takes a bowl tater tots to the face! I haven't seen him take this much abuse since...(fill in your joke here)". Hey, if the Fed is too lazy to come up with an angle more creative and reasonable than this one, then I'm too lazy to finish my own diss.

And while I'm complaining, let me throw this at you. One of my all time least favourite things about WWE gimmicks: the classic babyface taking 15 seconds to set up the lamest possible offensive move imaginable. You know, Scotty 2 Hotty's "The Worm" type shit.

MVP's "Ballin'" elbow goes right into that category.

I think I'll keep complaining, thank you. Chris Masters jobs in his second week back on the show. Anyone else sensing that the one time guest of Tha O Show may be back for another episode sometime soon?

I'd keep complaining...but as usual, HBK managed to get me to crack up. "I thought it was SummerFest" he responds to Hunter's request for him to reform DX at SummerSlam. An easy-to-make joke yes...but I love Michaels' unabashed assistance to diss those who deserve it.

Remember, he's the same guy that mocked The Miz' forgotten wrist-written lines while hosting a Diva search not long ago. Classic shit.

Wait! Did Michaels' boss just yell out "Hickenbottom!"??? Did Hunter just rib him on it? Shit, are these damn skits growing on me??? JOKES! If the skit had ended with the assault on his superior, I may have let it pass. Superkicking the little girl...proves the Fed can't help but retardify nearly every thing they do. Ah well...DX is back.

You got to hand it to Hornswoggle. He's somehow managed to avoid his "future endeavours" wish long after Big Daddy Donnie predicted it would come. Thing is, he always needs a bredren of some kind. From Finlay to Goldust and now Mark Henry. I don't know about this tandem personally. But it's evident but Hornswoggle and Henry are over with the fans. Just not so sure how far this gimmick can go.

So Y2J does the sensible thing and disses the Canadian crowd before going out for his match with John Cena. Thing is, most don't care and cheer him anyway. What does it matter? Cena is gonna win anyway. I've been writing as I've been watching the whole show. But I'm posting this before this match even ends.

All in all, a mediocre "Raw". Pretty much falling in line with what is expected. Biggest question for me, where was Santino? Wait a minute...did Slaughter just make a match for next week? Isn't that the job of NEXT WEEK'S HOST??

I take it back, "Raw" was knee. Coolest thing was the The Score's interview with Legacy after "Raw" went off the air. If you weren't watching in Canada, you missed out.

"Raw" Results:
*Gail Kim def. Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix & Alicia Fox in Diva Four Way
*Jack Swagger def. Evan Bourne
*"Calgary Kid" (The Miz) def. Eugene in WWE Contract-on-a-Pole Match
*Unified Tag Team Champion Big Show def. WWE Champion Randy Orton by count-out
*MVP def. Chris Masters
*The Legacy def. Mark Henry & Hornswoggle
*John Cena def. Chris Jericho by disqualification

Now check this out (especially around 1:58):

And this:

3 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

Matt said...

I kind of enjoyed the segments. the first onew as pretty rediculous, but it grew on me. Kind of reminded me of the scene in the wrestler when he was working at the deli. On a side note, anybody who thinks HHH is the greatest worker around needs to just look at him on the screen next to Michaels

The rest of the show was pretty lame, especially for a Canada show. I didn't find out it was in Canada until monday morning, and it got me amped up as the shows in canada are usually the best ones of the year in my opinion.

The Bret Hart thing was just lame. Sarge was aweful. The matches were aweful, especially compared to the matches they've been showign on the other programs.

Agreed that the commentators have no chemistry whatsoever. I can actually picture them after the shows over. They probly remove their headphones and quietly walk to the back, about 10 yards apart from eachother. No "hows the family" or "good job his week" or any type of discussion to get better. Just two professionals doing a job, getting a paycheck and clocking out. It's such a night and day comparison to put these guys next to guys like Striker and Grisham. Both are on seperate shows, but get better each week because its aparent that they're working at it.

Dan-e-O's a wrestler now?
Eat a dick Adam Bomb. real original name by the way.

Kidd said...

haha I was thinking the same thing about the Y2J/Show remixalaz. Do you remember when Lex Luger and British Bulldog were a tag team? I think that was the only time mixing two themes worked out.

I only started watching Raw again because of Shaq. The past two weeks have been meh and next week will be blah.

Score Tonight was great, sucks they got cancelled.

Hipnosis said...

....whens the last damn time DX did anything that made sense? lol

They had to take Santino off the card though because they don't want his angle to bury DX ;)