Check This Out...


Tha "SmackDown!" Beatdown

“Let’s see how this goes.”

This is what I told myself when I decided to write the Smackdown review. I checked on the site and saw that there hasn’t really been a review for the Friday night show aka WWE’s bastard stepchild. ECW became the cute adopted child.

So you know what? Let me get a crack at covering this show one time and see how mad I can get.

Cryme Tyme & Rey-Rey vs. JeriShow & Dolph Ziggler

As I’ve mentioned before, I like Ziggler. He reminds me of Sid Vicious’ and Mr. Ass’ love child. The best action in this match for some reason comes the hell out of nowhere with JTG and Jericho. I’m not a huge fan of Cryme Tyme, but JTG is seriously the one that will be sticking around longer. Rey and Jericho go at it for a while until JTG is tagged in. Ziggler comes in and JTG does a Diva-licious faceplant out of the corner on him. Man, I love making up new words. Shad gets into the ring eventually and starts doing what big guys that don’t do much do. Toss folks around.

Big Show gets in and does what Shad tried but way better. Dudes are flying all over the place and I’ll be damned if I am gonna call every single one of their moves. Shad and Mysterio do a off the shoulder body splash. Now people would say “He’s only a buck fifty. That wouldn’t hurt!” Dude. A soda can falling off the counter hurts. Sid Gunn breaks up the pin attempt by Rey on, Jericho. Old habit. Rey hit’s the 619 on Jericho only to get knocked the fuck OUT by Show. Ziggler takes advantage and pins Rey for the win.

Decent match. No run in from Bathroom Break and that’s always a good thing.

Next Matt Hardy is interviewed by Josh Matthews. Matt will turn on Jeff at Summer Fest. This is too obvious. And Matt is tanned! He’s darker than me! Bathroom Break is creeping in through the crowd. Will he do a run in? Naw. It was short. But, no, wait! Kane promo! Bathroom Break extends its record to 1,298 wins, 4 losses, and 2 draws. Kane babbles about how he is strong and blah blah blah. Khali comes out without John Stamos. I seriously don’t care about this feud.

Mike Knox vs. Fit Finlay

This is a brawl. That’s all I have to say really. You wont hear me talking about chain wrestling or beautiful moonsaults. They just beat the piss out of each other until Knox got DQ’d for not stopping with the punches when the ref told him to. One thing I wanna mention though. Knox took Finlay down from the second rope with a legsweep that looked fucking brutal! That is all.

No run in since I was on the phone and I’m not one of those people that piss and keep folks on the phone. Manners, people.

Jeff Hardy cuts a promo on Punk that is as intense as a massage. Even when he shouts it sounds unenthusiastic. God forbid someone with a gun was behind you. This guy would tell you to duck. Meanwhile you’re asking him to repeat himself. Punk comes out and says stuff he should’ve said when he debuted in WWE. Jeff is shoved off the tall ass ladder set in the ring. Punk swings and misses. Twist of Fate that almost takes Jeff out since the ladder came down. Grisham says Jeff is holding his neck because of the beating from last week. No, you ass! He’s holding his HEAD because it was just whacked with a ladder! Jeez…

Maria & Melina vs. Layla & Natalya

Do I really have to cover this match? No run in’s so I guess I have to. Oh, shit! I am watching a news clip and John Morrison is with Melina on a red carpet. I thought they split after she got a slice of Batista. Oh, right. Yeah, so these chicks are in the ring screaming a lot. Michelle McCool is at the announcers table putting me to sleep. And here I am thinking The Jimmy Fallon Show was the cure for insomnia! Punch, scream, Melina gets pretzeled by Natalya, Melina with the Ace of Spades for the win.

That was a useless ass match. I’m trying to not be negative but what do you expect when this is what I have to work with? Melina is smoking hot and all but she’s no Awesome Kong. I’m just saying.

Cryme Tyme with Jesse. Okay you cant do this to me. You cant go from a lame ass chick fight to this. I can only take so much, ya’ll.

Rey Mysterio gets interviewed and alienates himself from the Kansas crowd by talking all about Los Angeles, CA. Hey, they’re gonna be in my city. Maybe I should…? Yeah, right. Maybe I’ll bump into a superstar at the porn shop or something. Rey starts talking in tongues he’s so excited about coming to L.A! Says that Ziggler is good. Don’t say that. He is trying to get your belt. Tell him you’re gonna wax his ass like moonshine!

The Hardyz & John Morrison vs. The Hart Dynasty & CM Punk

Man, this John Morrison. This guy is so damned cool. I am seriously amazed by him. I mean, he doesn’t make my pants get tighter or nothing. I just appreciate his skills. Don’t judge me! Matt comes out with some Barney looking tights. Its all good until Matt takes off his shirt. Chub-a-luz! This dude should’ve borrowed Regal’s old kayfaber outfit. Matt’s been working out at McDonald’s. Basic Hardy stuff with some cool shit by Morrison. I like The Hart Dynasty. They are an amazing team. Tell me why Cryme Tyme is going for the belts and they’re not again?

Morrison nails DH and Kidd with a beautiful corkscrew outside the ring. Matt hit’s the Twist of Fate on Punk. Or was it Jeff? Damn it. You both cant use the same move! I’ve read you’re autobiography! Matt said he wont do the Swanton and Jeff wouldn’t do the Twist of Fate. Damn it. Even in their real lives there’s no continuity. Matt, Jeff, and Morrison win.

This is the last show before SummerSlam. Hmm. Did it make you wanna order?

2 comments: on "Tha "SmackDown!" Beatdown"

CJF said...

All I can say is that I hope the Jeff/Punk feud doesn't end yet.

Anonymous said...

predictalaz, Jeff Hardy leaves and John Morrison picks up the feud with CM Punk