Tha "iMPACT!" Dispatch: E.L.E.

Come on, TNA! You've got to be kidding me! I'm not able to watch your show for four months because of school, and then when I come back, this is the shit I'm treated to? Why all the fighting? Remember the rule of the Flint, Michigan Tropics. "E.L.E."-Everybody Love Everybody!

Now, I realize that professional wrestling is very much soap opera-esque in the presentation of storylines, but the idea that you can go a full week without teasing splits among half of the partnerships in TNA? Yeah, that concept seems to be lost on the idiots backstage booking this shit.

Kevin Nash and Samoa Joe again had tension last night during a promo. I'm no booker, but it seems to me like you tease a split when one guy is ready to bust out and get to the next level. Well, Joe's already the champion, so you don't get much higher than that. That leaves Mr. Nash.

That begs the question: Is Kevin Nash getting set for a big push? Is he going to turn heel and have the big belt put on him something soon? The answer to both questions is most likely (and should be) no. Nash turns between good guy and bad guy more than Tommy Oliver (God, I hope nobody gets that reference), and is very prone to injury. Hey, TNA, Nash is fine where he is. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Also fighting this week were Kurt and Karen Angle. Sorry, I know some people think that Karen Angle is hot, but while I do think the addition of the title "As The Angles Turn" is comical, this storyline repeats itself in a way that "Groundhog Day" would be proud of. Forget Frank Trigg, TNA should sign Bill Murray to do color for Kurt's matches. With how talented Kurt is, can't you come up with a new storyline instead of rehashing the same one for the past 9 months?

Oh, look! More fighting! AJ Styles and Tomko came to blows last night because Tomko's feelings were hurt over AJ being partnered with Eric Young in that moronic tag team tournament. Okay, so we're being given Tomko vs. AJ Styles now, I'm assuming. Okay, cool, but go somewhere with it. Move AJ as a face into the main in the aftermath, it's long overdue anyway.

One more. Jay Lethal and SoCal Val are getting married, and Sonjay Dutt is pissed about it. Hmm...Dutt can't get a girl. How ironic, since his first name reminds me of the name of somebody else who can't get a girl either. Regardless, I think this feud would have had more legs if Lethal were still Z Division Champion, but it should still be a great match when it happens nonetheless.

Okay, that's four segments that tie directly to my opening point and I haven't even gotten to any matches yet. Anyone out there still want to try and refute my point?

The first two King Of The Mountain qualifiers were tonight. In these matches, Robert Roode defeated Matt Morgan, and Booker T defeated AJ Styles. What I like about KOTM qualifiers is that the storyline doesn't bind a certain person to win. What I mean by that is that if you have a Number One Contenders Match, normally the winner is entirely dependent on whether the champion is a heel or a face. However, having five challengers means that you can have both heels and faces in the match, and logical booking isn't bound by who's a face and who's a heel. Although, to be honest, logical booking left TNA a long time ago.

On the flip side of the coin...what I don't like about King Of The Mountain is that TNA uses so many damn gimmick matches these days, this one doesn't really have any importance. It's just another gimmick match, which is a shame because I used to really look forward to this match.

Eric Young. If you don't enjoy this guy, I don't know what's wrong with you. He can wrestle, he knows how to cut a promo, and he knows how to play his character up. Think about it-he's being stuck in another storyline that involves him and some normally silly belief. Now, is most people were to tell me that they were searching for Elvis, I'd hit them with five across the eyes, but Eric Young manages to make his promos entertaining. You care about his character when it's on screen. Comedy will always have a place in wrestling, and Eric Young can teach people a lot about what good wrestling comedy is.

Lastly, I would be remissed if I did not mention the Women's Division. I like Awesome Kong's new steez of squash matches with crowd members. Yes, it's cheap heat, but it's still pulled off compellingly. Right now, TNA has to build up legitimate contenders to Kong, and while they;re busy building up their big babyfaces, they need something for the heel to do to stay over. So why not have her crush some no name bitches?

ODB and Roxxi Leveaux, currently being put over as two of the women who could go toe-to-toe with Kong, got involved with The Beautiful People last night. Roxxi tried to shave Love's head after the match. The booker in me says that based on the way this has played out so far, Love's getting her head shaved by the time all's said and done. However, as I said earlier, nothing in TNA makes sense, and I could just as easily see nothing coming of this.

TNA needs to do something to make me care about their product. Right now, they're not in a position like the E where they can put out shit and people will still tune in in record numbers. They're a young company, and they need to find good ways to make the fans excited. Sting interviews where he drops names are nice, but Warrior and Jeff Jarrett will not bring new fans to TNA. Similarly, a shoot gimmick on Abyss won't do much either. TNA needs to find ways to get people interested in their product. They've shown sparks of brilliance before, but they need to turn it on and keep it on.

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