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Tha Raw Report: Friends In Low Places

Last night's "Raw" featured great promos, great matches, and a great karaoke performance. In fact, last night's "Raw" was so action-packed, you didn't even notice that the show was near the end. Probably because the show ended about as abruptly as the season of the Toronto Raptors.

Neither here nor there, though, I suppose. "Raw" was a solid installment last night, starting off with the King Of Self-Promotion, Triple H. I've said several times in past months that I don't think WWE has put together a successful stable since Evolution, and is why. Triple H and Orton can cut very entertaining promos, and know how to work to make the product good.

Obviously, the end result of their promo was the standard "former champ demands his rematch" steez, which I'm fine with. There's a fine line between being monotonous and simply not fixing what isn't broken, and this is a case of the latter.

Why was the first match of the night a rematch from Backlash? Come on, E, it's the first match of the night, I haven't had time to get enough Guinness in me to have to piss yet. I don't know if this is an attempt on WWE's part to show that they have a deeper women's division than TNA, but if it is, it's failing. You're breaking my balls, Gerwitz.

Also, folks, speaking of failing, it's what The Highlanders are doing. Rory comes out dressed in street clothes and Robbie gets squashed in about 90 seconds. Compelling stuff. Does anyone else remember how fucking over these two guys were when the were actually given a chance to shine? This may be the greatest gimmick to fail since Paul Burchill's pirate gimmick. And even though JBL is trying to spark interest in a JBL/Cena feud, I'm not buying what he's selling. John Cena sucks. Mamajuana is hype though and you should all go buy some and have it while you're eating some Evo. (By the way, when are they gonna start shipping online?)

On the topic of Burchill, he had a match last night against jobber extraordinaire, Super Crazy. So much for scrapping the incest angle, I suppose. You want proof that a company is run poorly? The company gears itself up for a massive change in its marketing. They create plans and story arcs to appeal to younger kids, and completely overhaul their product to appeal to a younger demographic. Then, out of the blue, they say "screw it", put out one lame kids' magazine, and change nothing. Brilliant. How soon before we can get LLW on Monday nights?

Moving quickly from shit to gold, Trevor Murdoch. Everybody knew they were teasing a split between Cade and Murdoch. They did all the standard stuff-a few losses, arguments after the match, et cetera. However, this week, instead of arguing with Lance Cade following their loss to a seemingly rejuvenated Theater Fags tandem, Trevor Murdoch stood up on the announce table and sings Garth Brooks' "Friends In Low Places". I popped when he started singing. Then, when I hear the crowd singing it with him, I popped even more. Trevor Murdoch, you funny son of a bitch. Politic all you have to in order to keep your spot on "Raw".

Can anyone tell me where Chris Jericho is going with his character? It seems he's going for a heel turn, but he seems to be approaching heeldom about as quickly and Dan-e-o is reaching six feet tall. I did like Jericho's blunt calling out of Michaels, stating "If I weren't behind this stand, you'd probably have already tried kicking me." I always love it in promos when Michaels gets called on things like that, because it's so damn true.

Moving from one great promo to the greatest promo cutter on "Raw" today...Santino Marella! Marella lost his match to Cody Rhodes earlier in the night (props to Carlito for delivering the Backstabber to Rhodes during his post-match promo, though, that's some good heel tactic right there), but relaxed himself by looking up some divas later on in the night.

I can honestly say, I now understand why Dan likes Santino so much. They have so much in common! They both like "junk in the trunks", and both are, for some reason, sexually attracted to "Roddy The Piper", who made a cameo last night.

Ken Kennedy returned last night during the coronation of William Regal. On one hand, this promo makes me think that neither guy is going to get pushed to the main event, at least not for a long time. On the other hand, I don't care because I loved the promo they had last night, as well as the brawl. Props to Kennedy for legit getting a fat lip at the hands of Regal, whose new steez seems to be bordering on insanity.

I'm kind of on the fence about how the show ended, for various reasons. For starters, the whole "psycho heel in charge" thing has been done so many times, and is currently being done over on "SmackDown!" I know most people don't watch that show, but it's my job to cover it, so I have to. However, I do think Regal could pull this off and use it en route to being a major player in the main event.

That's the long term. In the short term, I wonder if it was advisable to have the show go off the air in black with Orton locked in the Crippler Crossface. I realize that WWE is probably trying to be more nonchalant about the Benoit saga, but come on, that smacks of cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Also, I'm a little peeved that the match didn't actually have a conclusion. No pin, no submission, Regal just said it was over. What's with that shit? It's never over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! However, on the plus side, Orton vs. Triple H inside a steel cage has been booked for Judgment Day. Looking forward to it.

Tha Results:
Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Michelle McCool, Cherry, Maria & Ashley def. Beth Phoenix, Layla, Victoria, Natalya, Melina & Jillian
JBL def. Robbie
Paul London & Brian Kendrick def. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch
Paul & Katie Lea Burchill def. Super Crazy in a Handicap Match
Cody Rhodes def. Santino Marella
Triple H and Randy Orton fought to No Contest

15 comments: on "Tha Raw Report: Friends In Low Places"

Anonymous said...

The germans?

D.J.B. said...

Let it go, he was on a roll.

Anonymous said...

Now that, my friends, was "justin credible"

-Mr. Del Negro

D.J.B. said...

Best ending to a Raw ever. Not only does it attract more viewers(maybe) but it makes Regal so over as a heel for keeping the people from seeing what they want to see.

I just wonder how they'll let Trips lose it so he can win #13, then 14, 15, 16, 17, and 18.

Dan-e-o said...

Hey Casur,

How did YOUR city's NBA team do in the playoffs?

Oh don't have one.

Andrew Gray said...

Come on Dan-e-o, at least he still has the Bills.

Wait a minute . . .

the CAVEMAN said...

anonymous, it is a quote from Animal House. Bluto aka Belushi is trying to fire up the Delts.

Dante Ross said...

I liked this week's show. Regal as an out of control GM/King is perfect. As he entered the control room and demanded the show go off air I thought "If they actually do it I am gonna scream." Not in a bad way.

Apparently the Crossface is the new DDT. Everyone does it. Seeing Orton in his match just made me want his as champ again.

Rorrie got his punishment for going to TNA. Have you all noticed that when someone does something bad that they get punished by getting more TV time? Look at all the Wellness violators. You doubt that Jeff Harvey will be back in the main event when he returns?

When did Burchill start looking like Val Venis? Shit's creepy. He modified his finisher. Looks shitty now.

The only thing sadder than Murdoch singing is the fact that I knew the song. I understand what they're doing with the team but I would like to see them actually wrestle more.

Dude Johnson said...

You watch for what you want to see and what's not actually there.

Case and Point:

The Highlanders have never been over in the WWE. Just cause Donnie said these dudes can go, you've adopted them like they are worth watching. They have done nothing impressive since being in the WWE, and I don't think that's all corporate handcuffs. Every team and singles worker gets handcuffed to some extent, and they need to figure out how to shine in the WWE system. Highlanders are worthless in the WWE. If you like them so much on the indys, ask for them to get fired. I'm sure they'd love to stop cashing those checks to do some more flashy offense.

I really like Trevor Murdoch, but the crowd boo'ed through most of his performance. Even the announcers admitted confusion after the segment. The crowd got into it for a half second to yell "Oasis", then tuned back out. The segment was not over at all, and didn't further the story. It's likely to be one of those bizzare things you remember that is quickly dropped. He did have a pretty singing voice though. Pretty mouth too. I bet his redneck uncles used to make him squeal like a piggy.

Christopher Casúr said...

Jokes, bro, I do like the Raptors. The only Toronto team I legit don't like is the Maple Leafs (and even that one's hard ever since they got Toskala from San Jose).

srr said...

yea the murdoch/cade thing wasnt over only until the end when murdoch got sad. its pretty good actually i was into it the emotion put me through. though the whole match was getting boring chants, and i agree londrick arent doing anything good and are getting boring.

i want to see what more chody can talk. he seems good and i wanted to hear what he had to say haha.

damn i was feeling kennedy as a face for a while now i get to see it.

djh said...

tha show was the bomb last night!!!
to bad ecw won't!

Anonymous said...

the ending was great and anyone who doesn't enjoy someone getting popped w/ the stick, regardless of who does it, is smoking some good fuckin crack.

Skitlez said...

Murdoch singing that song had me in stitches. I love it. These guys are gold. Would've liked one more title run though...

Kennedy as a face should be a fun run. Look for him to get the IC title and keep it for a while.

D.J.B. said...

What is this IC title you speak of?