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Long Live The Vanilla Midgets

Some people are still upset about comments made by Kevin Nash regarding the credibility of guys like Chris Benoit and Eddie Gurerrero being heavyweight champions.

Nash stated that during Wrestlemania XX when they hugged each other, celebrating as champions, it was "...the end of the business." I'm not one to use wrestling terms as if I am in the business of wrestling, but I will say that when Eddie and Benoit won those belts I knew that wrestling was about to start kicking ass. A different, smaller kind of ass, yes. But regardless...the ass was about to get kicked.

 Let me start by talking about Big Daddy Cool. Entertaining dude. I enjoyed watching him wrestle. I love his interviews. I cracked up at his parts as Tarzan in Magic Mike. Yes, I watched that and loved it. His finisher, The Jackknife Powerbomb, is one of my favorite finishers (even though its not really a true Jackknife and is more of a Sheerdrop but who the hell am I?). When he beat Bob Backlund years ago in less than 10 seconds I "O'd!!!" so hard I'm sure I delayed my puberty. Years later he is in WCW and part of the nWo.

Wrestling was huge again and he was a part of it. But then he didn't stop. People have bills to pay, even big stars like Nash. But it got to the point where it was hard to watch him wrestle. Watching his goddamn legs explode just by getting into the ring made me cringe. I wanted him to be done. But eventually he came back, this time in TNA. Then back to WWE during the Royal Rumble. It was cool for a minute until they decided to have him feud with CM Punk. Bad move. That feud smelled so bad it could've knocked a fly off a turd. 

This isn't about me liking Nash at one point and then wanting him to quit. I just want people to know that at a time I was a fan of his. And I still am. Just not this current version of him that knocks two of the best wrestlers I got to watch since I've been alive. Ask me to make a top ten list of my favorite wrestlers and both of them will be on it. You know who won't? Kevin Nash. If I think of his career there are maybe, maybe, four moments that stand out. With Eddie and Benoit...fuck. There are hours. At one time they were the sole reason I was watching WCW. Even when Nash's nWo was stinking up the joint these two were putting on good matches that inspired people to get better and to realize that they didn't have to be giants to be champions.

 In a world and sport where people are literally dying to be big and monstrous, the last thing kids or up and coming wrestlers need to hear is that a sport died when two smaller guys won heavyweight championships. If Eddie and Benoit ever did have a bad match it was probably against someone that was damn near Nash's size.

We need to get past this old school thought that wrestlers need to be massive. Yes, its cool to look at them throw guys around and scream as the gorilla press someone. "You put two fucking guys that were great workers that were the same height as the fucking referees, and I'm sorry, man. Are you going to watch a porno movie with a guy with a three-inch dick? Even if you're not gay, you will not watch a porno movie with a guy with a three-inch dick."

I've worked in a porn shop for seven years, a predominantly gay porn shop, and there is indeed a market for small dick porno. Nash recognizes that Benoit and Guerrero are great workers but still harps on their size. Let it go, Goliath. David won.

1 comments: on "Long Live The Vanilla Midgets"

Anonymous said...

Nash has now come out and said, that it was a "work", or rather, WWE told him to shut it. I was never a huge Nash fan. But to me, the real problem with the article is that, Nash is just another wrestler, whose memory has cheated him. He stated, that basically, he was the reason The Attitude era got started. All in all, not seeing Nash for me is a plus.