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Rewriting The Rock On Raw

On episode 252 of Tha O Show Radio Program, I talked about the promo John Cena did on the February 21st installment of Raw and how it left absolutely no room for The Rock to fire back. Cena tossed so many grenades of common-knowledge truths, that Rocky had been painted into a corner.

The Rock returned to Raw this past week and as predicted, his promo consisted heavily of sing-song chants, a few off-topic laughs and general nonsense. It’s analogous to a man calling you a criminal and you reply by doing card tricks and calling him a series of infantile names.

On episode 253 of Tha O Show, I and Dan-e-o debated what The Rock could have said to lessen the damage of Cena’s attack. Dan-e-o proposed what seemed to be the most logical solution; The Rock must identify Cena and other members of the locker room as being jealous of his success and point out how much better he has done outside of the wrestling business than any of them.

Initially, my issue with this approach was that Cena had already taken that bullet out of The Rock’s gun by running himself down and mocking his own entertainment efforts outside the comfort zone of the WWE. In addition to that, stating that anyone is jealous of you is an instant heel move and with the “Universe” already split on their feelings towards Cena, the last thing you want to do is fragment and confuse Rocky’s fans.

So what could have been said? Rock was crushed by Cena’s truth bombs, so it only seems logical that The Rock would reply in much the same way.
I present to you, the script I would have handed The Rock (that he would have struggled to scribble onto his wrist). Of course, he would have been encouraged to put his own spin, verbage and flavour into it, but you'll get the idea.

“John Cena, you come out here and you talk about me as a man who turned his back on The People. .. and you know what, you’re right. But it isn’t exactly how you make it sound.

Growing up as a kid in a pro wrestling family, I watched my dad and grandfather bust their asses and break their bodies every night all across the world. The business was different then and in their best years inside the ring they never made anything close to John Cena money. We had a comfortable lifestyle but not the type where my folks could afford to send me to a foo foo private school and pay people to look after me when mommy and daddy went to the movies.

My dad wasn’t even around because he was busy being a better Superstar than you’ll ever be John. When I broke into the business, it was after struggling at the University of Miami, being cut by a CFL team and being considered nothing more than a kid with a famous dad when I worked small local shows.

Saddled with horrible gimmicks, I found a way to connect with The People and the connected with me – which turned me into the most electrifying man in entertainment. For seven years I went to work for The People every single night. Along with men like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and The Undertaker we reinvented this business and saved this company from having to shut its doors.
In 2002, everything changed – and it’s not because I took time off to do the Scorpion King. It’s became The Rock now had a little girl of his own. Do you have kids John? No? I didn’t think so. It’s really easy to say that I walked away from the WWE and The People for millions in Hollywood… but I went to Hollywood to make millions for my daughter. I had the opportunity to be home 300 days a year instead of being away 300 days a year. I had the opportunity to make money to support my family and not be so sore and broken that I can’t even hold The People’s child.

So if you want to look down at me and call me a sell out who walked away from the millions for the bright lights and big screen … that’s fine. I look at as, I walked away to be a better father.

And the best part now is my 10 year old little girl sees you on the TV flapping your gums and she says “Daddy … that guy always says mean things about you. And he dresses like a bowl of fruity pebbles and he absolutely sucks!” … so now, John Cena, on April 1st, I step inside the ring as you go one on one with The Great One and my 10 year old girl will watch as I lay the smackdown on your judgmental, roody poo, throwing rocks from inside a glass house, candy ass! And if you couldn’t beat The Miz last year at Wrestlemania, what in the blue hell do you think is going to happen when I take my size 15, turn it sideways and shove it straight up your fruity pebbles ass ?


Done tha party.

16 comments: on "Rewriting The Rock On Raw"

Anonymous said...


Nice promo!!

Anonymous said...


Nice promo!!

Dante said...

I'm still in Voodoo's camp where I don't like that so much "truthiness" is being brought into storylines and behind the scenes stuff. But...if they're running with this shoot ball than the way you've presented it makes sense.

mkf said...

This is totally in line with what Cena did to Rock and it puts Rock in the Alpha position and makes Cena's complaints seem petty and juvenile.

Well played BDD

Anonymous said...

I like the way this came off It protected the rock and kept him face and not a pussy with kung pao chicken jokes

Anonymous said...

Thumbs Up

Anonymous said...

U tink dis I betr dan kung pow bich n mising balls?

DRB said...

:) You just had to throw in that jab at The Miz, didn' ya. Good job. From here, I think Cena should AA The Rock whilst he's on set for his next movie.

Jamie said...

I don't often disagree with you but i do on this, The Rock delivers the most entertaining promos on every show he is on. i do not understand how anyone can think Cena got one over on Rock with his promo, he had writing on his arm? so? why the fuck should i care he could have his script on his forehead for all i care, he could come and just read from a bit of paper and still be more entertaining than the whole roster. Or Cena is doing it for the guys in the back? who gives a fuck? hes fighting for some generic poor wrestlers?

I find it incredibly big headed that you think you could do a better promo than the rock lol.

just because its your opinion doesn't make it correct the fact that the whole crowd was going crazy kinder proves you wrong.
Be interesting to see if this gets posted ;)

Iron Horse of Death said...

I like the idea, to turn it into him leaving for his daughter. I think a huge to get over, is to bring in Dusty Rhodes, he is extremely over, and he could say, that if had the opportunities that the Rock had, he too would had done the same things to be a better father. I turn, I think Cena should just reply with "you tell yourself whatever lie you need to tell yourself to make yourself feel better about turning your back, cause you know, you aren't the only wrestler to ever have kids, and still find time for both his family, and the wrestling world."

Anonymous said...

All the rock did tonight was a bunch of "history lessons" and then once again completely ignored everything cena said. Instead he accused Cena of being afraid despite all evidence to the contrary. Rock needed to tear cena apart tonight and he didn't do it. Or at the very least he should have said something that we the fans haven't already been hearing the last year almost.


Anonymous said...

Cena owned Rock again tonight. Maybe he should have taken BDD's free advice.

TheeJC said...

Can you please rewrite Micheal Cole next. He is getting worse! I don't know how that is possible!

Lukewarmer said...

Nice reply B.D.D but it doesn't get to the fundamental problem...

The whole fucking reason for the match.

I don't CARE! who wins or loses, its been a year in the making, and it means nothing! if the rock wins so what! he's not hanging around to become a regular feature is he? and if Cena wins so what! he's not gonna have the Rock around to keep sticking it in his face is he? so what is the fucking point of it.

(W)hat a (W)orthless (E)xercise the Undertaker/HHH match again for the 3rd year running is bullshit as well.

Far better this year would have been putting wrestlers who needed that extra push, into the programme, I liked your booking for "your" Wrestlemanina far better than the crap WWE has put on it.

Brodus Clay against the Undertaker a much more exciting match and it dosen't matter if Brodus loses..

Steve cold and miserable in the UK

Anonymous said...

If the Rock had used that promo I'd be cheering for him. Dwayne Johnson would be lucky to have half as good a promo as that.

When this was announce I thought it would play out different and Id be cheering for Rock, nope instead I find myself cheering for a fruity pebble because he seems like he's twice as intelligent as Rock.

John Cena wins because as he says, he has to.

DragonChaserKev said...

Anyone who can't see your promo is better than anything that Rock has done for this match is as idiotic as Rocky's promo's are. The Rock himself would agree and fire his lame ass hollywood writers, or wwe writers... Great Promo. It needs to be made into a youtube vid! I may do that, of course with full credit to the writer.