The Rock returned to Raw this past week and as predicted, his promo consisted heavily of sing-song chants, a few off-topic laughs and general nonsense. It’s analogous to a man calling you a criminal and you reply by doing card tricks and calling him a series of infantile names.
On episode 253 of Tha O Show, I and Dan-e-o debated what The Rock could have said to lessen the damage of Cena’s attack. Dan-e-o proposed what seemed to be the most logical solution; The Rock must identify Cena and other members of the locker room as being jealous of his success and point out how much better he has done outside of the wrestling business than any of them.
Initially, my issue with this approach was that Cena had already taken that bullet out of The Rock’s gun by running himself down and mocking his own entertainment efforts outside the comfort zone of the WWE. In addition to that, stating that anyone is jealous of you is an instant heel move and with the “Universe” already split on their feelings towards Cena, the last thing you want to do is fragment and confuse Rocky’s fans.
So what could have been said? Rock was crushed by Cena’s truth bombs, so it only seems logical that The Rock would reply in much the same way.
I present to you, the script I would have handed The Rock (that he would have struggled to scribble onto his wrist). Of course, he would have been encouraged to put his own spin, verbage and flavour into it, but you'll get the idea.
“John Cena, you come out here and you talk about me as a man who turned his back on The People. .. and you know what, you’re right. But it isn’t exactly how you make it sound.
Growing up as a kid in a pro wrestling family, I watched my dad and grandfather bust their asses and break their bodies every night all across the world. The business was different then and in their best years inside the ring they never made anything close to John Cena money. We had a comfortable lifestyle but not the type where my folks could afford to send me to a foo foo private school and pay people to look after me when mommy and daddy went to the movies.
My dad wasn’t even around because he was busy being a better Superstar than you’ll ever be John. When I broke into the business, it was after struggling at the University of Miami, being cut by a CFL team and being considered nothing more than a kid with a famous dad when I worked small local shows.
Saddled with horrible gimmicks, I found a way to connect with The People and the connected with me – which turned me into the most electrifying man in entertainment. For seven years I went to work for The People every single night. Along with men like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and The Undertaker we reinvented this business and saved this company from having to shut its doors.
In 2002, everything changed – and it’s not because I took time off to do the Scorpion King. It’s became The Rock now had a little girl of his own. Do you have kids John? No? I didn’t think so. It’s really easy to say that I walked away from the WWE and The People for millions in Hollywood… but I went to Hollywood to make millions for my daughter. I had the opportunity to be home 300 days a year instead of being away 300 days a year. I had the opportunity to make money to support my family and not be so sore and broken that I can’t even hold The People’s child.
So if you want to look down at me and call me a sell out who walked away from the millions for the bright lights and big screen … that’s fine. I look at as, I walked away to be a better father.
And the best part now is my 10 year old little girl sees you on the TV flapping your gums and she says “Daddy … that guy always says mean things about you. And he dresses like a bowl of fruity pebbles and he absolutely sucks!” … so now, John Cena, on April 1st, I step inside the ring as you go one on one with The Great One and my 10 year old girl will watch as I lay the smackdown on your judgmental, roody poo, throwing rocks from inside a glass house, candy ass! And if you couldn’t beat The Miz last year at Wrestlemania, what in the blue hell do you think is going to happen when I take my size 15, turn it sideways and shove it straight up your fruity pebbles ass ?
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……………………….”
Done tha party.