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1.10.2012

Tha Complaint Box

I just…I don’t know. I just don’t know what to say. So after all of the false starts Brodus Clay made his debut on Raw tonight. He is now known as Funkasaurus Brodus Clay. Why did this happen? Who thought this was a good idea? Who is this for? I’m really asking the O-sters. I know that I’m not in the demographic that WWE is aiming towards. But can anyone really enjoy this new gimmick?

When I saw Clay after an O-ster mentioned him on NXT I checked him out and wrote an article talking about how much I liked this big ass mofo. I liked his moves, his look, and the fact that when he got clipped in the knee he screamed in pain. Black singlet, tattoos, Mohawk. Worked fine for me.

His new look is an abomination. If you took every member of Run DMC and somehow managed to combine them with King Kong Bundy, Tazz, Kool Aid Man, and The Godfather you would get his new look. Its not cool. It screams “future endeavors.” Which sucks because, like I said, I liked the guy. I cant take him seriously at all now.

Now I know there are some people saying, “Dante, what the fuck are you talking about? The kids will dig this new Funkasaurus” or “People are talking about it like they did with Y2J last week.” To which I say kids don’t know shit plus you should stop cursing in front of them and I will not get into what I think about Jericho this week. The only thing I liked about Clay’s debut were dancing next to him. The one on the left is a butterface but what can you do?

I know that there is a time and place for fun and silliness in wrestling. I watch CHIKARA. They have some pretty crazy stuff on there but it fits. WWE has been having guys getting attacked by monsters that come from under the ring, guys having nervous breakdowns, and a guy that told one of the main men running the show he would beat him like a bitch. Want comic relief? There’s Santino and Zack Ryder.

Don’t take the one guy that isn’t a jacked up juice beast and looks like he is a monster that has moves and looks legitimately threatening and have him come out dancing to Rikishi’s old routine.


15 comments: on "Tha Complaint Box"

ReA84 said...

I heard about it while I was at work then seen the clip on WWE website.

WTF were they thinking I was waiting for him to come out destroy everyone because he was put off for so long!

But then he comes out looking like a complete mess and yes def people will think this is great for the kids but come on! Kane can only come back so many times and raise hell same with Mark Henry they needed a new monster to come in and they pissed on it!

I agree with Dante future endevs is soon he pissed in someones Cheerios that's for damn sure!

Anonymous said...

somebody call ya momma Dante, it's about to get funky up in here ! Brodus Clay the new Godfather !

Nathan Arizona said...

After all that build up Brodus Clay debuts as PN News... and are they re-inducting Ric Flair into the Hall of Fame?

Seems odd they'd induct the group and not the individuals who made up the best formations of said group (Windham, Anderson, Blanchard, Dillion, and Ole all of whom had amazing careers within the group and outside the group). By inducting "The Four Horsemen" wouldn't they have to include other members like Paul Roma, Sid, Jeff Jarrett, and Benoit? Why not just induct Anderson, Windham, Blanchard, and Dillion individually?

mkf said...

I feel like i could almost hear BDD's heart break when Funkasaurus debuted instead of the Monster Clay

Moonsalt said...

Is it the most serious gimmick? No, but it’s already better than Brodus' previous gimmick of “your debut is going to be postponed because we have nothing for you”.

I shared your sentiment because I wanted Brodus to come out as a monster and dominate, but then took a step back and thought about it and the company doesn’t need another monster heel, if anything it would just cause Brodus to get lost in the shuffle.

Right now you have that monster heel being played by Kane. Henry was excellent as that monster this past summer, and there are talks about Show turning heel for his match against Shaq at WM. Add guys like Ezekiel Jackson and Mason Ryan to the mix and you have a pretty adequate list of possible monsters for your company. The problem with the monster heel is that they don’t get a lot of chances to show charisma and personality, ie Umaga. Also the monster is only a great character if he is unbeatable, and with a company with John Cena in it how long can that last?

You mentioned that he looked like a mix of Run DMC, King Kong Bundy, Tazz, the Kool Aid Man, and The Godfather;Dante, correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t they all over?

I would personally like to see him come down to the ring in Parliament Funkadelic’s Spaceship, be introduced from the Zulu Nation and dressed like Afrika Bambaataa, so he doesn’t look like LL Cool J’s fat cousin from the “I’m Bad” video, but that’s just me.

It is really too early to shit on or praise this gimmick because we’re basing our opinions on one 3 minute squash match and a dance sequence where he was out of rhythm. Let’s have him cut a promo, work a program, grow with this character and then make our assessments. Sure kids will mark for a big guy dancing, but if we find that he’s as funny as Santino, are you telling me you won’t O for the Funkasaurus?

And if Mark “Sexual Chocolate” Henry has taught us anything, if you’re over 6’4” 350+ lbs, it is not that hard to turn into a monster heel in a hurry.

Evitman said...

#Funkasaurus #Shit the bed

Dante Ross said...

Moonsalt, how can WWE not need a monster heel? Jesus, I’m talking like I work in wrestling. I don’t. So let me say it like a normal person: I think there needs to be a big guy that is new and interesting that looks for real scary. Brodus Clay was that guy. What shuffle can he get lost in?

Yes, we have Kane right now. How much time does he have left? Does he have another awesome run in him? I don’t think so. Mark Henry is hurt right now and has been shown weekly to be a chump. Plus he has been around since the 90’s. Ezekiel Jackson? Come on. No. He’s this millenniums Ahmad Johnson. Mason Ryan? God no. He is weeks from being suspended for a Wellness Violation.

How have monster heels not been allowed to show personality and charisma? King Kong Bundy, One Man Gang (who became what Clay now is), Big John Stud, Earthquake, and Sid Justice are a few names that come to mind. Big ass dudes that were entertaining to watch and looked like they could hurt you. And if a company starts booking based on who Cena can or cant beat is a company I don’t wanna watch.

Was Run DMC, Bundy, Tazz, Kool Aid Man, and The Godfather over? Yes, they were. But then again one was a rap group, the other a charismatic wrestler that was known even outside of the ring, another was a Human Suplex Machine that was good before arriving in WWE, one was a fictional character that kids may not know nowadays except from Family Guy, and another had two failed gimmicks before landing on one that is good for a crowd reaction that lasts until his hoes left.

And I do not think it is too early to form an opinion on Clay. They had extra time to come up with something for this guy and they failed hard as fuck. Its unoriginal and kills any credibility the guy had in my view. I can tell you now that I will not “O” for Funkasaurus. Ever. I feel bad for the guy. And please, I hope no one says “At least he’s making money!” because, seriously, this is wrestling. Guys we have watched since our youth are almost broke.

Rick Cabroen said...

Brodus would have just gotten the monster push for a few months, lose to a main eventer, and job for the rest of his run (just like every 'Umaga' type they have tried)

I for one O for Funkasaurus instead of no'ing for another Umaga

cnumb47 said...

The moment they said "Funkasarus," I rolled my eyes. And i actually though he reminded me when One Man Gang turned into Akeem.

Moonsalt said...

The guy was on screen for 5 minutes and people have talked about it more than anything Monster Clay could have done short of coming to the ring and killing John Cena. Everybody is shitting on the guy before even seeing the gimmick, and if it doesn't work out its not that hard to turn a guy his size into a monster.

Dante Ross said...

ReA84, in a couple months they will for sure get rid of him or send him to FCW for another reboot.

Nathan Arizona, I don't get inducting The Horsemen without Flair. Its not the real deal unless he's there. I don't think they should induct crews either way. That's like inducting The nWo.

mkf, my heart didn't break like BDD's may have. But my brain did.

Rick Cabroen, you just described every single monster every brought into wrestling. And what makes him "Umaga type"? The fact that he is Samoan with tattoos? That covers a lot of Samoan wrestlers. He looks nothing like Umaga and does not wrestle like him.

cnumb47, the biggest wrestling company in the world needs better ideas than the shit they just pumped out.

ReA84 said...

I was praying they would let him use the Gimmick he used when he was in a faction Urban Assault in DSW with Sonny Siaki and Eric Perez as "The Mastadon of Mayhem " G-Rilla!

The way he is being introduced there is a possibility where later on down the road they can turn him into The Mastadon of Mayhem because he looks like a bad mother fucker but if they give up hope then future endevs or back to FCW!

downtown said...

How many monster heels angry at nothing does wrestling need? that gimmick is full and we're sure he will go there at some point. He's got more buzz now than when he was on a few months ago. It could be worse http://theinterrobang.com/2012/01/video-most-illegal-wresting-move-ever/

Dante Ross said...

I have seen that video before. Was introduced to it on Yahoo! which means that millions of other were as well. It was funny. Seeing Clay do a form of it? Sure. Back when Rikishi did it better.

Like I said before, WWE is throwing too much shit at the walls. They tried this change of character with Albert when he was the Hip Hop Hippo. How many weeks until someone calls Clay the same thing?

wrestlingstorylines.com said...

I like the Funkasaurus. He is going to make the WWE more money than the NXT rookie Brodus Clay would have.