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Ian Clark's Raw Recap

Match One: #1 Contendership: R-Truth vs. John Morrison

Lockup, Truth with a hammerlock, headlock, snapmare for one, rollup for one and a half, exits the ring to drink water and play to the crowd, commercial.

Back on, Truth with an arm drag, lockup, Morrison with an arm drag, lockup, Truth with a headlock, snapmare for one, then another cover for one, Morrison with a whip, hip toss reversed into a cover for two, rollup for two, headlock takedown for two, then another cover for one, another cover for one, Morrison with a whip, reversed, Morrison with a clothesline, then another, Truth with a dropkick for two, armbar, adds a headlock, Morrison with a cutter, dropkick, cover for two, suplex blocked, Truth with a suplex cutter for two, misses a scissor kick, Morrison misses a flash kick, Truth misses whatever that front dropping thing from last week is called, Morrison hits Starship Pain for three!

Winner: John Morrison

Morrison offers Truth his consolation, then poses in the corner. Truth pulls him off the corner before kneeing him in the head, knocking him out of the ring. Truth follows and knees him in the head against the security barricade before grabbing by the head and apologizing, then proceeding to shove him to the ground. He takes a drink of water before smashing Morrison upside the head with the bottle. As Morrison makes it to his feet, Truth shoves him down again before helping him up, repeating "You did this, John" and hitting that same dropping move again. Finally, Truth grabs a cigarette from a fan who may or may not be a plant, lights it up (fans chant "That's illegal". Guess it's a fake smoke) and blows the smoke at Morrison (someone in the crowd screams "Won't someone please think of the children!" Nice.). Truth walks off to a chorus of boos.

Match Two: Evan Bourne vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler comes out with short, dark hair. Vickie Guerrero laughs at Bourne. Lockup, Ziggler with a takedown, punches to the back of the head, whip, clothesline ducked, Bourne with a head scissors, kick, goes up top, Ziggler catches him with a dropkick on the way down for a one-count. Face wash, bow and arrow hold, elbow drop, drags Bourne up, Bourne with kicks, Ziggler with a tackle, clothesline, Bourne with a flying knee, then a kick for two, goes to climb up top, Ziggler pulls him down, Bourne with a double-stomp, misses Air Bourne, Zig Zag for three!

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

The WWE Rewind is Sin Cara going after Sheamus and Jack Swagger and beating Primo. Basically, Sin Cara.

Alberto Del Rio is proclaiming a "retirement party" for Edge on Smackdown.

The Miz and Alex Riley are out.

Miz: "For the past seven days I've been preparing physically and mentally for a triple threat match at Extreme Rules against R-Truth and John Cena. But now, earlier, this should come as a shock, R-Truth made a rash decision, and now, this rash, irresponsible, illogical, ultimately disrespectful decision affects me more than anybody else. Now instead of John Cena and a hip-hop refugee, I have to face John Cena and John Morrison. And on top of everything else, I have to do it in a steel cage, where you can win by pinfall, submission or escape. Which mean I could be escaping the cage, and John Cena could be pinning John Morrison. Or I could be pinning John Cena and John Morrison escapes the cage. All of that means that I don't have to be defeated to lose my WWE Championship. And I refuse, I will not leave this ring until the Raw GM makes this right. Alex, get me a chair. I've got all day." The show goes to commercial on this image.

The program comes back on with Miz still ranting. He proclaims that no matter what, he'll still be WWE Champion, because he's the Miz, and he's... interrupted by Sin Cara. As soon as Sin Cara stands in the ring, John Cena joins him. The Raw GM makes it a tag.
Match Three: Sin Cara and John Cena vs. Alex Riley and The Miz

Cena beats down Alex Riley, whip, Bulldog, Riley bails. Commercial.

Back on, Cena hits Miz with a hip toss, punches, whip, suplex, goes for the FU, Miz hits an uranage, stomps, Riley with an elbow, Miz with a suplex, cover for two, Riley in, mixed shots, clothesline in the corner, Miz in, boot to the head, boot to the face, stomps in the corner, clothesline, Riley in, covers for two, misses a clothesline, Cena with a body slam, double tag, Cara with mixed strikes, whip, reversed, springboard elbow, head scissors, dropkick to Riley, head scissors to both, Riley pulls Sin Cara off the apron, Miz slams him into the apron, tosses him in the ring, front facelock knees, goes for a press slam, reversed into a rollup for two, Miz with a boot for two, Riley in, double team suplex, whip to the corner, clothesline for two, punch, slam to the corner, Miz in, boots to the gut, slam in the corner, mixed strikes in the corner, clothesline dodged, double tag, Cena with shoulder blocks, protoplex, punch to the Miz, 5-knuckle shuffle for Riley, FU, tags in Sin Cara, who hits a springboard moonsault for three.

Winners: John Cena and Sin Cara

Another promo airs showing a doll getting its' legs ripped off. I CAN'T WAIT!

Match Four: Eve Torres vs. Nikki Bella

Yes, scurry little china dolls, scurry as though it will delay the horror of your inevitable destruction! BAHAHAHAHA!

Eve with punches, kick, flip, arm drag, trading shots, Eve with a tree of woe, misses a dropkick, Brie smashes her leg into the apron, Nikki with shots, headlock, trading shots, Eve wins it with a rollup. It's as anticlimactic as it sounds.

Winner: Eve Torres

Michael Cole interrupts the Diva proceedings again to announce his getting "knighted". Fuck this shit.

Slam of the week is Michael Cole slapping, and then saving, Jack Swagger.

Michael Cole is standing in the center of the ring. As with all Michael Cole segments, I apologize but I will not be providing word-by-word recaps. Cole brings out Jack Swagger, who he's cool with now. Swagger puts a royal robe around Cole's shoulders before reading a proclamation. A horribly unconvincing Queen Elizabeth imitator comes out, knights Cole and buggers off, but not before Michael Cole kisses her. Cole tries to start a "Sir Michael Cole" chant. He suggests that Cole and JR kiss his feet. Another brawl breaks out and for the umpteenth week we see Lawler and King get beaten down in a fashion that's supposed to garner heat but just makes me want to turn off the program. It ends with JR in an ankle lock kissing Michael Cole's feet.

Match Five: Santino Marella vs. United States Champion Sheamus (Non-Title)

Sheamus gets on the mic and reminds Santino that the last time they were in England, Santino embarassed him, and that with the draft next week, this might be his last chance at revenge.

Lockup, Sheamus with a knee, stomp, drops a knee, slams Santino's head into the corner, stomp, Santino reverses a body slam with a punch, Sheamus with a boot to the fack of the head, then another, head wrenching armbar, throw down, elbow drop, then another, a third, cover for two, back into the hold, straight rear-naked choke, throw down, back into the first hold again, back to a rear naked choke, Santino escapes with a snapmare, Sheamus with a clothesline in retalliation, whip, Santino dodges a clothesline, sets up for the Cobra, falls down instead, Sheamus with a bicycle kick for a merciful three-count.

Winner: Sheamus

Main Event: CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Nexus is banned from ringside.

Lockup, Punk with a side headlock, Orton backs him into the corner, Punk with a shove, Orton with a clothesline, forearms in the corner, stomps, punches to the chest, Punk with a boot, kick, Punk with a punch, kicks, stomps, knees to the face in the corner, whip, Orton with a clothesline, then another, snap scoopslam, Punk blocks the RKO, commercial.

Back on, Punk hits a body slam, two-count, headlock, front facelock, snapmare to quell an uprising, cover for two, suplex, cover for two, chinlock, Orton punches his way out, whip, reversed, Punk with a knee, cover for two, stomp, springboard stomp, Orton heads outside the ring, Punk with a diving clothesline, punches Orton while screaming "Come on Randy!" with an English accent, cover for two, goes for a suplex, Orton rolls him up for two, Punk with punches, snapmare, head scissors, Orton bites Punk for the break, mounted punches by Orton, Punk escapes, Orton with a whip, reversed, Punk with a knee in the corner, bulldog reversed into a back suplex for two, high angle back suplex reversed into an elbow followed by a bulldog, rollup for two, kicks, clothesline reversed into an Orton backbreaker, high angle back suplex for two, Punk to the apron, Orton goes for the DDT, Punk drops Orton across the ropes, Punk with a clothesline for two, goes up top, Orton stuns him with a punch, several more, superplex, cover for two, Punk bails to the apron, Orton with the rope assist DDT, Punk reverses into a GTS attempt, Orton reverses into an RKO attempt, Punk with a kick to the face for two. Punk goes for another GTS attempt, Orton slides off the back, Punk goes for another kick, Orton rolls him up for three!

Winner: Randy Orton

Nexus swarms the ring and gangbeats Orton, culminating in Mason Ryan hitting an Uranage. Mason Ryan shoves both of his Nexus partners away from Orton, proclaiming "He's mine" before setting up to punt Orton in the head. Punk stops him and proclaims the shot to be his. Mason Ryan ignores him, Punk manages to talk him out of it, goes for the punt, gets an RKO in response. Orton leaves the ring quickly and efficiently to end the show.

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