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1.31.2011

Royal Rumble Recap

* Edge {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler (World Heavyweight Championship)

The Rated R superstar enters first at 8:03 PM ET. Vickie: "EXCUSE ME!! I am here, to remind everyone, and especially you Edge, that I have deemed the spear illegal and dangerous. It is officially banned. I am pleading with you, use the spear one time tonight, and to get you in the mood everybody please join me - SPEAR, SPEAR, SPEAR." (She cackles.) "Not only will you be disqualified, but you'll lose the title to the man who is my boyfriend - DOLPH ZIGGLER." And here comes Ziggles!

8:08 PM ET. Nickolye took a sign shouting out AngryMarks! The match is underway. Edge is already pummeling Ziggler in the corner with punches and running him from one post to the next. Ziggler turns it around with brawling of his own but it's still Edge who gets the first near fall of the match. Michael Cole and Matt Striker discuss Ziggler getting off to a slow start. The action spulls out to the floor and Ziggler is thrown hard into the barricade. Edge injures the right arm/wrist and throws Ziggles back in. Ziggler gets control back and starts working on his neck, going outside to drop an elbow on his throat under the ropes. He puts Edge's neck on the ropes to wring it further as the announcers note this is a perfect set-up for the sleeper hold.

A loud LET'S GO EDGE chant breaks out. Edge rolls through a top rope move by Ziggler and catapults him headfirst into the corner for a near fall. Ziggler hits a neckbreaker and goes for a near fall of his own. Ziggler continues to wear Edge down by grounding the Rated R superstar and applying a chinlock. When he gets out Ziggler hits an elbow to the heart and cover shim for 2. Edge gets to the apron and crawls to one knee so Ziggler hits a shoulder tackle to send him flying to the floor. Vickie cheers her man on from ringside.

Ziggler gets another near fall when Edge is back in the ring and applies a headlock again. Vickie pounds on the apron and encourages the ref to check for a submission or Edge passing out. Edge survives though and the two wrestlers collide with the ref starting a double count that gets to 6. Ziggler gets up first but Edge ducks and Ziggler crashes and burns in the corner. Edge counters Ziggler on another attempt to finish. The third double count of the last two minutes is underway. Edge starts a comeback with clotheslines and gets a near fall.

The patrons at the bar want Edge to spear Vickie. Ziggler gets a jawjacker for a near fall of his own. Edge counters a Zig Zag into a slam for 2. Ziggler cuts off Edge when he tries to go top rope. There's a HIRE AKIRA TOZAWA sign in the crowd. Edge fights Ziggler off and dives onto him but Ziggler rolls through for 2.9.

Edge tries a half Boston crab for two but Ziggler gets the ropes. Ziggles tries to get a pin but Edge kicks out at 2.95! There's a PUSH ZACK RYDER sign. Ziggler gets kicked in the face when he tries to run the ropes. Edge backs up like he's going to hit the spear then thinks better of it. Ziggler tries to put Edge in a sleeper but he gets free and hits a DDT - but Vickie grabs the referee's leg to prevent him from making the three count.

Vickie mocks Edge and slaps him in the face. Ziggler runs over to make the save and nearly collides with her. Edge rolls Ziggler up for 2. Vickie slaps him again and Kelly Kelly comes out to take Vickie down! While Edge is watching Dolph hits the Zig Zag but EDGE KICKS OUT! Both men are down Edge is crawling slowly to his feet. Ziggles wants to hit a second Zig Zag or a sleeper hold, he goes for the latter, and Edge starts to fade. Edge recovers and both men collide with the ref, knocking him down and out. Edge sees Vickie down, the ref down, and he's clearly thinking about it - he has a wild look in his eyes. SPEAR!!! DOWN GOES ZIGGLER!! Edge is down too. Cole: "Edge is acting! He deserves an Oscar nomination here!" The ref recovers, Edge gets back to his feet, Edge looks at Ziggler getting up and spins him around for what reminds me of a Twist of Fate, and hits it for the three count! WINNER AND STILL WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: EDGE.

* The Miz {C} vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship)

Orton comes out at 8:37 ET after a backstage promo by The Miz about how awesome he is. Miz comes out with Alex Riley and briefcase in tow at 8:40. Cole immediately starts raving about how Miz is "the most must-see champion in WWE history" and how he's "the awesome one" and "it's an honor" to watch Miz defend the title. Orton starts stomping a mudhole in his foe in the corner when the bell rings at 8:43. Orton keeps stomping on him even when he gets under the ropes and the ref admonishes the challenger.

Meanwhile Cole is having a conniption fit at the announce position about how Edge used chicanery to win his title match and Orton is clearly trying to do the same thing as a challenger. Orton puts him in the ropes and chokes him until the ref reaches 4. Orton pulls him back up by the hair and continues to punch away at his sternum and throat. Finally Miz gets on offense when Riley snaps his neck off the ropes from behind out on the floor. This doesn't keep Orton down long though as he hits a big clothesline and Miz gets up slow. He ducks as Orton charges him and Orton crashes in the corner.

Miz and Riley continue to double team Orton, and Riley nails him with a right hand from the floor so Miz can cover for two. Riley and Cole exchange a high-five. Lawler: "Are you KIDDING me?" Cole is smug. Lawler: "One day... one day Cole, you're gonna get yours." Cole: "It won't be from you - you can't touch me. The GM said so!" Miz gets a half count on a near fall (not even to 1). Forearm to the face gets a two count. Cole continues to bitch moan and whine on commentary to the point the whole bar is getting annoyed.

Miz sinks in a chinlock and tries to wear Orton down. Cole: "Miz could put him away any time he wants to." Lawler: "You're trying to tell me now that he's TOYING with Orton?" Cole: "He's got the skills of a Bob Backlund and a Lou Thesz." Good grief. Orton gets back on offense with a series of clotheslines followed by a backbreaker. Orton sets up for a DDT and Miz flips him over the top rope to the floor. Bar patron next to me: "The first over-the-top elimination of the Rumble!" True enough.

Miz throws Orton into the ring apron back first, then throws him back into the ring and covers for 2. Miz sits on his back and pulls Randy up by the nose, then applies a double front facelock and wrenches back again. Orton is wincing in pain.

Orton gets back in at 8 and jumps on Miz for some ground and pound. Miz recovers and gets Orton in the corner but gets hit with a clothesline when he charges forward, followed up by a power slam, followed up by going around Miz in a full circle stomping on each limb. Knee to the jaw for a near fall. Orton kicks Miz in the gut and sets up for something but Riley causes a distraction and Miz does the neckbreaker to backbreaker combo for 2.75. Both men get up slowly. The ref checks to see if Orton's okay. Orton counters a Skullcrushing Finale and hits a reverse slam for a near fall.

Miz rolls out and goes to pick up his title, Riley hands it to him and he starts to walk out with it. Orton catches him heading for the ramp and hits him with a clothesline on the floor, then backs up Riley. We've just passed 9 PM ET in this second match of the night. Miz gets caught in a roll-up for a near fall. He goes to the apron to escape again, Orton catches him and hits the draping DDT, then signals that it's R-K-O time!! The (new) Nexus is here and the crowd is booing loudly as they come down the ramp. Orton is staring holes through all of them. The ref goes to the floor to throw them out. Miz tries to sneak attack Orton so Orton throws Miz out onto the pile! He hits Miz with the RKO when he comes back in the ring, but CM Punk hits the ring and hits Orton with the Go 2 Sleep and drapes Miz' arm over Orton! The ref comes back in and makes the three count. WINNER AND STILL WWE CHAMPION: THE MIZ.

* Natalya Neidhart vs. LayCool (WWE Diva's Championship, Handicap Match)

Before the match, the WWE Raw GM chimes in and states that since Teddy Long is incapacitated he is changing the rules of the WWE Diva's Championship match. He also notes he gets a lot of complaints about how annoying Cole is, and he's not going to take the heat for this. This is now going to be a Fatal Four-Way.

* Natalya Neidhart vs. Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Eve Torres (WWE Diva's Championship, Fatal Four-Way)

Nattie is quickly double-teamed and taken out by LayCool, leaving them to pick apart Eve Torres on the other side of the ring with a clothesline and a double-team inverted Russian Legsweep before she's thrown out of the ring. Nattie is back in and she takes down Layla, goes for a Sharpshooter, McCool attacks, Nattie kicks her in the side, then slingshots Layla into McCool, knocking her out of the ring. McCool pulls Layla out, slides back in, throws out Nattie then kicks out Eve who just got back in.

Michelle and Layla are now staring each other down until Nattie drags Layla out, McCool dropkicks her, Eve runs in and tries to roll up McCool, Layla breaks it up. Nattie back in, throws out McCool, Eve tries to hit her with a forearm, Nattie ducks it, takes her down, then stacks up Even on top of Layla to try to pull off a Sharpshooter on both. McCool comes in and kicks Nattie in the head.

My feed cuts out, but coming back in Nattie has clotheslined everybody, slams McCool with a Michinoku Driver, Layla breaks it up. Nattie dumps her in the corner, flattens her with a forearm shot as McCool scrapes herself up off of the mat. Nattie picks up Layla on her shoulder, McCool tries to go for a bicycle kick, ends up hitting Layla, McCool covers her for a pin attempt, McCool kicks out, Nattie throws her out of the ring, Eve runs in and throws Nattie out, slams Layla, goes to the top turnbuckle and hits a moonsault, goes for the pin at the same time that Michelle McCool gets in and rolls up Nattie for the pin, but the referee's back was completely turned to her and didn't see it. WINNER AND NEW WWE DIVAS CHAMPION, EVE TORRES!

Backstage Josh Matthews interviews WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, with his new eye candy Gail Kim hanging all over him. Josh asks Bryan about what it's like to go from NXT Rookie to US Champ in 12 months. The Bella Twins come in and shoo Matthews off, present flowers to Bryan & Gail Kim, apologize for their actions last week and wish them the best, but make a snide comment about how Gail Kim isn't as good looking as them, which breaks down quickly and comes into a cat fight. Brie ends up slapping Bryan and Nikki slaps Josh Matthews as he comes back into the picture to break it up. Two referees and Matthews have to break it all up. Michael Cole continues to call Bryan a goof and a dork. Cole, you fucking toolbag, you could only wish you had women fighting over you. Go back to blowing Miz already.

The WWE Royal Rumble

Entrant #1 is CM Punk. The Corre's music plays and all members come down, surround the ring, get on the apron and get in, rush Punk and they swing away. Nexus shows up and we now have TEN men starting, no not yet bell hasn't rung and officials are out to break it up. WWE Raw GM chimes in, Cole stops the action and the GM demands that order is restored, AND I QUOTE... "The only superstar who has the right to officially be in the ring right now is CM Punk. All members of the Corre and the new Nexus much each return to the locker room immediately. Failure to comply will result in immediate disqualification from the Royal Rumble match. Back to the locker room NOW!" Entrant #2 is Daniel Bryan.

CM Punk with a side headlock, Bryan shoots him off gets shoulder tackled. Punk floatover, leapfrog, Daniel floatover and a dropkick into the ribs. Punk whipped into the corner, reversal, Daniel leaps off the turnbuckles, runs the ropes and clotheslines Punk. Bryan picks up Punk, looks to eliminate, Puk slips off, grabs Bryan by the turnks, throws him into the turnbuckle, Bryan leaps over, slingshots back in, on the turnbuckle and missle dropkick into Punk. Fans with dueling "Dan-iel-Bry-an" / "CM Punk!" chants. Bryan bounces off the ropes, Punk clotheslines him. Entrant #3 is Justin Gabriel.

Gabriel rushes in, Punk beats him down, Gabriel weathers it, puts PUnk in the corner and uses kicks and forearm shots to beat him down, Punk throws him over the top rope, Gabriel holds on, Bryan runs over and clotheslines punk. Gabriel gets on the top turnbuckle, goes for the 450 Splash, Punk rolls out of the way, Daniel Bryan backdrops Gabriel over the top. Justin Gabriel is eliminated. Bryan headbutts Punk into the turnbuckle, kicks, chokes on the ropes. Entrant #4 is Zack Ryder. Bryanheadbutts Punk in the corner, Ryder gets in and beats down Bryan in the corner, boot to the face, forearm shot on Punk and beats him back down into th e corner, steps back and bootscrapes Punk in the face.

Bryan back up, stiffs Ryder in the face with a forearm, whip off the ropes, ducks down, Ryder kicks him in the face, bounces off the ropes and tries for the Zack Attack, Bryan ducks and hits Punk with it instead, Bryan grabs Ryder by the turnks and throws him out. Zack Ryder is eliminated. Punk and Bryan go back to fighting, Punk tries to throw out Bryan.

Entrant #5 is William Regal. Regal gets in and cleans up, stiffing both men and throwing them around, suplexes all around, body slams all around, running knee lift on Punk takes him out, Regal can't dead lift him. Bryan back up and they start STIFF FESTING each other with European Uppercuts until Regal strafes him with a shot to the ribs. CM Punk kicks Regal in the head, Bryan kicks Punk in the head, then reels off a a kick to Regal's head. Bryan tries to pick up Regal, Regal rakes the eyes. Entrant #6 is Ted DiBiase. Maryse is with him.

DiBiase slides in, Bryan tries to attack, eats a Cobra Clutch and a dropkick to the back, dropkick to Regal, clotheslines on Punk. DiBiase puts PUnk in the corner, tries to pick him up, Punk holds on to the roeps to stop it. Bryan kicks Regal in the chest multiple times as DiBiase is still trying to eliminate Punk. Bryan comes over and tries to eliminate DiBiase, everybody is tied up in the ropes. DiBiase goes over but he lands on the apron and comes back in under the rope. Entrant #7 is John Morrison. The Prince of Parkour runs in, slingshots in and kicks Regal in the face, clotheslines on DiBiase and Punk, kick on DiBiase, dropkick on Regal, Punk headbutted into the corner, Morrison with the Flying Chuck on Punk, a C-4 on Bryan, DiBiase finally takes him down, tries to throw him over the top, Morrison hangs on, Regal shoves him out of the ring JOHN MORRISON GRABS ON TO THE RINGSIDE BARRIER AND STAYS LEGAL!!

Regal is thrown out by DiBiase, Morrison leaps back onto the ring steps and back into the ring. William Regal is eliminated. Entrant #8 is Yoshi Tatsu. Tatsu goes after DiBiase and singles him out in the corner, Punk kicks Tatsu from behind, snap mare, boot rake to the eyes, Tatsu with a pair of chops, DiBiase attacks him from behind. Morrison is choking Bryan in the corner with his boot, Punk clubs him from behind. Bryan kicks Punk in the cuts, throws him in the corner, tries to backdrop Morrison, Morrison flips through it, tries to eliminate Bryan, Punk comes over to help, Bryan hanging on to the ropes and comes back in, Punk gives up and goes back to help DiBiase with Tatsu. DiBiase hems him up in the corner, Punk kicks the midsection. Entrant #9 is Husky Harris.

Husky is the youngest member of the Rumble, and Harris starts cleaning up, putting everybody down, then backs into a corner to protect Punk. Morrison and Bryan come over to attack, Tatsu comes over, but Tastu and Bryan break off to pick on DiBiase, softening up his back with stiff kicks. Punk and Harris beat down Morrison and choke him in the corner. Punk breaks off the nail Bryan with a belly-to-back suplex.

Entrant #10 is Chavo Guerrero. DiBiase tries to cut off Guerero and he eats two slams of a Three Amigoes, Punk cuts him off, and instead it will be Punk who eats them... nope, Morrison cuts him off and Chavo goes at it again with Morrison, then Bryan breaks it up and he eats one, then two, then the THIRD, much to the pop of the crowd. Chavo shimmies as the crowd appreciates, then Husky Harris flattens him with a clothesline, throws him in acorner, charges, Chavo with a boot up and a missile dropkick. DiBiase with a choke on Bryan under the bottom rope. Entrant #11 is Mark Henry.

Henry with headbutt on DiBiase, Tatsu, clubs Morrison in the back, headbutt on Harris, Chavo with a flying cross body block from the top, Henry catchs him and throws him out, Chavo Guerrero is eliminated. Yoshi Tatsu comes over for a chop, eats a headbutt, DiBiase eats a headbutt, Yoshi is clotheslined out. Yoshi Tatsu is eliminated. Harris and punk team up on Henry, Bryan and MOrrison team up on DiBiase in the corner. Entrant #12 is JTG. JTG comes in and starts leveling the field, pairs off with Harris. Bryan and Punk in one corner, DiBiase and Morrison in a second, Henry goes after JTG as Harris goes after Bryan, tries to eliminate him, Bryan hanging on to the ropes. Morrison picks up DiBiase, puts him on the top turnbuckle, punches in the face, another one, DiBiase teetering, but throws a punch back and gets back in teh ring. JTGS now trying to eliminte Harris as Punk beats up on Henry. Entrant #13 is Mike McGuillicutty.

McGuillicutty comes in to help Punk, then starts leveling everybody as Harris helps Punk beat up on Henry. McGuillicutty throws JTG over the top, JTG hangs on, then gets dropkicked off the apron. JTG is eliminated. McGuillicutty and Harris focus on Bryan, Morrison and DiBiase then attack them both. Harris and McGuillicutty then double-team backdrop DiBiase over the top. Ted DiBiase is eliminated. Entrant #14 is Chris Masters. Masters goes after McGuillicutt, whips him off the ropes, drills him with a Spinebuster. Punk runs over to club him from behind, Masters ducks it and slaps on the Masterlock, tries to throw him over the top, PUnk hangs on, McGuillicutty comes over to cut off Masters, beats him down into the corner, Bryan comes over to beat up McGuillicuty, picks up Masters, Punks beats them both down. Masters and Bryan pair off with forearm uppercuts and chops.

Entrant #15 is David Otunga. Otunga gets in and helps to start cleaning house, as Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters and John Morrison are eliminated. All of Nexus is now in the rumble and they focus on eliminated Mark Henry over the top, Mark Henry has been eliminated. It's Nexus all alone in the next few seconds, Entrant #16 is Tyler Rex, and he is quickly swarmed by Nexus, and is personally eliminated by Punk. Tyler Rex is eliminated. Nexus salutes the crowd with their fists and take a breather in the ring. Entrant #17 is Vladimir Kozlov. Kozlov is able to take out PUnk with a boot to the face, but Nexus quickly takes him down to the mat. Punk seper4ates them off, holds down Kozlov's legs as Harris bounces off the ropes and hits a backsplash on him, Punk throws him out. Vladimir Kozlov has been eliminated. Another breather for Nexus. Entrant #18 is R-Truth.

R-Truth is swarmped, dumped in the corner, Punk hits the runnign kneelift into the corner followed by the bulldog, then R-Truth is eliminated. Punk gets on the ropes and taunts the fans. Entrant #19 is The Great Khali. The Punjabi Playboy and Runjen Singh is back and Punk looks like he's about to shit himself! Punk quickly throws the rest of Nexus in front of him. Khali steps over the ropes and levels everybody, Khali Chop on Punk, then on Otunga, boot in the face to McGuillicutty, headbutt to Harris and then Husky Harris is eliminated. Khali grabs Punk, Punk begs off into the corner, Khali stomps him down, picks him up, throws a big right and Punk is down.

Entrant #20 is Mason Ryan. Oops, I forgot Ryan was also a part of Nexus. Khali takes out Ryan quickly with a chop to the head, Khali goes for a clothesline, Ryan ducks it and The Great Khali is eliminated Ryan sweeps the legs and tosses him over the top. A long breather then... CAN YOU DIG IT, SUCKA!! ENTRANT #21 is Booker T! The crowd pops HARD~! Matt Striker shouts out, "I'm marking out hard for this!" Booker T quickly levels everybody, but gets clubbed from behind by Mason Ryan, whipped off the ropes, Booker reverses it and nails the Book End, followed by the SPINNEROONI~! and the fans go wild!

Punk tries to eliminate Punk, Booker reverses it, Punk holds on, Mason Ryan comes up from behind, grabs the tights, and Booker T is eliminated. Another long breather and Entrant #22 is John Cena. Another hard pop as the hometown crowd. By the way, #22 in the AngryMarks Royal Rumble Pool is NICKOLYE, so I bet he's marking out hard. Cena levels everybody and Mason Ryan & Mike McGuillicutty is eliminated. Cena and Punk stare down, start to wrestle and Entrant #23 is Hornswoggle. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? GTFOOHWTBS! Hornswoggle is kicked into the corner by Punk, then goes back to attacking Cena, but Cena grabs him and CM Punk is eliminated. Cena helps up Hornswoggle and they wait for the next entrant. Entrant #24 is Tyson Kidd. Kidd goes after Cena, Cena ducks him, Hornswoggle hits a headscissor takeover on Kidd. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, Horsnwoggle stops him AND HITS THE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ON TYSON KID WITH YOU CAN'T SEE ME~! That's fucking Epic! Tyson Kidd is eliminated as Cena throws him over the top.

Entrant #25 is Heath Slater. Slater comes in, eats a shoulder block from Cena, eats Sweet Shin Music and an Ace Cutter from Horsnwoggle, then double-teams with Cena for a Five-Knuckle Shuffle. Hornswoggle hits the Five-Star Tadpole Splash from the top on Slater, then Heath Slater is eliminated by Cena. Cena and Hornswoggle hug and take a breather. Entrant #26 is Kofi Kingston. Kingston takes his time as Hornswoggle now looks like he's having an epiphany.

Kingston looks INTENSE as him and Cena stare down, look up at the WrestleMania XXVII sign hanging over the ring, then square off. They lock up collar-and-elbow, Cena off the ropes, Kingston reverses, double leapfrogs, then dropikicks Cena into the corner, follows up with a flying kneein the corner, lands on the shoulders, punches, leaps off, Cena attacks out of the corner with a clothesline. Entrant #26 is Jack Swagger. Swagger levels both Kingston and Cena with clotheslines, leaps off the corner and hits a splash on Cena on the mat, does the same with Kingston on the other side. Swagger beats his chest and back again with a splash on Cena, shouts he's going to WrestleMania, then turns around and sees Hornswoggle.

Horny buys time as Kingston leaps off the top turnbuckle for a cross-body block, sets up for the Boom Drop, but Hornswoggle stops him and offers himself up as a stepstoo for it, wich Kingston readily does. Kinston tries to eliminate Swagger they tie up on the ropes. Entrant #27 is Sheamus. Sheamus levels everybody with a boot, hits the Irish Curse on Cena, then turns around and stares down Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle beats his chest, raises his arms, screams, slaps Sheamus in the chest. Sheamus throws him down to the mat. Hornswoggle backs up into a corner and calls for Sweet Shin Music, Sheamus lets him kick him in the shin, then picks him up and puts him on the turnbuckle.

Cena picks up Sheamus from behind and slams him, then Swagger attacks Cena from behind. Sheamus recovers and hits the Borough Kick on Hornswoggle as he teeters on the top turnbuckle, Hornswoggle is eliminated. Entrant #29 is Rey Mysterio. Mysterio slides in under the bottom rope, under Sheamus' bicycle kick, tries to take out Swagger with a headscissor takeover, dropkicks Cena, sets up Sheamus for the 6-1-9, Sheamus cuts him off, puts him on the top turnbuckle. Mysterio beats him back with punches, Kingston follows up with a Trouble in Paradise, Swagger hits Kingston with a slam, goes after Mysterio, Mysterio throws him over the top, Swagger hangs on, barely keeping off the floor, but Mysterio hits a 6-1-9 and Jack Swagger is eliminated.

Entrant #30 is Wade Barrett. Everybody is down and resting in the ring so Barrett comes in and stomps them all. Kingston pops up and tries to hit a cross-body block off the ropes, Barrett catches him, Mysterio dropkicks the knees, Cena gets up and attacks Barrett, bounces off the ropes, Barrett clotheslines him and kicks hi in the head, clothesline on Mysterio, clubs Kingston in the back but Kingston fights back with kicks to the body, puts hi in the corner and stomps a mudhole in his chest in the corner. Entrant #31 is Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler comes out holding his guts selling the Spear from earlier. Kingston eats a clothesline from Ziggler, Cena eats a dropkick from Ziggler, then Ziggles with a kick to the face on Sheamus as he beats and chokes him in the corner. Mysteiro is paired off with Barrett, Cena and Kingston come over to help throw him over the top, Barrett hangs on and saves off elimination. Ziggler comes over, clubs Mysteiro in the back and helps Barrett try to eliminate Cena, Mysterio back into it to stop it.

Sheamus splits off to choke Kingston on the bottom rope. Barrett and Cena pair off, Ziggler and Mysterio pair off. Entrant #32 is KEVIN NASH, WEARING HIS OLD DIESEL GEAR AND THE DYED HAIR. Fans pop hard again, and everybody freezes. Wade Barrett take a first crack, gets a boot, then everybody trying to work on him as the fans chant "DIE-SEL! DIE-SEL! DIE-SEL!", Big Daddy Cool takes them all out with big rights, Cena eats a clothesline, Sheamust is eating multiple knees in the corner. Entrant #33 is Drew McIntyre and he immediately targets Diesel, Sheamus helps him. Fans now chanting "LET'S GO DIE-SEL!" and completely selling it as Nash is beaten down.

Sheamus and McIntyre split off and attack Kingston, leaving Mysterio to hit a 6-1-9 on Nash, but no elimination. Guess he's finally getting some payback for the lawn dart incident, eh? Sheamus comes back over to swad down Mysterio, McIntrye helps, and Barrett and Nash start clubbing each other. ENTRANT #34 is Alex Riley with The Miz backing him up. Nash tries to kick Barrett in the face to eliminate him, Barrett ducks it and returns the kick, Kevin Nash is eliminated. Alex Riley gets clotheslined by Cena as he enters the ring, the Miz sits down at ringside for commentary. Sheamus and McIntyre are trying to eliminate Cna in the corner, Riley comes over to help.

Entrant #35 is Big Show. Big Show walks past Nash, they glance at each other, walk on, turn back and glance again, then walk away. Big Show gets in and starts handing out headbutts, chokeslam on Wade Barrett. Sheamus kicks Big Show in the face, Big Show hits a side kick on him, grabs Dolph Zigger, Dolph Ziggler is eliminated. Entrant #36 is Ezekiel Jackson, and Drew McIntyre is eliminated but I didn't see who did it. Jackson goes after Big Show, Big Show is eliminated as Jackson dumps him over the top. Everybody goes after Jackson and Zeke eliminates them. Wade Barrett raises his hand and they set about keeping everybody beat down. Jackson choking Kingston and Mysterio by the boot, Barrett and Sheamus have paired off in a corner. I believe earlier Cena tried to eliminate Riley, but he hung on, slid back into the ring, then slid out under the bottom rope to take a breather.

Cena is laid out in the corner chilling. Entrant #37 is Santino Marella. Marella comes in, kicks a few downed guys, stares off on Jackson, then Sheamus comes from behind him and kicks him in the face, Marella rolls out under the bottom rope, remains int he match. Kingston and ysterio focus on Waqde Barrett, Cena tries to throw out Jackson but gets blocked. Mysterio chokes Sheamus by the boot in one corner, Kingston and Barrett are tradign knees in a corner, and Jackson is trying to throw out Cena, gets close, Cena hangs on to the ropes. Barrett comes over and start drilling hi in the head, but Cena slips back into the ring. Entrant #38 is Alberto Del Rio who drives up in his Bentley, and Ricardo Rodriguez announces him.

Matt Striker announces that Alex Riley is eliminated, I guess I did see him go over the top earlier. Del Rio sucks up the whole 90 seconds just with his ring entrance. Entrant #39 is Randy Orton who attacks Del Rio, throws him into the steps, then into the ring, hits him with an RKO. Sheamus tries to attack Orton, he gets an RKO, Kingston misses with the Trouble in Paradise, and he eats an RKO and then Kofi Kingston is eliminated as he's thrown out, then Sheamus is eliminated as Orton clotheslines him over the top. John Cena beats down everybody else, and it's just him and Orton staring down as Cena points to the WrestleMania sign. They prepare to lock up.

Entrant #40 is Kane. Kane is on-track for having the most Royal Rumble eliminations if he can clear the ring. Kane takes out Cena and Orton, Jackson tries to take him on, fails at a body slam, charges Kane, Kane pulls down the bottom rope from a mile away and Ezekiel Jackson is eliminated as he sails over the top rope. Kane beats up on Orton, takes out Mysterio with an uppercut, whps him in the corner, charges, Mysterio with a boot up to stop it, leaps off the top turnbuckle, falls into a Kane chokeslam, but Mysterio with a headscissor takeover and Kane is eliminated, then Rey Mysterio is eliminated ask Wade Barrett kicks him in the head over the rope.

We're down to John Cena, Randy Orton, Wade Barrett, Alberto Del Rio and Santio Marella who is still on the outside, laid out. Barrett tries to eliminate Cena, throws him over the top, Cena teetering on the apron, but he shoulder blocks his way back in. Orton has Del Rio on his shoulder, on the ropes, Del Rio fights his way back in, Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Barrett but can't follow up. Orton beats down Del Rio in the corner. Cena and Orton stare down each other again as they circle the ring slowly. The fans have really died down as they're either bored or anticpating, can't tell.

They swing away on each other, Cean whips Orton off the ropes, picks him up for the AA, Barrett cuts him off, snap suplex on Cena, boot into the cheest on Orton then a choke in the corner. Del Rio attacks Cena and lays in with punches. Cena recovers and hits an AA on Del Rio, Alex Riley comes in and jumps on the apron, goes after Cena, Cena confronts him on the apron, The Miz dashes into the ring and throws Cena out, apparently neither ringside official saw Miz run in and John Cena is eliminated as Alex Riley and The Miz run off. Cena comes over and is full of piss and vinegar at Cole and tells him "He's done! He's done!" and walks off.

Del Rio and Barrett go after Orton, he takes him both down, sets up for an RKO on Del Rio, Barrett attacks him, Orton throws him over the top, Wade Barrett is eliminated then Del Rio comes over and picks up Orton, Randy Orton is eliminated! Del Rio's music hits and and Ricardo Rodriguez announces him as the winner, but the officials setp in and try to tell him that Santio Marella is still in it. Marella slides in, sets up for The Cobra and he hits it! Cole announces that this is the biggest upset in history. Marella runs around the ring to celebrate, picks up Del Rio to throw him over the top, but Del Rio reverses it and Santino Marella is eliminated.

YOUR WINNER OF THE 2011 ROYAL RUMBLE, ALBERTO DEL RIO... but you already knew that~! And the fans go... mild. Wow, I figured there'd be some bigger heel heat here, but the crowd is DEAD. Be that as it may, CONGRATULATIONS TO JOSE BECERRA, THE WINNER OF THE 2011 ANGRYMARKS ROYAL RUMBLE POOL for drawing #38.

So the road to WrestleMania is now laid before Alberto Del Rio, presumably in a program with Edge at this point for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, but will Edge's use of the Spear have reprecussions on SmackDown next week? It looks like the actions of WWE Champion Mike "the Miz" Mizanin and Alex Riley have caused a target to be painted on their backs and John Cena will be taking aim at them. Will the Nexus face a similar fate for their actions against Randy Orton in his match earlier in the evening on tomorrow night's Raw? We'll find out soon enough. Thank you for reading the recap and have a great evening!

4 comments: on "Royal Rumble Recap"

Anonymous said...

Hooooooooly fuck...

When Santino got up and started setting up the Cobra I nearly shat myself in markout.

C.I.F.G. said...

I have no idea where I should post this but someone will see this to approve it as a comment and as long as it is read then everything will be good.

This is my own C.I.F.G. and it makes me want to punch Micheal Cole and the asshole that it is writing the "GM's Email's". I am paraphrasing but basically Cole said that for the first time ever there was going to be a Raw rumble. Now there have been MILLIONS of battle royals, even Royal Rumbles on the Raw card but one sticks in my mind more than anything because it was such a great modification of the battle royal. The match that I am alluding to is the Raw Bowl. It was in 1996, it was during the time of the Super Bowl hencewhy the name Raw Bowl.

That one was basically a tag team royal rumble and was very original for the time. But I digress, there have been many different forms of the Rumble and a few Rumble styled battle royals have taken place. Whoever is writing Cole's shit should look into something called WWE History and the two would look a lot less stupid.

Zac said...

I also have my own little commentary diss, and it was in the Royal Rumble itself. But its not for Cole or Lawler, it is actually for the Miz! Now I, Like Donnie hate the Miz, so that to start with was shit, but when his little stooge Alex Riley comes a few minutes later he gets eliminated. Miz a few minutes later gets in "You know Alex Riley is playing it really smart right now"

Now I do know that Riley was supposed to stay in, that was botched. But its the commentators job to call the action, also Miz, if you can't see Alex Riley anywhere around the ring, don't make a stupid call like that. So I would pretty much like to end this on, Fuck You MIZ!!!

Christian said...

Edge won the match by using "his buddy" Christians move last called the Killswitch.

@C.I.F.G. : Don't you mean the Battlebowl that WCW did in the early 90's.
Where there was a random drawing putting 2 man teams against each other and the winning team did go to a Rumble like match to determine a number one contender.