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Tha Movie Review: The A-Team

"Give me a minute I'm good. Give me an hour I'm great. Give me six months I'm unbeatable." - John “Hannibal” Smith

Okay, I did it. I finally saw the A-Team film. This was after weeks of saying fuck you to the director Joe Carnahan (Smoking Aces) for even touching something that was so dear to me. I’m 31. I have sat by while watching my childhood memories be physically assaulted and stayed silent…kinda. If you listen to my podcast you know I’ve been bitching about remakes for quite some time (Transformers, the upcoming Smurfs). But when you got fellow O-sters writing movie reviews (good job Nathaniel Davis!) you know its time to bite the bullet and go see some shit.

To answer your question, yes, I was very drunk when I saw this film. Sorry. When I saw this movie. Rumble Fish, Apocalypse Now, and Goodfellas are films. This was a movie in every sense of the word. If you took your chick to see this she’d likely be very pissed because A Team is the definition of a guy flick. The credits don’t even end until almost twenty minutes into the damned thing!

It stars Liam Neeson (Clash of the Titans, Taken, Schindler’s List) as Col. John “Hannibal” Smith. Bradley Cooper (The Hangover) as Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck. Sharlto Copley (District 9) as Murdock. And Quinton “Rampage” Jackson (do I really need to tell you who he is?) as Cpl. Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus. They are soldiers of fortune. Yeah, if you watched the damn TV show you know the back story. But this movie has a very different twist on it.

Brought together by coincidence or fate they band together to recover silver plating from Iraq that will be used to create U.S currency. Everything goes according to plan until they are set up for murder, tried, and convicted. Fast forward six months later they all spring out of jail (or an insane asylum for Murdock) and attempt to clear their names.

This movie is pretty much nonstop action. They don’t attempt to have deep underlying messages about crime and punishment. This is strictly about avenging a wrong that has been done to you and clearing your name. I hadn’t clapped during a film this much since I don’t know when. I miss movies like this. Just explosion after explosion. Running gags that will only make sense if you watched the series. And I got to see a grown ass man gorilla pressed. Yes, this made me happy.

Jessica Biel, who is responsible for the deaths of millions of babies into Kleenex and socks, is also in the movie as a love interest. Don’t be fooled though. There are no long, loving glances towards the camera. As soon as the movie slows down for a moment your nuts get pulled into your body by more explosions. Patrick Wilson (The Watchmen) plays a total asshole who you cant help but laugh at named Lynch. He plays this part so well you forget you’re supposed to hate his guts.

If you don’t want to see Twilight, The Karate Kid (where he does fucking kung fu!), of Shrek, check this out. If you go into understanding what the A-Team is all about, you will be happy. This film didn’t rape my childhood memories. It took it to therapy and told it to grow up.

Out of 5 O’s I give The A-Team 3 1/2 O’s.

4 comments: on "Tha Movie Review: The A-Team"

kathy said...

Dante, your review makes the movie sound a lot better than the actors made it look when they "guest hosted" RAW.

PlanBFromOuterSpace said...

That reminds me, the Raw guest host slot seems to be the kiss of death for any movie that's being promoted, as the films being pushed have almost all either flat out bombed (MacGruber, Killers, When in Rome, The Goods, etc.) or at least performed well below expectations (A-Team, Hot Tub Time Machine). With even the more A-list caliber guests failing to pop ratings, it's even more apparent that the experiment has failed.

Dante Ross said...

I mean, I can totally see why they weren't too excited. Maybe years ago they would've been but three of the main guys are on the rise or still rising (Rampage isn't one of them) and I'm sure they want nothing to do with WWE. The movie didnt do all that well but it was good for what it was and I would see it again with friends.

Dante Ross said...

PlanB, I doubt that having the guest hosts has any impact on whether or not anyone sees these films but I think the point is to boost Raw ratings more so. The guest host thing will not make me watch. It would have been cool if Zombie played Edge's old song or something.