Fatal Four Way Predictions

Once again, it's the eve of a pay-per-view and WWE only has 5 matches listed for the upcoming card. Seriously, WWE, if you're that concerned about buyrates, why do you insist on waiting until showtime to announce half of your card? Then again, the two main event matches are Fatal Four Way style, which intrinsically allow the wrestlers to have longer in match breaks without breaking the flow of the match too much, so maybe the two title matches will be fairly lengthy affairs to top off a 6-match, two and a half hour show.

Am I the only one who finds myself wishing more and more that WWE start having pay-per-views once every two or three months and spend more time building up the angles and cards as opposed to forcing out a watered down product monthly? I realize that WWE is trying to make money, as any good business should, but the idea of quantity over quality is one that irritates me as a wrestling fan, and not just because it means I have to shell out 40 bucks more often. Anyway, back on topic, Fatal Four Way is tonight, and we have five matches listed, so off we go.

John Cena vs. Sheamus vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton - WWE Championship Fatal Four Way Match
Now, if I were to get my thinking cap out and play fantasy booker, I would have the match go as follows. John Cena is beating the living wank out of anything that moves, just as he does near the conclusion of all of his matches, when suddenly Wade Barrett does a run in, costing Cena the match. Considering how much I've criticized the idea of run-ins in main event matches, this comes as a stark change in gears, but in this case, it would play out incredibly well for all parties involved. The ideal ending in this scenario would be Edge going over for the belt.

In the aftermath, Sheamus has some one-sided feuds while waiting for Triple H's return to resume their angle, Randy Orton spends the summer and part or all of autumn chasing Edge over the WWE Championship, and John Cena has a feud with Wade Barrett in which Barrett goes over. Suddenly WWE has an interesting side angle with two main eventers, a red hot angle over the title, giving it meaning, and another fresh young face in the main event. It's win-win...-win.
Winner: Edge

Jack Swagger vs. Big Show vs. Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk - World Heavyweight Championship Fatal Four Way Match
This one is harder to call, because any reason I could give for why one superstar wouldn't win is easily more plausible than a reason why they would win. Big Show winning the belt would set up a nice feud with Kane given the way they've enjoyed jumping each other over the past few weeks, but I feel that WWE won't give the belt to Big Show simply because they never do, and giving it to him might smack of being "too obvious" in the minds of creative.

I'd like to see Swagger keep the belt, but he's had what, in modern day WWE, constitutes a long title run, especially considering that it's his first. Consequently, I expect this to be the show where he drops the belt. Rey Mysterio is obviously out; he's just there to pop buyrates until Evan Bourne replaces him. Well, that and he's serving as the replacement after he broke Undertaker's face. Says a lot for how much a company likes a guy when they reward him for injuring a co-worker. Then again, the easiest way to get over on this site seems to be to ride Frank Fronte like a five dollar whore, so I guess I'm in a glass house on this one.

By process of elimination, the least illogical choice is CM Punk, even though I think it's bad booking to have him lose a feud and then win the title at the following pay-per-view. Plus that mask looks knee. They couldn't have come up with something a little better looking? Also, I have no idea why WWE's website still has Undertaker in that picture. Somebody in IT is getting fired.
Winner: CM Punk

Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre - Intercontinental Championship
I'm picking Kofi as the lone babyface to win any matches at this show. Well, among matches that matter, anyway. I'm not sure who I'm picking to win the Divas match because I don't remember who all is in it. But I'm going with Kofi because he's still way over as a babyface, because now is the time to start building him up to an eventual main event push, and because having Drew McIntyre losing plays well to his current gimmick of complaining about everything.
Winner: Kofi Kingston

The Miz vs. R-Truth - United States Championship
Having R-Truth win the title back doesn't do much of anything. Not for Truth, not for Miz, and not for the title. Let Miz hold the title and ward off babyface midcarders for a while. I said a long time ago that Miz could be a cornerstone of the midcard (no, seriously...check out Tha O-Chives and see for yourself), so let him do what he does best, which is be semi-entertaining.
Winner: The Miz

Eve vs. Gail Kim vs. Maryse vs. Alicia Fox - Divas Championship Fatal Four Way Match
Um...meh.
Winner: Gail Kim

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