Tha iMPACT! Playback

Don’t say I didn’t tell ya so. TNA iMPACT! is moving to Monday night’s starting March 8, 2010! Yes that’s right folks!

Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan made the announcement. The Monday Night Wars are coming back. Whether you like it or not! Things are lookin’ flashier in TNA these days. New ring, set, logo, roster, website update and now a new night.

We start iMPACT! Off this week with a Deniro Drop courtesy of The Pope who’s coming off his Against All Odds - 8 Man Stud Tournament victory to become the number one contender for the TNA Championship. Pope is getting a push. I doubt Pope will win the TNA’s “Biggest Bling” but it will make for a good match.

The Pope says “ Dick Flair and its okay cuz Ric is a dick” Yadda, yadda, yadda….Can Pope beat Styles? Sure. Does Pope deserve to be TNA Champ? No.

Out comes Flair and AJ with like four hotties. Maybe Flair is Pimpin’! Woooooooooo! Pope clocks AJ but gets caught in the numbers game against Flair and Styles. Ric brings out the chair and puts Pope’s leg in it and snaps Deniro’s ankle, then AJ locks in the figure four leg lock. Now that’s a lesson from the dirtiest player in the game. Woooo!

Daffney vs. Tara

Perhaps Tara should give Poison to Daffney. A spider seems like it would be right up her Goth alley. Tara takes off her shirt and has a wardrobe malfunction giving the fans a flash of her puppies. Daffney clocks Tara outside the ring with a tool box? And gets herself disqualified. Daffney continues the onslaught after the match beating Tara with a chair.

Dr. Stevie physically removes Daffney leaving Tara knocked out. Why? Is this supposed to be a new feud? And what happened to the Ol’ Dirty Skank? We know why Kong’s off TV but goddamn where are all the Knockouts at?

Bischoff and Foley make nice and Eric sends Mick on a shopping spree for a make over. “A Mick Makeover” Custom stuff on ATM Eric…..who promptly calls in Abyss after Foley departs…..diversion? Of course.

Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe

Jordan comes out looking like Ric Flair in a ridiculous robe unless perhaps if it were 1977. Bischoff dares Joe to impress him. Joe goes in on Orlando taking him out until Orlando catches Joe in a side slam. Orlando takes control of the match until Joe hulks up and turns the tide again. Just when you thought Samoa Joe was gonna take this one Orlando Jordan gives us the upset of the night. Orlando Jordan beats Samoa Joe.

Abyss gets more bitch in the office with Bischoff. Eric tells Abyss that he will be unmasked tonight. A whole new level of ugly?

Did Eric Young give up the World Elite for Kevin Nash? We haven’t heard a peep out Young’s mouth about WE since Eric started slobberin all over Big Sexy’s nut sack. In a way I'm happy the WE is over, I was getting tired of Eric’s rant and rave only now he’s acting like a girl.

Doug Williams, Brian Kendrick & The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Amazing Red, Generation Me & Kazaian

Finally! More regular X Division matches. Doug Williams comes out with The BI giving that team two big guys in their corner. With Kaz’ return one would assume that signals the death of Suicide. As always the X Division matches are high flying matches that remind me of the Cruiserweight matches from WCW days.

I almost forgot Kendrick was in TNA. There were so many amazing moves in this match, far to many to recount them all. Kazarian takes this one pinning the X Division champ in his TNA return. More than one X Division match per iMPACT! would be nice though.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Abyss

Bischoff orders Jarrett to take out Abyss with the barbed wired baseball bat so that Abyss can be unmasked. Jarrett comes out with no music and all business. Jeff gives Abyss a beat down despite not wanting to and in the end throws the bat out of the ring as Bischoff watches on.

Eric calls out his cronies to do his dirty work. Tomko, Rhyno, Raven, Homicide & Desmond Wolfe. Just as Eric is about to pull off Abyss’ mask Hogan arrives to the iMPACT! Zone and stops the charade.

Hulk orders Abyss to his office and walks back up the ramp leaving Bischoff looking shook. Hulk, please stop comin’ out and looking at us like a bouncer. It’s not very becoming pal nor scary.

I now officially HATE the ramp going all the way to the ring apron. What’s wrong with you guys make it go to the floor and let the wrestlers have room to get all the way around the ring if need be. Fail.

The British Invasion vs. Beer Money

Beer Money is finally back on TV and Big Rob is actually in a tag match under BI. Rob looks pretty sloppy for the Global Champ. Perhaps Magnus was right maybe he is a disgrace as Brutus put it while cussing Big Rob out after the match. Which by the way Beer Money won.

Magnus slaps Terry and tries to take Rob’s belt but Big Rob clocks Brutus and leaves him in the ring on his arse.

Hogan freaks out on Abyss and plays therapist. Hulk hypes up Abyss to be the monster he should be, going so far as to give Abyss his WWE Hall of Fame ring. Maybe we should call Abyss Green Lantern now that he has a ring. WTF the guy’s supposed to be a monster send him on a rampage. At least try to make me scared of him. At this point, I feel like I could take Abyss.

Kurt Angle vs. Daniels

Can’t say I’m happy to see wack ass Daniels back on TNA TV. Daniels really looked like he was getting the best of Kurt till Angle threw Daniels in the Angle Lock and this one was over quick fast. Angle address’s Anderson post match regarding his loss to the Misterful One at Against All Odds last Sunday. Kurt Angle breaks down after the match discussing his troubles outside of the ring.

Very heartfelt. I even sympathized with Kurt. All patriotism aside. Nice gash on Angle’s forehead. Could he have not gotten a bigger band aid? Stitches perhaps? What ever happened to Angle’s gold medals anyway?

Anderson comes out and ridicules Kurt and calls on Angle. They go at it. Anderson even clocks Kurt with the mic. Total Non Stop Anderson.

Samoa Joe gets abducted? WTF!? By who Dick Flair and Gay Jay Styles?

Nash and Young come to the ring to call out Hall and Pac. The big grey beast gives a horrible close up speech. So The Band is over.... What’s the point of having this angle if these guys aren’t gonna have an actual match and feud. If Hall and Pac are washed up bums then why is TNA wasting their time and ours on the whole thing. Let’em in to fight of keep it movin’.

Kev calls out Hall and Pac who emerge from the crowd. Young takes it to Pac before he even makes it to the ring.

Hall throws his pick and gets knocked down by Nash and security rush the ring trying to keep em apart. Let’em fight! I agree with the fans in the iMPACT! Zone. Hogan does his bodyguard impersonation again. Nash screams next week it’s on and we go off the air.

Umm…where was the main event? Was the main event Angle vs. Daniels? If so that was very wack considering how fast it was over. TNA gets a fail for no real main event this week.

The show did have a decent flow and there was more wrestling and less BS. I could complain but who’s listening anyway. Jimmy Hart is back managing the Nasty Boys, premiering at Against All Odds this past Sunday. I must say I missed the BP an awful lot. No iMPACT! without the Beautiful People is not a good iMPACT! For ol Gordo!

It should be interesting to see what the real competition brings to wrestling now that it’s official. I expect TNA to turn it up a bit once they go head to head with RAW on a weekly basis.

The change keeps coming to TNA. Before we know it they’ll change the name to WCW.

Tha Results:

Tara def. Daffney by DQ
Orlando Jordan def. Samoa Joe
Amazing Red, Generation Me & Kazaian def. Doug Williams, Brian Kendrick & The Motor City Machine Guns
Jeff Jarrett vs. Abyss – No Contest
Beer Money def. British Invasion (Rob Terry & Brutus Magnus)
Kurt Angle def. Daniels

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