ECW On SyFy Recap

The show opens with some salsafied music, and moments later Rosa Mendes is strutting her way down to the ring, flicking her hair behind her and shaking her hips as she goes. She gets in the ring to dance and Josh Mathews says her movements are CALIENTE. "Please welcome the man who ended Tommy Dreamer's ECW career, mi amor, Zack Ryder!" Senor Pantalones Menos Uno arrives and exchanges eskimos with his beau.

"Thanks babe! Y'know it's a pretty big night for us, all the stars in back, and there's a lot of buzz about this show. The Zack Pack has been blowin' up me Twitter and I think I know why - everybody's here to celebrate the new heart of ECW - me.

Bro I've got the look, I've got the skills, and I've got the hottest girl in WWE. All those other superstars, that's cool, but I'm the one man ABOVE the ECW Champion, because I AM ECW. Woo, woo, woo, you know it!"

Cue The Hurra-Music. Our Emerald Warrior makes his way to the ring, mic in hand. "Citizen Woo Woo! I've been sent here, from a galaxy far far away, to ask you WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP." Zack: "Bro are you serious? I'm the heart and soul of ECW." Hurricane: "You're more like the rear end of ECW. Yeah rear end, because that's what you're talkin' out of, so shut your Hurra-lips."

Rosa Mendes starts cursing at him in Spanish. Hurricane: "I'm sorry, can you press 1 for English?" That gets Hurricane a slap in the face, and he responds by clocking Zack Ryder and throwing him out of the ring, before striking the Hurra-pose. Better STAND BACK ZACK, Hurricane's comin' through! Rosa bails and follows her man up the ramp as we get a teaser for the ECW Homecoming Battle Royal and go to commercial.

* Hurricane v. Zack Ryder

Josh Mathews informs us that General Manager Tiffany made the match while we were at commercial break, saying she wouldn't let the issues between the two go unresolved. Ryder is in control of the match and throws Hurricane into the turnbuckle hard, then gives him a boot to the face for a two count. Rosa encourages her man from ringside. Hurricane fights back to his feet only to get a neckbreaker for another near fall. Ryder misses with an elbow drop but connects with a knee to the forehead and a boot to the gut followed by a hard bulldog for another near fall.

Rosa: "C'mon ref!!" Ryder chokes Hurricane and Rosa laughs. Rough Ryder leg lariat from Zack for another two count. Zack strikes his Long Island pose and the crowd boos. Ryder's whip nearly sends Hurricane over the turnbuckle to the floor. Uno, dos, NO - Hurricane kicks out. The crowd rallies behind our superhero and he hits a jawjacker and a neckbreaker of his own.

It's time for the Hurra-Hulk up, Hurra-punches and the Hurra-dropkick followed by the Hurra-press for some ground 'n pound. Ryder recovers for a whip to the corner but is countered with an elbow to the face. Hurricane signals he's going to the top rope, Mendes distracts him, Zack yanks him off and hits the Zack Attack for three. WINNER: ZACK RYDER. Crowd boos lightly. OHH RAY-DEE-OHH. Like him or hate him, he's got one of the better theme songs in WWE right now.

CM Punk is backstage with Luke Gallows. "Winning the Homecoming, going on to the Royal Rumble and becoming ECW champion again presents an interesting opportunity for myself. See I'm the only 3 time straightedge world champion in history, which has enabled me to free the poisoned masses. See in ECW I can start from the ground up and teach the young superstars the right way to live, and I can mold them in my image - my likeness. I can basically cause ECW to cease to exist and in its place will exist my Straightedge Society." Commercial break for The Marine 2.

* Goldust v. Trent Barreta (w/ Caylen Croft)

We see highlights of Yoshi Tatsu beating Croft last week on Superstars. Barreta and Goldie lock up, then Goldie rolls over him easily with a couple of shoulder tackles and an armdrag. Barreta fights back with kicks but gets an atomic drop and a catapult into double knees on the rebound off the ropes. Goldie works over the left arm and again Barreta fights out with kicks and strikes. Goldie responds by knocking him down with a rear end and clotheslining him over the ropes.

Barreta responds with a leg drop through the ropes and then bowls over Goldie outside the ring before throwing him back in. Barreta is all over him as the crowd goes mild with excitement. Correction - a small applause breaks out to rally Goldie, but no moreso than Hurricane got against Ryder. A somewhat louder reaction comes when Barreta tries to apply a chinlock. Goldust rallies with punches and a high back bodydrop. Barreta charges and Goldie counters into a snap slam that leaves both men down. Goldie recovers first and goes on offense with the drop down punch, atomic drop and a bulldog for 2.8. Barreta counters a finisher then hits a flying knee to the jaw for three.

WINNER: TRENT BARRETA. We see that an elbow to the side of the head stunned Goldie enough to set up the flying knee on the replay. Goldie sells it for all it's worth as Croft raises his opponent's arms on the ramp.

Regal is backstage with Zeke. "Ezekiel, the name is biblical in origin. And this man's abilities are biblical in proportion." Zeke: "It is written in the Book of Ezekiel - to all my opponents, the end has come and is awakened against you." Kane stalks the halls of ECW backstage, bathed in an eerie red light as we go to commercial.

Josh Mathews tells us to check out the Royal Rumble micro-site on www.WWE.com as we come back from break and go straight to a Raw Rebound w/ Mike Tyson. When we return from Tyson knocking Jericho out, Angela Fong introduces Tiffany and she makes her way down to the ring to deliver some more stilted dialogue. Listen in awe as she pronounces every syllable like her life depended on it.

"I am pleased to announce that the following is the ECW Homecoming Finale. After weeks of qualifying matches, the best 8 from ECW's past and present will compete in an over-the-top-rope challenge where the winner will go on to the Royal Rumble to face Christian for the ECW Championship. And now, please welcome your special guest announcer for this match, he is the ECW Champion KA-RISS-TIAN!!"

Tiffany gives him some dap as he makes his way to the announce table. Christian: "Just to make your jobs a little easier and mine, I made a little list of questions you can ask me, especially you Saxton." CM Punk comes out first with his Slammy in hand as a fan holds up a CM SKUNK sign. Yoshi Tatsu is out next. The rest will come out during commercial.

* ECW Homecoming Battle Royal

Vance Archer comes out after the commercial and Benjamin starts brawling with him even though the match hasn't officially begun. Kane is the 8th and final man to arrive and everyone stops and turns to stare at him. Vance Archer is down and all the other superstars try to go after him, but Kane tosses Bourne out with ease. BOURNE ELIMINATED. Kane goes to work on Punk and has him halfway up the turnbuckle. Benjamin is brawling with Ezekiel behind them.

In another corner Archer and Hardy have paired off and Archer has him halfway over one side. Kane turns his attention to Archer and Benjamin goes after Punk, getting him all the way to the apron, but Punk rolls under and back in. Hardy is working on Ezekiel now as Kane gives Tatsu a big side slam. Zeke chokes Hardy on the ropes as Kane kicks Hardy in the gut and staggers him with a punch. Kane sets Hardy on the top rope but it enables him to hit a double axe handle. Tatsu nearly gets Punk out but he lands on the apron again. Commercial.

After commercial Zeke and Hardy are both working on Kane. All 7 men that were in the ring before break are still there. Punk survives for the fifth or sixth time. Vance Archer is on the apron and Benjamin dives at him, eliminating Archer and himself in the process. ARCHER AND BENJAMIN OUT. They continue to fight on the ramp. Meanwhile in the ring Kane pulls Tatsu up, and Hardy jumps Kane from behind. Tatsu is so grateful he starts brawling with Hardy. Kane turns his attention to Punk and puts a boot to his skull. Hardy hits Tatsu wth a Side Effect.

Zeke charges him but eats a boot. Hardy goes for a crossbody, Zeke catches him and tosses him over the ropes, Hardy hangs on with his hands and his feet don't touch, but Zeke kicks his arm and drops Hardy to the floor. MATT HARDY OUT. Zeke clotheslines both Punk and Kane and tosses Punk out with ease. CM PUNK ELIMINATED. Tatsu goes to kick Kane and is thrown over the rope in mid-air. TATSU ELIMINATED. Surprise surprise - the two biggest men are the last two left.

Kane and Zeke have the big man brawl as the clock passes 11:03 EST. Zeke hurks Kane up but Kane hangs onto the ropes and escapes, then clocks Zeke with a series of hard punches. Kane hurks Zeke up and Zeke hangs onto the ropes to survive. Zeke charges for a clothesline, Kane catches him with a hand, but Zeke elbows his way out of a chokeslame... only to get a big boot instead. Kane goes out to the ropes, Zeke staggers to his feet, and Zeke ducks Kane flying at him then clotheslines Kane out when he stands up.

WINNER AND NUMBER ONE CONTENDER: EZEKIEL JACKSON. Regal gets in the ring to congratulate his man, Christian sneers at them both, and that's it for ECW - so join Ring the Bell, the interactive show where YOU the fans have a voice right now. G'night from ECW!

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