Tha Raw Report

On last night's RAW, it was all about the Little People Runnin' Tings! The Guest Host was none other than “Mini-Me” Verne Troyer!

Jeri-show started things off by giving us the facts about their match against DX at the Tables, Ladders & Chairs PPV. They do make a lot of valid points. I don’t expect Jeri-show to lose. Do you? The E needs both these cats (Jericho & Big Show) to move from show to show. Then again what a great way to get DX on both Smackdown & RAW.

Any bets? Who’s gonna win, Jeri-show or DX? DX interrupts Jeri-show like you would expect. DX makes valid points too. Jericho does whine a lot.

They set a match for for the night, Jericho vs. HHH with a stipulation that whoever loses faces the other tag team next week in a handicap match. Jericho says he has four words: He’s Never Leaving RAW. I have a feeling Chris is right.

Maryse & Jillian vs. Melina & Gail Kim

Ah Maryse. Maryse & Jillian come out and have a decent match that results in Maryse pinning the Diva’s Champion.

Maryse can try to pin me any day. I have a hard time (no pun intended) paying attention to anything other than T n A when watching the ladies fight. I’m being honest. Therefore any Divas or Knockouts match is a great match to me.

Santino Marella vs. Shameus

Santino Marella is hilarious! Telling Shameus he has a skin pigmentation problem and that Marella’s not after Shameus’ Lucky Charms!

Shameus didn’t find that funny and went in on Santino. Okay, why is the WWE building up some dude that came out of nowhere and can’t get over on the mic? What makes this guy so special?

I get it when you do it with a guy like Khali to make him look like a monster. Does anyone know Shameus’ background and wrestling history? If so please shed some light. Where did this guy come from?

Anyway Santino didn’t even really fight back. He jobs to Shameus. The “Cena” chat started just before Shameus put Santino through a table. Am I supposed to believe Shameus is going to beat the golden boy John Cena?

Please stop insulting my intelligence WWE. So let’s say Shameus wins, then what??? Did I hear Shameus have a Kofi moment with a slip of the accent? Is this guy really Irish?

Jeri-show is in the back and they run into Troyer. WOW the size difference between Troyer and Big Show is staggering. Troyer says what up to Big Show but disses Jericho. Classic!

Verne comes out and gets cut off by the Miz, which sets up Mark Henry to come to Mini-Me’s defense. Verne sets up the match for tonight “The World’s Strongest Man” vs. “The World’s Most Irritating Man”. It’s Mark Henry vs. The Miz.

Kofi Kingston vs. Randy Orton

Kofi makes his way out only to get blindsided by Cody Rhodes of Legacy. Kingston tries to start the match but before “The Viper” can get out of the curtain, the other half of Legacy, Ted DiBiase attacks Kofi. Teddy came right out the crowd. Way to go Legacy!

Kofi still tries to start the match. Out comes Orton, who quickly goes to work on Kingston’s injured legs. Kofi attempts a comeback but get caught in an RKO and it's over.

Orton is the man! Crafty, vicious and he just don’t give a fuck. He picked Kofi apart, planning the whole thing. I love it. Ruthless, now that’s how a heel does it.

With style, intelligence, ruthlessness and you get the win. Pops musta taught Orton well. I loved hearing Michael Cole say bredren.

Mini-Me, MVP, Jillian and Mark Henry in the back. Mark says he can dance. I remember the Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry.

John Cena promo

Cena comes out, blah, blah, blah looking like a giant orange. Cena says he wants to face Shameus tonight and out comes the most quietest comeback ever when Carlito comes out to greet Cena. Not a pop, a peep or a pin drop for Carlito.

So Mister Cool says what we all wanna say to Cena. That people are all tired of Johnny Boy. Carlito bites his apple and Cena gives him the good ol' Attitude Adjustment. Shameus comes to the ramp for the stare down and leaves. Booooorrrrriiiingggg...

Yeah, it actually got worse when Mark Henry started to rap with MVP. What’s with wrestler’s thinking they can rap?

Newsflash: rhyming like a pro is not as easy as one might think, just like getting in the squared circle. People say wrestling is fake and not a real sport, but not just anyone can wrestle with precision and put on a convincing match like the superstars do. That being said, wrestlers are not emcees as proven by big Mark on Monday night.

The Miz vs. Mark Henry

Not much of a match, Miz tries to go at Henry but gets taken out pretty damn quick for a U.S. Champ. Thank God they didn’t have Mark job to Miz. Mini-Me brings the ladies out.

I thought for sure there would be more midget wrestlers this week. Finally, I get a skit with Hornswoggle and Verne. What happened to “Little People’s Court”?? I thought for sure it would go down on the night when one of the most famous little people was the host.

Chris Jericho vs. Triple H

Best match of the night, hands down. Both great performers. Michaels and Show take to the announce table which made for good entertainment, telling each other what they're gonna do to one another at TLC. Plenty of close calls.

Show manhandled Shawn, then knocked out HHH when the ref wasn’t looking. Show gets ejected then Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music on Jericho and gets ejected.

Both men are out cold, they pull a Balboa-Creed moment trying to beat the count. In the end, HHH gets the pin and next week it’s Jericho vs. DX in a handicap match! Will next week be Jericho’s last week on RAW?? We shall see.

I gotta say that this weeks RAW was a dud compared to last week.

Tha Results:

Maryse & Jillian def. Melina & Gail Kim
Shameus def. Santino Marella
Mark Henry def. The Miz
Randy Orton def. Kofi Kingston
Triple H def. Chris Jericho

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