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Tha Raw Report

I liked Bob Barker as guest host. Wrestling fan or not (I'm not actually sure), he knows how to properly host a show. I mean, for God's sake, the man spent 35 years making frat boys excited about refrigerators and dining room sets. He can make anything exciting. Too bad they didn't have him put more energy into promoting this Sunday's PowerPoint.

The show opened up with Santino Marella, Jillian, IRS (who I always pop for), and Chris Jericho bidding on the forthcoming "Best of SmackDown!" DVD. It was hokey, sure, but hokey can always be forgiven when it actually makes sense. And, unlike most things WWE does these days, this made sense.

In exchange for being the winning bidder, Chris Jericho also was given a match against MVP. Solid match between two very good workers. It's the kind of thing that really makes me hope that MVP will become a main eventer sooner than later. Vince has every right to be losing his mind backstage, because there is no good reason for why MVP has not been elevated to main event status yet.

Oh, Chavo Guerrero. You just won't go away and I can't understand why. Nobody finds your feud with Hornswoggle entertaining, and Evan Bourne could be doing so much more right now than having throwaway matches with you. I realize that the argument is that Evan Bourne and Chavo Guerrero could potentially have an exciting and meaningful feud, The Chavo ship sailed long, long ago. He's now relegated to being punked out by leprechauns and old game show hosts. Pull the plug already.

I still don't really enjoy John Cena. Let's be honest, he's become the bland, samey cardobard cut-out gimmick that never gets over. The only difference is, he's being pushed down our throats. Dante Ross wrote an article recently about how all the kids love John Cena. That's great, but what about when they get older? Will they shill out the amount of money they currently do? Not likely. Today's kids won't reach a certain age where they mature as fans and appreciate Cena on another level. They'll just get older and realize he's wack. Spare me your Hogan analogies, Cena's not Hogan and you know it.

By the way, tonight's show was called "The Price Is Raw". Where the fuck was Mr. Priceless, Ted DiBiase?

Mark Henry bodyslammed The Big Show last night. Um...okay. Haven't I heard over and over again that Henry has an 800 pound deadlift? And Big Show is 500 pounds? I realize that I have a fairly good head for numbers, but one need not be Einstein to figure out that Mark Henry is easily strong enough to pick up Big Show. And, you know, let's not forget all the other times Big Show has been picked up by other superstars. It never fails to insult my intelligence.

Also, Mark Henry looks really bad in red. It doesn't make him look "larger than life"; without showing any sort of muscle definition, it just makes him look fat. I get what WWE was trying to do, but they missed the mark, no pun intended.

So, WWE wants to create new stars and move forward with their company. They're doing this by reuniting a team that first formed 12 years ago. You can clearly see the connection between the two. At least Chris Masters is getting a little shine (or, at least, he is using Donnie logic, since he's still on TV). Having not seen much of him since his return, I must say, he's looking quite lean these days. WWE failed in trying to put him over as being lean and athletic in late 2006, which is a shame, since he has potential. Maybe not WrestleMania main event potential, but I could maybe see him main eventing Counter Point a few years down the road.

I still don't buy that suddenly, everybody in WWE knows how to use a submission move of some sort. Submissions were few and far between in recent years thanks to WWE's attempt to get Cena over at all costs, and now we're magically expected to believe that everybody is a technical specialist. Making me even less excited about the show is the fact that Orton laid out Cena at the end of "Raw". By WWE logic, that means that Cena will win the title on Sunday, and this feud will continue on while other superstars casually wait for the glass ceiling to be cemented in place.

But at least, for tonight, I enjoyed Raw. Bob Barker should be invited back again in the future. Oh, and lest I week, Trish Stratus will host as "Raw" emanates from Toronto. Oh, boy! Toronto! Yay Toronto! I hope they boo the shit out of the returning Batista. And if that doesn't happen (SPOILER ALERT: it will), I hope he turns heel.

Tha Results:
* Montel Vontavious Porter def. Chris Jericho
* Evan Bourne def. Chavo Guerrero
* John Cena def. Cody Rhodes by disqualification
* Mark Henry def. Big Show in a Body Slam Challenge
* DX def. Randy Orton & Chris Masters

5 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

Michael Cole said...

LookitLookitLookit! Casur with Tha Raw Report!


CJF said...

"And, you know, let's not forget all the other times Big Show has been picked up by other superstars."

The time I remember most was when Sting did it during the initial New World Order storyline. Remember how hard Hogan said it was to slam Andre? Sting slammed the Giant (almost as heavy as Andre) with fucking EASE. He was just cleaning house with the entire nWo (which I think he did pretty much every other week back then) and I guess decided, "Yeah, I'm gonna body-slam a 500-pound man now." And he did.

With EASE.

The Great Sudoku said...

RAW is a 2 hour show right?

Tha Results:
* Montel Vontavious Porter def. Chris Jericho
* Evan Bourne def. Chavo Guerrero
* John Cena def. Cody Rhodes by disqualification
* Mark Henry def. Big Show in a Body Slam Challenge
* DX def. Randy Orton & Chris Masters

Throw out the "bodyslam challenge" and you've got >>> 4 <<< matches in a 2 hour show. 2 matches per hour? how lame. This is why the Fed NEVER appealed to me, too much filler and not enough matches.

David Strickland said...

It was an Ok RAW ok cuz of Bob, damn hes getin old - so old he couldnt see the ring from the ramp. I wish I could see the TDot how next week but duty calls.
I loved the hair plug dis HHH made to Masters. The fed should hit me I can come up with hosts all day!
Red & Meth hosting RAW?! Lets's make that happen!!!

joe-hoe said...

The bodyslam challenge...

Mark Henry slam the big show with no help from show where as everyone got a hop check the replay.... DUDE is STRAWNG!!!