Breaking Point Recap

"Tonight, it's a brand new pay-per-view concept never seen before" say the announcer. Well, if you discount almost every E-C-F'N-W PPV, that is.

For those who didn't see the last minute news, while John Morrison vs. Dolph "Mr. Ziggles" Ziggler for the WWE Intercontinental Championship is off of the PPV, a last-minute addition is Kofi Kingston vs. Mike "the Miz" Mizanin for the WWE United States Championship!

And now it's time for WWE Breaking Point, sponsored by Batman: Arkham Asylum on XBox 360! We're in Montreal, Quebec this evening, here we go!

WWE Unified Tag Team Championship: champions "The World's Largest Athlete" Big Show & Chris Jericho vs. Montel Vontaveous Porter & "The World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry

It's Barney the Purple Dinosaur & Gumby vs. Clifford the Big Red Dog & Red Power Ranger! Michael Cole gives props to all the PPV providers around the world... except Dish Network & DirecTV of course LOL... interesting. We're going to start out with Jericho and Porter, Porter trying out some kicks, Jericho decides he doesn't like it and bails out of the ring for a minute. He finally gets in and we lock up, Porter puts Jericho in the corner, throws some punches, whips him off the ropes, hip toss, armdrag into a pin, two count. Jericho stumbles over into Henry's corner, Henry piefaces him. Porter slings Jericho into the corner and delivers some shoulder blocks until the referee breaks it. Jericho slaps Porter hard in the face a few times, talks some smack, whips off the ropes, reversal by Porter into a drop toe hold, swinging neckbreaker, pin attempt.

Porter with a front face lock, drags Jericho over to his corner, tags in Henry, Jericho escapes and high-tails it as fast as he can to tag in the Big Show. Both big men lock up, and we immediately get dueling "Let's Go Hen-ry!" / "Let's Go Big Show!" chants. We break from the struggle, Big Show throws Henry into the corner, Big Show charges with the splash, HENRY CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR! Henry throws Big Show into the corner, hits his own splash, a few punches, whip to the opposite corner, another splash. Henry picks up Big Show for a body slam, Jericho runs in, Porter steps in to cut him off, referee goes to stop him, Jericho clips Henry, allowing Big Show to fall on him for a pin attempt, Henry kicks out. Big Show throws Henry into his corner, referee is tied up by Big Show, allowing Jericho to attack Henry. Big Show comes over to choke Henry by the boot. Jericho tags in, punches Henry in the head, Henry shoves him down. Jericho charges him into the corner with a shoulder and delivers punches, referee breaks. Jericho comes over and slaps Porter in the face again, then puts Henry in a head lock and tags in Big Show. Big Show with a big punch in the ribs, whips Henry into the ropes, both men take each other down with clotheslines.

Both men make hot tags, Porter in, slings Jericho around, splash in the corner, clothesline off the ropes, facebuster off the ropes, and now Porter is calling for the BALLIN~! elbow drop, nails it, one... two... kickout by Jericho. Porter whips Jericho off the ropes, Big Show makes a blind tag, Jericho gets a boot to the face after ducking a clothesline, but Big Show spears Porter from behind. Big Show with a front face lock, into a guillotine choke. Big Show throws him down, tags in Jericho. Jericho with kicks to the ribs, then raises his hand, crowd boos him. Jericho with a cover, two count, Porter pops up and knocks down Jericho with a clothesline. Jericho recovers, through, whips Porter off the ropes, tries for a hip toss, Porter swings around and converts it into a DDT, both men are down again.

Both men pop up, Porter makes the tag first, Henry cuts off Jericho. Jericho tries to leap off of the top turnbuckle, Henry catches him, press slam, Big Henry with the splash! Covers, Big Show comes in to break it up, MVP comes in to make the save, Big Show knocks him out of the ring, Henry knocks Big Show out of the ring. Henry goes for the World's Strongest Slam! Cover, 1-2-KICKOUT! Jericho put his foot on the ropes! Jericho tries for the Codebreaker, Henry catches him mid-air and just backdrops him to the mat. Jericho is turtled up in the corner, referee checks on him, which allows Big Show the opportunity to reach in and nail Henry with that K-O punch, Henry is LIGHTS OUT! Jericho rolls over and covers Henry, hooks the leg, Porter tries to crawl in but it's too little, too late! 1-2-3!

WINNERS: Big Show & Chris Jericho.

WWE United States Championship: champion Kofi Kingston vs. Mike "the Miz" Mizanin

Mizanin is out first, and he cuts a promo in French for the Montreal crowd. "Je suis le Champion American! Je suis le Miz, et je suis AWESOME!" Kinston enters next to much fanfare. We lock up, Mizanin drives Kingston to the ropes, they wrestle around the ropes and into a couple of corners. Kingston finally gets the upper-hand, clean break from the referee. We lock up again, more wrestling around, Mizanin grabs the hair to drive Kingston into the corner, ref wants a clean break, Mizanin gives Kingston a kick to the ribs. Kingston charges and Mizanin takes him down with a side headlock takeover. Mizanin works up to his feet, Kingston punches his way loose, slings Mizanin into the ropes, Mizanin comes out on top with the shoulder tackle. We bounce off the ropes some more, Kingston leapfrogs over Mizanin, Mizanin tries for a move, Kingston rolls him up for a two count. Kingston throws Mizanin in the corner, leaps on him in the corner for punches, lets him loose, kicks him in the ribs, cover and a two count. Mizanin counters with a Jaw Jacker as Kingston tries to pick him up, follows that up with a snap suplex and takes a breather.

Mizanin picks up Kingston, punches him in the head, whips him off the ropes, Kingston ducks a clothesline and counters with a aa pair of flying cross-body blocks. Kingston tries for a third time, Mizanin throws him into the ropes, Kingston rebounds and delivers another cross-body block, cover and a two count. Mizanin is whipped into the corner, Kingston charges, Mizanin backdrops him over the top rope, Kingston hangs on and they battle Kingston tries to leap off the top turnbuckle but Mizanin kicks him down, grabs the legs and slingshots him under the bottom rope. Mizanin drags Kingston to the middle of the ring for a pin, one count. Mizanin nails Kingston in the back with a knee, then applies achinlock/armbar combination. Kingston gets back to his feet, punches his way loose, bounces off the ropes, ducks a clohtesline from the Miz, but Mizanin catches him on the rebound with a big boot to the face, covers for a pin, two count. Mizanin mounts Kingston for some ground 'n pound action, referee breaks it up, Mizanin with a kick to the face, covers, two count.

Mizanin back to the chinlock/armbar combination, fans are plitely cheering for Kingston as he gets back to his feet, pushes Mizanin int o the ropes, breaks with punches, whips Mizanin off, Mizanin reverses and delives a Flapjack off the ropes, cover and a hook of the legs, two count for the challenger. Mizanin with another knee to the back, and then a straight kick into the face that sends Kingston in to the middle rope. Mizanin chokes Kingston on the ropes. Kingston fights back with punches, Mizanin with a reverse waistlock, Kingston spins him around the ring a few times until he breaks loose and sends Mizanin out of the ring. Kingston tries to leap over the ropes for a splash, Mizanin ducks out of the way, Kingston corrects and lands on the apron, but Mizanin sweeps his feet to knock him head-first onto the apron. Mizanin delivers a few punches, rolls him back in, covers and gets a two count. Mizanin grabs both legs and goes for another pin, Kingston kicks out.

Mizanin picks up Kingston and drives him into the corner with a shoulder block, delivers knees and punches. Referee pulls Mizanin off, but he charges with the bronco-buster style clothesline and connect. Mizanin goes to the top turnbuckle and delivers an old school double axehandle smash off the top, connects with Kingston's head, cover and a two count. Kingston elbows Mizanin in the ribs from the mat, Mizanin delivers his own elbows, then delivers a knee to the head as Kingston is trying to upright himself in the corner. Mizanin charges again, Kingston drop toeholds him into the corner, head meeting turnbuckle. Mizanin gets back to his feet and delivers several kicks to Kingston's head and ribs, gloats to the fans. Kingston fires back with his own kicks and it's KICKAMANIA! Kingston gets the upper hand, goes for the Trouble in Paradise, Mizanin ducks it and tries to counter with the Skull Crushing Finalie, Kingston ducks it, grabs the body, flips him over with a power slam, goes for a pin, two count.

Kingston tries to leapfrog over Mizanin, Mizanin stops in place, pulls Kingston down with an inverted DDT, cover and a two count. Kingston pulls himself up in one corner, Mizanin in the other. Mizanin charges, Kingston gets a boot up, then bounces off the ropes and delivers a high lariat. Kingston bounces off the ropes for the Boom Drop, Mizanin puts up the knees to stop it. They throw each other around and kick each other, they trade pins and counter-pins. Kingston drops Mizanin and this time makes good on the Boom Drop, cover, 1... 2... kickout. Kingston goes to the top turnbuckle and hits the high cross-body block, connects, but Mizanin pulls the tights and rolls through, goes for a cover, two count. Kinston charges at Mizanin in the corner for the splash, Mizanin ducks out of the way, rolls up for another pin, hand full of tights, two count. Mizanin gets upset and starts beating Kingston in the back of the head. Mizanin tries to whip Kingston off the ropes one more time. Mizanin nails Kingston with a knee to the face, tries for a swinging neckbreaker, Kingston shoves him off the ropes and nails the Trouble in Paradise (after the 5th try) and picks up the win.

WINNER: Kofi Kingston. I had to recap this a second time after losing my browser mid-match and losing all my recap on this, the second time was worth watching. BEST MATCH OF THE EVENING!! I've been waiting TWO MONTHS to see a good solid match from Kingston one-on-one with a challenger, this was a great match to put on the card, and thank GOD they did!

Submissions Count Anywhere Match: D-Generation X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels) vs. Legacy (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr.)

While D-X is trying to do their intro, the fans in Montreal start chanting "You Screwed Bret!". Triple H halts the promo to apologize to the Montreal fans, and then points to Shawn Michaels and says, "IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT!" This satisfies the fans enough to allow Triple H to finish, then they heavily boo Michaels as he finishes the promo off.

We start this match with Cody Rhodes and Shawn Michaels, action quickly goes out of the ring as they pair off on one side of the ring, and Triple H/DiBiase pair off near the announcers tables. Action now spills into the crowd as both teams come together, just a bunch of brawling, we're going up into the stands... geez I swore I saw this same match on a TNA PPV a few months ago. Michaels tries to use the step railings to get a chokeout submission from DiBiase. Triple H has thrown Rhodes into a snack stand, then into a steel post. DiBiase runs over and blindsides Triple H. Michaels and Triple H both go for a Figure Four Leglock! Legacy breaks their way out and now D-X is on their backs. Fans are chanting "OLE! OLE-OLE-OLE!" as the action spills back down to the floor of the arena. Triple H and Michaels again try for dueling submissions, again using the stair railings to try for a chokeout submission, but doesn't work. D-X goes for a double-team clothesline on Legacy, but Legacy pulls them both over the railings and everybody spills back inside the ringside area.

Triple H grabs a chair, puts Rhodes' legs through it, and then tries for a Boston Crab. Michaels comes over and steps over Rhodes and applies a Camel Clutch! Cool spot, but it allows DiBiase to take them both out. DiBiase and Triple H pair off to the other side of the ring where Triple H gets slung through the steel ringsteps, gets rolled into the ring. DiBiase with punches to the head, kick to the chest, whips Trips off the ropes, reversal, Game with the Spinebuster as if he was never hurt. Triple H bounces off the ropes, decides against it and locks in the Crippler Crossface. Rhodes runs in to break it up, Michaels rolls into the ring as well, chips Rhodes, Rhodes with a boot to the chest, throws Michaels out of the ring. Michaels holds on to the ropes and then head scissors Rhodes out of the ring. DiBiase throws Michaels down, and Rhodes picks up Michaels into a backbreaker.

In the ring, Triple H is thrown into the corner, DiBiase charges with a clothesline, Triple H sidesteps it, then steps through the ropes and hits Rhodes with an elbow drop to the head, breaking his hold on Michaels. Triple H slings Rhodes into the steps, checks on Michaels, then gets back into the ring. Triple H goes for the D-X crotch chop over DiBiase, DiBiase tries to attack, Triple H kicks him in the head. We see Michaels and Rhodes brawling near the backstage area. In the ring DiBiase has just knocked Triple H down. back to the other side of the arena, Michaels and Rhodes are again working up into the crowd, standing on the chairs, trading punches. Rhodes knocks Michaels off the top, he does a backdrop onto a covered section of boxes. Triple H and a referee run over, they're calling for help.

Triple H goes on the attack against both members of Legacy, throwing them both into the stage, then up on the stage. Trips tries for a Pedigree on Rhodes, DiBiase ambushes him. DiBiase tries for a Piledriver on the stage, Triple H backdrops him, chases Rhodes backstage, catches him, throws him into some production crates. DiBiase follows up and attacks from behind, locks in a side headlock and nails him with punches to the head, hems up Triple H, Rhodes with some straight rights to the face and kicks to the midsection. DiBiase releases him, Rhodes with stomps on the back, puts Triple H in a Camel Clutch, DiBiase kicks him in the face, they trade off, DiBiase with a reverse choke, into a Cobra Clutch, Rhodes taunts him, Triple H kicks him in the face, drives backwards and shakes off DiBiase by driving him into a pole. DiBiase charges Triple H, gets a drop toe hold into a catering table. Triple H applies the Crippler Crossface to Rhodes, taunts him to tap. DiBiase recovers and knocks out Triple H with a cooler full of ice. Rhodes follows up with a chairshot.

Legacy takes off back to the arena, but it appears that Shawn Michaels recovered. The camera stays on Triple H for some reason. We finally go back to the arena, DiBiase bodyslams Michaels onto the stage, and the fans are now booing Legacy. They grab Michaels and drag him back down to the ring, stopping a couple of times along the way to beat him up before slinging him into the ring. They flank him on both sides and take their turns putting on the pain, before winding up both arms and slinging Michaels into the corner. Rhodes charges, Michaels puts a boot on his face. DiBiase slams Michaels, goes for an elbow drop, Michaels rolls out of the way, throws DiBiase out. Rhodes grabs Michaels and puts him into an ankle lock, Michaels is trying to find a rope, but there's no rope breaks here! Michaels gets to a foot, DiBiase back in, Michaels punches him in the head then kicks off Rhodes. Michaels scrambles to his feet, backdrops DiBiase over the top rope, then Sweet Chin Music onto Rhodes, and both men go down!

We flip backstage, Triple H is being helped up by medical staff. Back in the ring, Rhodes and Michaels are both out, barely rolling around on the ring, DiBiase rolling on the floor. Rhodes tries to pick up Michaels, Michaels blocks it and slaps on another Figure Four Leglock in the middle of the ring. DiBiase runs in and breaks it up, attacks Michaels with some punches to the face. DiBiase pulls up Michaels, , throws him in the corner. Rhodes charges, Michaels sidesteps it and Rhodes eats the ringpost. DiBiase picks up Michaels, sets up a Piledriver. Rhodes gets on the turnbuckles to make it a Spiked Piledriver, Michaels kicks Rhodes in the head to knock him off the ring, kicks off DiBiase. Michaels sets up for the Superkick on DiBiase, Rhodes reaches into the ring, sweeps Michaels off of his feet, crotches him through the ringpost and lays in some punches. Rhodes grabs a leg and hooks on a Figure Four Leglock through the ringpost. DiBiase reaches from behind and tries for the Million Dollar Dream! Triple H stumbles down to the ring, but it's too little, too late, Michaels weakly gurgles out a submission while flailing his free arm!

WINNERS: Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. This wasn't a great match, but this end was HOT! This isn't the end of this feud, but great to see Legacy pick up a crucial win here! Josh Matthews backstage with Randy Orton for his opinion. Orton tells him to pull up a chair first, then says, "I have no reaction, I knew Legacy would win." Matthews tries to ask another question, but Orton refuses him the request. "You're another one of those person who says one thing but then does something else. John Cena says that he is incapable of saying the words 'I QUIT' I don't understand, Josh... how can he know... how can he be sure that he is incapable of saying those words. He can't know. You want to know how I'm going to make John Cena feel tonight? Do you want to know what it is like to have every bone in your body feel as if it will shatter at any moment? To go in and out of consciousness? To be beaten and assaulted until you have the power to make it all go away by uttering one simple sentence. Is that what you want to know? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW? Well, then I suggest you watch my match tonight, because John Cena says one thing, but tonight I'm going to make him say something else... I'm going to force him to say the words 'I QUIT!'"

Singapore Cane Match: Kane vs. The Great Khali (w/ Rungen Singh)

Michael Cole goofs up by saying before the match, "This is not going to be a great match!" No, it's not. We start off with Kane kicking Khali in the midsection, then goes for a Kendo stick. Khali cuts him off, chips, whip into the corner. Kane reaches over and grabs a cane, Khali grabs one, and we're swingign! Khali blocks a shot, uses his stick to power Kane into the corner, then kicks him in the midsection. Kane ducks out of the ring, Khali chases him, Kane with a chop block to the knee to drop him. Kane picks up a stick and beats on Khali a few times, then throws him into the ring. Kane with another Kendo stick shot to the head, then to the back. Khali falls to his knees, then flat on his back with another shot to the body. Kane lans down to taunt him, Khali reaches up for a choke slam. Kane has to take a few shots with the stick to break it, and then a few more to beat him down. Kane with a low dropkick to the face, covers and gets a two count.

Kane picks up another stick and uses it to apply a Key Lock on Khali's arm. Khali powers to his feet, shoves Kane into the ropes to break it. Kane tries to attack with the stick, Khali just rips it from his hands and lays in several of his own shots all over Kane's body. Camera focuses in on a big wel on Khali's back as Khali uses the Kendo stick to execute a clothesline Kane, goes for a pin, two count. Khali picks up Kane and applies the Khali Vice Grip on his head. Kane is able to pick up a stick and slings it backwards over his head, hitting Khali in the head a few times to break the hold. Kane goes to the top turnbuckle and drives down on top of Khali with a cane shot. Kane covers, two count.

Kane sets up for a choke slam, Rungen Singh involves himself and hits Kane with a pole a few times. Kane yanks it away, grabs Singh by the throat and throws him to the mat. Kane turns around to hit Khali again, Khali hits Kane with the chop to the head. Khali checks on his brother, Kane hits Khali with a pole a few times from over the ropes. Singh rolls out of the ring, Kane uses the stick to choke Khali then slingshots him off the ropes. Kane steps back in and finishes off Khali with a few more Kendo stick shots, then the Chokeslam.

WINNER: Kane. Kane walks off, Singh rolls into the ring to check on Khali. We replay the highlights, then to the back with Eve Torres interviewing WWE World Heavyweight Champion C.M. Punk for his final thoughts. "Nobody gives me a chance against this spooky Undertaker. It's funny, because nobody gave me a chance at SummerSlam in TLC, did they? But, oh, look! I won! I became the world's first Straight Edge champion, then I got rid of Jeff for good. Then Jeff goes off and does what I said he's been doing for months! I'll say one thing, you won't see my mug shot on TV! I lead a clean life, and when you lead a clean life good things happen to you. And I know that the power of a good, clean lifestyle will prevail over the power of the Undertaker anytime..."

Suddenly the lights go out, and Punk nearly jumps out of his boots and behind Torres. The lights come back on as we hear a laugh. Jimmy Wayne Yang laughs and tells Punk to relax, he's just fooling around, he just wanted to wish Punk good luck, sticks out his hand. Punk shakes it, then attacks Wang with a clothesline and knees to the head. Punk comes back over to Torres and finishes, "As I was saying, I have nothing to fear!" and walks off.

ECW Championship: champion Christian Cage vs. William Regal (w/ Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov)

Before the match, ECW ring announcer Tony Chimel announces that ECW General Manager Tiffany Whatsherface has banned Kozlov & Jackson from ringside, and if they interfere then Regal will immediately forfeit the match! Fans start chanting "Nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye!"

Bell rings, collar-and-elbow tie-up, goes down to the mat without a break, into a corner without a break. Regal with a forearm shot, Cage trades one back, then tries for the Killswitch. Regal breaks off quick and we break for a moment. Cage with an armbar, Regal tries to roll out, Cage holds on and turns it into a Hammerlock. Regal tries for a backdrop, Cage holds on and turns it into a pin attempt. Cage whips Regal off the ropes, dropkick to the face, cover and a two count. Cage with a side headlock takeover, Regal rolls him over on his shoulders, Cage rolls back over to his feet. Regal backs him up to the ropes, whips him off the ropes then tries to throw him through. Cage holds on, shoulder block on Regal through the ropes. Cage goes up high for a cross body block off the top turnbuckle, cover, hooks the legs, two count.

Cage picks up Regal, puts him in the corner, punches him in the midsection and head a few times. Regal reverses it, puts Cage on the top turnbuckle, trade punches, then Regal shoves him down to the floor. Regal rolls out, puts Cage on the apron, kicks him the head, rolls him back in the ring, cover and a two count. Regal uses Cage's own arms for a sleeper hold, pulls him up to his feet. Cage tries to power out, regal re-applies. Christian tries one more time, reverses it into a double wristlock, then uses a Monkey Flip to gain top control on Regal. Regal's shoulders are on the mat, pin attempt, Regal bridges out, then turns in an Exploder Suplex, goes for the pin, two count. Regal beats on Cage's head, wraps up the legs and goes for a Surfboard submission into a reverse chinlock. Christian Cage has nowhere to go, but finds an arm to loosen the hold with some reverse elbows. Cage goes off into the corner, Regal follows, Cage with a kick to the ribs, tries for a sunset flip off the corner, Regal ducks it and plants his knee right into Cage's face.

Regal hems up Christian with a Full Nelson, Cage uses his ass to break it, bounces off the ropes, Regal with the REGALPLEX~! Regal goes right into a side headlock submission, nearly a sleeper hold, and gets a one count as Cage's shoulders go to the mat. Regal plants Cage in the corner, delivers some punches, puts him on the turnbuckle. Cage fights him off and counters with a Tornado DDT, rolls over Regal into a pin, two count. Cage staggers off to a corner, charges and Regal counters with a forearm shot, then sits on Cage's head and gouges his eyes as the referee pounds out a two count.

Regal picks up Cage, Cage tries for the Killswitch, Regal reverses it into a SECOND Regalplex! Regal hooks the leg for the pin, two count. Regal stands up and taunts Cage, and they get up and trade punches. Cage flies off the middle turnbuckle with a corkscrew flying forearm. Cage with a dropkick to the face, a body slam, then bounces off the ropes and hits a forearm shot to the face. Christian for the cover... 1... 2... Regal kicks out. cage goes to the top turnbuckle and executes a Missile Dropkick. Cage tries a second time, Regal charges the corner, Cage jumps over, hits Regal with a forearm shot, but Cage fights him off. Cage tries for a third time off the ropes, flies, Regal pulls him down hard to the mat, follows up with a Rolling Senton into the pin, two count. Regal shoots Cage off the ropes, Cage ducks a clothesline and tries for the Killswitch for the third time, Regal wiggles out, shoves Christian into the ropes to break, then bounces off the ropes himself for a Knee Shiver to the head. Christian ducks out of the way, spins Regal around and finally connects with the Killswitch.

WINNER: Christian Cage. We clear the ring after the highlights as Justin Roberts introduces Montreal native, WWE Legend and the first WWE Intercontinental Champion, Pat Patterson! "Thank you, Montreal! Merci Montreal! It's not too bad for a little kid like me who started in Montreal in 1958, and now I'm known all over the world as the first Intercontinental Champion. Not too bad! This is why, tonight, I'm proud to introduce..."

Before we get anymore in, Dolph Ziggler, the #1 Contender to the current Intercontinental Champion, interrupts with his music, and the challenger rolls down to the ring to introduce himself, sticking out his hand. Patterson says, "We don't have to shake hands, I know who you are, you're DOLPH ZIGGLER! Hey, Ziggler, I was in Montreal last night, and I walked around town and talked to a lot of people. you will never believe who asked about you last night... NOBODY! Wait a minute, I'm only having fun, after all, we're in Montreal, and we like to have fun in Montreal! Now, I'll be honest with you, you have a great future ahead of you, you have a lot of talent, and I tell you what, if you're luck enough down the road you can become the Intercontinental Champion. So, I'll say one thing to you, good luck to ya, pal!"

Patterson starts to walk away, Ziggler stops him and then takes the mic. "First, Bob Barker, now Pat Patterson? Since when did this company get taken over by senior citizens? I mean, if you're here, who's at home watching reruns of the Golden Girls? Wait, was Wilford Brimley unable to make it tonight? Does the retirement home know you snuck out? Pat, I'm just having some fun. In fact, until you came down to the ring tonight I thought you were dead. but now that I see you in person, you look like a million bucks. Even your hairpiece looks real! I mean, c'mon, how can we be wasting valuable pay-per-view time on some fossil that nobody cares about or even remembers? Awww... I'm just playing around, Pat."

Fans now start a VERY verbal "SHUT THE FUCK UP! *clap-clap clap-clap-clap*"

Ziggler continues, "Pat, when did you win your first championship, 1845? Who was your first opponent, Abraham Lincoln? Is this thing on? I mean, your hearing aid? Pat, look, I'm just having some fun, you're a good guy... I was wrong, Pat. You're a GREAT guy! But you know what, Pat? you're a HELL of a guy!" Ziggler shoves Patterson around a few times. "you know what, I know what you're are, Pat... you're a COWARD!" Ziggler then kicks Patterson in the midsection. Ziggler stalks around the ring, but then bails as Intercontinental Champion John Morrison runs down, chases Ziggler off, then checks on Patterson.

So, wow... what in the fuck? We cancel the Morrison vs. Ziggler match because WWE is afraid to kill the heat for either guy, and we replace it with Dolph Ziggler ripping no-buys zingers on a Legend nobody cares about? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA! Ziggler is right, why did we waste valuable PPV time on this??

WWE Championship - "I Quit" Match: champion Randy Orton vs. John Cena

After taking forever and a fucking day, we start this match... with both men circling the ring, looking at the crowd and chewing up MORE time. Both men charge, Cena comes out on top. Fisherman Suplex from Cena, then jaw jacking Orton. Whip off the ropes, do-si-do, Cena goes for the flying shoulder block, Orton ducks it, Cena sails to the other side of the ring. Orton follows up with a body block that sends Cena sailing off the apron and into the announcer's table. Orton throws the top off a second table, picks up a TV monitor and slams it into Cena's head, Cena puts his hands up to block it. Fans pop, Orton looks determined, takes his time pick up Cena off the floor by one arm, throwing him back into the ring. Orton uses the middle rope to choke Cena then drags him through with a front face lock before hitting the rope-assisted DDT. Orton grabs a chair, sets it up in the middle of the ring. Orton takes his time setting up, goes for the RKO on the chair, Cena wiggles out, bounces off the ropes, delivers a pair of shoulder blocks and the side slam. Cena is calling for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, bounces off the ropes and delivers straight to the head.

Cena sets up for the Attitude Adjustment, Orton reaches out for the ropes to save himself, Cena tries to sling him over the top to the floor, Orton hangs on to Cena's head and turns it into a snap mare over the ropes! Cena rolls back into the ring, holding his neck. Orton waits in the corner, lines up for the punt, charges, Cena ducks it, grabs a leg and tries for an STF, Orton throws him off and escapes to the outside. Cena chases him, tries to whip him into the steps, Orton reverses it and Cena eats metal. Orton grabs the top part of the steps, drags them around to Cena, picks up the steps and lines up a big shot to the head, Cena falls to his back. Orton lays Cena over the other section of stairs then hits a leg drop. Referee runs over and asks Cena if he wants to quit, Cena says no. Orton stomps on Cena again, has the ref check again, Cena says no.

Orton rolls Cena back into the ring, lifts up the skirt on the apron to look for something... finds a black bag. Orton rolls into the ring, opens it up and pulls out a pair of handcuffs and a necklace. Orton puts the necklace on, it contains the key to the cuffs. Orton comes over and slaps the cuffs on Cena's left arm, stomps on Cena's chest a few times, then locks the other side to the ropes. Orton now takes his time to punch Cena in the head and drops knees on his chest. Orton demands the referee ask Cena if he quits, Cena says no. Orton hits Cena in the head with the mic, uncuffs him, drags him to the ringpost and then handcuffs him around the ringpost, dragging him over the top rope and to the outside, leaving Cena hanging from the top. Orton takes his time delivering shots to the head. Orton takes Jerry Lawler's water, says, "You ain't passing out on me, boy!", splashes the water in his face, then demands the referee checks again. Cena spits some water in Orton's face.

Orton grabs a towel and wipes his face off, goes under the ring and pulls out a pair of the Kendo sticks from the earlier match. Orton wails away with shots to the ribs and legs, Cena screams out in pain. Orton lines up for another shot with the stick, direct into the head. Referee checks with Cena for a submission, Cena refuses. Orton steps up to Cena and chokes him with the Kendo, Cena's face is going red, but then Cena is able to kick Orton right in the nuts! Referee assists Cena loose from the top, but he's still handcuffed. We focus in on a nice, deep bruise on Cena's ribs. Orton gets to his feet slowly, Cena finally gets to his feet. Orton picks up a chair, turns around and blasts Cena in the head with it. Cena falls to the mat, Orton leans up on the apron, gasping for breath. Orton falls to his knees, uncuffs one of Cena's hands. Cena sits up, Orton grabs an arm and re-cuffs Cena around another ringpost, this time his back is exposed. Orton picks up a chair and slams it into Cena's back (it really just hits the ringpost, but the camera angles mask it). Referee checks with Cena again, Cena refuses to submit.

Orton gets in Cena's face, mouths off to him, picks up the chair and swings again, Cena is able to move out of the way (the handcuffs are off now, don't know how this happened??), chair rebounds off the post and hits Orton. Cena reaches down and snatches the key off of Orton's neck and frees himself, then handcuffs himself to Orton! Orton is struggling to get away, Cena explodes on Orton, punches and kicks, throws him into the table, then rolls him back in the ring, beats him down like a redheaded stepchild! Cena slams Orton to the mat and mounts him for punches, knees him in the back, rolls him over and delivers more knees! Cena picks up Orton for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton wiggles out and counters with the RKO!

Orton sits up, looks around for the key, finds it in the corner... he drags Cena's body with him, as best as he can, over to the corner to get the key. Cena sits up and uses his strength to block it, Orton stretching... dueling "Let's go Ce-Na!" / "Let's go Or-ton!" chants. Orton reaches over to get the key, Cena leaps over and slaps on the STF! Orton doesn't even try to fight, he shouts, "OKAY OKAY I QUIT I QUIT!"

WINNER and NEW WWE CHAMPION, John Cena! We replay the highlights as the men are uncuffed. Orton walks up the ramp. Cena picks up the belt, grabs a mic and shouts, "I! DID! NOT! QUIT!" The WWE Spinner Belt is now back on the champion who it was made for!

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: champion C.M. Punk vs. The Undertaker

It's 10:30 PM, 30 minutes left in the PPV. We're showing recaps of CM Punk winning the title and everything leading up to this match. That'll kill 5 minutes. Then we got 5 minutes for each man's introduction, so that kills another 10 minutes. Which leaves less than 15 minutes for the main event. I got a feeling that this will be quick, Punk will retain, and there's going to be a screwjob. OK, this only took 10 minutes to set up... a little better. Here we go!

Bell rings, and Punk immediately rolls out of the ring, trying to out-psych Undertaker. Punk takes his time stepping back into the ring, Undertaker tries to corner Punk, Punk ducks out of the way, reverses Undertaker and then beats the Deadman down in the corner. Punk breaks, Undertaker charges out, grabs Punk by the throat, and throws him over the top rope and out to the ring! Punk rolls back in the ring as Undertaker rolls out, attacks Undertaker on the way into the ring. Punk whips Undertaker off the ropes, Undertaker reverses, hits a clothesline, Punk cowers off to the corner. Undertaker headbutts, punches, throws Punk into another corner and beats him down. Undertaker pulls Punk up in the corner, takes his time to measure out a punch to the ribs, a kick to the midsection, and a boot to the head to take him back down to the mat. Undertaker throws Punk through the ropes to the outside, then steps down. Punk counters with a kick to the head and a punch, Undertaker counters with a big right that puts Punk flat on his back. Fans with an appreciative "UN-DER-TA-KER! *clap-clap clap-clap-clap*" chant.

Undertaker and Punk trade big punches around the outside of the ring, Undertaker measures up a knee to the head, followed by a kick to the head as Punk goes to his knees, then falls to his back. Undertaker whips Punk into the ringside barrier back-first. Undertaker charges with a boot to the head, Punk moves out of the way, Undertaker hangs himself up on the top of the barrier. Punk capitalizes with a running knee right into Undertaker's head, then delivers more knees to the head using the Muay-Thai clench. Punk grabs a chair and sends it right into Undertaker's midsection, then a chair shot to the head. Undertaker stands right back up and rolls into the ring as Punk holds the chair over his head and taunts the fans.

Punk steps back into the ring, charges Undertaker and hits the high knee to the face. Punk tries to follow up with the bulldog, Undertaker shoves him into the opposite corner. Undertaker grabs an arm, winds it up, delivers a few shoulder blocks, then re-winds the arm a few more times and delivers the shoulder block again. Undertaker tries to walk the ropes with the arm, Punk knocks Undertaker onto the top turnbuckle. Punk tries to turn it into a Superplex, Undertaker knocks him off, but Punk immediately counters with an Enziguri to the head to knock Undertaker back down. Punk delivers a few more punches, then sets up and executes the Superplex. Both men take their time getting up for this. Punk attacks with kicks to the head and leg, Undertaker counters with a right. Punk with more kicks, Undertaker with rights, They resort to trading punches, never a good idea with the Undertaker because he always wins!

Undertaker whips Punk into a corner, headbutts him, into the opposite corner, clothesline, back again into the corner, Undertaker catches Punk out of the corner, picks him up and delivers him face-first into the corner with the Snake Eyes! Undertaker catches him off that rebound with a boot to the face and a legdrop! Undertaker looking to finish with the Chokeslam, but Punk is able to counter with a Roundhouse Kick to the head! Punk leans down to pick up Undertaker, and JUST THAT QUIT Undertaker grabs his head and pulls him into the Hell's Gate gogoplata submission, and Punk taps right out!

WINNER and NEW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, THE UNDERTAKER! This draws out WWE SmackDown General Manager Theodore R. Long, who announces that the Undertaker's submission, the Hell's Gate, was banned by Vickie Guerrero last year, and that has not changed. He's ordering a restart to the match! Punk tries to attack Undertaker from behind, Undertaker sets him up for the Last Ride, Punk wiggles out. Punk knocks Undertaker down, slaps on the Anaconda Vice, and the referee calls for the bell.

WINNER and STILL WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, CM PUNK! And we revisit the Montreal Screwjob, because Punk barely had the Anaconda Vice applied before the referee called for the bell. Punk and the referee immediately bail, grab the belt, and rush back up the stage with Teddy Long.

*sigh* BULLSHIT! It was a bad idea the FIRST TIME when they were trying to stop Bret Hart from potentially taking the belt to WCW. It's an even WORSE idea to play on this and try to turn it into a storyline! This is HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE BOOKING! What a way to make CM Punk look like a pussy. This man is legitimately tough, PLAY ON IT! There are so many other ways they could have ended this match. Then again, it was a bad idea to set this match up to begin with. So this is the dog shit that we end up with.

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