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Tha Raw Report

The following article has been paid for by the New World Order.

The special, special guest host of "Raw" tonight was the American Dream Dusty Rhodes, and while arguable, I would argue that he is still in his prime...if you will. I swear I popped like a mark as soon as I saw Dusty waddle to the ring. Fat guy, baggy jeans, cowboy boots, soul patch, and blade scars on the forehead, what? Yes. That my friends is a role model.

Whether or not he's still a worker, or was ever even a great worker, Dusty Rhodes is still one of the most charasmatic guys in the business. When you talk about it, you talk about Dusty.

Dusty wasn't a world class worker, and maybe that's a stretch, but Dusty had the proverbial it. John Cena supposedly has "it." Cena really doesn't have shit, but a look. A look that's tired, overdone and all around stale. Dusty was a fat dude with a heavy lisp. He worked what he had and look where it got him.

Other than the rise of WWE guys in movies, Cena would be easily forgettable. Easily. His rap gimmick was cool, and that's what we usually still talk about or say that's what it would take to make him relevant again. It's four years old, and never coming back. Can you really say in 15 years he could come back as a guest host and you'd care?

The promo Cena cut with Josh "Boar Brush" Matthews (what's up with the facial expression and the hair?) was almost great, it was good, but when he dropped the Festus face at the end, almost laughed and then went back serious it was just a throw my hands up and made me quit for him.

For more information on today's show call the WCW hotline at 1-900-909-9900.

Orton's the same way. I think he's great as a heel, but his whole gimmick right now is just old. That's Orton's problem, he doesn't know how to keep it fresh or change it up. It's the same heel style match, the same heel interview and the same heel stare. God knows I hate to bash Orton but it's to the point where I really don't have a choice.

While on this topic, Randy Orton HAS to win the match between the two of them at Breaking Point. If Cena wins this match we'll have another rematch which will begat another rematch, which will begat another one and another one, with a possible culmination at WrestleMania 36. There need to be more faces associated with that ugly ass belt.

If the guys they've had on the roster for a few years now aren't going to be moved up anytime soon apparently then why not throw the new guys, the second and third generation guys in the spot? Why not have Cody Rhodes main event a PPV against Cena, or DiBiase against Orton? Hell let Evan Bourne upset somebody and main event against someone.

What the guys at the top of the roster either refuse to realize or admit is that some of them as many as 20 years ago (ahem I'm looking at you Michaels) and you H, and you now Cena, at one time you were these guys in a sense. You were waiting on that one match with a main eventer, who gave it to you. These guys won't. If they do it's a damn burial and it's honestly sickening.

MVP and Orton tore the damn house down a few months ago and now MVP is in a makeshift tag team with Mark Henry to challenge for the tag belts from the makeshift tag team of Jeri-Show. Four guys who could be in a race for the belt in some kind of match to determine a new #1 contender. Get that? NEW #1 Contender.

The fatal four way for the US strap was useless. It could have meant something, but it didn't do anything but fill up a spot on the card. Coffee Kingston has done less with that belt than Hornswallow did with the Cruiserweight belt. Speaking of Hornswallow, who is enjoying the shit between he and Chavo? I used to like Hornswoggle, but now, well I think Hornswallow is enough. I've almost reached my Boiling Point. Or Breaking Place, or some shit. That was for you Casúr.

The Rise and Fall of WCW is the big shit right now. So if looking at that and why WCW FELL why would the WWE pull a WCW move to end the show? The "Main Event" was worse than the damn finger poke. Not only did they all pull an N.W.O on Cena, and then DX then Orton pulled an N.W.O Hollywood on Dusty and Cody pulled a Luger on N.W.O Hollywood. What...a shitty ending.

5 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

Christopher Casúr said...

Good article, but you're totally wrong about everything.

Dusty Rhodes is only your hero because he's plowed more beans than a Colombian farmer. Admit it.

Evan Bourne should get a push, because he's the next Rey Mysterio (in terms of being a marketable, high-flying main event underdog). You think those stupid masks sell well? "Air Bourne" pilot hats. Watch them fly off the shelves. Don't believe me? You're wrong.

I really don't get the concept of Melting Point. I mean, I understand the concept of submission matches, but Point Place just seems like a very ill-implemented idea. Seriously, how many guys in WWE regularly use a submission move as a finisher these days? Undertaker has the Hell's Gate, and John Cena has the STF (which seems these days to stand for "Stepping on Testicles of Fans"), Jericho has the Walls, but that's about it. CM Punk used an Anklelock once. And now, suddenly, at Freezing Point, we're supposed to believe that suddenly everybody knows a submission move? This pay-per-view would have been better off back during the late Attitude Era, when submissions were a little more prevalant. My interest in purchasing Good Point is just not there. Nothing about the show wows me.

Speaking of not wowing me...WWE can't make main event stars these days, but now it also seems they can't even make midcard stars. They just sort of languish. I'd almost like to see Kofi Kingston lose his belt at Extra Point, if only to spark some sort of feud over the damned thing. You're having six-pack challenges and fatal four ways, and nobody can somehow emerge as a singular threat to the title? It seems The Miz is destined to be that guy, but I try not to get my hopes up by assuming the future.

Having just read The Death Of WCW a few months back, the parallels that can be drawn are almost kind of scary. This is the part where I just throw my hands up and take the conclusion that wrestling is incredibly dynamic. It has changed, and it will most likely never again be the same product that we all once loved and now fondly look back on.

Anonymous said...

The Rise and Fall Of W.C.W. dvd is total shit. It just rushed past the history of the company highlighting more of the downs then ups, used way too much footage and interviews used on their other dvd documentary titles, and with the exception of some the included matches wasn't worth the purchase. The dvd was worse then the Starrcade dvd which was just lazily done.

As far as Raw goes, DX is embarrasing to watch, Orton has grown stall as champion, the belt looks like a toy, and the idea of the guest host every week just highlights how bad the show itself is. Its just hard to take any storyline serious when the show centers around the fill in the blank host. If it weren't for ECW and heel CM Punk I'd walk away from wwe for good.

Hipnosis said...

I loved everthing on RAW monday John Cena was the only thing I didn't like and I liked the was somthing diffrent that kept me interested and Mark Henry vs Big Show was pretty nice too

My favorite part of the night was Dusty Rhodes and Legacy kicking Cena and DX's ass....but then is stepped up more and Randy Orton showed who's boss in this bitch


kathy said...

I don't know about anyone else, but i really enjoyed the fatal 4-way. It wasn't obvious ahead of time who would win. I thought it was exciting and fun to watch.

D.J.B. said...

Is it true that Kevin Sullivan is one of the guys they interview on the DVD? You kidding me, Kevin Sullivan? I hope my friend is ribbing me.