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Tha Raw Report

I have one word to describe "Raw" last night: BORING!

What is supposed to be the last "Raw" before the Night of Champions PPV we have the guest hosts: ZZ Top!

Excuse me Doug E. Fresh. Is this not 2009? Now I must admit I’m not much of a rock fan (no offense) but did ZZ Top not reach their peak in the 80’s? Whose idea at the WWE was it to have an out of date rock band host the show? What's next? Will next week's host be Bo and Luke Duke?

I mean come on. I can come up with better ideas in my sleep. Anyway, on to one of the most boring Raw's that I can remember. Maybe I'm disappointed because I watched a Bound For Glory PPV last night and "Raw" just seemed so uneventful Monday night.

"Raw" comes from Raleigh, NC and starts off with the announcement of ZZ Top's main event: Cena and Triple H versus Ted Dibiase Jr and Cody Rhodes.

The first match of the night is Kofi, MVP and Primo vs. Swagger, Big Show and Carlito. The match was okay but I couldn't help but ask "why?". To me, this 6 man tag match meant nothing. It was a waste of talent time in my opinion as two of these guys could have had a better match in the same slot. It was pretty quick and uneventful.

Next up, The Brian Kendrick comes out and starts some shit with the King. Again, I ask...Why?

Why is this little guy messin' with a legend? Then he tries to punk of the King and ends up in a match with Lawler and get his ass handed to him. I’m glad the King won but what's the point? It's not a push for Kendrick even if he gets revenge. Fighting the announcer? Who's retired from wrestling??

I got an idea how about having Kendrick wrestle...uh I dunno... a current wrestler so we can see a decent match that means something. Come on Vince throw me a bone...I did like when ZZ Top dissed Fozzy though.

Then we got a segment between The Miz and Mickie James that involved Mickie getting sprayed with something in her eyes. Didn’t I see Velvet Sky of the Beautiful People win her match by doing that last night? Hmmm…

On to the next boring match of the night: we get Mark Henry, the world's ugliest man versus Chris Jericho. Y2J runs around and takes control of the match. Thank you...finally some excitement.

I like Jericho as a villain. Even with Mark Henry being a big mean guy, Jericho still pulls off the heat. The match is fast and ends in a DQ by Jericho when he tries to equalize things with a chair shot to the gut of Mark Henry, followed bya shot to the face.

But the world's strongest man makes Chris pay for that mistake. Back to the ZZ Top/ Santino skits. Santino's usually funny but he's reaching on this night. At least he's not dressed like a girl. Does this guy ever wrestle?

After this, the WWE decided to completely ruin my night by making me watch a "Sharp Dressed Man" match between Chavo Guerrero and Hornswoggle. Why are two men taking each others clothes off to win a match? Note to WWE: this works between two Divas but not between a man and a midget. Thanks.

I NEVER wanna see that type of match again with two dudes. Sorry not my cup of tea, just fight please.

Next up the best match of the night: A Legs Match! Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly vs. Rosa Mendez and Alicia Fox. I say it’s the best match 'cause I finally got to see some ladies fight and the WWE is always good for some great cootchie shots when the women fight. Thank you Vince!!

Only problem here was the length. I know you gotta have commercials but is there a contest in the back for the quickest match every night? Alica and Rosa take the win.

So all night, the guest hosts make reference to one of their songs in the skit. Most of them were lame, but the final one was going great going off the song "Legs". The ladies were coming out and showing off their legs while ZZ Top sang the song...until Santino took off his pants and flaunted his shaved legs. Okay, that’s what I call ruining a good thing. I did laugh...but not that much.

Main Event Time. I should be exicted right? It's been a pretty boring night up until now. But guess what?

I’m not very excited about this match at all. It’s the same five guys in another handicap match and frankly I've seen this too many times lately. Typical WWE.

I think it's time for a lil' good ol' competition to spice things up. I personally like the shock factor with wrestling as far as storylines go. With nothing to shock me as of late, I’m getting more and more bored.

So Legacy starts off the match on fire and go hard at the two buddies HHH and Cena. But the good guys beat the odds and battle back to take out the dastardly trio. All in all...same old story...who cares?

I was so hoping that Dusty Rhodes was gonna be the guest host so that might have made the night less boring. I know I wasn’t bored watching "Raw" when The Million Dollar man was the host. Come on Vince!!! You lost me when Trump only had the company for a week. Let's hope Shaq will shake things up next week as the guest host.

Raw Results – July 20, 2009:

Kofi Kingston, MVP and Primo Colon vs. Jack Swagger, Big Show and Carlito
Winners: Primo, Kofi Kingston and MVP

Jerry Lawler vs. The Brian Kendrick
Winner: Jerry Lawler

Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry
Winner by DQ: Mark Henry

Sharp Dressed Man Match: Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero
Winner: Hornswoggle

Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly vs. Rosa Mendez and Alicia Fox
Winners: Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendez

2 on 3 Handicap Match: Randy Orton, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes vs. John Cena and Triple H
Winners: Cena & Triple HHH

10 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

Dan-e-o said...

I have one word to describe "Raw" last night as well: Fuckin' Bullshit.

See, now that's two words. See how dumb watching "Raw" can make you?

I'm sure I've said this before but I am about as much a part of WWE's target audience as I am part of Top 40 radio's target audience.

I don't listen to the radio. So why the fuck do I still catch "Raw" each week?

You O-sters will have to forgive me. I will do my best to talk shit and entertain all of y'all each week and stay pretty on top each UFC event as much as I can, but watching wrestling is about to be scratched off my list of things to do each week.

Sad thing is, I'm years behind on this. My brother figured this shit out years ago. The wrestling product on TV is idiotic and embarrassing to be a fan of.

Seriously, what the fuck am I watching?

Old-ass rockers ZZ Top don't even enter the arena until the final match, don't even ACTUALLY play their own songs while they're hangin' in the back with Santino all night...and I'm supposed to actually buy that they are "running the show"?

A "Sharp Dressed Man" match? How ridiculous is this shit gonna get? Why would Chavo put on a pair of pants that are stitched together so that he can't walk?

Why the fuck did he LIKE ZZ Top's suggestion of a match with Hornswoggle SECONDS after he says that the Fed has disrespected him by putting him in matches with a leprechaun?

Why the fuck can old ass Jerry Lawler step into the ring wearing his street clothes and quickly kick the ass of one of the Fed's youngest, most agile and potentially brightest stars in Brian Kendrick?

Why the fuck do the moronic fans in attendance cheer for this?

Why the fuck does John Cena still think he's funny?

Why the fuck do we see the same finish to every Legacy VS. Cena/HHH match ever? (It seems like they fight every week).

Why are Primo and Carlito in a brotherly feud so quickly after Matt and Jeff Hardy just engaged in one? Was their loss so bad, that it had to come to this?

I simply don't believe ANYTHING that I'm watching. It's so God awful fuckin' retarded!

I had to get this off my chest, but I'm done spending any more of my time thinking about this.

Hope I can keep you guys entertained with as much talk about sports, music, titties, UFC and other shit on Tha O Show. Cuz I really seriously think I'm tapping out on wrestling.

Ring the bell.

D. Ross said...

Hey, Dan-E-O. There were two good things about Raw last night. Alicia Fox's left and right ass cheeks. I watched the show while chatting with the Angrymark's guys and it was quite painful. ZZ Top didn't even try to look like they were playing their instruments. It was like watching Soul Train.

The thing that is missing is the urgency to watch wrestling every week. As soon as the Legacy/Team Wellness match started I knew Legacy was losing. Why are they being made to look like such bitches? Why isn't anyone matching Orton's intensity in the ring? When he gets ready for his RKO that son of a bitch looks like he is DYING to kill someone with it!

The fact that the US belt is being treated like a neighborhood whore sucks. I'm sick of the "no matter who wins we all lose" mentality that is going on. As much as you want to quit watching, you still will. Look at the shit you've stuck through. Its bad now but I will always watch in some form, be it old ass tapes, online, or my videogames.

TWK said...

Well Dan, at least we got ECW and SD, which have been doing the oppisite of what RAW does.

Anonymous said...

"The match was okay but I couldn't help but ask "why?"

i stopped reading after this, so fucking retarded

hmmm king getting pops in memphis.... WAIT A MINUTE! KING IS FROM MEMPHIS



Do you always have to think about backstage stuff all the fucking time? " whos being put over, whos buried" fuck man just watch the fucking show without thinking at least once.

" and i ask myself why?"

Matt said...

I find myself agreeing with anonymous. What is this world coming to.

Last nights show was entertaining. Cheesy, but entertaining. It was a throwback, but whats wrong with that. ZZ TOp is a throwback band, and the whole show seemed to have a mid 80's feel to it as a result. I dont know if this is the direction the fed will take, but found it interestling nonetheless.

Santino stealing the show, and doing the ZZ Top sway had me cracking up. I know its cheesy, but remember, as Dan said on the show, we're not hte target demographic anymore. Through the eeyes of a kid, that type of shit puts someone like santino over, as if he needed it.

The style of the divas interview was also a throwback to the mene gene days, and did something to build a divas storyline, somehtin we havnt seen in awhile.

All in all i thought it wasn an entertaining show, and my advice is to watch a show with a positive mindframe, and sit back and watch it, and enjoy it. Don't question everything, just enjoy it.

Looking forwar to ECW tonight

Brad said...

Anonymous, first off, if you had actually read the article, you would know that Raw was in Raleigh North Carolina, not Memphis Tennessee. Now I don't mind a person expressing their opinion, but the continual thought of "fuck, just watch the show" and "stfu" doesn't make a lot of sense to me. It's a raw REVIEW, not just regurgitating the results. And another thing the backstage stuff DRIVES the business. It's the reason that we continually see SHIT like Batista, and John Cena on our TV week in and week out. If you don't appreciate what a person has to say, or in this case type, then don't bother reading it. This is what Tha O Show is about, its mostly opinions and talk about backstage stuff, hence it being called locker room radio. If you don't appreciate it, stop coming to the site, and just read the results on

CJF said...

Jericho had by far the best line of the night, to Legacy: "I've had more titles than you and your fathers combined." The way he said it was so BAD-ASS.

pyro said...

Yeah anonymous above me, I just stopped reading after Doug E Fresh and the (no offense) thing.

This guy writes here, but has he read anything here? This site loves to offend people and it's one of the best things about it. The regular staff here is great, even Dante (who by the way is too nice but writes great stuff) write good stuff, this guy though. Yeah, not so much.

D. Ross said...

Thanks, Pyro. I'm too nice? That's the strangest sentence I have read in a while besides someone on a message board drooling over Gail Kim's non-ass. When I covered a show (ROH) I tried to stay positive and got pretty much no feedback from readers on this site. But whenever someone trashes a show they will get tons of them. People like to complain. Writers and readers alike. Wrestling fans especially.

We all have options and people act as if we dont. I have the option to watch all of WWE and TNA online. I watch Raw once a month maybe and TNA never. I'd rather play a videogame and book the shows the way they should be. I like Strickland's take on the shows and yes there is no need to aplogize for whatever he chooses to write. Its like when Taz says "Not for nuthin'." Whenever someone says "No offense" or "I dont wanna be mean but..." something offensive or mean is coming.

D.J.B. said...

I agree Dante, but I also agree that you're just too positive. Whatever it is that makes you that positive...send me some of that shit bro.

Ok, so ZZ Top weren't the best hosts in the world, but I'm not sure calling into question their popularity was the best way to go. That'd be like me saying Dusty's too out of date to host. They're still pretty damn popular, concert tickets prove that. By the way the Dukes would be hellacious hosts man. Come on. That is if you're talking the originals not Knoxville and Scott. Seriously though, the guest host is a guest, not somebody you'll deal with again.

The six man kind of meant something considering there is a six pack challenge for the strap at the PPV.

The Sharp Dressed man concept was actually the original format for that match, it was a tuxedo long before evening gowns made their debut only to be ripped away by the opponent. Not a proponent of it, but it was an old school touch.

My last point of disagreement is the Kendrick thing. Why is he messing with a legend? Probably because he's a heel. Sure he lost, but still he got heat that way. There was a young guy coming up a few years ago that did shit like that all the time. He by the way is a multiple time World/WWE Champion named Randy Orton. Not comparing the two in level of overness, but that's probably the reason.

I absolutely agree with the Legacy not matching Orton's intensity. They aren't even built to be a stable, they're built to be flunkies which was a moronic way to build it. They're talented, let them be that. If the net rumors are true and DiBiase jumps ship to be Jericho's partner (which would mean he turned I guess the E should put Carlito into the mix and try and give Orton's boys some umph.