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ECW On SyFy Recap

"Yes sir we promised you a great match." ECW is on the air! The show opens with highlights of the #1 contender's match that aired on ECW last Thursday, which Christian eventually won over the Moscow Mauler. "DON'T QUESTION A HEART PREPARED TO FIIIIGHT!" Josh Mathews promises us that tonight in Florida, South Beach will be taken... TO THE EXTREME.

* Christian Cage v. Shelton Benjamin

Matt Striker and Josh Mathews argue about whether or not Christian's victory was legal given that Kozlov's head hit an exposed turnbuckle. I guess Benjamin's feud with Yoshi Tatsu is already over.

That's a shame, I thought that program had legs. The ref calls for the bell and Benjamin glares at his opponent, while Christian sucks up the crowd pop. Collar and elbow tie-up which both men refuse to break when they get to the corner until the ref gets between them. Standing switch and Benjamin slams Christian to the ground before going North-South. Christian stands up, shoots him off the ropes, leapfrogs, misses a clothesline but connects with a spinning wheel kick for a near fall. Benjamin responds by throwing Christian high in the air and letting him pancake the canvas. Christian knocks Benjamin down and hits the top rope.

Vladimir Kozlov's music plays and he turns to look at him, and Shelton Benjamin responds by kicking Christian off the ropes. Captain Charisma goes splat on the pretty black mats while an unsympathetic Kozlov walks right by his corpse. We go to commercial.

Incidentally I HATE the name SyFy.

Kozlov is now at the commentary position. He raises his fist in the air as Mathews acknowledges him and gets a chorus of boos from the crowd. We get a replay of Benjamin taking advantage of his arrival, and indeed Benjamin is in control in the ring. Christian runs right into a hard knee to the gut for a near fall. Benjamin snaps Christian's left arm off the rope and focuses all of his attacks on it in the ring. Every time someone at the announce table asks a question, Kozlov says "OF COURSE" and spouts off a phrase in Russian. Christian finally manages to shove Benjamin away long enough to come off the top rope with a missile dropkick.

Christian covers Benjamin for two then starts peppering Benjamin with punches with his good arm. He trips Benjamin into the ropes and some of the children in the crowd IMMEDIATELY start yelling SIX-ONE-NINE. Well, you can hardly blame them! He jumps on his back and pulls on the ropes for a choke instead. We get into a war of counters on the ground before Christian wins and goes top rope, but Benjamin recovers and takes him off for a flying facebuster that has Christian wringing his arm. Christian tries to go for the Unprettier but can't turn it around because of his arm, and Benjamin fires him off into the steel turnbuckle to hurt the arm even more, then hits PAYDIRT for three. WINNER: SHELTON BENJAMIN. Kozlov has a smug smirk on his face.

Ezekiel Jackson is backstage with Hurricane. "I was very happy to be drafted to ECW. You only get one chance to make a good impression, and by taking time off..." and he flexes a bicept "... I got into the best shape of my life. The Brian Kendrick hired Ezekiel because he needed ME. Now on ECW is my chance to go to the top, and the only person I care about is ME, Ezekiel Jackson." Commercial break with a promo for Night of Champions on PPV.

Incidentally Ezekiel Jackson is more charismatic when he stands there and does nothing. Letting him cut a promo is a bonafide channel changer.

* Paul Birchill (w/ Katie Lea) v. Yoshi Tatsu

Birchill is already in the ring when we come back from break, and Yoshi Tatsu makes his entrance. The Rippa is firmly in control at the start, although the young fans in attendance are more than happy to chant YO-SHI, YO-SHI. On the plus side it's a very Japanese name for Naofumi Yamamoto to have and one that's easy for the crowd to say. On the minus side I keep thinking he's going to suck up his opponent with his tongue and lay an egg any minute. Birchill is playing the heel to perfection here, acting like the big bully, yelling at Tatsu any time he tries to make a comeback, choking him out with an arm around his neck.

Tatsu finally gets out with an armdrag and starts firing off a series of kicks. Birchill is whipped to the corner, Tatsu gets floated over the ropes, he tries get in for a springboard off the ropes and SLIPS which Birchill immediately takes advantage of with a DDT. He argues with the ref he's got the cover, even though Tatsu's foot is under the ropes, and when he turns around Tatsu is already back up to hit a YAKUZA KICK for three. WINNER: YOSHI TATSU. Tommy Dreamer v. Vladimir Kozlov is coming up in the main event, but first these commercial messages for 12 Rounds (Rated + Unrated).

We come back from break with a promo for ZZ Top being the guests hosting Raw next Monday. We go to Tiffany's office for a Tyler Reks promo, and he says he's really STOKED to make a debut on ECW. She says that could be arranged next week. They make eyes at each other and we go back to the ring.

* Goldust v. Zach Ryder

And this should be one of the more interesting matches of the evening. I think this might even be good - I think the elder of Dusty's boys can pull a good match out of him. A brief RYDER SUCKS chant breaks out. Ryder gets upset at Goldie early and screams "ARE YOU SERIOUS" and Goldie shows him how serious by powering him down to the ground and taking an arm. Goldie hits him with a butt bump when he gets up and gives him a clothesline over the ropes out to the floor. Ryder catches him in the forehead with an elbow as he's climbing back in. They fight on the top rope for a second until Ryder pulls him down to smack his head off the top turnbuckle. Another louder RYDER SUCKS chant breaks out. Facewash by Ryder in the corner, then he hooks the leg and covers for two.

Ryder ground Goldie in a facelock, and the crowd cheers him back to his feet. Ryder whips him into the corner but Goldie counters with a drag and then rolls away in pain. Both men are down as the ref counts to 5, but Ryder gets up first. It doesn't help him much as he eats punches, including a baseball slide jawjack. Atomic drop, short arm to the throat, to the top rope for applause and then the BIONIC ELBOW for 2.5. Zach blocks the Curtain Call then hits the ZACH ATTACK for 3. WINNER: ZACH RYDER.

My hat's off to both men. This is the kind of match ECW needs each week. Up next is a Raw Rebound focused on Seth Green. I'll say this much - he played the GM role better than I expected and his involvement in the main event was less annoying than I thought it would be.

We come back from break with a replay of The Hurricane saving a young woman's life on ECW last week.

* Sheamus the Celtic Warrior v. Roman Cornell

"How are ya fella? I'm Sheamus. I know ye saw me first steps in claimin' ECW as me own. My path is that of a Celtic warrior. I'm come to fly me flag of great Irish tradition and I'm soon to be the most dominant star in E, See, Dubya!" Where's Finlay to smack the taste out of his mouth? Now for those of you who can't see this live there's a very interesting disparity in the ring.

Sizewise, Sheamus is everything you'd want - he's tall, athletic, muscular, but he's so pale that even Hellboy Hansen has a tan by comparison. His opponent Roman Cornell may be the smaller man, but he's very fit and has a nice rich brown tan - looking like the perfect pro wrestler. The object lesson? Size beats looks in WWE. A boot to the face and a urinage into a back breaker get the three. WINNER: SHEAMUS THE CELTIC WARRIOR. Dreamer v. Kozlov next after this commercial break.

* Tommy Dreamer v. Vladimir Kozlov (Non-Title Match)

You know what I like about ECW this week, aside from Yoshi Tatsu getting a win and a fun match between Goldust and Zach Ryder? No Abraham Washington Show! Sadly Matt Striker promotes the return of AWS next week before the poor man's Fedor himself Vladimir Kozlov comes down to the ring. Dreamer heads down to the ring with the ten pounds of tinfoil around his waist. Striker puts over the fact he actually wears it as opposed to carrying it over his shoulder. I don't know why but that makes me think of Big Daddy V - I always wondered how the hell he'd ever get a belt around his waist if he became champion on the show.

Dreamer is in control early and gets a backslide for two as we pass the 11 o'clock EST mark, which means that Ring the Bell is on the air right now. Kozlov takes control back with headbutts and a belly to belly slam as a weak U-S-A chant breaks out. I know they're not supposed to name the refs on commentary any more, but it's hard to miss the platinum blonde hair color of Lil' Naitch Charles Robinson in the ring with them. Kozlov and Dreamer wind up on the ropes, Dreamer shoves him off and hits a boot to the face, but then Kozlov gives him a doublehanded shove to the chest when he jumps off. That's followed up by the IRON CURTAIN for three. That's it? Really? WINNER: VLADIMIR KOZLOV.

Kozlov starts to beat up Dreamer after the match, Christian runs down to make the save, Kozlov beats him down too and leaves to his music with a big smile on his face as both the champion and #1 contender are left prone in the ring. Replay shows the shove and the Iron Curtain again, and that Christian accidentally ran into Dreamer before he got the doublehanded shove of doom too. That's it for ECW tonight!

1 comments: on "ECW On SyFy Recap"

Anonymous said...

Of course Sheamus is pale, he's celtic, DUH!!!!