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Tha Raw Report

"Raw" comes to you tonight live from the BJCC in Birmingham, Alabama!

We kick off the show with Randy Orton and Legacy inside a steel cage getting ready for tonight….

Orton starts his usual rant, only tonight it’s about Sunday's Extreme Rules PPV and how bad he is going to beat Batista and how he s going to do it. He goes down the list of ways and how he’ll do it over and over again.

Orton announces that he spoke to Vickie Guerrero and that Batista has a steel cage match tonight against: heads – Cody Rhodes or Tails – Ted Dibiase- We have the toss of the coin and it’s Cody Rhodes!

Orton gets us up on getting used to him walking out of a steel cage door. Before he makes it out the cage from the backstage out comes the Naitch!!!

Ric Flair comes out and tells Randy Orton what he s going to do to him tonight, calls him a punk and goes on about still being “The Nature Boy” – Flair goes off on a Punk tirade and being the man and proceeds to call out Orton an says he wants a fight. In the parking lot! A fight to the finish!

Punk Punk Punk- classic Flair comedy (although maybe not intended) Orton accepts! And we go to commercial….

Back from commercial for a steel cage match as promised. Cody Rhodes is introduced and makes his way to the ring with the crowd cheering “Cody Sucks, Cody Sucks”. Out comes Batista and the roof comes off the building with the crowd on their feet! Batista and Rhodes kick it off with Batista dominating Rhodes.

So bad that Orton makes his way down to the ring and watches intensely…With Rhodes laid out we go to a stare down between Orton and Batista and Rhodes goes for an escape only to get caught in a Batista Bomb! Right in the face of Randy Orton and right into a three count.

Which begs the question why have Batista annihilate a so-called top tier superstar in Cody Rhodes? Was the match even five minutes???

Batista celebrates and we cut to Vickie Guerrero, Chavo and the Big Show backstage where they proceed to get Show to reluctantly pick John Cena's partner for tonight from a bag of names and out comes the name Chavo!!! Show warns Chavo not to get in his way tonight and we go to commercial….

Back from commercial and out comes Kelly Kelly followed by Mickie James. Their opponents tonight Beth Phoenix and Maryse (The Divas Champion) make their way to the ring and Beth and Mickie start things off.

The Glamazon shows her strength by Gorilla Pressing Kelly Kelly as she dominates. Some great eye candy in this match. Mickie James interferes off the top rope but gets conned on the outside and cost the match because the ref gets distracted and Maryse gives Kelly Kelly a DDT that she rolls into a 1,2,3.

Is it me or have both matches tonight been extremely short? This was a tag team match which makes the short length look worse. Next we get some promo and off to another commercial.

Next up its Willaim Regal and Matt Hardy vs The World Unified Tag Team Champions Primo and Carlito. If Regal and Hardy win they get a shot at the tag team titles. This is the first time Regal and Hardy have ever teamed up. We go back and forth with Hardy and Regal tagging nicely. Primo is trapped in the corner, but tries to fight his way out. Hardy and Regal are such veterans that you would hardly know it’s their first match together as a team.

Finally Carlito gets in the ring and goes berserk, even high flying force. Matt Hardy does the Bob Orton but hits his own partner Willam Regal he connects with and Backstabber by Carlito. Regal and Hardy argue a bit, but no fight even though they lost their title shot.

A couple match promos for tonight and it’s off to another commercial….

This is the point when I realize that we are 45 minutes into the show and we've had three short wack matches….Then I get some statistics about how many males watched "Raw" last week. WTF!

Here we go, backstage Ric Flair and Batista having a talk. Flair gives the speech he always gives LOL – Batista laughs like me. Why won’t Flair let it go??? Is there a competition that I’m missing between Flair and Hogan – Who can be the most pathetic old legend…. Anyway Batista stands down and reassures Flair he s the man and he's confident in him.

We cut to Regal and Hardy trying to sell Vickie on a match between her and Santino tonight. They say they have an plan and she agrees and laughs and Snorts like a pig LOL!

We cut to Chavo trying to convince Cena that he s got Cenas back tonight. Ya rite! Next match (finally a match) Oh wait it’s the Miz I take that back…. The Miz comes out to talk our ears off!

Looking like a retard of course. Claiming to be a winner and looking like a loser. Cuz he's the Miz and he’s awesome. WTF do they have mirrors in the locker room? Commercial break and it's The Miz and The Big Show vs Chavo and John Cena up next!

Extreme Rules plug and we kick off the match with The Jiz in the ring, out comes his partner the Big Show.. Boy the Big Show looks pissed. We go to a recap of last week’s suplex of the Big Show by Batista and Cena.

Chavo makes his way out, to silence. Followed by John Cena to an eruption. Cena runs to the ring and gets things started even though its basically a handicap match.

We start the match off with Cena vs Show after Show putting The Jiz in his place and demanding he stays on the apron. Show beats down Cena, (usual banter) Cena tries to counter and goes for the STFU. The Jiz hits Cena on the outside and Big Show goes after The Jiz and warns him again.

Cena goes for a body slam on the Big Show. Big mistake, Show lands on Cena. The Jiz goes for a cheap cover after tricking Show into a tag. He beats on a already beat down Cena. Goes for another cover, Cena kicks out.

The crowd rallies around Cena till he comes back and whips the Jiz up and down right into an Attitude Adjustment. Jiz tags but the ref doesn’t see it after Show comes in and man handles Cena. The Big Show punches Jiz trying to get a tag and knocks out The Jiz. Chavo come in for a cheap pin fall only to get an Attitude Adjustment after celebrating from Cena. That’s when The Big Show comes in and knocks out Cena and stands over him until putting the already KOed Cena into The Camel Clutch Back Breaker.

He stands over Cena and we go to a replay. The Big Show slowly leaves with Cena and The Jiz knocked out in the ring….

Interview Time: MVP and Kofi Kington being interviewed by Josh. They both show respect but end off in a stand off face to face.

Here we go for the US Championship, out comes the crowd favorite Kofi Kingston. Is it me or is Kofi s accent a bit fake sounding? Hmmm….certain mon know about di patois tings yu kna.

Finally the MVP comes out. I don’t like wrestlers who wear too many street clothes or spandex it makes me wonder what they are hiding. MVP always dresses like he s about to go scuba diving. Besides I ve never been an MVP fan he s too cheesy to me. So I’m cheering for Kofi and his wack Jamaican accent.

They go back and forth a bit, test of strength to a stale mate. Kofi mixes it up after escaping the scissors and tries for a few quick covers before we go to commercial.

There's nothing like a match with a commercial in the middle. Didn’t the WCW start that one? Back live (sorry, not in Canada) MVP's got Kofi in a hold on the mat, but Kingston fights his way out. Some high flying by Kofi goes for the cover on MVP kicks out and hits a kick to the face of Kofi and MVP goes for the cover. Kofi kicks out.

Ballin' by MVP and another cover to no avail. A few moves to the turn around, Kofi tries to go to the top rope but gets caught in to a superplex. Cover by MVP and a kick out by Kofi. We go back and forth on cover s by both superstars till they both get knocked down and the ref starts the count.

Count gets to 8 before they get up. MVP suplexes Kofi into a cover and Kofi kicks out and hits MVP with a beautiful manoeuvre to a cover but MVP kicks out! MVP goes for the Playmaker and Kofi reverses it to Trouble in Paradise but misses. Back and forth with covers and reversals.

Kofi goes for the pin. 1,2,3 !

NEW U.S. Champion! Kofi Kingston! MVP gets the belt and gives it to Kofi congratulating him. Great sportsmanship.

So far hands down the best match of the night. We go to a backstage view of Orton and Dibiase discussing the Flair – Orton match. Then were on to Vickie vs Santino. Vikki comes out with buckets of slop. Next up after the commercial its Vickie Guerrero vs Santino Marrela.

Slam of the Week: Santino and Mick vs Chavo and Beth Pheonix – Santino goin off about the Hog Pen Match – Oink!

We start off the Santino vs Vickie Match. Vickie is already in the ring, Santino comes out. The King discusses past WWE Hog Pen Matches- I'm thinking Uncle Elmer and Hillbilly Jim. Santino grabs a bucket and threatens to throw it at Vickie. Regal and Hardy come from behind.

Slop goes everywhere and gets Regal with slop. Hardy and Regal beat down Santino. Cast to Santino's skull and he is out cold. Vickie comes in with the bucket of slop and after teasing slowly pours the slop all over a knocked out Santino. Now that’s more like it. I'd rather see that comedy than a drag Santino.

Rated R and Jeff Hardy Promo for Extreme Rules PPV.

Extreme Rules Rundown: Hardy vs Edge Ladder Match for Heaveyweight Championship, Jericho vs Rey Mysterio – No Holds Barred, Submission Match John Cena vs The Big Show, Steel Cage Match Randy Orton vs Batista WWE Championship Match

We go to another commercial with Randy Orton making his way to the parking lot. We come back to Orton walking cautiously and of course he gets ambushed by Flair from behind. Flair dominates Orton, even stands on him. Orton fights back and throws the Naitch into some audio gear, Flair comes back and hes really making Orton look bad. The champs getting his ass wooped by a 60 year old man. They fight to the equipment area that spills out to the far corner of the arena. Orton throws Flair to the ramp. Flair's laid out. Open punches by Randy.

Orton tries to throw Flair off the stage and mule kick by Flair to the groin of Orton, Orton goes down. Flair beats him all the way down to the ring with the steel cage down. Flair slams Orton into the cage a few times, then the stairs. Flair keeps picking Orton up by his face and mouth and is choppin' the blood out of Orton s chest. Flair is relentless and grabs a monitor. Flair chops Orton to the broadcast table. Flair gets up on the table and starts stomping Ortons leg, relentless. He goes for the Figure Four on the table.

He locks it in and out comes Legacy beating Flair saving Orton. They punish Flair, drag him into the ring. The crowd chants Batista, Batista. Flair is helpless as he gets double suplexed. Orton screams get on him from the outside. Three on one as Legacy beats down the 16 time champion. Rhodes and Dibiase leave the ring and lock the door leaving Orton and Flair in the ring.

Batista breaks to the ring chasing off Legacy. Batista can’t get in the locked door. Flair s still out in the middle of the ring as Batista climbs the outside and Orton executes a vicious RKO. Then Orton taunts Batista on the outside. Flair is out cold.. Batista threatens Orton from the outside saying 'I'll break you in half'. Orton connects with the punt to the head of Flair! Right in front of
Batista. Orton stares down Batista face to face with the cage separating them and we go off the air.

All in all, a good "Raw", I'd give it a 6 out of 10, nothing special, but not completely bad.

Tha Results:

*Batista vs Cody Rhodes – Steel Cage – w Batista (Pinfall)
*Kelly Kelly and Micke James vs Beth Pheonix and Marsye – w Beth Pheonix and Marsye
*Matt Hardy & Willam Regal vs Primo & Carlito – w Primo & Carlito (Pinfall)
*Big Show & The Miz vs John Cena & Chavo Guerrero – w John Cena & Chavo Guerrero
*Kofi Kingston vs MVP (for US Championship) – w New US Champion Kofi Kingston
*Vickie Guerrero vs Santino Marrella – w – no contest
*Randy Orton vs Ric Flair (street fight in the parking lot) – w Randy Orton

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