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Killa Kev's Raw Review

Courtesy our friends at AngryMarks.Com

Tonight, WWE Chairman Vincent Kennedy McMahon will be on-hand to announce the new General Manager of Raw.

Also on the card: former WWE Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio challenges Chris Jericho to a re-match; ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer defends against Christian Cage; CM Punk defends the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against former champs Jeff Hardy and Edge in a three-way match; and the vacant WWE Championship is up for grabs in a four-way fight between John Cena, the Big Show, Randy Orton and Triple H!

We are LIVE with WWE Raw announcers Michael Cole and Jerry "the King" Lawler introduce the show, and break the news that Mr. McMahon is here to name a new general manager. Jerry Lawler states, "I also heard that Mr. McMahon is here for something else." We go into a recap of last week's WWE Raw where Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, Jr. attacked WWE Champion Dave Batista at the top of the show, tearing a tendon in his arm and putting him out to pasture for four months. Randy Orton then invokes his rematch clause, which former general manager Vickie Guerrero granted before she resigned later in the night. At the end of the show, Triple H makes an unannounced appearance, charging to the ring, taking out Rhodes and DiBiase, then shreds Randy Orton to pieces, "The viper has been slain!" declared Michael Cole.

We then start the introductions of all the WWE announcers, and then go right off into our first match...

WWE Intercontinental Championship: champion Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Jericho is introduced first, and to very little fanfare. "Predictably, ever since I was drafted to SmackDown, this show has gone into the toilet! Raw has gone into a tumultuous tailspin of the likes which it will never recover. Your GM has quit, your championship is vacant, and the fans are still igorant, vapant ... and one day you will realize how much I meant to this show... and some day Rey Mysterio will realize what I say is the truth. His mask will be his downfall, and only Chris Jericho and lead him to salvation, be his savior, and set him free!"

"BOOYAKA BOOYAKA!" blasts the PA system as the pyros ignite and Rey Mysterio emerges, donning a mask yet again after it was taken from him last week.

Mysterio charges Jericho with a double-leg takedown at the start of the bell, trying to whip Jericho into the corner afterwards, gets reversed, but Mysterio recovers with a hurracanrana and then clotheslines Jericho out of the ring. Jericho is met with a stiff kick to the chest as he tries to step between the ropes, followed by Mysteiro hitting a legdrop from the top turnbuckle onto Jericho. Mysterio goes for the cover, Jericho gets a foot on the ropes to break it. Jericho throws Mysterio into the ropes. Jericho tries to hit his springboard dropkick off the turnbuckle, Mysterio grabs him in mid-air and throws him down on the apron, but Jericho counters by throwing Mysterio into the announcer's table. We take our first commercial break.

DECEPTICON. Sorry, had to say it. Love that commercial.

Back to the show, Jericho whips Mysterio into the corner, charges, Mysterio puts a boot up, Jericho catches it, Mysterio with an enziguri. Mysterio bounces off the ropes to try for a 6-1-9, Jericho counters by scooping up Mysterio, puts him on his shoulders, executes an airplane spin into an Argentine Backbreaker, cover, two count. Jericho moves in and tries to rip off the mask, Mysterio kicks his way free, a headscissor takeover and then uses the ropes to choke Jericho before hitting the springboard seated senton off the top rope, cover, two count.

Jericho begs off into a corner, Mysterio follows up with punches, whip out of the corner, reversal, Jericho tries for a bulldog, but Mysterio shoves him into the corner and then dropkicks Jericho to the outside. Mysterio leaps through the ropes with a suicide dive into Jericho, both men colliding to the floor. Referee starts a count-out, Mysterio recovers first and throws Jericho in. Mysterio climbs to the top turnbuckle, Jericho climbs up to meet him, Mysterio fights him off, hits a sunset flip into a powerbomb off the top turnbuckle, cover, two count. Mysterio tries for a wheelbarrow takeover, Jericho sits on Mysterio's shoulders for a quick pin attempt.

Mysterio with a headscissor takeover that puts Jericho on the ropes, Mysterio tries for the 6-1-9, Jericho moves out of the way, Mysterio gets hung up on the ropes, Jericho tries to bounce off the ropes for his own 6-1-9, but Mysterio with a springboard moonsault off the ropes to take Jericho down, followed by another headscissor into the ropes, Mysterio finally hits the 6-1-9 on Jericho, tries for the seated senton off the top ropes again, but Jericho successfully counters it with the Codebreaker. 1... 2... 3.

WINNER: Chris Jericho. We replay that final segment of the night that cost Mysterio the match. Up next Mr. McMahon sits down for an interview, then the WWE Championship four-way match.

Backstage from the break, Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton backstage, Orton cuts him off from his irrelevant question. Orton says that he refuses to allow Grisham to give his own recap for last week's events. Orton says "Triple H makes his return with his big sledgehammer because he cannot do anything on his own." Orton proclaims he will take back the WWE Championship in just a few minutes, and Triple H will be irrelevant.

John Cena steps up and dismisses Grisham, and then assumes role as a commentator himself, calling Orton a "gutless, spineless member of the baby oil boys club". Cena then makes his own comments about tonight's match, finishes up with a comment "that baby oil must be eating away your brain." Orton shakes his head and walks off. We then flash back to last week's WWE Raw where Vickie Guerrero resigns as WWE General Manager, tired of being made fun of by the fans.

Interview with Mr. McMahon

Michael Cole directly asks Mr. McMahon who the new WWE Raw General Manager is going to be. "After much consideration and deliberation of the candidates, I'm actually NOT going to announce who the general manager will be." Michael Cole wants more details, Mr. McMahon says that when opportunity comes knocking, sometimes you have to step up. "Therefore tonight, with mixed emotions, my announcement is that I'm selling Monday Night Raw."

Cole and Lawler are confused. Mr. McMahon explains that he has come to a decision to sell WWE Monday Night Raw, and that the new owner will be announced after the WWE Championship match. We take a commercial, come back and a somber Cole & Lawler recap what was just announced.

ECW Championship Match: champion "the Innovator of Violence" Tommy Dreamer vs. Christian Cage

We kick over to Todd Grisham and Matt Striker for the announcing crew as Cage is introduced. Bell rings, Cage with a side headlock to start, Dreamer shoves him off, Cage with a leg lariat, cover, one count. Dreamer whips Cage into the corner, charges, Cage steps through the ropes to hit the pendulum kick, Dreamer grabs the head and hits a neckbreaker, cover, two count. Dreamer sets Cage on the top turnbuckle, Cage fights him off, corkscrew elbow off the turnbuckle, cover and a two count for Cage.

Cage throws Dreamer out of the ring, springboards off the turnbuckles and splashes Dreamer on the outside. Cage throws Dreamer back in, goes for a quick cover, two count. Cage drags Dreamer into the middle of the ring and applies a head vice. Dreamer works his way to his feet, whips Cage into a corner, charges, eats a reverse elbow. Cage tries for a tornado DDT out of the corner, Dreamer throws him off, whips him off the ropes and hits a press slam, followed by inverted DDT, cover, two count. Dreamer picks up Cage, Cage drives him into the corner, steps back, charges, Dreamer moves out of the way then goes for a cover on Cage.

Dreamer whips Cage into the corner, charges, Cage connects with the pendulum kick again, follows up with a sunset flip off the turnbuckle into a pin attempt, Dreamer reverses the pin attempt, Cage escapes and blasts Dreamer in the face. Cage goes to the top turnbuckle, tries to leap off, Dreamer ducks it, Cage looks like he tweaks his ankle. Cage tries for the Killswitch, Dreamer reverses it, flips Cage over his back, grabs Cage's exposed neck and rolls him up in a cradle pin for the victory.

WINNER: Tommy Dreamer. Cage limps off into the corner, holding his ankle, Dreamer celebrates his win. We take a commercial, come back and the Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly are backstage gossiping about the sale of WWE Raw. We then recap (AGAIN) WWE Champion Dave Batista being assaulted by Legacy last week.We then show photos from Batista's surgery last Tuesday. He will be out four months.

WWE Championship - Fatal Four-Way for the vacant title: Randy Orton vs. the Big Show vs. John Cena vs. Triple H

Triple H and Randy Orton immediately peel to the outside and battle into the crowd. Big Show throws Cena into the corner, beats him up and throws him out of the ring just as Triple H disposes of Orton and slides back into the ring. Big Show and Triple H circle the ring, eying each other down as we go to commercial.

Return from break, Big Show beating down Cena in one corner, Orton beating down Triple H in another corner. Orton drags Triple H out to the middle of the ring, hits a kneedrop to the head, then lays in for punches to the head. Orton backs off, goes for another kneedrop, Triple H rolls out of the way. Big Show throws Cena into the corner, charges, Cena gets a boot up, Triple H throws Orton out of the ring, then hits a facebuster on Big Show. Cena and Triple H then take turns hitting Big Show with shoulder blocks until he falls out of the ring.

Triple H and Cena then take a breather, circle the ring and eye each other as the fans start cheering them both on, but a LOT of fans on the front rows throwing their arms together in an "X" to show their support for Triple H. Cena takes down Triple H with a half dozen flying shoulder blocks and the side slam, sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Triple H bounces up and counters it with the Spinebuster. Boot to the midsection, Triple H tries for the Pedigree, Cena counters with the Attitude Adjuster, then Big Show runs in and clotheslines them both, followed by Orton sliding in and throwing Triple H out of the ring.

Orton goes out and starts stomping on Triple H's chest. Big Show hits a giant suplex on Cena inside the ring. Orton throws Trips head-first into the steel ringsteps and stomps on him more. Big Show with a pair of headbutts on Cena, but Cena gets to his feet and punches away, tries for a scoop slam, Big Show falls on him, covers, Orton scrambles back into the ring to break up the count. Big Show chases Orton back out of the ring. Big Show returns to John Cena, sets him up for the chokeslam. Triple H runs in, Big Show tries to chokeslam him as well, but Cena and Triple H counter with a double-team suplex.

Randy Orton runs in, clotheslines both Cena and Triple H, then tries to hit a punt to the head of Big Show. Big Show grabs the leg, throws Orton into the corner and connects with a clothesline, clotheslines Cena and Triple H, deals out headbutts to them all. Orton is thrown over the top, Cena eats a scoop slam. Big Show moves him near the corner, climbs up the turnbuckles, goes for a big splash... NAILS IT! COVER, Randy Orton runs in to break it up. Big Show no-sells and throws Orton head-first over the top, Triple H tries to attacks Big Show from behind, BIG SHOW WITH A SPEAR!

I repeat that again, BIG SHOW WITH A SPEAR! Cover on Triple H, two count. Big Show drags Triple H into the corner, goes for the splash, Triple H rolls out of the way. Randy Orton rolls in and tries for the RKO on Big Show, Big Show picks him up and throws him halfway across the room. Triple H hits the Pedigree on Big Show, Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Triple H, throws him aside, covers Big Show, two count. Cena tries for the Attitude Adjustment on Big Show, hits it, goes for a pin, but Orton runs in, breaks it up, throws Cena shoulder-first into the steel ringpost, Cena falls out of the ring, Big Show gets to his feet just in time for Randy Orton to hit him with the RKO. 1... 2... 3.

WINNER and NEW WWE CHAMPION, RANDY ORTON! Aaah, the WWE Universe is back in balance, this is what should have happened at Judgment Day, Orton retaining. Mr. McMahon is seen walking towards the ring, we'll be right back kids!

Mr. McMahon Announces the New Owner of WWE Monday Night Raw

"Ladies and gentlemen," announces Lillian Garcia, "the chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment, Mister McMahon!" The fans cheer as Mr. McMahon's music, "No Chance in Hell" blasts across the arena. Mr. McMahon struts down to the ring and takes a mic.

"Tonight I come to you with a heavy heart, and, um... I've done a lot of soul searching over the last several weeks, I've had conversations with my family, my friends and my financial advisers. I think I've come to the right decision to sell Monday Night Raw. Monday Night Raw will be independently owned and operated by a man I have a history with. Never let a personal relationship get in the way of a good business deal. Let me introduce you to the man, without further ado, the new and no-doubt proud owner of Monday Night Raw... DONALD J. TRUMP."


"Thanks, Vince," states Mr. Trump as he comes onto the WWE RawHD Tron, "you finally put your ego aside and made a smart business decision. I, Donald Trump, and the new owner of Monday Night Raw. You know, Vince, you never showed your true appreciation for Monday Night Raw. I'm going to do something that has never been seen before. You've been in charge of Raw for 17 years, you've never given back."

"Wait wait wait...," stammers Mr. McMahon. "I've been giving back a lot. Quite frankly, it is time for the fans to give back to me!"

Mr. Trump interrupts him. "Raw has been the number one rated show for 17 years, it's time for us to give back. My first act is unprecedented, unheard of, and something you were too cheap to every do, Vince. Next week live on USA Network WWE Raw will be presented commercial free! That's right, Vince, it will be commercial free, commercial free, that's right, no commercials! Who has ever heard of a thing like that?"

"Nobody, that's who!" shouts McMahon. "I think you've lost your marbles!"

Mr. Trump continues, "Vince, next week I'll be at Raw to see things ran the way I want, THE RIGHT WAY. So I'm warning you now, you better not get in my way! And, by the way, Vince, I've never had so much fun as shaving you bald..."

"CUT IT OFF! CUT IT OFF! CUT IT OFF!" demands McMahon, and we lose our satellite feed. "As I was saying, I wanted to come out here and give my final farewell... but now I'm a little too emotional for that. Perhaps Mr. Trump will allow me to do that next week. Moving on, Randy Orton is now the new WWE Champion, and now we need to determine who his challenger will be at The Bash. Tonight we will have a ten-man over-the-top battle royal, and the winner will face Orton at The Bash. And now, I will do something that Mr. Trump doesn't believe in, we will go to a commercial break!"

So... FUCK ME! This week I have to recap a 3 hour Raw, and next week recap a 2 hour Raw WITHOUT COMMERCIALS. *sighs* Granted, the innovation is nice... but is Stevie J going to pay for my carpal tunnel surgery?? Still, big ups WWE for snagging THE DONALD!

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez

Wow, Mendez gets to make her REAL wrestling debut against Mickie James, NICE. Mendez is so confident she even sends her mentor, "the Glamazon" Beth Phoenix, to the back! Before we can get this match started though WWE Divas Champion Maryse Oulet comes down to ringside for commentary.

Mendez dares James to charge her, James does, Mendez ducks her, lays in forearms to the back, James turns around and lays in forearms to her face! James goes to the top turnbuckle, Mendez bails out of the ring quickly. James leaps over the ropes to grab Mendez by the hair and pull her back in the ring, Mendez grabs some hair and chokes her on the ropes, slides back in the ring, hairmare, goes for the first pinfall. Mendez flips James over and grinds her face into the mat, stomps on the back, flips her back over, mounts her for the ground 'n pound until the referee pulls her off.

Mendez pulls James up, throws her across the middle rope and chokes her. Pulls James off, reverse chinlock for Mendez, grinding James' neck into her knee. James breaks the hold, flips Mendez across the ring, cowers off to the corner to recover. Mendez charges James, James counters with a trio of clotheslines, bounces off the ropes for a low dropkick to the face, cover, two count. Mendez with a knee to the midsection, off the ropes, tries for a swinging neckbreaker, James blocks it and then connects with the Laree DDT, un... doux... trois!

WINNER: Mickie James. Oulet storms out of the area in a hurry. James gets on the apron and dares her to get in the ring. Oulet steps up on the apron as referee Mickey Henson backs James up. James rushes the ropes and Oulet jumps down, laughing and taunting. James dares Oulet to step back into the ring, Oulet blows kisses and walks off. Commercial.

So we come back with Goldust and Hornswoggle in the ring firing off the T-Shirt cannon, and then we get Mike "the Miz" Mizanin's music breaking up the fun, and Mizanin walks down to the ring w/ a mic in hand. "I have a message for Donald Trump, the new owner of Monday Night Raw. If you're really looking to take this show to the next level, if you're really looking to do something unprecedented, then the NEW face of Monday Night Raw is THE MIZ!"

"John Cena is the face of the past. This is the money maker of the present and the future. Last week I told Maryse, I told the whole WWE Universe that I back up every thing I said about John Cena, AND I DID! I left him unconscious in the ring. And tonight I'm going to throw him over the top in the battle royal, EARN my spot in the WWE Championship match."

"But I'm not going to stop at the WWE Championship, OH NO! I want to t-shirts, the movies, the magazine, the endorsements! I want this face to be ANYWHERE and EVERYWHERE, and you people will be eating it up, begging for more! 'Please, sir, may I have more?'"

Goldust interrupts Mizanin's little rant. "Miz, I've been watching you trying to play mind games with John Cena. It's not working, you disappoint me! Where's your imagination? Where's your creativity? Once... LOOK AT ME! Once I gave Ahmed Johnson mouth-to-mouth to get in his head, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 'Blah blah blah, I'm the Miz, I hate John Cena' that's what you're doing. I think you should change your name from The Miz to The Whiz."

Mizanin sarcastically responds, "Why would I do that?", to which Goldust counters, "Because when you start talking, that's what everybody gets up to take!" Fans pop. Mizanin replies, "ZING! SNAP! HA HA HA! Hey you circus act... HEY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Goldust ignores Mizanin as he leans down to listen to Hornswoggle. Mizanin says, "Hey, what did he just say?" Goldust replies, "The real Reality Check is that YOU'RE A LOSER!" Mizanin replies, "Yeah, that's real mature... GROW UP! Get that freak back! And you, you're in no position to lecture me on how to succeed in this business"

Fans start booing Miz heavily, he continues on. "Whatever! What is this, your fourth or fifth go-around in the WWE? Every time you come back you hope to get back what you had fifteen years ago? 1999 you were an interesting act, a novelty, but today I'd beat you down, but I don't think anybody would care, so you're a waste of my time! Instead, I'm going to show Donald Trump, who is watching right now, that unlike John Cena I'm not afraid to take risks."

Mizanin spins around and punches Goldust in the gut, followed by a DDT. He then grabs Hornswoggle and throws him across the ring. Mizanin picks up the t-shirt cannon, backs Hornswoggle into a corner, and tells him to get off of his knees. Mizanin turns around to jeer the crowd, then spins back around and fires the t-shirt cannon right in Hornswoggle's nuts! OUCH! Mizanin throws down the cannon and raises his hands, the fans rain down boos on him. We replay what just happened to Hornswoggle. Commercial.

Josh Matthews backstage with CM Punk asking him if he has any regrets about cashing in "Money in the Bank" on Jeff Hardy at the Extreme Rules PPV. Punk says that a year ago he took advantage of Batista beating the crap out of Edge last year at Extreme Rules to cash in MITB to win, and not only did the fans support him, he got a Slammy award for it. Now this year he does it again, but this time cashing it on Jeff Hardy, and now he's supposed to feel sorry? Punk emphatically states that he is here to compete, and there's no reason to feel sorry, it's just business, and all but a small minority support him.

Matt Hardy interrupts and congratulates Punk, and tells Punk that if he was in his place, he would have done the exact same thing. Punk tells Matt Hardy to shove it, because he's never won Money in the Bank, he's never won a WWE heavyweight title, and don't even try to suck up to him with empathy. Punk walks off.

We replay Edge telling Vickie Guerrero that he wants a divorce (from last week's Raw). And I didn't catch it, but several in the room did notice Punk's quiet tribute to the fallen Mitsuharu Misawa written on his wrist band.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship - Triple Threat Match: champion CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Edge

Edge and Hardy are introduced first, we then go to commercial, Punk is introduced after the break, then we have the official in-ring introductions by SmackDown announcer Justin Roberts. Your referee in charge, Scott Armstrong! Punk gets a mixture of cheers and boos as he's introduced, fans start a "HAR-DY! HAR-DY!" chant as the bell rings.

Hardy immediately goes after Punk, hits Edge, hits Punk and throws him into Edge. Edge takes a few more clubs, Hardy rolls up Punk, Edge breaks it up, rolls up Hardy, Hardy kicks out, Punk rolls up Edge for a two count, goes over to kick Hardy in the guts, throws Edge out of the ring, bounces off the ropes and then catapults himself through the ropes to take out Edge on the outside. Hardy follows up by slingshotting himself over the top turnbuckle to crash into the both of them. Hardy rolls Punk into the ring, cover, two count.

Hardy with the snap mare takeover on Punk, dropkick to the back, cover, two count. Hardy slings Punk into the corner, charges, Punk gets both boots up into Hardy's face, connects with a clothesline out of the corner, covers for a two count. Punk pulls Hardy up, scoop slam, bounces off the ropes, elbow drop to the chest, cover and a two count. Punk into a reverse chinlock on the mat to slow the action down, fans start chanting for Hardy again.

Why does Matt Hardy look like a roadie from the last KISS tour?

Edge gets in the ring and kicks both Punk and Hardy in the face, then grabs Hardy by the back of his cargo pants and throws him out of the ring. Edge with a quick cover on Punk, two count. Edge kicks Punk in the back, stiff him in the face with a pair of forearm shots, headbutts him into the corner, then lays in a few punches and elbows to the head. Edge plants Punk on the top turnbuckle, Punk responds with punches, Edge fights him some more, climbs up to the middle turnbuckle, Hardy runs in and nails Edge in the back, throwing him off. Hardy then climbs up, sets up Punk for a Superplex, Edge comes back and puts Hardy on his shoulders, Punk tries to capitalize with a clothesline from the top rope, Hardy ducks it, Punk eats the mat, Hardy with an Oklahoma Roll into a cradle pin on Edge, two count. Punk gets to his feet, Edge and Hardy double-team Punk with a clothesline as we go to commercial.

Back to the action, Punk with a kneelift on Edge, whips him off the ropes, dropkick. Hardy climbs back into the ring, Punk puts him in the corner, nails the kneelift to the face, runs across the ring to hit a kneelift to Edge in the corner, pulls out Edge for the bulldog and takes out Hardy with a clothesline at the same time, covers Edge, two count, covers Hardy, two count. Punk picks up Hardy, sets him up for the GTS, Edge with the chop block to the back of Punk's knee, then goes for the Sharpshooter. Hardy attacks Edge from behind with a sleeper, Edge releases and fades out, Hardy goes for a pin, Punk breaks it up just in time. Punk pulls up Hardy, whips him to the corner, whips Edge into Hardy, but Edge reverses it. Edge tries for a spear, Punk leaps over with a sunset flip, Hardy clohteslines Edge over, Punk tries for a pin, Hardy breaks it up.

Hardy slams Edge to the mat, then dropkicks Edge and Punk in the face at the same time, goes for a pin on Punk, two count. Hardy tries to pick up Punk, Punk with a big European Uppercut to take him down. Punk goes over to the apron to try to slingshot Edge back into the ring. Hardy slides out under the ropes, grabs Edge, pulls down and both chokes Punk on the ropes and slams Edge's face into the apron. Hardy tries to climb to the top turnbuckle to hit the Swanton Bomb on Punk, Edge pulls him off, slides in and tries to hit the Spear on Punk, Punk counters with a scoop slam, cover, two count.

Punk picks up Edge for the GTS, Edge wiggles out and shoves Punk into Hardy, Hardy tries for the Twist of Fate, Punk ducks it and tries for the GTS, Edge charges for the Spear, Hardy wiggles out of the GTS, Punk leapfrogs over Edge and Hardy eats the spear. Punk stiffs Edge into the corner with forearm shots, goes for the running kneelift, Edge dodges it, Punk catches himself in the corner but Edge shoves him over the top and Punk lands on the steel ringsteps, tweaking his left knee. Medic runs over to check on him, Punk writing in pain on the floor.

Back in the ring, Edge whips Hardy off the ropes, Hardy ducks a clothesline, bounces off the opposite rope and they take each other out with flying cross-body blocks. Fans chanting for Hardy still, Punk still being checked on at ringside. Edge gets to his feet first, grabs Hardy by the hair, tries to headbutt him into the corner, Hardy blocks it, hits the Whisper 'O the Wind, goes for the pin, Punk scrambles back into the ring to break it up, then slides back out. Hardy leaps out of the ring and just KICKS THE FUCK OUT OF PUNK'S KNEE!

Hardy slides back in, Edge tries for a boot to the midsection, inside cradle, two count, Hardy pops back up, hits the Twist of Fate, climbs to the top turnbuckle, hits the Swanton Bomb, cover one... two... Punk pulls Hardy out, clubs him in the back, shoves him into ringsteps. Punk gets back into the ring, grabs Edge's legs, sits on the shoulders for the cover... 1... 2... 3!

WINNER and STILL CHAMPION, CM PUNK! Great match, this was a PPV quality match, yes indeed! Hardy is broken on the outside, Edge is dead in the ring, and Punk is limping around on one leg.

WWE SmackDown General Manager Ted "Theodore" Long comes out to make an announcement. "Congratulations, Punk! Your next title defense will be at The Bash, one-on-one with Jeff Hardy!" Both men seem to appreciate this.

WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. The Hart Dynasty (Tyson Kidd & David Hart Smith, w/ Natalya Neidhardt) (non-title match)

Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. are introduced from the announcer's table for color commentary. The Hart Dynasty is introduced first, followed by the Colon brothers. The Colons will be defending their titles against Legacy in two weeks at The Bash PPV. Cody Rhodes tells Lawler and Cole to just keep quiet and let them run commentary, which is mostly putting themselves over for the PPV match.

Smith and Primo square off first, Primo with the early upper-hand, whipping Hart into the corner a few times. Neidhardt gets on the apron to distract the ref, allowing Kidd to cheapshot Primo and Hart gets an early pin attempt before going for a reverse chinlock, followed by a body slam. Hart goes for a Alabama Jam off the top rope, Primo rolls out of the way, tags in Carlito. Carlito slingshots into the ring with a dropkick to Hart's face, Hart kicks him back in the face, Carlito with a kick to the face then the springboard reverse elbow to the face, cover and a two count as Kidd runs in to break it up.

Kidd charges Carlito, Carlito pulls down the top rope to send him out of the ring, Primo leaps onto Kidd on the outside. Hart picks up Carlito on his shoulders to try for the Snake Eyes int he corner, Carlito wiggles out and hits the Back Stabber, goes for the pin. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. leave the announcer's table, slide into the ring and attack Carlito, then kicks Hart out of the ring

WINNERS: NO CONTEST. Hart, Kidd & Neidhardt bail, Primo slides in the ring to try to protect Carlito, but he gets beat up as well, and both of them tossed through the ropes and dumped on their heads. Off to commercial.

Santino Marella is sitting in Mr. McMahon's office. Marella wants to be reassured that he and his "twin sister" still have a job as of next week. Mr. McMahon suggests that Mr. Trump might be sexually attracted to "Santina", but that Mr. Trump will have full control over the show and Mr. McMahon will have no influence. Mr. McMahon's phone rings, acknowledges that it's Mr. Trump and answers. Marella screams into the phone his greetings, and Mr. McMahon has to apologize for him. Vince and Donald trade some words, and apparently Donald Trump wants Mr. McMahon to make an announcement after tonight's main event. Mr. McMahon tries to talk him out of it, but apparently it will be done.

Afterwards, Mr. McMahon says, "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a billionaire with an ego!" Marella quips that Mr. McMahon must hate himself, which leads to Marella saying one stupid thing after another before making a hasty exit.

10 Man Over-the-Top Battle Royal for Number One Contender for the WWE Championship: Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase, Jr. vs. Montel Vontaveous Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. Mike "the Miz" Mizanin vs. Big Show vs. Randy Orton vs. vs. Triple H vs. John Cena

Rhodes & DiBiase are introduced in the ring. Porter is introduced next, and apparently he is now sponsored by Nike and AIG insurance. Hardy, Regal, Kingston, Mizanin, Big Show, Triple H and John Cena are all introduced (with a commercial break in mid-introductions).

We come back from the commercial break and before we start the match, we're informed that this Friday on SmackDown there is a double main event: Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho, and WWE World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Rhodes and DiBiase take off after Triple H, Big Show attacks Cena, Regal and Kingston pair off. Triple H tries to eliminate Cody Rhodes, but Rhodes hangs on to the top rope. Big Show chops Miz in the chest a few times before Cena goes back on the attack. WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to watch. Regal is beating down Kingston in the corner, tries to throw him over the top, Kingston fights him off. Porter throws DiBiase over the top, but DiBiase lands on the apron and rolls back in under the rope, teams back up with Rhodes to take out Triple H. Matt Hardy and Mizanin fighting in a corner. Cena trying to throw Big Show over the top rope, but Big Show blocks it. Hardy throws Mizanin over, Mizanin holds onto Hardy's leg to halt it and rolls back in. Kingston trying to throw Regal over the ropes, gets a thumb in the eye, Regal pairs off with MVP in the corner.

Big Show chops Kingston in the chest. Hardy and Mizanin working to eliminate Cena, Big Show comes over and chops them both in the chest to remind them that Cena his his alone. Triple H throws Rhodes off, he bounces into Big Show, eats a chop to the chest, Triple H throws off DiBiase, bounces into Big Show, chop to the chest. Big Show gets pissed off and headbutts Triple H, Cena, Regal... goes after Hardy, Hardy rolls out under the ropes, Big Show grabs him by the hair, drags him back in the ring, then tosses him back out. Matt Hardy is Eliminated. MVP runs up on Big Show, gets tossed out. MVP is Eliminated. Mizanin runs into Big Show, Big Show chokeslams him to the mat, Mizanin rolls out of the ring under the rope, he's still safe. Everybody runs over and throws Big Show over the top. Big Show is Eliminated. We take another commercial.

Back to the show, we're down to Cena, Rhodes, DiBiase, Triple H, Regal and Kingston. Legacy is focusing on Cena, Kingston comes over to help, Triple H and Regal are battling off by themselves. Cena backdrops Rhodes over the top, Rhodes holds on and rolls in. DiBiase puts Cena in the corner with kicks and punches after dispatching Kingston. Regal looks beat down, so Triple H goes after Kingston and gets a lot of leg in his face for the trouble. Kingston whips him off the ropes, reversal, Kingston ducks the clothesline but gets caught with the high knee. Legacy go after Triple H again while Regal tries to rip Cena's nose off. Regal tries for the elimination, Cena is holding on. Kingston runs over and hits a belly-to-back suplex on Regal.

Rhodes and DiBiase dump Triple H over the top, but he hangs onto the rope, Cena comes over to break them up... but doesn't take the opportunity to casually knock Triple H off the apron to eliminate him. Triple H and Kingston team up on DiBiase, Regal comes over and attacks Triple H. Cena is dealing with Rhodes, Cena whips him into the corner where all the action is at and Rhodes splashes Kingston in the back. Triple H hits a spinebuster on Regal then stomps the guts out of him. Cena and Triple H stare each other down in the middle of the ring. Triple H wipes the sweat off of his beak, reels back for a punch, and both men start slugging away, Triple H gets the upper hand, picks up Cena on his shoulders, tries to throw him out. Rhodes grabs Triple H's leg, tries to eliminate him. Cena wiggles out, pucks up Cena in the Attitude Adjuster, Triple H wiggles out, they take each other out with a pair of clotheslines.

Legacy is trying to eliminate Kingston, but he fights them off with the "Controlled Frenzy", but DiBiase with the Snake Eyes on Kingston in the corner. DiBiase & Rhodes double-team clothesline Kingston out of the ring. Kofi Kingston is Eliminated. Legacy congratulates themselves, Regal tries to take them both out with a clothesline, but they fight off Regal to throw him out. William Regal is Eliminated.

Cena, Triple H, Rhodes and DiBiase are left, DiBiase goes after Triple H, Rhodes after Cena in the opposite corner. Cena is beaten down, Rhodes runs over to double team Triple H. DiBiase chokes Trips in the corner, Rhodes takes his turn as DiBiase runs over to beat down Cena, then calls for Rhodes to help. They whip Cena off the ropes, double-team flapjack in the middle of the ring, followed by a double-team clothesline on Triple H to put him back in the corner. Double arm wringers, hammer fist in the chest, club to the back. Cena hits a bulldog on DiBiase, clothesline on Rhodes, snap suplex on DiBiase, Rhodes whipped off the ropes and takes the back body drop. DiBiase charges, backdropped over the top. Ted DiBiase, Jr. is Eliminated. Rhodes charges, Cena backdrops him, Rhodes hangs on to the rope. Triple H charges Cena with a clothesline, Cena ducks it, Triple H connects with Rhodes and sends him over the top. Cody Rhodes is Eliminated.

Triple H turns around and Cena tries to put him up in the Attitude Adjuster, Triple H blocks it, hits the Pedigree on Cena. Rhodes & DiBiase run in and attack the both of them, get a good minute of attack before the referees run in and pull them back out. The ring clears, Cena and Triple H are down on the mat... wait! Mike "the Miz" Mizanin slides into the ring, apparently he was hiding out and wasn't eliminated. He tries to sneak up on the two and clothesline them over the top as they get to their feet, but they see him coming, they both pull down the top rope and Mizanin sails over the top. Mike Mizanin is Eliminated. Triple H then grabs Cena's leg and throws him over the top.

WINNER: Triple H. Triple H's music plays, Randy Orton stats to walk off when Donald Trump's music plays, and the new owner of WWE Raw appears. "Congratulations Triple H, you're a tough guy and a real talent. You've run the right to face Randy Orton for the championship at the Bash. Now, as the new owner I said that I was going to do unprecedented things. So we're not going to have that match at the PPV, we're going to do it next week! It's going to be rough, it's going to be nasty but it's going to be a lot of fun, because that match next week will be a LAST MAN STANDING match! I'll see you next week!"

4 comments: on "Killa Kev's Raw Review"

wwe god said...

trump buying raw that is a storyline

Shammy_D said...

Another repost from angry marks...Boring!!!

What happened to the original reviews that used to happen on this site?

Shammy_D said...

Another copied review from Angry Marks, YAWN!!

What happened to the original opinionated reviews tha O show was built on??

CJF said...

After getting all of this on free TV, who the hell is going to care about the next pay-per-view?