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5.19.2009

Tha Raw Report

Wow, Ric Flair's back and that is always a great thing. Well, it was a great thing. Ric Flair alone merits a return, but not as a pawn in a pseudo feud between Randy Orton and Bati-sta. Batista is horrible and he belongs in a feud with Chavo, or maybe they should bring back Eugene for him to feud with, but he doesn't belong near a main event.

Ric Flair is actually expected to wrestle in this run, and I am actually interested to see how they do this. By the way rumor has it that he's being brought back to help with ratings while H is out. I wonder what H thinks about that, seeing as how Ric's "too old."

Ric Flair had never said anything that made me want to vomit, but all that changed tonight. I understand what the writers tried to do, but in no way other than on paper did Batista "vroom" right past Randy Orton. I can't believe that was even written for him to say. That is a damn joke. It isn't even a funny one.

In the first segment of "Raw" I was tempted to just hit exit and delete and get that off my DVR. Legacy sauntered to the ring to take out Flair but Batista was going to come save the day, the only problem was that I could hear that uncoordinated fuck sneaking up through my TV. I honestly wonder if he can tie his shoes while standing up.

Yet another shitty part of all that was that John Cena came in to save the day. John Cena came in to save the day. I had to just re-type that to make sure it happened and it did. I'm tempted to take an ice pick and just jam it right into my retina. Maybe then I'd feel better about the situation.

I'm convinced that the following conversation took place in the writers room. "So who do you think the top action star is? Christian Bale?" "Fuck no, John Cena." "Daniel Craig?" "Fuck no, John Cena." "Hugh Jackman?" "Seriously dude, John Cena." "Chuck Norris?" "Hmmm, that's a tough one, but still John Cena." Do these people think he shits fucking gold?

May I just say, and irritate some of the critics while I'm at it, thank God for Santino Marella. The man can entertain. The man does entertain. His match with Chavo Guerrero was great, I loved the hulking up and the whole, "Wow did I do that?" part. It made me laugh thank God.

Then Chavo made the match of Santina vs. Vickie for the Ms. WrestleMania crown. Hmmm, wow Chavo isn't a GM and how can you defend something that you earn once a year? Vickie then went on to berate Chavo for not being a GM and for making the match. She's the GM so why not void that? Well that would just make sense, we can't go that route.

Vickie then won the Ms. WrestleMania crown. William Regal caused this. A few weeks ago William Regal looked like he was getting ready to feud with MVP for the US strap, but now he's going to feud with...the siblings Marella? Hell I don't know anymore, I give up.

Write opinions, what should have happened or just what you would have wanted to happen. Also if you give up too be sure to let me know, I'm not sure that I'm alone, and oh by the way we can unite because the truth is out there. I'll start, "My name is DJB and I feel helpless in the WWE Universe.

Tha Results:
*John Cena & Batista def. WWE Champion Randy Orton & The Legacy
*Vickie Guerrero def. Santina Marella to become the new Miss WrestleMania
*United States Champion MVP def. Matt Hardy
*Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo def. The Brian Kendrick & Goldust
*Santino Marella def. Chavo Guerrero
*Kelly Kelly def. Mickie James, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes and Jillian to earn a Divas Championship Match


3 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

D. Ross said...

Just reading the results made me laugh. Kelly Kelly? For serious? Anyhoot, glad to hear that Santino is still entertaining folks. I would watch him read a phone book over any The Shaminal Batista promo. Let's just hope Orton kicks Batista into retirement soon. Or a movie. Aren't we due for a "Marine 3"?

P.A. said...

Good report man.

"My name is P.A. and I feel helpless in the WWE Universe."

Ok, now since that's out of the way. Watching the first 20 mins of Raw, I was thinking, ok Batti/and Cena together, yea i got to check out theoshow later on. We know who write this stuff, but do they really think people want this stuff. Throw Great Khali into that mix and you got a trifecta from hell. Santino was still gold though. I want to see him feud with people who matter though. WWE needs to throw him the ball and let him carry it for awhile.

Matt said...

I'm gona go on record and say that I love the idea of filming a show in the parking lot.