Tha Raw Report

Courtesy of Killa Kev of AngryMarks.com:

Monday Night Raw is live tonight from Oakland, CA and we're just six days away from the WWE No Way Out PPV. Your main event is the return of The Undertaker to WWE Raw in a "one night only" appearance at the request of WWE Raw General Manager Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley as he seeks vengeance on McMahon family's behalf against Randy Orton.

The highlight of the show will be the return of "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair, who will no doubt have some words regarding Chris Jericho's disparaging remarks he made last week. WWE Intercontinental Champion CM Punk will once again defend his title against William Regal, and also scheduled is a "Elimination Chamber" six-man tag featuring John Cena, Kofi Kingston & Rey Mysterio against Chris Jericho, Kane & Mike Knox!

The Return of Ric Flair - WHOOO~!

We start out tonight's show with the aforementioned return of the 16-time world heavyweight champion, the WWE Hall-of-Famer "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair. As he enters the arena, announcers Michael Cole and Jerry "the King" Lawler bring up the fact that Flair has become a goodwill ambassador

"God does it feel good to be out here in front of all of you again, I have missed you! The Nature Boy has missed you all. This time last year I was fighting for my career, knowing that if I lost I would have to retire from the greatest company in this sport. Well, it happened, WrestleMania 24 was the event, Shawn Michaels was the opponent, and I couldn't have lost to a better man in this sport ..."

"Enough, enough, enough!" shouts Chris Jericho as he comes into the arena. "That is enough! I'm not going to allow you to stand in the back and wax nostalgic, you've wasted enough airtime, we've heard enough from you!" The fans heavily boo Jericho as he steps in the ring and confronts Flair. "You came out here to address comments that I made about you last week, but before you do that, I have another thing to tell you. I want you to think about last year, I want you to think about what happened just before your retirement, I want you to watch this right now." We then go to video of Chris Jericho coming out and hugging Ric Flair on WWE Raw at his retirement on March 31, 2008.

Jericho continues, "I hugged you that night out of respect, Flair, but had I known of what you would become, had I known that you would become a two-bit whore who would sign his name to any check from a promoter... had I known what you had become, I wouldn't have hugged you, Flair, I would have slapped you right across the face!"

Flair retorts, "Had I know about you what I know now, knowing that you are a condescending little punk, insecure in yourself, you will never, EVER tell me what to do! I have never sold out, NEVER. I will never sell out, I'll never go back in that ring, I'll never wrestle again. You understand that? I have too much respect for Shawn Michaels, too much respect for WWE. But looking at you right now I'm losing more respect by the minute!"

"And I'm sure you'll say you have too much respect for these people, right?" responds Jericho. Flair says, "Yeah, yeah. I have too much respect for these people. I live and die for these people everyday!"

"You really expect me to believe you have respect for each and every one of these hypocrites, huh? And that's why you sign a contract with any promoter who will slap your face on a poster. The problem isn't them, Flair, it's you. You have to be the center of attention, you have to be in the spotlight"

"Of course I do! I love the spotlight! I'm 'The Nature Boy' Ric Flair! I retired from this ring, but I will never retire from this business! I love these fans, I love to shake their hands, I love to put my arms around them, I love to tell them stories... and you, Chris Jericho, you will never wake up a day in your life and tell me what to do. Because I will do what I want to, when I want to, because I can."

"I get it, I get it...," says Jericho with a sarcastic tone. "I tell you what, Flair... I am a locker room leader, and I have a whole locker room of people who respect me more than they respect you. So you can pat yourself on the back that you haven't returned to the ring YET, Flair, but you will one day, because you can't deny it. That's the point of your friend Mickie Rourke, Flair, that you don't get. You don't get it that these fans don't care about you, they patronize the legends, but as soon as they go home and take the pictures and post them on Facebook, they're going to go home and go to sleep and forget about you FOREVER. And until you realize that you're going to go down the path as Mickey Rourke's character in The Wrestler, but you don't have a director to tell you cut! I'm telling you, Flair, that you need to stop, now. Go ahead, Ric, tell them that you are better than they are! Do it! Now!"

Flair slowly but strongly responds, "NO. NO. NO"

Okay, have it your way, Flair, that's fine. If you want to see a clown who literally falls on his face for your entertainment, then keep your eyes on this pathetic shell of a human being. Go ahead, take out your cameras, and take your photos of The Nature Boy for the last time. Go ahead, Ric, shout WHOO and dance around just like you did in the old times. Go ahead, Flair, and watch these people make a fool of you! But just remember that you don't have anybody to blame but yourself!, just remember...

Flair hauls off and nails Jericho with a punch that sends him sailing out of the ring! Jericho quickly retreats up the ramp, holding his lip, while Flair cuts a rug, does some classic "stylin' an' profilin'". After Jericho leaves, Flair leaves the ring, waving to the fans and blowing kisses.


We then go to commercial after playing a promo packing of last week's occurrence between the McMahons and Randy Orton, leading up to tonight's main event match between Orton and The Undertaker.

Jillian Hall & "the Glamazon" Beth Phoenix (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. Kelly Kelly & WWE Women's Champion Melina Perez

We come back from commercial with Hall, Phoenix, Marella and Mendez being introduced in the ring. We're told that Phoenix will face Perez for her WWE Women's Championship next week on Raw. Kelly and Perez are introduced together next as Jerry "the King" Lawler spazs out for the Puppyfest.

Kelly and Hall start off, Hall with an armbar wringer and a hairmare, Kelly kips up, Hall takes her back down, Kelly kips up again, attempts a kick, Hall catches the boot, Kelly flips out of it, hits a dropkick, grabs Hall in a wristlock, tags in Perez, Perez throws Hall in the corner, charges, Hall puts a boot up, Perez catches it, throws her sideways, hits a forearm. Hall punches back, whips Perez into the ropes, Perez holds on and kicks a charging Hall in the face. Perez tries to charge, Phoenix grabs her by the hair to stop her, Hall with a kick to the midsection, cover and a two count.

Phoenix tags in and just starts to beat the piss out of Perez, cover with a two count, more beatings, a scoop slam, bounces off the ropes, goes for a legdrop, Perez rolls out of the way then hits Phoenix in the midsection with some punches. Phoenix tries for a clothesline, Perez with a Matrix-esque move to duck it, counters with her own clothesline and a boot off the ropes, cover and a two count. She runs over and knocks Hall off the apron, Hall runs into the ring and distracts the referee. Phoenix tries another clothesline, Perez ducks it, tries for a moonsault off the middle ropes, but Rosa Mendez grabs her legs and knocks her to the mat. Phoenix recovers, snatches up Perez in the chicken wing and nails her with the Down in Flames, 1-2-3.

WINNERS: Jillian Hall & Beth Phoenix. We play the highlights, then roll into recap of WrestleMania III, where WWE set a mythical indoor stadium record of 97,173 fans - a number that is in dispute, but the results were nothing but spectacular. It was the most watched professional wrestling event of its time. The main event, Hulk Hogan defending the WWF World Heavyweight Championship against the legendary veteran Andre the Giant, not only lead to the most-ever watched wrestling match on television (Hogan vs. Andre at "The Main Event" on NBC in February 5, 1988, drawing 33 million viewers), but also lead to the creation of the Survivor Series PPV as a means of settling the feud between them.

Back from the break, John Layfield is dressing in the back when Shawn Michaels walks in and asks if JBL if he wanted to see him. Layfield reminds Michaels that he's still an employee of Layfield Enterprises, and before their big match on Sunday, Michaels will have a "tune-up" match later tonight against "the World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry.

Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr. come out on the stage. Orton takes to the mic, "Lost in the controversy between the McMahon family and me is the fact that I won the WWE Royal Rumble. Which means that I will main event WrestleMania, meaning that I will face either the WWE or World Champion, the choice is up to me. The fact is that I haven't stopped thinking about it, the fact will be that I will be champion! Nobody, nothing, can stand in my way. Not Vince McMahon, not Shane McMahon, and certainly not Stephanie McMahon.

"Now, unfortunately, Stephanie has been intimidated, scared to death, because she thought I was going to punt her last week on Raw. I was never going to do that. I just wanted to show Shane McMahon what could have happened if I wanted it to happen. Besides, why would I want to hurt Stephanie, I don't want to hurt Stephanie McMahon, I want her to be around when I see the look in her eyes when I take out yet another member of her family.

"And Shane... the Undertaker couldn't stop me at Royal Rumble... and he's not going to stop me tonight. So if the Undertaker can't beat me, what kind of a chance do you think that you have?"

The Legacy (Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr.) vs. Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG)

Orton steps back, calls Rhodes and DiBiase together into a huddle and gives them instructions. As the Legacy's music starts up, DiBiase and Rhodes head to the ring for their match, and we go to commercial. Cryme Tyme is introduced after the commercial, and the West Coast has much love for the Brooklyn Bling Bling Bros!

Gaspard stars off with Cody Rhodes, Rhodes gets clotheslined, thrown n the corner, roughed up and then takes a Beil Toss out of the corner. Gaspard sneers at DiBiase, whips Rhodes off the ropes, Rhodes holds on and connects with a boot in the mouth. DiBiase with a blind tag in, Rhodes bails the ring, Gaspard follows him, allowing DiBiase to attack him from behind, rough him up pretty good, tags Rhodes back in who lays in some punches to the head and shove Gaspard in his corner, kicks him down, tags in DiBiase. DiBiase with more stomps to the body and a choke by the boots. DiBiase with a front face lock, tags in Rhodes, they double-team whip Gaspard chest-first into the corner, another tag, DiBiase with a knee to the face, a front facelock, and a half-dozen more knees to the face before he bounces of the ropes with a boot to the face, a cover, two count.

Gaspard works his way to his feet, tries for a tag, hip toss on DiBiase to break his hold, DiBiase charges with a boot, Gaspard blocks it and shoves him off, both men make the hot tags to JTG and Rhodes. Rhodes eats a clothesline, Irish whip, Rhodes reverses it and then eats a shoulderblock from JTG. Rhodes cowers in a corner, JTG runs up and hits the Mug Shot (a front-face slam off the turnbuckle), covers, DiBiase breaks it up, Gaspard runs in, clotheslines DiBiase off the apron. JTG runs over to follow-up, and Rhodes comes up from behind, nails JTG in the back, spins him around and hits him with the Crossroads DDT combination, cover and a pin.

WINNERS: Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase. We then go to video of John Cena as a celebrity guest for the Gillette Fusion Gaming Challenge at the University of Central Florida this past week, featuring other notable celebs such as Derek Jeter. Back from break is a promo for WWE No Way Out, which is in NO WAY of being SOLD OUT just yet. We then see video of members of the Oakland Raiders in the audience, mugging it up for the cameras and the fans.

WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Six-Man Tag Team Match: WWE Champion John Cena, Kofi Kingston & Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. Chris Jericho, Kane & Mike Knox (non-title match)

A three-on-three tag team match featuring the babyfaces and heels participating in this Sunday's Elimination Chamber match for the WWE Championship, each man gets his own separate introduction. The heels gather in the ring while the babyfaces wait on the outside, after Cena's introduction he leads the charge into the ring as we go to break.

Back live on TV, the match has already started, and we tune in just in time to see Kane and Kofi Kingston whipping each other around. Kingston hits a high cross-body block off the top turnbuckle followed by a boot to the head, bounces off the ropes and hits the high legdrop, cover and a two count. Kingston kicks Kane in the legs as he gets back to his feet, but Kane catches one of the kicks, shoves Kingston into the ropes and charges, Kingston gets a boot up and charges, and Kane clotheslines him. Mike Knox tags in and lays in the forearms and axehandle smashes into Kingston's head before settling on a side headlock. Kingston is whipped into the corner, ducks a charge, dropkicks Knox into the corner and then tags in John Cena.

Cena runs in, hits a pair of shoulderblocks and the big side slam before calling for and executing the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Knox staggers to his feet, Cena goes for The Attitude Adjustment (formerly the Throwback, formerly the F-U, for fuck's sake how many more times is this move going to get renamed?), but Kane comes in to break it up. Knox throws Cena to the outside, then taunts Kofi Kingston, allowing Chris Jericho to ram Cena's back into the apron, then back in the ring. Knox plants a fist right between Cena's eyes, then tags in Kane who stomps a hole in Cena's spleen. Jericho tags in, positions Cena under the ropes, then slingshots his neck into the bottom rope.

Cena plays dead for a moment, but gets to his feet and fires off rights, whips Jericho into the ropes, Jericho reverses and hits him with a HUGE front-face slam, covers and gets a two count. Jericho transitions into a sleeper hold, Cena gets to his feet, goes for the Attitude Adjustment, Jericho counters by moving his body around and hitting a DDT. Jericho lays his shin across Cena's neck and tags in Kane, who hits a kneedrop, thorws Cena into the corner, covers and gets two. Kane with a reverse chinlock into a sleeper on Cena down on the mat. Cena back to his feet, powers his way out with pure arm strength, kicks Kane in the midsection, bounces off the ropes, Kane catches him with a side slam, cover 1... 2... kickout.

Kane sets up for the Chokeslam, Cena scrambles to his feet, ducks Kane, then catches him out of nowhere with the Attitude Adjustment, both men are down, they crawl to make their respective hot tags to Jericho and Rey Mysterio. Mysterio with a seated senton of the ropes takes down Jericho, followed by a headscissor takeover, and a hurracanrana, a wheelbarrow slam into a bulldog, goes for the cover, Mike Knox makes the save. Mysterio gives him some forearm shivers, Knox charges, Mysterio pulls down the ropes to send him out. Jericho whips Mysterio into the ropes, Mysterio catches himself then drop toeholds Jericho into the corner. Kofi Kingston tags in, whips Mysterio into Jericho with a dropkick, Kane pulls Mysteiro out of the ring. Kingston with the knees to the face in the corner, Jericho throws him over the top rope. Kingston hangs on, lands on the apron, turns around and hits Jericho with some forearm shots, leaps up to the turnbuckle for his cross-body block, but Jericho meets him in mid-air with the Codebreaker, covers, 1-2-3.

WINNERS: Chris Jericho, Kane & Mike Knox. Jericho wants to celebrate as a team, but Kane and Knox remind him with stone cold looks that they're not partners come this Sunday. Jericho walks away with a grin on his face.

Backstage, WWE Raw GM Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is talking on the phone with somebody (Shane, I presume), says she isn't going to go out tonight and provoke Randy Orton, and if Orton comes back into her office security will be right there. She ends her conversation, we then go and follow Shawn Michaels to the ring for his match, after this commercial. And this week on SmackDown, former WWE Champion Jeff Hardy returns to confront the actions of his traitorous brother, Matt.

"The Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels vs. "the World's Strongest Man" Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas)

Just before the match gets underway, John Layfield's music sounds, and Michaels' boss comes out to do ringside commentary. Michaels takes advantage of the distraction and charges at Henry, attacking before the bell, Henry throws him off and the referee separates them. The bell sounds, and Michaels again rushes Henry, leaping on him and nailing him with punches before Henry can throw him off and shouts, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??"

Michaels again charges at Henry, Henry pushes him back and charges, Michaels with a drop toe-hold to send Henry into the corner, then rushes over and beats him to a pulp, Henry tries to create space by rolling to the outside. Michaels leaps onto Henry, Henry tries to throw him into the ringpost, Michaels wiggles out and throws Henry head-first into the ringpost. Michaels goes under the ring, pulls out a steel chair and throws it into the ring, then rolls Henry in. Michaels picks up the chair, referee tries to take it away, Michaels shoves him and takes the chair back. Michaels tosses the chair into Henry's face, Henry puts his hands up, catches it, and Michaels nails him with the Superkick. Referee calls for the bell.

WINNER: Mark Henry, by disqualification. Henry high-tails it out of the ring as quick as possible. As Lillian Garcia announces Henry the winner, John Layfield takes the mic away from her. "Must feel good to get out all of that aggression, Shawn. I hope you understand that if you do that this Sunday, you don't adhere to the referee's rules that... uh..." Layfield steps in the ring and continues, "... then you lose. It's that simple. And when I beat you, the name 'Heartbreak Kid' will forever be synonymous with JBL and Layfield Energies. What Mickey Mouse is to Disney, you will be to me. I will put your name and likeness on everything that I own."

Michaels tries to walk away, Layfield cuts off his exit. "I didn't dismiss you. But since every decision you make has your family's best interest at stake, how about this? How about this Sunday you bring somebody with you, why don't you bring your wife? Because I want your wife to witness first-hand what a battered, beaten, broken-down old man her husband has become. And I want to look at your wife when she comes to the realization that you have gambled away the self respect you have gambled to keep in-tack. You will be the loser, Shawn, and I will be what I have always been in life. I will win."

Layfield steps out of the ring, starts to leave, and then turns around. "And, Shawn... speaking of your wife, I really think that my office is going to be a place for such a beautiful and talented lady." Michaels is SEETHING with rage as Layfield steps away to the back. Commercial.

The WWE Slam of the Week, sponsored by Friday the 13th, is the highlights of CM Punk & Mickie James vs. William Regal & Layla London, where Regal takes advantage of a distraction on the outside of the ring and cleanly KO's Punk with a knee strike to the head.

WWE Intercontinental Championship: champion CM Punk vs. "2008 King of the Ring" William Regal (w/ Layla London)

Hopefully this match will be just as stiff and brutal as all of their previous match-ups. Bell rings and they go to lock up, Regal backs off and then nails punk in the temple with a high knee, beats him down, cover, two count. Regal shoves Punk into the corner, beats him in the head, ref backs off, Punk with a kick, a spin kick, a spinning backfist and Punk now has Regal in the corner, and lays in a dozen kicks to the head. Punk goes for the GTS, Regal elbows Punk in the face a dozen times to break loose, pummels him with a vicious forearm shot, cover and a one count as Punk gets an arm on the bottom rope.

Regal with a particularly stiff-looking headlock, partially using Punk's own arm to try to use a choke. Regal tries for a backdrop on Punk, Punk with a Sunset Flip, Regal holds on and headbutts Punk in the head, lays in a dozen or so elbows to the side of Punk's head, cover, 1... 2... Punk barely gets the shoulder up. A big body slam from Regal, then a overhead release belly-to-belly suplex. Regal backs up and looks to strike punk with a knee again, he charges, punk gets to his feet and kicks Regal in the head to daze him. Punk pulls down his left kneepad, puts Regal up into the GTS and connects knee to skull! 1... 2... 3 and Regal is done!

WINNER: CM Punk. They work it snug and make it look good, folks, that's why they're the f'n professionals! It was short, but it was sweet!

Another WrestleMania flashback, this time to WrestleMania 13, March 23, 1997 in Chicago, IL. The main event was The Undertaker vs. Sid Vicious, Undertaker's 6th WrestleMania win and his first win for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship. The card was noted for the plethora of young break-out stars finally making their way up to the upper levels of the promotion, including Triple H, The Rock, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in a Submission Match against Bret "the Hitman" Hart.

Back from the break, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler take us into video highlights of Mickey Rourke winning the British Academy of Film and Television Art's Award for Leading Actor this past Sunday in London. Afterwards we recap Ric Flair slapping the taste out of Chris Jericho's mouth at the top of the show. We then run down the final card for the WWE No Way Out PPV this Sunday.Then we again run-down last Monday's attack of Shane & Stephanie McMahon by Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase, Jr.

Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker

Orton makes his introduction first, we're reminded by Michael Cole that he promised he would defeat the Undertaker tonight. We see WWE Raw GM Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley watching the entrance on a television inside her office. Undertaker enters next, although it appears much more toned down to me than his SmackDown entrances. Orton appears unphased by Undertaker's menancing entrance.

We get the bell, Orton actually puts Undertaker into the corner and nails him with rights, referee breaks it, Undertaker grabs Orton by the collar, throws him in the corner, hits him with rights, throws him to the other corner, connects with a clothesline, then clotheslines Orton out of the ring. Orton catches Undertaker off-guard on the outside, headbutts him into the ringside barrier, then gets back in. Orton attempts to pull Undertaker back into the ring, Undertaker hits an Ace Cutter over the top rope to choke him, then throws him around the ring some more. Randy Orton escapes to the outside, Undertaker sneaks out of the ring on the other side, runs around the corner and catches Orton off-guard with a clothesline as we go to our last commercial of the night.


During the break we see a flashback of Orton draggin Undertaker back into the ring, hanging his feet across the ropes and executing a DDT. Back to live action, Orton has Undertaker down on the mat with a sleeper, Undertaker works his way back to his knees, lays in a fury of punches to Orton's midsection, stands up, whips him off the ropes, Orton reverses and snaps off a BEAUTIFUL scoop slam, cover and a two count on the Phenom. Orton resorts to stomping on Undertaker's head, hands and arms, nails a big kneedrop to the head, cover and a two count. Orton with the side headlock on the mat, Undertaker gets back up to his knees, grabs Orton by the waist, gets to his feet and executes a side suplex to break the hold.

Both men stagger to their feet, Orton reels off a right that sends Undertaker into the ropes, Undertaker comes right back with rights, they trade punches, Undertaker gets the upper-hand, but then Orton turns it around, hits Undertaker with a big European Uppercut, which appears to fire up the Undertaker into more punches, whips Orton into one corner, connects with a clothesline, whips him to the other corner, a big splash, then picks up Orton and hits him head-first into the turnbuckle with the Snake Eyes, followed by a body slam, a cover, and a two count.

Undertaker calls for the Chokeslam, waits for Orton to stand up, snatches him, orton breaks it with a boot to the midsection, tries to capitalize with the RKO, Undertaker shoves him off. Orton gets bak to his feet, Orton sets him up for the Tombstone Piledriver, but Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase rush the ring and attack the Undertaker, drawing the DQ.

WINNER: The Undertaker, by DQ. It quickly becomes a 3-on-1 beatdown, Orton laying in the kicks as DiBiase and Rhodes have the Undertaker hemmed up. Orton eventually calls them off, and Orton sets up for the RKO. The fans erupt in cheers as Shane McMahon runs in from the back, attacks Orton and pulls him off. DiBiase pulls McMahon off and takes him to the corner, Randy Orton scurries away while Undertaker hits Cody Rhodes with a chokeslam.

Meanwhile, Shane McMahon takes control of DiBiase in the corner, lays him out... DiBiase then lays there for dead... Shane goes under the ring and grabs a trash can... he's going to go for the Van Terminator! McMahon takes WAY too long to set this up and DiBiase lays for dead WAY too long as well... McMahon takes his slow-ass time climbing to the top turnbuckle, toeing the ropes, steadying himself... he finally flies and connects! But Shane's showing his age, his ring rust and that he is overall out-of shape by immediately curling up into a fetal position!

UGH! Fuck I now am forced to agree with Stevie J and the rest of the AngryMarks staff, this is looking BAD and Shane is in no shape to be doing this! Shane gets to his knees and starts holding his back, you can tell he legitimately hurt himself, but she struggles to his feet and starts mouthing off to Orton.

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