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2.10.2009

Act Like Ya Know

Are you ready to go "12 Rounds" with the champ?! Huh? Well, are you? No, I'm not either. John Cena and WWE Films newest (cough) movie entitled 12 Rounds is coming out soon and I couldn't be less excited. It's not because I'm a Cena hater. Not a huge fan either ("Cetard"). I just hate bad looking films. I decided to go online and see who directed this hot mess. Turns out aguy who made one of my favorite films Long Kiss Goodnight is directing this. That should get me all nice and wet. It doesn't.

Because Renny Harlin also directed Die Hard 2 (the worst Die Hard film ever), Deep Blue Sea ("You think water moves fast? You should see ice. It moves like it has a mind. Like it knows it killed the world once and got a taste for murder."), and the film with a record for losing the mostmoney and bankrupting a studio, Cutthroat Island. Cant make a $92 million movie and rake in $10 million.

I also looked up the writer. His name is Daniel Kunka. This is his firstfilm. See, I can try and give WWE some points for cranking out these instant bombs. Kane's a monster (I guess...) so put him in a horror film. Stone Cold is a badass, so put him in a film where he fights. Cena is not and never was a Marine. He was never a cop. Just 'cause he got a crew cut don't make him law enforcement! He's released rap albums! Put him in a goddamned film about music.

Ken Kennedy (...Kennedy) is a wiseass. Why put him in a film about war? None of this makes sense to me. Why even bother making a film you know is going straight to DVD?

The WWE wants to save money they say. They are laying off guys left and right to cut costs. They could've saved millions by not making any of the last three films they've put out. Imagine just being laid off and seeing a commercial for Cena's film pop up (during a WWE show because I haven't seen one otherwise). "That explosion costs as much as my travel expenses for a month" Snitsky says to himself. No one wants to see these films. No one. In all my years watching wrestling I have never seen a wrestler and said "Damn, I really like this guy! I wish John Morrison would do a movie." It just doesn't happen.

And when did Cena film his movie?! He had neck surgery. I can't place a time where he was gone long enough to do this. Makes me think the neck surgery was a work. That's right, I said it. He got stabbed and made The Marine. Whose to say that Batista Bomb didn't cause this? Only in the WWE can you get injured into making films. I'm looking at you, Ted DiBiase Jr.


7 comments: on "Act Like Ya Know"

Dan-e-o said...

I liked Die Hard 2!

Dan-e-o said...

I liked Die Hard 2!

Anonymous said...

Dude, you're crazy. The only good thing to come out of Die Hard 2 was it gave the nut in part 3 reason to go after McClane. 3 was the best one, by the way. Samuel L. rocked that movie. If you say you liked Die Hard 2 maybe you'll like The Marine 2...

Anonymous said...

You think 3's the best? Jesus. Don't get me wrong,it's a great movie, but to say it's better than the first one...

Oh, and it was the first one that gave Jeremy Irons his motive. 2's pretty great though, William Sadler's ace in it.

Dan-e-o said...

Die Hard is my favourite action movie series ever. I JUST bought all four movies for under $20 after Christmas and I'm still marking...waiting for when I have time to watch 'em all marathon style (no idea when that's gonna be).

Wasn't 2 with the plane and the snowmobiles n shit? That was hype! Dante what gives?

Anonymous said...

12 Rounds was filmed between February 25 and May 12, 2008. Cena missed a few Raws because of filming.

I don't think Die Hard 2 sucks, but I do think it is the weakest of the four films.

Chef Lucky said...

I wouldn't wipe my dog's ass with a copy of 12 Rounds