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Tha Raw Report

It's a good thing I work the night shift. Had I seen the conclusion of "Raw" last night I'd have cried myself to sleep, but I have enough time to get over it. An episode of "Raw" should never end with John Cena victorious via the headhugger. Scratch that nothing should ever end that way. Ever.

I'm going to again list some names, these names should ensure John Cena as not being World Champion, but you know, I don't write for the WWE. William Regal, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, JBL, Santino Marella, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase and even Beth Phoenix. Come on now.

"Raw" isn't a bad show in general, it just produces some really bad moments. I mean this isn't WCW Nitro with Bryan Adams taking on Stevie Ray as a semi-main event. Warrior Warrior isn't appearing and disappearing and holding blowup dolls of Ed Leslie. The Renegade isn't his stunt double. But yet, and still John Cena is World Champion with no wrestling ability.

I'm not going to dwell on that, I'm going to be positive. Ric Flair will be on "Raw" next week. Maybe we're going to see Flair/Jericho at Mania since Mickey Rourke isn't going to appear. Only time will tell, but I'd enjoy it, and no honestly it won't tarnish his retirement match, because even though he's old Flair has these specialty appearances left in him.

Now at No Way Out Shawn Michaels (who may or may not keep that name) will take on his boss JBL. I know the angle isn't brand new but it isn't that old either. There is a shark somewhere looking around all crazy, because he just got jumped. Drag this until Mania at least. I wouldn't be too disappointed if it were SummerSlam.

I have a feeling that if done correctly this match could be really, really good. Or if they turn it just a fraction of an inch it could be the cluster to end all clusters. Neither men are in their prime, but if they play only strengths then wow. How about JBL wins this though and HBK is only Michael Hickenbottom. Ouch.

Ok now the obligitory Shane McMahon/Randy Orton deal. Wait, first, why are they waiting so long to do a Cena/Orton build? Is there a possibility that Cena will not be champion going into Mania? I can hope. Maybe it'll be Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston, or Orton vs. Knox. Who knows? Not I.

So Shane O opens the show and lets us know that at No Way Out he and Orton will be in a NHB match. Ok, so I popped like a 10 year old girl at a Hannah Montana show. I know there will be some negative responses to this, but you know what, it doesn't matter. This match will be money. When is Shane not? When Orton's on his game and he will be in this one, he is as well.

Does anyone else mark out when Shane gets a Kendo stick in his hands? Something good always happens whenever he does. Now he's handling Legacy like they're a bunch of jabroni's, but whatever it's Shane and he won't be on TV longer than eight weeks.

Now I saw something last night and I know there will probably be several Osters posting, "dude, Shane and Stephanie were hating each other last time they was on TV why'd he block that kick?" The fact that he did adds a little bit of reality to this storyline. Think about it.

They are family. Nobody can screw with family but family. Family will argue and even come to blows every once in a while, but when someone else steps in, family sticks together. This makes perfect sense and adds a little more heat to it. Go ahead and argue, you're dying to. Place your hands on the home keys and flame out boys and girls.

I've decided to not do entire show reviews, I don't have time, I hit on highlights and leave it for you comment. So each Osters who hits reply, I'd like you to simply put a number 1-10 on your opinion of the show. I'm just waiting on some smartass to give a 1-10 on their opinion of this article. If I get anything over a 4 I'll be sorely disappointed.

Tha Raw Results:
*William Regal & Layla def. Intercontinental Champion CM Punk & Mickie James
*Cryme Tyme def. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase (disqualification)
*Kane & Mike Knox def. Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston
*Beth Phoenix def. Candice Michelle
*World Heavyweight Champion John Cena def. Chris Jericho

12 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

Max Harris said...

damnit i was gnna be that smartass......

Yea. Steph and Shane were hating on each other now shane takes a dive for her? WTF!

Max Harris said...

Oh and I forgot the rating. i would give it a 3

romello said...

I want the belt on Orton by ant means possible! The guy is the most OVER dude on the roster. He has actually stepped up his mic game and that was the only thing he was lacking. The facial expressions,the attitude,the guy is everything the fed needs Cena to be,but never will. I didn't really pop for the Kendo stick,and i still have a wee bit of a problem with Shane beung able to handle all three guys in Legacy. I still think they should be booking these guys much stronger then they do. They consistantly make these dudes look like pussies and that bothers me. Cena over Jericho=Bathroom break! Kofi vs anyone=Sandwich time and Candace Michelle should go put in an application at the Bunny Ranch,because she's useless. Overall i gave the show a 4.5

RadioFreeG said...

Bias upfront, I like John Cena.

His Super-Cena character is overblown, but somebody is putting together his crazy match finishes and it is starting to look retarded.

The "reversal" out of the walls of Jericho looked super lame, and it took me a few seconds to play the move back in my head and realize the impossibility of it all.

Cena CAN wrestle, so why not let him do a little bit of it in matches like the one against Jericho. Yes, his moves are scripted and the comback is his "Hulking up" for the kids, but please, give us something here! That was a terrible way to end the match.

Cena just popped up and gave the salute and looked no worse for wear after being in the submission move. Did the ref tap him and say they were tight for time? I don't get it, I don't get it, I. Don't. Get. It.

Maybe the problem is not with Cena, but the agents that help put the matches and finished together?

Is the Cena heel turn ever coming? Maybe not with Orton doing so well with Legacy.

And the final bit of WTF from last night - JBL yelling at HBK that HBK was broken down and could not beat him? The same HBK that beat CENA CLEAN two weeks ago?

Come on, man. Weak.

srr said...

no time for show reviews? great time for new writers :)

i actually marked for cena last night, for real jericho is so bad i dont know why he won awards on the wrestling observer. horrible promos guys every time he speaks its like nice nice, get off my screen. cena shit him up and beat him clean

birdie said...

I say a 5 for raw & a -10 for Tha raw report

I thought i was a bit harsh last week when i said you(D.J.B)were a bigger Moron than Casur,but I wasn't,You are.
Your not only A bigger moron but your a fucking idiot to boot.

Santino,Rhodes,DiBiase,PUKE,Regal & JBL for World Champ REALLY,you can't be serious

On the one hand,You say Cena shouldn't be the Champ because he has no wrestling ability(which is a load of D.J.B(crap))& then on the other put JBL,santino etc as possible replacements, again Really, you can't be serious.

Anonymous said...

Birdie's got it right. You guys really need to pull your mouths off of Santino's dick. The guy is great on the mic but he is a TERRIBLE wrestler. He barely wrestles, and when he does its in mixed tag matches with the women! Theres a reason for this!

Let it go, man. Santino is mid-card comedy and nothing more.

Dante Ross said...

To use the same theory that is applied to Cena many times, Santino is booked to not wrestle well. I remember when I saw his Russian gimmick from OVW I was like, "Shit. Why wont they let him do this on Raw?" But then I realize that it wont make sense for his character. He is still one of the few reasons to watch Raw.

birdie said...

Anonymous is right, Santino can't wrestle(at least i haven't seen any evidence he can), is great on the mic & he's very funny,but he's no Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

O-Truth said...

So you don't think Santino can wrestle? I bet you also think that Rey Mysterio is the best high flyer in wrestling, too.

God knows that WWE only signs the best wrestlers in the world. I mean, it's obvious with their great main events with world class workers like Tyson Dux, Cody Deaner, and Derek Wylde. Oh, wait, that's right. None of them work for WWE, they have guys like John Cena or Batista.

You want to talk about getting lips off of dicks? Get your lips off of Vince's dick. Idiot.

Evitman said...

Russian Gimmick for Santino from OVW:

Look at it, study the limited set it shows as it is only a one minute promo. See that he is doing what is given to him and runs with it.

Haters of Santino: Eat a dick, a nice big horse dick.

And who the hell brings up the Weasel when we are talking about wrestling? Hell, you killed your argument when you bring up a manager who let a Gorilla bitch him around.

Nobody wanted to comment on the CM Punk, Mickie James match? How bad did Layla botch the ending? B, get your ass up off the ground and cut Mickie off. I know you don't have the experience, and Dan-e-o will probably try to find me and kill me for dissing you, but you were late at the end. Also, you stopped when you heard the 3 count, leaving Mickie, who hey, glad you are back wrestling, looking like shit because she was next to the pin and was waiting for you.

Rhodes and Dibase:
That's your finisher? one of you grab the ankles and the other one grab the head? You guys look gay enough without having that as your finisher.

Rourke/Jericho: To be honest, ROH is having a show in Houston on the weekend with WM. Bringing in a ROH star to go against Jericho would be better than Ric Flair. For one, I don't think Jericho can give Flair the match HBK did last year. Another is that Flair doesn't need to carry Jericho in a match. Hell, bring in Danielson, at least that would be interesting.

But we know WWE will never give ROH the rub it is due. Seems ROH was the one that help make the movie, and WWE is wanting to cash in on the acclaim it garnered.

Max said...

Santino is not given the opportunity to show off his wrestling skills. Hes most definite not the BEST wrestler but he can wrestle at a upper midcard range. Fuck you Santino haters