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1.06.2009

Tha Raw Report

Vince McMahon is coming back in two weeks. I remember being at "Raw" live in Buffalo in August of 2007, the night "Mr. McMahon Strikes Back". For anyone who doesn't remember what happened, it's in the archives. Essentially, McMahon came off as bitter and vindictive, taking cheap shots throughout the night at all the people who wanted to help him clean up his company. Given the recent interviews that were conducted, I expect nothing less than the same.

I had to get that out. An appearance by Vince used to be mean something big, and now it just means he wants to boost his own ego. Vince will help "Raw" ratings the way a glass of water will help a drowning man. Now, on to "Raw", which I enjoyed almost as much as the Fiesta Bowl.

Last week, when I said I hated the Battle Royal, I did not mean that I hated the slow build. All I meant was that you could have given Melina that spot in a far less cheesy way. Mickie vs. Melina, with the winner of that match being the number one contender, how about that? Far more entertaining, and with both of them faces, it's unlikely that you're giving away what would be a pay-per-view match anytime soon.

Santino Marella is hilarious, and his pairing with Goldust makes both of them funnier. I'm hoping that these two continue to cross paths for a long while; maybe with one of them eventually turning to form a tag team. Both are hilarious, both have a pension for getting into trouble but get forgiven rather easily by WWE...seriously, it's a natural pair just waiting to happen sometime down the road.

CM Punk and William Regal squared off last night, not surprisingly ending in a schmoz. I'm guessing this means that Regal still isn't 100%, considering that the match was short and Regal performed very few spots. At first, I wasn't sure if it was such a good idea to have the match this soon considering the finish, but the more I think about, the more I like it. CM Punk is hot because Regal keeps screwing him, right? Well, here's another case of Regal screwing Punk.

I'm done with Rey Mysterio. You will never again hear his name mentioned in a "Raw Report" unless it was written by somebody else. His spots are so planned and coordinated that it's ridiculous. Donnie mentioned a few weeks ago that it looks wack when a superstar just lays motionless in certain situations. It's worse with Mysterio, the man whose opponents always somehow magically end up hanging on the second rope. It's terrible. When your opponent has to crawl halfway across the ring and then feign getting up just so he's in position for your finisher, get a new fucking finisher.

The Legacy angle is the best storyline in wrestling right now. No disrespect to JBL and Michaels, though, which is a close second. This is what a stable should be. A big name with young guys who will eventually be stars. And the best part is that, unlike many stories in WWE, I have absolutely no clue where this story is going. Which, for WWE, is great, because cliffhangers and interesting storylines are what will keep people watching week in and week out. I love this angle and everything about it; big ups to the guys in the back writing this story.

I finally found the way to make a Cena program enjoyable. Have everybody else cut promos, and have Cena do next to nothing. I'm not being funny, either. JBL is gold, Michaels is gold, Cena is shit, so have the storyline revolve around Michaels and JBL and have Cena just be an appendix to the story. Normally, I wouldn't say that about a champion, but normally, the championship shouldn't belong to someone so knee, so I'll gladly make an exception.

"Raw" was incredibly solid this week. It seems that WWE is slowly remembering that interesting stories with continuity and compelling characters were what made them great to begin with. Let's hope the trend continues as 2009 progresses, because it's a lot more fun writing these articles when "Raw" is good.

Tha Results:
*John Cena & Shawn Michaels def. Randy Orton & Chris Jericho
*Cody Rhodes & Sim Snuka def. Cryme Tyme
*Kelly Kelly def. Jillian
*The Miz & John Morrison def. Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston
*CM Punk def. William Regal by disqualification
*Melina & Goldust def. Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella


14 comments: on "Tha Raw Report"

Matt said...

I read somewhere that they're writing the legacy storyline week to week, which could explain why we never know whats going to happen next. All i know is Dibiase's return is gona be good whenever it happens

I got nothing to complain about for this show.

Anonymous said...

I have to disagree with the Mysterio comment about his finisher. The kids love him and they love that finisher. In WWE's bid to be all things to all people this is his niche. Do adults hate it? Certainly! Do adults think that the whole character and believability is ridiculous? Of course. But watch the crowd. The kids love him. Look at the kid's magazine. Mysterio is on the cover and inside the magazine as one of the top draws. I think from that perspective it makes sense. If WWE is going to target kids, Mysterio is that guy.
Just my opinion.
Big H

Christian said...

Until now I thought Cryme Tyme was funny, but after tonight I they suck Cena Balls.
How come I changed my opinion?
Just look at the match.
It was weak when Cena began his "spank the monkey" move, only to be followed by Kofi "Mom don't tell them I'm from Ghana" Kingston with his Boop-Boop-Boop stupid looking assfall(because that's what is,it's not a double leg drop!).
And now we get Shad "formerly know as the Beast" Gaspard with some riducilous fist drop, now if that ain't ghetto enough for the fans I don't know what is.
Now with the rest of the show.
Why does Jericho tell Steph that Vince will be back.
They should have teased that he might have send it to Shane as well, so it could be a surprise when Vince turns up.
Don't be surprised if Manu and Jimmy jr. team up to take on Legacy,otherwise Legacy's work on the show would mean nothing.

Bukkake Devil said...

Comments for Big Daddy Donnie:
How does your vision of second generation wrestlers from 11-2006 stack up to the current storyline? It is interesting that the two people you suggested to be a tag team are not included in the stable as of this week. Could them winning a tag team championship be the way for them to get back into the stable?

Comments for Dan-e-o:
Seeing the way Santino is working this diva/wannabe diva angle, where do you see the payoff for him is in this angle? He has lost his belt, plays second fiddle to Beth, and now is wrestling against a character that the WWE won't even let him be in the Legacy angle. Is Santino going to be bigger than he is right now playing the same character or do you think he needs to change his role?

Comments for Casur:
I find it odd that you want Mysterio to get a new finisher but you didn't even mention Cody's new one. The problem with a new finisher for Mysterio, it has to be convincing enough to take out a bigger person. I would look to not a finisher but maybe easier ways to pin a person. If they would ever turn him, I would suggest a Muta type mist. Your article's good and I appreciate you posting one.

Comments for Christian:
I think you are confusing last week's show with this week's, at least for the first part of your comments. As for Shad's fist drop being "Ghetto", I think that Ted Dibase would take offense to your description.

birdie said...

i agree about Masterio he's a has been (should never have been)

Agree Santino is Hilarious.
They need to use him more,have him do something like a pipers pit or have him be a manager(ie like bobby"the brain"heenan),give him 5/6-10 people, call it something like santino's clan,or have as the third commentator(need a heel,again like "the brain")

Disagree, Legacy WTF ??? its stupid

Casur,
Enough is Enough,your a moron

Cena is the Champ & the man
There are only two better allround performers in WWE (HBK & Edge)
& its no disgrace to be number 3 behind 2 of the greatest of all time.

Anonymous said...

It seems I'm not the only Casur hater around. Big Daddy Donnie and Dan-e-o, birdie said it best. Enough is enough. Casur's a moron, he needs to be fired.

Mr. Nekoda OBE said...

Didn't someone accuse Casur of copying/echoing Tha O's views a while ago? I don't mean to have a dig, but it's trues - Tha O Show criticised last week's Raw Report and a lot of this week's has been "amended" to reflect that. Just be yourself, man! We don't mind! ;)

Christopher Casúr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christopher Casúr said...

Mr. Nekoda-
There's no conspiracy, and I'm not attempting to parrot Donnie and Dan. I do this as a hobby in my spare time for fun, so the day that I start writing everything in an attempt to please Portuguese odontophiliacs and Jamaican midgets is the day Tha O Show will start looking for my replacement.

The reason that my reviews have been getting more positive has been because "Raw" has been getting better, plain and simple.

Where in the World is..... Perry Saturn? said...

Jon and Kate plus 8 was the shit this week.... Sorry RAW, you lost

Anonymous said...

I'm confused. Kane comes out and does his stalker routine with Kelly Kelly(Face)about how he's going to fuck up Orton(Heel)next week because Kelly(Face) likes Orton(Heel)and not Kane(?). Kane proceeds to get a face pop while intimidating Kelly(Face). So is Kane a Face or is he a Heel? And who gets the face pop Orton or Kane? Better question? Who writes this SHIT????

romello said...

WTF is with the pop for Vince? Thats the Bullshit of all Bullshits!

Tha Stepdaddy said...

I think they welcomed Helen Keller to the Raw writing team a while back. Bitch cant see the nonsense thats being put on TV.

Kane is like a snowflake: He's never the same each time you see him.

I love Sim Snuka being told that he failed because he didnt make the pin. That shit was cool. I'm not sure about Cody's new finisher. Its too similar to Morrison's. Also, Test used to do it. And Goldberg. And Reno Riggins. Okay, I'm stretching when I mention Reno, but you get my point.

I hate Rey for the same reason I love Undertaker. Taker got older and knew that he couldnt consistently do the same shit he used to. So he changed it up. More submissions, brawling, and better pacing. Rey keeps trying to be the version of him that was cool. That was like 11 years ago or something in WCW.

Tired of Kofi. Just tired.

Kellyx2 is up there with karen Angle as being a bad actress. She has one setting: Dull. Orton treated her like a postage stamp and she cant even rile herself up? I wish Orton would've given her his Bionic Bitchslap. Sad she has a better legdrop than Hogan.

Cant say anything bad about Beth, Santino, Goldust, or Melina.

Christopher Casúr said...

I have a feeling Rhodes won't be using that finisher for long. As Dante pointed out, that finisher is like Maria-half the WWE roster has done it at some point.

The problem with Kofi Kingston is that he does nothing to make you believe that he's actually Jamaican. Nationality gimmicks are fairly simple to give a guy, but that doesn't mean you don't have to put any work into the gimmick, and the extent to which Kofi works his gimmick is to use a brutal accent and smile a lot. I wonder how many people really believe he's from Jamaica, or, even better, how many people care. Kofi's athletic and he's not a bad worker, but if your gimmick is flat, you're not going to go very far in WWE. Just ask...hell, take your pick of you want to ask on this one. They either need to repackage him or have him spend a year in Jamaica or something. That or have him never talk again and give him someone who actually is Jamaican as a mouthpiece. Dan...?