Tha Raw Report: Tha 2008 Slammy Awards

Today's edition of "Tha Raw Report" is brought to you by Killa Kev of AngryMarks.com:

We start out tonight's show with a recap of the big matches that will take place: John Cena vs. Edge, Triple H vs. Batista and Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy.

WWE Tag Team of 2008 - Presented by Maria Kanellis & Festus Dalton

Festus doesn't say anything, but our nominees are:

Carlito & Primo Colon
John Morrison & Mike "the Miz" Mizanin
Cryme Tyme (Shad Gaspard & JTG)

Your winners... THE MIZ & MORRISON! M&M come out, celebrate, make fun of Festus, and tell him and Maria to get lost. Morrison says that he wants to thank his parents for his support in light of the fact that everybody told them they wouldn't make it. Mizanin says that not only does this mean that they're the Tag Team of 2008, but of the 21st Century. "2008 Tag Team of the Year.... BE JEALOUS!"

WWE Intercontinental Tournament - Semi-Final Match:
John Morrison (w/ Mike "the Miz" Mizanin) vs. WWE World Tag Team champion CM Punk

Punk tries to roll up Morrison for a quick pin, Morrison with a double leg takedown for a quick pin, Punk tries for the GTS, Morrison wiggles out. My cable goes out so I miss a few moments of action but I see Punk get the high knee on Morrison on the outside, then hit a moonsault off the apron to take Morrison and himself out as we go to commercial.

Out of the break we see Punk hit a hurracanrana on Morrison from the top turnbuckle, but he injures his ankle, covers and a two count. Punk tries for the bulldog out of the corner, Morrison wiggles out of it, gets a pin attempt. Punk comes back, sets up Morrison for the GTS, Morrison uses his momentum to hit a hurracanrana of his own on Punk and convert it into a roll-up, 1..2.. KICKOUT! Morrison sets up for the Snapshot, approaches, but Punk stands up and hits a back brain kick. Punk puts up Morrison on his shoulders for the GTS one more time, connects, cover and pins.

WINNER: CM Punk. We throw the match highlights, this was a great opening match for the show, Punk advances to the finals of the tournament. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler then lead us into a recap of last week's Raw where Kane and John Cena wrestled each other, and Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Manu all attacked Punk after the match.

Afterwards we go backstage with Todd Grisham who is interviewing Cena. Cena mocks Jericho's rant last week by saying his own dog because a Jericho fan and couldn't help but lick his nuts when Jericho came no TV, and it forced Cena to ban his dog from watching WWE TV until Armageddon. A few more rants about how he's better than Jericho, sorry I wasn't paying much attention I know I'm bad but we're going to commercial now.

Best Finishing Maneuver of 2008 - Presented by Cryme Tyme & Candice Michelle

Undertaker's "Hell's Gate" (the gogoplata)
Randy Orton's "R.K.O"
Evan Bourne's "Air Bourne" (shooting star press)
The Big Show's knockout right fist

And the Slammy goes to... to... where's the Slammy? Where's the Slammy? Apparently JTG was hiding it. Cryme Tyme's music hits and they just walk out and leave. Candice Michelle finally finishes the presentation... Your winner: Evan Bourne. Candice Michelle starts to accept the award on Evan's behalf when Mike Knox comes out, stares her down, and reaches for the trophy. Candice Michelle hands it to him, gives some sort of goofy smile and leaves.

Randy Orton's music hits and he comes out. "You would think that being WWE Champion for four months of the year and winning the main event at WrestleMania would be impressive. But apparently it isn't good enough to warrant a nomination for WWE Superstar of the Year, even though I've beaten all of the nominees. So tonight is like any other night, it is about showing me a lack of respect. But that's okay, because I'm used to it." Orton starts crying about how he was the "crown jewel" of the group and everybody turned on him.

Orton says that instead of having Triple H and Dave Batista face each other tonight, they should team together to face himself, Cody Rhodes & Manu in a handicap 3-on-2 match. "Tonight... tonight, the Legacy is born!" Commercial.

We come back and MVP is in the ring, he says that his losing streak is being overblown, and tonight it will end. He then makes fun of Major League Baseball player Jimmy Rollins of the Philadelphia Phillies, who is at ringside, saying that it took his team 23 years before they could even win a championship, and haven't won one since. MVP's music then hits... and at the top of the ramp... it's "MVC!" Most Valuable Charlie! Haas comes down for the match, immitating MVP. Jim Ross & Tazz are announcing the match, we're told that Haas won a previously unannounced Slammy for "Best Impersonation of 2008".

Montel Vontaveous Porter vs. "MVC" Charlie Haas

We try for a lock-up, but MVP backs off, complains, goes to lock up, and MVC backs off and mockingly complains. Fans are chanting "MVC! MVC!" Haas tries for a reverse waistlock, MVP escapes it, throws him in the corner, swinging neckbreaker, cover, 1-2-kickout. MVP mounts him and lays in some bombs, referee pulls MVP off, MVP covers, two count. MVP with a armbar breaker from behind with a wrap-up of some sort. Haas powers out, gets to his feet, turns around, lays in a few headbutts, a punch, bounces off the ropes, MVP cuts him off, nails him with a facebuster, gloats and the fans boo. MVP off the ropes, he's BALLIN! Hits the elbow drop, covers, two count.

MVP picks up Haas out of frustration and throws him over the top rope, picks him up and drops him chest-first on the ringside barrier, then throws Haas back in the ring. MVP goes over to Rollins and gloats, gets back in the ring and eats a boot from haas, a dropkick, a clothesline, a few lefts and a right (a-la TNA's Consequences Creed), a scoop slam, and Haas immitates the BALLIN'! elbow drop. Too bad MVP got his knees up to block it. MVP with some big punches to the ribs, then whips Haas into the corner hard. MVP charges for a boot, Haas ducks, it rolls up MVP and pulls out the pin!

WINNER: "MVC" Charlie Haas. Jimmy Rollins celebrates fro mthe crowd as Haas rolls out of the ring and mocks MVP some more. MVP can't believe that he lost. Commercial.

Extreme Moment of 2008 - Presented by ECW Champion Matt Hardy & ECW Executive Assistant Tiffany

John Cena vs. John Layfield - Parking Lot Brawl
Undertaker vs. Edge TLC Match
Chris Jericho throwing Shawn Michaels through the Jeri-Tron 3000
Jeff Hardy's Plunge on Randy Orton from atop the TitanTron

Your Winner: Jeff Hardy. You know I imagine this was probably close. Those were all pretty extreme moments, I'd probably have given it to Jericho though if it was up to me. "It all started years ago on a trampoline in North Carolina," says Jeff has he slaps hands with Matt, "and it all ends on Sunday. Triple H, Edge, it doesn't matter, I'm leaving Armageddon as WWE Champion!" Well I doubt Hardy is going to be the WWE Wrestler of the Year.

Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Jericho

Introductions are made, we take a commercial, we come back and Hardy is whipping Jericho pillar to post, but Jericho with a boot to the midsection and a right stops all that nonsense. Jericho nials a belly-to-back suplex on Hardy, cover and a two count. Jericho pulls up Hardy, slaps him in the face a few times, Hardy punches him back, whip off the ropes, reversal, Hardy kicks Jericho in the bread basket. Hardy charges, Jericho pulls down the top rope, Hardy goes over but hangs on, Jericho follows up with a springboard dropkick off the ropes, Hardy crashes to the floor.

Jericho patiently waits in the ring while the referee counts Hardy out, Hardy rolls in, Jericho starts stomping and kicking hardy. Jericho pulls him up, snap mare takeover into a half nelson submission on the mat. Hardy rides it out, refusing to submit. Hardy gets to his feet, whips Jericho off the ropes and nails him with a clothesine, both men go down. Jericho gets to his feet first, meets hardy, they trade blows, Hardy whips Jericho, reversal, hardy with a pair of forearms, a kick, goes for a double leg takedown and a legdrop between the breadbasket. Hardy follows up with a clothesline off the ropes, cover and a two count.

Hardy pulls Jericho up, front face lock, sets up for a front face slam and executes. Hardy goes to the apron, climbs the turnbuckles up top, Jericho cuts him off, racks him on the buckle, then climbs up, applies a front facelock and lays in punches. Hardy shoves him off, goes up, Swanton Bomb.... CRASH AND BURN! Jericho immediately capitalizes and goes for the Lionsault, HE ACTUALLY CONNECTS! Jericho covers, 1-2-kickout. Jericho complains about the count. Jericho flips Hardy over and tries for the Walls of Jericho, Hardy fights it and flips him over. Jericho recovers and tries a second time, Hardy with a small package counter into a pin, two count. Jerich picks up Hardy by a foot, Hardy with the reverse mule kicks that sends Jericho into the corner, Hardy follows up with the dropkick in the corner.

Jericho is whipped out, reverses, reverse again, Jericho tries for a clothesine, Hardy ducks it, bounces off the turnbuckles with the Whisper 'O the Wind, cover, two count. Hardy sets up, kicks Jericho in the midsection and tries for the Twist of Fate, but Jericho blocks it, spins Hardy around and nails him with the Codebreaker, 1-2-3.

WINNER: Chris Jericho. We play the highlights, go to the back where Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Manu walk out of a locker room and appear to be heading to the ring. Off to break.

WWE Couple of the Year - Presented by Kelly Kelly & Kane

Santino Marella & WWE Women's Champion Beth Phoenix
WWE Champion Edge & WWE SmackDown General Manager Vickie Guerrero
WWE Intercontinental Champion William Regal & Layla London
Fit Finlay & Hornswoggle

And the Slammy goes to... Edge & Vickie Guerrero. The fans start booing as Vickie Guerrero comes out to accept the awards. "Excuse me! ... Excuse me! ... EXCUSE ME!! ... Edge and I have been through so much in the past year. EXCUSE ME! What this award means... what this award means is that true love rebounds!" The fans start a "You suck!" chant. Vickie continues, "On behalf of my husband Edge and I... we accept! We did it, baby! Thank you, thank you!"

Santino Marella's music hits, and Glamarella come out, apparently ticked off that they didn't win. They take the podium. "You havea got to be kidding me!," complains Marella. "Vickie and Edge, they are not couples of the year. And I'mma please, begging somebody to taking Vickie! She's uh, how you say, COUGAR OF THE YEAR! And unlike my loved one, I've never loved me, hated me, sent meto hell by the Undertaker!" Marella says that even though he injured himself last week, the two of them are issuing an open challenge to the other nominees to a match, RIGHT NOW! After this break. And who answers that call? Finlay & Hornswaggle, of course!

WWE Women's Champion "the Glamazon" Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella vs. Fit Finlay & Hornswoggle

Hornswoggle runs up and kisses Beth Phoenix's hand as Finlay puts his bowler hat on her, Phoenix freaks out a little, takes off the hat and stomps on it, then slaps Finlay in the face. Marella laughs, Finlay slaps him in the face, Marella powders out, Phoenix follows, "C'mon you gotta get your crap together, we gotta get in the ring and do this, let's go! He embarassed me!" Marella says, "I got it, don'ta worry!"

Marella and Finlay square off at the bell, Finlay with a waistlock, Marella with a reverse elbow to the face, Finlay with a clothesline, then a short arm clothesline, whips Marella in the corner, charges and delivers a shoulder to the midsection, whip to the other corner, charges, Marella gets a boot up, but Finlay recovers and hits a atomic drop on Marella. Finlay tags in Hornswaggle, who approaches Marella while he's on his knees. Hornswoggle kicks him in the midsection and nails Marella with a DDT, goes to the top turnbuckle... TADPOLE SPLASH! 1! 2! 3!

WINNERS: Fit Finlay & Hornswoggle. Beth Phoenix is PISSED! Hornswaggle runs over and blows her kisses. We replay the highlights, come back and Phoenix is bitching at Marella for his loss, still in the ring as we go to the next segment:

WWE Diva of the Year - Presented by ECW General Manager Teddy "Theodore - Don't Call Me Peanut" Long & Melina Perez

WWE Women's Champion "The Glamazon" Beth Phoenix
Mickie James
Kelly Kelly
WWE Diva's Champion Michelle McCool

And the Slammy goes to... Beth Phoenix! Perez says it with a dejected sigh. Marella was still picking up Marella when she heard the announcement, she drops him like a bad habit and rushes down to the ring! Phoenix runs up, looks Perez in the eyes... wow, is that a lot of eyefucking or what? Phoenix accepts the award and says, "For all the dominant divas in the world, I ACCEPT!" Phoenix then glares over at Perez again, grins, and gives her a shove. Perez grins back, kicks off her shoes... CATFIGHT!

Damnit, I thought they were going to pull a Brittney Spears / Madonna moment there.

They brawl around on stage, Marella strolls up and gloats about the catfight... until Perez kicks Phoenix, who in turn stumbles backwards and nails Marella right in the nuts! Marella looks like he's about to cough up his marbles as Phoenix turns to him and apologizes. Perez scrambles off somewhere. We go back to the announcer's desk where Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler tell us that Batista vs. Triple H is now off, it will be Trips/Dave vs. Orton/Rhodes/Manu. Break.

WWE "Oh My GAWD!" Moment of 2008 - Presented by Alicia Fox & Joey Styles

Plenty of "ECW! ECW!" chants for Styles. Alicia Fox can't barely get in a word without the fans interrupting. "No wonder you were taken off of TV" she says with a grin.

CM Punk cashing in "Money in the Bank"
Undertaker vs Edge in Hell in a Cell
Floyd Mayweather breaking Big Show's nose
John Cena's return at Royal Rumble

And the Slammy goes to... CM Punk! Well at least he gets some recognition for one of the best things to happen on Raw - and WWE - all this year. "I don't want to creep anybody out, but I didn't wear any pants out here!" Punk says he doesn't know if anybody had pulled off a "Triple Crown" in WWE by winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship, the World Tag Team Championship and (possibly in a few weeks) the WWE Intercontinental Championship. He finishes up by saying, "You're going to have a lot more moments from me that will make you say... no, wait, I can't do this!" He goes backstage, drags out Joey Styles, and Styles plainly makes it clear he doesn't want to do it! The fans goad Styles into finishing with one more.. "OH MY GAWD!"

WWE Intercontinental Championship Tournament Semi-Final:
WWE World Tag Team champion Kofi Kingston vs. Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Kingston enters first and high fives Punk on his way out. Mysterio enters and we replay Mysterio hurting himself at the hands of Mike Knox last week.

We get a lock up, Mysteiro witha side headlock, Kingston shoves him off to the ropes, leapfrogs over him, tries for a hip toss, Mysterio blocks it, hurracanrana, Kingston handsprings through it, they trade some chain wrestling, Kingston whips Mysteiro off the ropes and gorilla press slam to the mat, cover and a kickout.

Kingston with a Fujiwama Armbar on Myterio, working the arm for a submission. The same arm that Mysterio has bandaged up. Mysteiro gets to his feet, reaches for the ropes, drags Kingston over and finally makes it, but Kingston pulls him right back down to the mat, gets a brief pin attempt out of it. Mysterio quickly rolls over and tries for a headlock, Kingston converts it into an armbar and then a reverse keylock. Mysterio with a drop toehold into the ropes, goes for the 6-1-9, Kingston turns around and dropkicks Mysterio in the face, cover and a two count.

Kingston whips Mysterio to the corner, charges, Mysteiro with a boot up to stop it, charges and hits his own reverse elbow, goes for a hurracanrana, Kingston again rolls through it, Mysteiro recovers and hits a dropkick to the face, cover and a two count for Mysterio. Mysteiro whips Kingston off the ropes, goes for a dropkick, but Kingston holds the ropes, Mysteiro eats the mat, Kingston with a cover, two count. Kingston throws Mysteiro in the corner, hits a splash, another whip, another splash attempt, Mysteiro rolls under, Kingston tries for a cross-body block off the ropes, Mysteiro ducks it, rolls up Kingston and pulls off an upset win!

WINNER: Rey Mysterio. Another decent match. Mysterio and Kingston stand up, shake hands and raise each other's arms, Mysterio goes to celebrate, Kingston leaves the ring. This Sunday it will be Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk in the tournament final, winner faces Intercontinental Champion William Regal. This will be a first-ever match-up for these two men. Break.

WWE Match of the Year - Presented by Ken Kennedy & Eve Torres

WrestleMania 24 - "Money in the Bank" Ladder Match
2008 Royal Rumble Match
SummerSlam - Undertaker vs. Edge "Hell in a Cell"
WrestleMania 24 - Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair

C'mon... Flair/Michaels! It's gotta be! Gotta be! And the Slammy goes to... SHAWN MICHAELS VS RIC FLAIR! YES! Michaels comes out to accept the award. Too bad they couldn't have gotten Naitch here as well. Michaels says, "I have to say that my match with Ric Flair at WrestleMania will hold a very special place in my heart. Ric Flair is not only my friend, but the man who inspired me to get into this profession." John "Bradshaw" Layfield comes out and takes the award from him and says, "On Shawn Michaels' behalf I will accept this award for Match of the Year, my beating of John Cena should have been Match of the Year, and this award will look good sitting on my mantle along with my other accomplishments." Layfield walks off, and Michaels looks dejected and dirty again. Break.

Dave Batista & Triple H vs. Legacy ("the Legend Killer" Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Manu)

Triple H starts the match with Cody Rhodes, whips him around a little, tags in Batista, who beats up Rhodes in his corner, lays in a few shoulder blocks, whips him off the ropes, clothesline, then a kick to the back off the ropes, front face lock, tag in Triple H, double team whip off the ropes and a big double-team shoulder tackle. Manu gets in the ring, gets beaten up by Trips and Batista, then thrown into Rhodses, both men sail over the top rope. Randy Orton tries to sneak up on both of them, they both turn around and Orton quickly bails out as we go to a break.

Coming back, Orton is beating up on Triple H, gets a few pin attempts, then applies a side headlock on the mat. Triple H punches his way out, tries to make a tag, Orton hits him with that side backbreaker, tags in Manu, diving headbutt on Triple H, cover and a two count. Manu with a front facelock, drags Triple H to his corner, tags in Cody Rhodes. Rhodes lays in a few punches, puts Triple H in the corner, a few kicks, snap mare out of the corner into a reverse front facelock. "Squeeze it Cody, squeeze! Don't let up!" shouts Orton from the side. Triple H gets back to his feet, punches, Rhodes cuts him off, tagsin Orton, Orton with a snap mare takeover into a side headlock on the mat. Batista is cheering on Triple H from the side.

Triple H struggles back to his knees, starts to Hulk up, gets to his feet, picks up Orton for a belly-to-back suplex to break the hold, but both men are on their backs, crawling for hot tags, Orton tags in Rhodes, who stops Triple H, but Triple H kicks him off, Orton stands up and punches hi, whips him to a neutral corner, tries for a bulldog off the ropes, Triple H shoves him off. Both men are down again, Rhodes tags in Manu, Triple H leaps and tags Batista, Batista with a big clothesline on Manu, a powerslam, then knocks Orton and Rhodes off the apron! Manu tries for a move, but Batista blocks it and hits the Spear on Manu. Batista sets up for the Batista Bomb, Cody Rhodes tries to fly in from the top turnbuckle, Batista throws Manu right into him, and each man goes to a opposite corner.

Orton tags himself in on Manu, Batista attacks both men, takes them out. Orton climbs in the ring and tries for an RKO on Batista from behind, Batista turns around and shoves him off, Triple H runs in and takes Orton out with a clothesline, then takes Manu out of the ring with another clothesline. Batista sets up for the Batista Bomb on Orton, but Cody Rhodes recovers and clips Triple H from behind, allowing Orton to convert the Batista Bomb into the RKO and picks up the pin 1-2-3.

WINNER: Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Manu. Highlights, commercials.

WWE "DAMN!" Moment of the Year - Presented by Mickie James & Ron Simmons

The Great Khali's Kiss Cam
"Sailor" Jim Ross
CM Punk attacks Chavo Guerrero, dressed as a mariachi player
Santino Marella's "Split goes Splat"

And the Slammy goes to... The Great Khali! Khali gives his speech in Punjabi, Runjin Singh says that Khali says that awards are frivilous and we should focus on saving the environment and the children. They start to walk off, but Mickie James steps up... I think she wants a kiss! "You had me at 'The Great Khali says..." she quips. Khali grins big, leans in to kiss her...

Then Jillian Hall comes out and starts screeching. Then Sho Funaki and Howard Finkel show up as background dacners. Then Sgt. Slaughter and Jim Duggan show up, waving American flags around them! Khali shrugs his shoulders, picks up Mickie James in his arms and they start swapping spit like nobody's business! Damn you two, get a room!!!

Of course, Ron Simmons finally has to chime in...

"DAMN!"

The WWE Rewind is John Cena getting ambushed by Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Manu and Chris Jericho. Presented by Fallout 3. R Truth then comes in through the crowd, carrying a Slammy, apparently earlier in the night he won WWE Musical Performancer of the Year. Glad to see he beat out Jillian Hall and P.N. News.

R Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ziggler makes his way down to the ring, apparently he's not done with his WWE career yet. Ziggler tries to introduce himself, sticks out his hand, R Truth does a little dance, Ziggler kicks him in the midsection, whips him to the corner, charges, R Truth dodges it, kicks him in the face, right hand, uppercut, tries to whip Ziggler off the ropes, Ziggler picks him up and drops R Truth throat-first on the ropes, R Truth rolls out, recovers, rolls in, Ziggler covers for a two count.

Ziggler lays in several elbow drops, goes for one final big air elbow drop, covers and gets a two count. Ziggler with a reverse chinlock on R Truth, R Truth gets to his feet, Ziggler grabs the hair and slams him head-first into the mat, kicks him in the head, back to the reverse chinlock. R Truth gets to his feet again, elbows his way out, Ziggler knees him in the guts, punch to the face, whip into the corner but R Truth reverses that and Ziggler goes in HARD chest-first.

Both men get to their feet, R Truth clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring. Truth follows up with a slingshot over the top rope shoulder-first into Ziggler. Truth picks up Ziggler, they trade punches and knees, Ziggler headbutts R Truth into the apron, R Truth kicks back, European Uppercut, Ziggler leaps up on the apron and nails a kicks to R Truth's face, rolls into the ring just as the referee counts to 10.

WINNER: Dolph Ziggler, via countout. Roll the highlights, take a commercial.

OTHER 2008 SLAMMY AWARDS NOT PRESENTED THIS EVENING (courtesy PWInsider.com)

Best Impersonator: Charile Haas as Beth Phoenix
Best Announcing Team: Todd Grisham & Matt Striker (YES! I agree!)
Best WWE.com Original Programming: the Dirt Sheet
WWE Breakout Star of the Year: Vladimir Kozlov (I'd agree, I don't think you could have went wrong with Kofi Kingston or Evan Bourne, though)

The 2008 WWE Superstar of the Year - Presented by WWE Raw GM and Executive Vice-President Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley

Triple H
John Cena
Chris Jericho
Jeff Hardy
Dave Batista
John Cena

And the Slammy goes to... CHRIS JERICHO!

"First of all," says Jericho as he accepts his award, and steps away from the podium and walks down towards the ring. The fans for the most part seems supportive of Jericho, many even bowing over the railings and saying, "We're not worthy!"

Jericho steps in the ring, takes a mic and continues. "First of all, I just want to say how extreme estatic that none of you were allowed to cast your votes for these awards tonight, because you are all nothing more than mindless sheep who are steered into whatever direction you are told to go in, you do not hold the capabilities to decide this fairly, and you know it's true! And I knew that I was going to be the Superstar of 2008 because I'm the best in the world today! And you will sit there and listen to the list of accolades that I accrued during 2008. " Cena runs down that list, and says that he will also include his win over John Cena this Sunday at Armageddon.

Jericho starts to run down the fans, John Cena, his former self etc etc yadda yadda yadda. "So I can't think of a better way to close out 2008 by destorying John Cena this Sunday and putting the WWE World Heavyweight Championship around my waist. Do you undersatnd what I am saying right now?"

Somebody does, and THE CHAMP IS HEEEERRREEE! Cena bumrushes the ring, Jericho bails out of the ring and into the crowd. But Edge's music hits next and Cena's gotta return to the task at hand...

WWE World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. WWE Champion Edge

Thank GOD Edge shaved off that Grizzly Adams beard he developed. Trying to immitate Kimbo Slice just didn't make his image look sexy. Both men take a neutral corner, bell rings, they gather in the middle of the ring to lock up. Edge with a knee to the midsection, but then John Cena takes over, whipping Edge all over the place, clotheslining him out of the ring... GOD DAMN FUCKING COMMERCIAL! AUGH. STOP THAT SHIT!

During the break, Edge nials Cena with a reverse neckbreaker over the ropes, leading to Edge having Cena in a reverse chinlock on the mat. Cena get to his feet, powers out, bounces off the ropes, Edge with a leg lariat, covers, two count. Cena pulls himself up in the corner, Edge comes over and lays in a few right hands and a forearm shot. Edge with an elbow to the back of the neck, Cena fires back with punches whips Edge off the ropes, reversal and Edge with a flapjack on Cena, cover, two count. Cena goes back to the reverse chinlock on Cena, almost like a modified sleeper on the mat. Cena struggles around, Edge transitions into a front facelock.

Cena gets to his feet again, powers out, and they're trading big rights all the sudden. Cena with a boot to the midsection, bounces off the ropes and hits the Blockbuster. Cena charges again, Edge takes him out with a boot to the face. Edge backs up in the corner and sets up for the GORE GORE GORE (I mean the Spear). Edge taunts Cena to get up, Cena gets to his feet using the corner, Edge charges, Cena charges and hits Edge with a shoulder block, a second shoulder block, the side slam and... YOU! CAN'T! SEE! ME! He takes his time to calls for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but still delivers!

Cena sets up for the F-U, picks up Edge, Edge wiggles out, tries for a clotheslines, Cena ducks it, tries for the F-U again, Edge wiggles out, Cena ducks another clothesline, tries for a THIRD F-U, Edge AGAIN wiggles out, bounces off the ropes, drop toe hold and Cena goes right into the STF! But he releases it and dashes out of the ring, because Chris Jericho is running back down to the ring, Cena slides out to meet him, the bell rings!

Cena and Jericho start brawling, they brawwl into the crowd. Edge gets to his feet and turns around, Triple H is right there with a bulldog! Triple H is pounding on Edge in the corner, but Jeff Hardy runs in and takes out Triple H from behind, he mounts Edge and starts to pummel him. Triple H gets to his feet, kneelift on Hardy, then gets thrown out by the seat of his pants. Spinebuster on Edge and then a clothesline out of the ring. Edge staggers to his feet, and Jeff Hardy launches himself off the steps into a Swanton Bomb! Edge scrambles up the ramp to escape, Jeff Hardy starts to walk up and looks back to Triple H.

I don't know how the match ends, I'm assuming it's either a no contest or a DQ win for Cena. We replay the end of the match, the brawling, and then end the show with Triple H and Jeff Hardy mouthing to each other. That's it, we'll see you tomorrow night for ECW!

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