Tha Raw Report: Hustle Loyalty Disrespect

It's been a long time since I covered "Raw" in the article that I founded here on Tha O Show. I was figuring that it'd be best to keep my opinions locked and loaded for the weekly radio show...but alas, your bro Dan-e-o is back to do what he does best in written form: Hate on the product.

A good majority of Tha Nation of O, undoubtedly let out a collective "what the fuck?" when John Cena won the World Heavyweight Championship at Survivor Series. (Not "reclaiming" it as the E's announcers would have you believe. This is, of course, Johnny Boy's first run with the Big Belt). And, of course, I am here to lead the way in the disrespect of Cena. So let the hate begin.

Before we get to Cena, I must ask. Why can't the McMahons get along? Never ones to keep themselves too far away from pertinent storylines, the McMahons - in this case, Shane and Stephanie - are back at it again. How many times have we seen the sibling rivalry...or moreover, the discension within the family unit storyline?

It's so "I've-already-seen-this" (as is many other elements to WWE programming). And it's not like Shane O seems prepared to go at it in the squared circle versus one of Stephanie's chosen henchmen in some sort of angle that will prove match worthy. So why the fuss?

Let's get to a more important question. When will Stephanie start showing us more of her titties? Husband Hunter is off on "SmackDown!" staring at Eve's (and with good reason). I'm just saying (a la Hurricane Helms), if you're gonna come out and screech at us each week, how 'bout a little billionaire cleave?

Anyway, "Raw" jumps off with a rematch of HBK and Rey Rey against Miz and Morrison. For the life of me, I can't figure out which show the new MNM is supposed to be a part of because they literally appear on all three practically every week. Not that I'm complaining. Morrison, is easily one of the company's future stars if they don't fuck shit up. With the look, the charisma and the in-ring skills to boot, dude has all the potential in the world to take it to the next level.

Who knows? Maybe this current angle will have him go head to head with Shawn Michaels in some single matchalaz action. It'd be hype 'cause The Miz is a tool. That being said, it was a decent match and while Big Daddy Donnie likes to hate on Mysterio, his flippulance...yes, that's right, flippulance is still top notch. Rey can fly with the best of them and still manages to be a very entertaining competitor.

But this match was all about JoMo for me. (That nickname sucks, by the way. Anything that rhymes with...well, you know...is a knee way to refer to a dude).

As you've probably guessed, I'm BUCK feeling the Intercontinental Championship Tournament. Long time listeners of Tha O Show are well aware of my affinity for this title. I grew up seeing this belt as the eventual catapult to the WWE Championship. It was practically a right of passage and a necessity to go through an IC title reign before getting a sniff at the big one. Bret, Shawn, Rock, Austin...they all did it.

Last night's "Raw" attempted to assimilate new fans with that concept. Of course, this tourney is more about selling the new History of the Intercontinental Championship DVD. But fuck it, it's about time the strap gets the appropriate shine it deserves.

Only problem I have with this tournament though - I can just hear Donnie venting about it now - is that there was no tournament bracket graphics on "Raw". How the fuck else better to put over the concept of a tournament than to have a bracket displayed to show the progress of those moving forward into the next round? Without it, it's as if there is no tournament going on at all.

As well, how about a little explanation for exactly why and how the competitors involved in the tourney have been chosen. My main man, Santino Marella made perfect sense in his promo last night when questioning why he wasn't even in the tournament. Now WWE has thrown logic up its ass and shit it out many times in the past...but c'mon man...C'mon man....C'mon man.

C'mon man.

Either way, good lookin' to William Regal for doing his put over job of the IC belt during his commentary. Here's to the thing actually looking like it's worth something again. Santino was doing an awesome job of that with the "Honk-A-Meter". This tourney SHOULD put it over the top.

By the way, shame on me for forgetting to "O" for Santino's "rapping song" last week on "Raw". Not only that, but he referenced my homeboy Kardinal Offishall's monster hit "Dangerous" when poking fun at "Akorn". This week, huge O for the introduction of "Pasquale" and "Francesco". Hands down, they were ALL robbed in that match with Goldust. Santino Marella remains the most entertaining superstar on "Raw".

Finally, as it relates to this tournament. I HATE...absolutely HATE when a current champion is in, any way, involved in a quest for another title. As if, his own isn't worth devoting his full attention to. Why are tag champions CM Punk and Kofi Kingston in this tournament? So they can begin a potential feud with each other after their LONG standing "friendship"? For cock's sake!

Hype that Chris Jericho is #1 contender again. I totally see Randy Orton as the champ of the future, so I'm confident his time will come. For now, I'm just REALLY glad it wasn't Batista going over for the shot at Cena's title at Armageddon.

Here's why: I'm fully aware that a program between the Bati-man and John Ce-nuts is in the works for WrestleMania 25...or so the rumour goes. I'm just BEGGING for it to be SOMEWHAT intriguing. And the only way for that to happen is for ONE of the two to turn heel. Not quasi-heel. Fully heel.

The likeliness of this happening is slim as the E can't get Bati or Johnny's dicks out of their collective mouths but it NEEDS to happen! In his ever-present dryness last night, Batista exclaimed how "proud" he was of John Cena coming back to win the world title at Survivor Series after his injury.

Now does that sound like a natural reaction that any straight man would have? Let me get this straight. You claim that nothing means more to you than the World Heavyweight Championship. You defeat John Cena at a pay-per-view. You put him on the shelf with an injury. He comes back, wins the strap that you're clamouring for. And you're proud of him? Proud?

Gay pride jokes aside, what the fuck? You're not vex that he didn't have to climb his way back to the top? Not a bit upset that he got the shot you didn't? Not the least bit perturbed by the idea of him being champion while you're forced to EARN another title shot? Dude, get off the Goids! (Steroids for homos...I just made it up).

If Batista's character would actually start making some sense and become an "animal" at the appropriate times, ie. when a dude you defeated in his LAST match is now champion instead of YOU, the eventual feud for the belt between the two might...just might be interesting. Wishful thinking for now.

Oh yeah, I suppose there was a women's match to cover. Here's how I saw it. There were 12 titties on television for a few minutes. Six pairs...all hype. I'd squeeze each one ever so lovingly if I could.

Now...Cena comes out at the end of "Raw" (thank you Satan) and cuts the most babyface-alaz promo ever. Talkin' 'bout how he does everything he does for the fans. Not for championships...but for all of us. I love how Cena started his charade with a group of legit fans...insisting that Jericho had to face them "all" as he proceeded to the ring only to have his youthful entourage IMMEDIATELY cut off by security. Way to look out for your peeps John. You're a herb.

Anyway, the champ is here, blah, blah, blah...I stop at nothing, I won't stop fighting, yadda, yadda, yadda, I eat balls. John Cena is knee. Bottom line. WWE will continue to shove him down our throats whether we like it or not. Currently, he's in the "we haven't seen him in a while so we pop for him" category. Once that wears off and the fans remember how shit Cena is, the mix of boos will weave its way back amongst the markish cheers for this fool.

Jericho won't win at Armageddon...and the rest of us will hope beyond hope that Randy Orton, not Batista will dethrone Cena sometime in the new year.

Tha Raw Results:
*Mickie James, Candice Michelle & Melina def. Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix, Katie Lea Burchill & Jillian
*World Tag Team Champion CM Punk def. Snitsky to progress in the Intercontinental Championship Tournament
*Goldust def. Santino Marella
*Chris Jericho def. Batista and Randy Orton to become No. 1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship
*World Tag Team Champion Kofi Kingston def. Kane by disqualification to progress in the Intercontinental Championship Tournament
*Shawn Michaels & Rey Mysterio def. The Miz & John Morrison

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