Tha Raw Report

Author's note: Sorry for the delay in posting this, the death of a dear friend of the family has left things rather hectic over the past few days. Starting next week, "Tha Raw Report" will be posted within an hour of the conclusion of "Raw".

I don't get it. The rankings of almost everyone at Tha O Show has "Raw" as something other than the A show. And that's deservedly so, as their product has ranged from mediocre to okay, but never great. So why is it that so many more fans keep tuning into "Raw" than any other wrestling show on TV? I don't get it.

One thing that I do get, though, is that CM Punk is not an underdog. He's supposed to be, but he's not. Winning matches in the midcard does not make you an underdog; it makes you a midcarder. His match with JBL last night was solid, and it did tell a story. The boastful and ego-driven JBL has been growing frustrated because despite his disdain for the braggart CM Punk, and despite JBL's belief that he is the superior wrestler, JBL just can't put Punk away.

I'd be madder if this match was in the midcard as opposed to the curtain jerker, as strange as that may sound. It's not much of a step up, but having your champion be the show opener is a good way to set the tone for the evening.

Kelly Kelly may actually be able to wrestle after all. She's no Nattie Neidhart, but she's clearly improving. I liked that last night, a lot of her offense centered around working on Beth's arm. Now, mind you, she didn't get much offense in, but there was a nice little string of four or five moves that she did where she was focused on one body part. Whoever taught her to do that, good for them. The comedic interference of Santino makes me not care that the champ lost to her, this won't turn into a long standing feud anyway.

Charlie Haas has a new gimmick, folks. Every week, he's going to come out dressed up like somebody else. At least, I hope so. This week, he came out as "Charlito" to wrestle the debuting Primo Colon. The last time we thought he was getting a cool gimmick, he ended up being off TV for eight months. I'm guessing they're going to build towards a feud between the brothers Colon, provided Carlito doesn't get cut. The matches should be good, but WWE, make me care about the story if that's where you're going. Make me, Joe Fan, emotionally invested in that idea. Ready? Go.

Now, speaking of emotional investments, Shawn Michaels and his detached retina (editor's note: You're supposed to have forgotten that his eye was permanently and severely damaged) came out last night to cut a great promo, which is par for the course with HBK more often than not. God, did Jericho look knee in that suit though. I could not take him seriously as a tough guy with the way he looked last night. The hair was bad, the three day stubble made it worse, and the suit that made him look like he was attending a college open house was just the dingleberry icing on the shit cake.

However, I am still interested in their match at Unforgiven, and it is, as of this writing, the only match scheduled that I actually am interested in.

Going from Michaels kayfabe injury to a real injury, I want to talk about John Cena for a second. As a guy who has had neck problems in the past and has a father who had herniated disks in his back and has seen firsthand what they can do to a person, neither are very fun. As shit a worker as John Cena may be, I still have to take the humane route here and send my best wishes his way. Get well, John. Not necessarily soon, but get well.

Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase squared off against Jerry Lawler and Jim Duggan last night. Okay, give the champs some fodder so they can get airtime, good idea. Cryme Tyme is finally getting a title shot? Nice! I take back my earlier comment, there are now two matches that I'm interested in at Unforgiven. Cryme Tyme are super over as faces, Simply Priceless are super over as heels, so this match could be red hot.

Santino Marella is the muhfuggin' man. If Cham Pain ever gets hired by WWE, I wanna see these two guys tag team. I've even get a name-Two Funny Motherfuckers. From his pompous posing while escorting Beth Phoenix down to the ring for her match to his victory celebration, everything this guy does is entertainment.

With the John Cena injury, the door was opened for a new superstar to enter the Clusterfuck Spectacular Championship Match at Unforgiven. My personal choice would have been Big Show, who decided to jump ship to "Raw" after being left out of the qualifiers on "SmackDown!". That seemed logical. Instead, we get Rey Mysterio, Mr. "619 mg of Deca Durabolin".

Bad choice in my opinion. Yeah, he's a former champ and all, but why not use this to give somebody from the midcard some shine like they're doing with The Brian Kendrick over on his show, "SpankDown"?

Batista vs. Kane. Lordy, did this match scream entertainment. Batista's wrestling is wack, and Kane's current angle is wack. It's so obvious from week to week that this angle is being written on the fly. Rey Mysterio was supposedly battered so remorselessly that he would never be the same man again, and yet without any mention of Kane, he gets slid into a title match that's two weeks away. Calling all Austin fans. WHAT?!

The ending was a clusterfuck and did nothing to build anticipation for the title match that both men will be a part of at the next pay-per-view. By the way, I love the fact that this idea is so clearly over that WWE has decided to do one of these Scramble matches for ECW as well. Forget the name Unforgiven, from here on out this show will be referred to as Clusterfuck, because that's what it's going to be.

Tha Results:
*CM Punk def. JBL
*Kelly Kelly def. Beth Phoenix
*Primo Colon def. "Charlito"
*Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase def. Jerry "The King" Lawler & "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
*Santino Marella def. Kofi Kingston
*Batista def. Kane by DQ

Share |