Tha Raw Report

Last week, DJB mentioned that ECW was the A show, but that he wasn't sure if "Raw" or "SmackDown!" was the B show. After last night, I'm going to argue that "Raw", is in fact, the weakest show of the three. Don't get me wrong, that's not to say that the show doesn't have upside to it, but in comparison to the other two shows, there are too many obvious glaring flaws in the show.

Chris Jericho used to be great as a face or heel. However, given the events of the past year, these days he's much better suited to be a heel. His promo to kick off "Raw" was golden. Like I said before, nothing like hitting a man's wife to get the heat piled on. Remember that, Hayden Avery. Want to really piss the New Era off? Slug Dan's boyfriend.

Michaels has always been credited as the guy who likes seeing his name in lights, and Jericho made sure to make a point of that in his promo last night. Also, no run-ins during the promo was a good thing as well. WWE and TNA seem to think that any promo is a good time for a run-in, and they're not always. Letting Jericho come out and spew venom, uninterrupted, builds emotion and interest into the eventual payoff for this storyline.

Poor Paul Burchill. A month ago, he was feuding with Kofi Kingston for the Intercontinental Championship. Last night, he got squashed and lost to the worst Batista Bomb in history. It looked like Batista tweaked one of his legs while performing the move, but I haven't heard anything yet, so I can't tell. What I can say, though, is that with more cuts rumored, Paul Burchill's head may be on the chopping block. Which is a shame, because he was the best incestuous pirate WWE ever had. O for Batista tripping on the steps when he came out.

Paul's counterpart, Katie Lea, was involved in a Divas tag match last night. I have to give credit to all the girls in this match. Mickie James and Katie Lea can work, we've all seen that, but it seems that Kelly Kelly and Jillian have also been polishing up their skills. It seems that the presence of the Knockouts Division in TNA has caused WWE to raise their game.

JBL squashed Jamie Noble. There's not a lot that I can say about this, it was a short match, no promos of any sort, but props to Jamie Noble, because he sold those clotheslines stiffly. This will help JBL regain some steam, as whenever Punk drops the belt, I'd like to see JBL be the guy to take it.

I had a conversation with one of my friends during "Raw" last night, and he mentioned that he legit hated JBL. I told him that that's why JBL's so great. He's a heel through and through. He's not a bad guy who does cool things, he doesn't have any catchphrases, he in short has nothing that can make fans warm up to him. He just comes out and makes you hate him.

Simply Priceless came down, and then Cryme Tyme came down to the ring. My first thought was "Is Cryme Tyme finally using the title shot that they earned two years ago?" Of course, the answer to that was no. But they did at least steal the belts, which I popped for. They're supposed to be thugs and thiefs, it's about damn time they stole those things. Feudalaz in the workalaz.

Santino Marella is the man. Even though his promo was cut during a commercial (whoever made that decision, I want their asses fired), he had several great lines during his match with D-Lo Brown. Because I know Dan's going to O for these lines, I'm going to beat him to it. I present to you, Santino Marella's lines "O" tha night.

-"I appreciate it, but I got it" (to Beth Phoenix after she protected him from receiving the Lo Down, only to have his jaw jacked by D-Lo a second later).
-"I'm-a the Intercontinental Champion...forever!"

It's nice to see that the Intercontinental Championship is finally being treated like it means something.

Kane's new music is dope, as it fits his new psychotic heel persona, but his storyline is still shit. He admitted that he knew Rey was alive. Well, then, why did you go around for weeks asking if he was alive or dead? To make things worse, out comes Batista, who appeared to be sporting a busted wheel (if he was fine, it was the best selljob of his career, but I question how his leg was supposed to have been hurt in the first place.

CM Punk is finally in the main event! Whoopee! But he lost to Chris Jericho. And now he has to defend his title in the worst concept match for a World Championship match ever. A Championship Scramble in which the title can change hands multiple times in 20 minutes and whoever has the belt at the end of 20 minutes is the champion. First of all, suddenly a lot of main eventers are going to be real easy to pin in this match. Second of all, we may see everybody involved in the match rack up a mad number of title reigns before the match is over. Too bad Crash Holly isn't still around to join in the fun.

As a parting thought, why was it that all night, when the teaser for "Major Announcement" came up, it showed Shane and Stephanie, yet Adamle was the one who made the announcement?

Tha Results:
*Batista def. Paul Burchill
*Mickie James & Kelly Kelly def. Katie Lea Burchill & Jillian
*JBL def. Jamie Noble
*John Cena def. Simply Priceless in a 2-on-1 Handicap Match
*D-Lo Brown def. Santino Marella by DQ
*Chris Jericho def. CM Punk

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