Tha Raw Report: Happy Birthday Dan-e-o!

I'm still not entirely sure whether or not the Million Dollar Giveaway is a work or not, but either way, Vince McMahon went full speed ahead with the contest last night on "Raw". Much like most people, I was never too into this, and quiite frankly, I think it'd have been a better tool had this thing been a work, as alluded to in previous week's Raw Reports.

As unoriginal as the Million Dollar idea, it was not by any means the only bland segment of the show. The show wasn't that bad, it just seemed like the show as a whole was bland. Cutting edge and innovation seem to have gone the way of the buffalo on Monday nights.

I do like what the E is doing with Ken Kennedy at the moment. It fits coherently with Kennedy's character, and as much as I'd mark out for a Kennedy/Edge feud on "SmackDown!", it's probably not happening, so this is the next best thing. Kennedy has no place in the main event on "Raw" at the moment, so this keeps him from getting lost in the shuffle.

The E continues to have more focus be on Beth Phoenix and Melina, which leaves the Women's Champion, Mickie James, as an afterthought. I have two problems with this. Firstly, if Mickie is an afterthought, why is the strap not on either Beth or Melina? The second problem is nothing new. With Night Of Champions coming up, I think that would be a great time to have a match featuring divas from each show (not a massive Battle Royal, mind you, but a Fatal Four Way or something akin to that). Merge the female rosters already, E!

John Cena won his match again. "There's something new", says Christopher, the roll of his eyes thick with cynical sarcasm. On a show with no main event heels, why is the only guy who fits that bill being jobbed out to a guy who absolutely sucks? JBL now has lost three one-on-one matches against John Cena. Further proof that WWE is only looking to pander to the braindead marks. Oh, by the way, E, even that group is starting to wise up. Don't believe me? Check the ratings over the past month.

Why are Team Whitey still the tag champs? They won those belts seven months ago and have done fuck all with them since winning them. "Raw" has a mildly resurgent tag team division, there is no reason for this team to never defend those titles, much less be jobbing out to the random-ass tag team of Umaga and Snitsky.

On that note, though, I will say that I'm excited about this second generation heel stable that is currently in its early stages. The E took forever to get on the ball with this one, but I doubt anyone will care should they even do this half right.

What is Cryme Tyme doing? To echo a statement that Dan has made multiple times, these guys earned a tag team title match a year and a half ago...and we're still waiting to see it. I do think that Cryme Tyme and Team O could have a dynamite feud, though, belts or not. The face team is over like nobody's business, and Santino and Carlito are great young heels. Maybe if we're lucky, we haven't seen the last of these two teams.

Here's a bad sign. The most stale part of "Raw" is the main event. Triple H and John Cena aren't over, but that's your main event for Night Of Champions. Whoopee. Hopefully the fact that Jeff Hardy won last night is an indication that Vince isn't as pissed at him as he was originally, and that Hardy didn't completely fuck over his push.

Either way, you have a main event picture with three faces. Three faces and no heels. Again, if you're pandering to the braindead marks, you want a feud with a clear guy they can get behind, or a clear guy that they can purely hate. If the crowd has no strong feelings either way to the wrestlers, how can they pop or get hot over anything?

"Raw" is badly in need of a shake-up, and despite what they want us to think, a Draught is not brilliant enough of an idea to save them. They need something much more outside of the box and intriguing if they want to bring viewership back.

Tha Results:
*Mr. Kennedy def. Paul Burchill
*Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix
*John Cena def. JBL
*Umaga & Snitsky def. Hardcore Holly and Cody Rhodes
*Cryme Tyme def. Carlito and Santino Marella
*Jeff Hardy def. Triple H

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