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Tha iMPACT Playback: Shooooooot!

This edition of "Tha iMPACT Playback" is going to be a little different. Sorry to break the mold of Positively O Show that seems to be the norm, but dammit I cover TNA. Happiness and being positive isn’t in my job description.

At least it wasn’t until Bubba and D-Von came into Jim Cornette’s office. To steal a quote from D-Von, “O my brother…TESTIFY!” That single promo gave me a new outlook on life, at least in TNA. Thank God for Team 3D. Never thought I'd say that again.

I’ll break down the promo, and piece by piece I’ll justify every single thing he said. I know it was in a sense kayfabe, because it was directed at Cornette, but play along children, DJB is directing this at Vince Russo, Dutch Mantel, Jeff Jarrett, Abyss and whoever else is booking this shit.

Numero uno: The inmates are running the asylum. Let us all pray to whomever we pray too, that, that is indeed true. Because if the bookers are making these stipulations week after week, they need to be shot, like Bubba suggested James E. do.

Numero dos: A jobber with an identity crisis. I like Sharkboy, I really, really do. The Shark Boy Steve Austin gimmick is lame. It’s funny, but what purpose does that serve? This is wrestling, not a comedy show. I repeat, wrestling, not a comedy show.

Tyson Dux wrestles, Chris Rock does standup comedy. A.J. Styles wrestles, Jeff Foxworthy is a comedian. Triple H wrestles, Lewis Black makes us laugh. Ric Flair wrestles. George Carlin makes us spew Jack Daniels from our nostrils. Are we following? Good. Other than an episode or two of “Blue Collar TV,” the two should not mix on a weekly basis.

Comedy spots are fine. Comedy segments are ok. Comedy shows on a weekly basis are not. One worker with a defined gimmick taking that of another world class gimmick and making them one is also not ok. For a week or two, or a for a promo or two, fine, knock yourself out. Not on a weekly basis spanning more than a month.

Numero Tres: Enough of the damn reality stars in wrestling. I don’t give a damn if he had a completely different persona on The Real World than Mike Mizanin, The Miz should not be hogging tag team gold for four months. Johnny Fairplay is a different, he’s a manager, not a worker. Survivor cast member #45 whatever his name was in the front row, please don’t waste my time.

I know that by being in the first row, and the events that went down at the end of the show, dude is going to be on the roster. I'm tired of it, if you're going to be a wrestler, be a wrestler, let your work speak for itself. Don't come in and have that as your claim to fame and have a shitty work rate.

Aside from the Team 3D promo there were other positives, but Jesus Christ, that was the best single promo cut by one worker in months, if not years. There was actually another good promo cut tonight. That promo was cut by O Show favorite Christian Cage.

Cage’s promo on Tomko was great. I dug the jacked up, tattooed, pussy line. The whole thing with Tomko, and while I realize he’s big shit in Japan, he’s pretty much just shit here. There aren’t too many people that see him as a stand alone character, and I’m one of them.

Sticking to the topic of good promo’s let’s give it up for Nuufolau Joel Seanoa. Samoa Joe cut what was one of his best, if not his best promo in TNA. He had some good ones in RoH, but that one may actually be the best of his career.

My only problem with that promo was that it sounded eerily like a goodbye promo. Maybe it was done for that purpose, because Joe deserves that belt. Joe however, doesn’t need TNA, like TNA needs Joe. Joe can go to Japan again, and RoH again and make mad money.

Joe has limitless potential, and maybe that’s the Samoa Joe mark in me, but I really do believe that. I don’t think Joe in the WWE would work, it would be CM Punk x10, and not in a good way, but there are other options, and Joe has done them before.

I can’t do it. I have to throw in some negativity. Black Reign and Rellik, really? Is it necessary? Seriously? It’s about as useful as a shit flavored lollipop. I realize that during a certain time, Black Reign served a purpose. I guess with Abyss being gone they need to team them up and make a mega-monster. Johnny the Bull as killer spelled backwards. Someone tell me where they saw money in that?

Super Eric, yay, I guess. Happy joy, he’s now a super face on some days and chicken shit face on others. He makes it work, but it just doesn’t entertain me anymore. I’m a huge EY mark, but this gimmick seems to me to have run its course.

Moving right along, to Kurt Angle, and his incredibly non-hetero ring attire, under no circumstances should a singlet be worn with no knee pads and solid white wrestling shoes, at least when its obvious you haven't seen a tanning bed in a month. That’s only a small part of what irritated me about the Angle’s tonight.

In Kurt Angle’s promo, he stated this, “I am the best ever, today!” What does that mean? Will he be the second best ever tomorrow? Or was he the third best yesterday? Think these things through. It’s a taped show for God’s sake, edit it!

Karen asked for a separation…AGAIN! How many times is this gimmick going to go down? Remember when Trademarc, John Cena’s cousin, was brought in? As much as I enjoy looking at Karen Angle, and I do, if this is her only purpose, take her away. Shoot me now, and take her away.

The way Kurt played that up was pretty good. No kids, no wife, total focus. So what happens if he loses the strap? Do they drag this out farther? Do they keep going with the separation or do they make them a happy couple for another three months before the next one? Just end it, in some way, shape or form, just end it!

AJ still plays his gimmick like a champ. His small segment with Tomko, Karen and JB was good. It is part comedy, and I won’t deny it, but the way he plays it, he comes off as dumb, not funny. It’s priceless. Tomko is dead weight, sorry for those who like him, but he is. He’s big, and has tattoo’s, that’s his gimmick, and all he’s got.

The TNA Rough Cut with the James Gang, Voodoo Kin Mafia was refreshing. It had the feel of a complete shoot, and that is something that wrestling needs. BG mentioned Konnan and Truth, two guys who are no longer with TNA, and had rumored heat with the company.

I don’t know what part of the “forced bond,” was shoot, but it does seem like something that could be shoot. This could lead to a very good match, set of matches or whatever. I must admit, that while I did sour on the two, this refreshed them quickly.

The Rock and Rave infection is painful to watch. You got two guys with Guitar Hero guitars, and a chick who can sing, but intentionally sounds like crap, add them all together and you get a big heaping pile of infected feces.

LAX should be in line for another pretty good push in the tag ranks. Shelly Martinez is smoking, and don’t think I wont be checking out her “film.” I think LAX is ready to be repackaged. With Hernandez’s new mustache gimmick, we could be looking at the Mexican Mario & Luigi.

The main event was yet another tag team match. Again, non-title, and a grudge match. AJ and Tomko taking on Captain Christian Cage and his tag team partner Kevin Nash. Rehashes of matches, that’s what served as runner up to SHOOOOT for the title this week.

The unique grouping of Team 3D and Tomko and Styles is pretty interesting. I also popped like a little mark seeing John Cena come out when 3D took out Survivor cast member #45. Apparently he’s been training, so woohoo, we’ll get The Miz part Deux.

The war games-esque Lethal Lockdown makes its return, and folks, don’t be surprised to see the Stinger make his return to TNA as Christian’s partner. He’s been resting, and is under contract, so for the last time, again, we’ll get Sting.

Tha results…
*Curry Man def. Petey Williams
*Black Reign & Rellik def. MCMG
*Kurt Angle def. Kaz
*Rock and Rave Infection def. LAX
*Gail Kim def. Velvet Sky
*Nash & Cage def. Styles & Tomko via DQ

5 comments: on "Tha iMPACT Playback: Shooooooot!"

Anonymous said...

scott steiner's promo made funaki sound like james lipton...

D.J.B. said...

Are you talking about the promo where he told Petey he was going to initi-inate him? That was golden...if you're in kindergarten.

Anonymous said...

i'd like to pinpoint THAT promo but honestly, ALL his promos seem to have an extra chromosome.

D.J.B. said...

I try and be somewhat positive and you guys won't let me.

For the record...I TRIED!

Anonymous said...

pyro said...

Good article. It pretty much summed up TNA. The promo's were as you described, and I'll agree with everyone else. Scott Steiner shouldn't be given a live, er, any mic.

The main event match was good. It didn't make sense, but the run-ins were odd, but I do admit that I like the idea of 3D and Tomko and Styles.

I wont hate on Tomko as much as you do. I don't like him, but I do think he can play an important part for TNA. Donnie mentioned big guys and physical charisma. Tomko is a WWE product, but he never really did anything there except come out with Christian and make mean faces. He's come into his own in TNA and Japan, so TNA could actually claim him, use him, push him, and give him a run that people would accept.