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Tha Raw Report: Raw Is Crack

As the title implies "Raw" is very much like crack. It’s addicting, and it makes you love it and hate it all at the same time. It can be really, really good, and really, really bad all at the same time, or better yet, in the same night.

On a show where Jeff Hardy and Chris Jericho put on a very solid wrestling match, the McMahon/Hornswoggle angle takes another turn. Now Hornswoggle is Finlay’s son, not Vince’s. So are they going to forget Vince had one, or are they going to make it Kennedy...Kennedy, again?

WWE creative needs to be focusing solely on WrestleMania, not angles that are going to make Mania a gimmicked snoozefest.

I won’t get ahead of myself though, and I’ll start at the beginning. The promo between the man William Regal calls, “Triple Hayche,” and Orton and Cena seemed to be going nowhere until Orton got involved. The RKO to both guys to end the segment was awesome too. I didn’t see it coming, but I’m glad it did. I honestly figued Cena and Hunter would be the only ones made to look strong thoughout the angle.

It’s hard to remember that Cody and Hardcore are the tag champs on “Raw” and tonight’s match made it even less memorable. Why in the hell would the focal point of the tag match between Santino and Carlito and Rhodes and Holly be Jerry Stupid Lawler? Please tell me they aren't going to go with that feud again?

The worst part was they took away the shot of Carlito missing the backstabber to show Maria handing Lawler his crown. The other really bad part was that JR in his infinite wisdom didn’t bring up that Lawler and Santino have already had problems. Nice way to welcome back the champs to television though. Neither team really gets anything from this, but Holly-Rhodes title rein extends while Carlito and Santino go nowhere.

Floyd Mayweather is getting $20 million for this match, so the E had better make it worth it. That’s a lot of damn money. Here are my problems with the WrestleMania press conference. Mayweather made it rain. Pacman Jones anyone, really did I just see that? The only positive was, he didnt make it rain at a strip club. My other problem was that Mayweather was standing on a damn chair. Why not play up the size difference? Mayweather is a heel, but come on.

William Regal called Chris Jericho a cockatoo. Jericho dissed Regal's stripes on stripes shirt and tie. I did like the fact that they played up the history. I still remember Jericho pissing in Regal’s tea to besmirch him when Regal was the commissioner. What I didn’t get was why Jericho would be qualifying for the MitB against a guy who has already qualified. The match itself didn’t confuse me, as a matter of fact, I loved it.

I know drinking Donnie Aid tells you to hate Y2J, but I’m just not drinking that bitter tasting shit. I know Jericho wasn’t a savior as he was billed upon his return, but other than a select few, namely Undertaker and Edge, what workers live up to their billing? I will never say that I’m not a Jericho mark, because I am. I will though say when I think something sucks.

Jericho’s program with JBL didn’t do what it should have. It lost steam really quickly. I know Donnie Aid tells you that JBL was the reason it was semi-successful, but I’m not seeing that either. JBL made the Hornswaggle angle work last week, but during the JBL/Y2J angle only the promo where he addressed Jericho’s kids, he didn’t do much for me in that feud.

Back to the match between Hardy and Jericho, as previously stated I didn’t get the match because Hardy was already qualified, but the way it was booked the reasoning was because Hardy eliminated Jericho from the Chamber. Understandable, but then again it don’t leave too much to the imagination.

You know Jericho is going over as soon as it leaves Regal’s lips. Reason being, Jericho doesn’t lose again to Hardy without a feud starting, and with Hardy going into MitB there isn’t time for a feud that would have a big payoff, unless both guys are in the match, which they are, but that would mean this match never happened with the circumstances used. Another question that was raised was why not make it for the IC title? I know Jericho doesn’t need it, but neither does Hardy at this point.

If you read my fantasy booking article you know that the title needs to be on the line at Mania, with Hardy not being Champion. I actually think that the E is going to keep the strap on Hardy for a while longer, because with the way they are positioning Hardy, what under or mid-carder is going to pin him clean? Jericho doesn’t count in the scenario used on "Raw" because he too is going to MitB.

Back to JBL for a second, for one, I didn’t understand Vince apologizing for the Hornswoggle incident. It’s a very McMahon move and I don’t see him turning face for it, so why even do it? Also, why even take the son angle to another level? Leave it where it is. Nobody cares anymore, other than the woman in the crowd with a Get Well Hornswoggle sign.

DH Smith made his return to television tonight, for a minute. I don’t remember seeing Umaga win that convincingly in quite some time. That’s all for the match. Did Paul Burchill insinuate a threesome between him, Regal and Katie Lea? Please God say no. I did like Burchill saying he would impress Regal, but why didn’t he do anything on tonight's "Raw"? I'm interested to see where "The Ripper" gimmick goes, because that's a gimmick on top of the incest gimmick.

Umaga is going to be the participant in the “Raw” vs. “SmackDown!” inter-brand match. Don’t want to play spoiler, and I could be wrong, but it looks like Batista will be the guy he goes against. I see Batista as the guy because what the hell else is he going to do at WrestleMania? Plus the silhouette on is Batista.

I’m going to keep this short and sweet. I’m not going to go into much detail about it. BunnyMania, really, why? Beth Phoenix, Candice, Maria and Melina, two former playmates and two girls who aren’t in Playboy. As a matter of fact, Melina was the Diva last year bitching about it being Ashley. Waste of space on the card.

Flair will have his career ended by Shawn Michaels unless the E shocks the hell out of all of us. I don’t understand it. I really, really don’t. Is the E that dead set against pushing new talent? Why not give that spot to Elijah Burke? You’re telling me the promos and the match last week was a one time deal? Not pushing new talent reaks of WCW. Way to drop the damn ball.

The main event was a tag team clusterfuck that really makes me believe that Kennedy is going to end up being Vince’s son. There was an inexplicable re-push of Kennedy that left me confused. Of course he took the fall, or tap, whatever, but who else was going to? Point is, he came out looking strong because he took out Cena.

I want to O for Kennedy for his correct usage of the Downward Spiral, that he calls the Mic Check. The last time I saw somebody do a Downward Spiral with the right torque was Edge several years ago. How does Kennedy go from being Money in the Bank guy to being the guy standing tall opposite Triple H as the show goes off the air? H stood in the ring while Kennedy stood on the ramp.

I won’t completely shit on Raw, but I won’t say it was awesome either. It was yet another WWE show that was stuck in the middle. In a perfect world there wouldn’t be John Cena causing the in the middle but if most everything else is decent ok. Take away the Lawler incident, the Hornswoggle shit and you’ve got a pretty good show.

Tha Results…
Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly def. Santino and Carlito
Chris Jericho def. Jeff Hardy to qualify for MitB
Umaga def. DH Smith
Shawn Michaels def. Lance Cade via DQ
John Cena and Triple H def. Kennedy and Randy Orton

5 comments: on "Tha Raw Report: Raw Is Crack"

Mike Washington said...

Call me a mark, but I dug the Horswoggle angle this week and last week. It's unpredictable and it makes you want to watch next week to see what's gonna happen. I applaud the writers on this one. Wrestling is an ongoing story, you can never miss next week. That's why TNA is bombing. There's nothing interesting that says, "Wait till next week to see."..... except for the Abyss shit. It's like a spot show every week.

For $20 mill Mayweather SHOULD job. I don't see it happening, but that's el guapo. Even if it ends in a Mayweather wins by schmoz I'll be happy.

Whenever I hear Ripper, I don't think Paul Burchill. I think bitches getting naked for money. Worst name ever. Well maybe besides "The Morning Storm" Kris Kooper.

Mic Check, Downward Spiral, Flatliner... same thing... it's nice but even more torque would be dope. Just make sure the other dude takes it safe with his hand hitting before or instead of his face. Personal experience.

Anonymous said...

regal meant to say posterity NOT prosperity...

but i doubt anyone would notice.

Markus K Fabian said...

By my rough count - not including house shows... Jeff Hardy has been pinned 13 times since winnning the IC title.

I started looking this up after Big Daddy Donnie posed the question to me in an email.


man dick said...

Raw is Crack? How about Raw is Bore?

13 times jobbing since winning the IC title, better than 1 time jobbing for John Cena over a 2 year period.

Chris said...

I like watching the Hornswaggle / Vince thing, especially now that Horns not pinning everyone in sight. I'm really looking forward to a JBL / Finlay fued that lasts past WM.
Jericho and Hardy was a great match, it really took off at the end.
Did anyone notice the females in the crowd go nuts when Cena got the hot tag? I think they actually overpowered the standard boo's he gets.
Anyone else think it's weird that High Chief and Rocky Johnson are getting inducted in the same year? Seriously if I was the E I'd draw it out just to get the Rock in two ceremonies and not just one.