FNF: I'd Rather GTS

It’s time for “SmackDown!” once again, and to open it all up we get the man to whom the Black Prophet referred to as the “most powerful black man in wrestling,” Teddy Long. When Teddy opens the show, there’s only one place for the show to go, and that’s up, because Teddy is on the bottom of his game right now.

Sadly, “SmackDown!” didn’t get better. It stayed at a very low level of mediocrity, with one mild bump in the heart monitor. Here’s what we had to look forward to. A Chuck Palumbo promo, Batista in another sweater and a promo from him, and Big Daddy V and Mark Henry main eventing the show.

First off, allow me to say that I absolutely hate this “co” and “assistant” General Manager Gimmick the E has going with Vickie and Theodore. It’s ridiculous. Other than the Miss Daisy and Hoke thing they had going on, it made for absolutely nothing worth watching.

Edge storming out to the ring with no music, no pyro, and no entourage was awesome. I don’t know why I O’ed for that, but it was a nice touch. I guess because it was something we aren’t used to seeing Edge do, and it was very heelish, because he didn’t waste anytime trying to chicken out of another match with Rey.

I will pop for Teddy Long for something he did tonight. The way he said, “Yeah” to Edge when Edge asked him if he was serious about Mysterio being his opponent. I’ll also O for when he turned to Edge and danced as the segment was ending. That was pure gold, not to mention the way Edge sold it.

One thing I do want to shit all over before I even get started is the fact that we will have two elimination chambers at No Way Out. I know it’s already been No’d, but it deserves another bashing. It’s pointless. It should have been just 6 guys from one show, fighting the champion that wasn’t chosen by the Royal Rumble winner.

John Cena ruined that too. I cannot for the life of me understand why this is happening. Not only that, but the six guys that are featured in the “SmackDown!” chamber. I have no problem with Taker and Batista being in the match. Batista only because it would be completely illogical for “SmackDown!” to not use him when 6 men are involved, he’s one of their most over talents.

Big Daddy V is an ECW guy, but with the Brand integration, the ECW title is becoming more and more the second United States title. Just make it the European Championship and get it over with. Anyway, Big Daddy V is ok, and so is Mark Henry, at least I guess Mark Henry is ok. The other two completely baffle me.

You have what are apparently the top six contenders on “SmackDown!” and you throw Finlay and MVP in? Why not make it a Fatal Four way, or a four man elimination match? Is Kane going to be busy that night or something? Could he not have taken Finlay’s spot? I love seeing Finlay in this spot, but he’s going to be the first man out.

As far as MVP being in the match, as United States Champion, he should be considered the #1 Contender to the World title, but that rule was scrapped years ago. The E has completely forgotten about all its belts other than the WWE and World title. The ECW champion was in the Rumble. The US and IC champs haven’t defended in 5 months.

Jeff Hardy has been the IC champion since beating Umaga before all the guys took their Signature Pharmacy suspensions. That was the beginning of September, the 3rd to be exact. It will look good as far as length of time, but he never defends it. MVP has been US Champ since May 20th, and he’s defended it what, four times? 30 days people, 30 days.

Now, I know the entire world has been waiting for one thing in particular, and on this edition of “SmackDown!” they got it. Chuck Palumbo cutting a promo! Was there any need for that? Could it not have happened backstage? We got a Chuck Palumbo promo, and the payoff was a slap from Michelle, and another match with Noble.

Noble is a solid worker, and a pretty good onscreen talent. Palumbo is average in every category. Having Palumbo in a major storyline is beyond me, I just can’t grasp it. His gimmick is a rip-off of the worst run in Taker’s career. The only bonus to this storyline is Jamie Noble getting over.

No good can come from extended amounts of televised Palumbo. He is apparently the third worst mic man on “SmackDown!” The second worst mic man has to be Mark Henry, that dude just can’t talk. That and the Vaseline and sweat dripping of his big ass. The first, and you have to love segue, is Batista.

If I see Batista cut another promo, I’m turning off the damn television. I can’t take it, it’s fucking brutal. Another thing that really irritated me about this one was the fact that Eve Torres or “eye candy diva #2” was in the ring. Not only will she be required to spread her legs for him, they’re broadcasting it on TV.

How retarded was that? The entire purpose of putting her on TV was to draw attention to Batista and keep the male audience tuned in. As I said, for her sake, she’d better put out, or she’ll end up like Shelly Martinez. As many times as I’ve tried in the past to convert and not despise Batista, I just can’t do it.

Another thing from that promo to shit on was his completely shameless put over of Triple H and John Cena. Are their egos that big? Did the writing team really need to put them over again? The way he did it was even more pathetic. He called them two guys he was lucky to call his friend, and two of the best wrestlers he’d ever seen. Cena, really?

The only things from this weeks “SmackDown!” that I took to be remotely decent was the tag team match between CM Punk and Mysterio and Edge and Chavo. I also liked seeing The Edgeheads get a clean win over a pretty established tag team. They came that close twice as the Major Brothers. Repackaging works wonders.

Usually, I’d be the first to mark out for Undertaker and Kane teaming together. I have though come to the conclusion that it should never be done. At least not on free TV. Make people pay for it. It’s something that the majority of them want to see. I still mark out for it, and it could be the one extra thing to make someone purchase one of the E’s overpriced PPV’s.

Stop with the giving stuff away for free. I know you aren’t doing it for free for the fans. You’re doing it for your ratings. You could care less about Joe Blow #422 sitting at home, who isn’t going to buy your $40USD shows, so screw him, hell you do it anyway, and save the good stuff for Pay-Per-View!

One last thing, why have Ric Flair taking on MVP again in a “Career Threatening Match,” when he already has a match booked for No Way Out? I know it says Card Subject to Change, but dammit it’s not a house show.

Quick results in case you missed it…
*Ric Flair def. MVP via DQ
*CM Punk & Rey Mysterio def. ECW Champ and World Champ Chavo & Edge
*Finlay & Hornswaggle def. Deuce & Domino
*The Edgeheads def. Moore Wang
*Kane & The Undertaker def. Mark Henry & Big Daddy

Share |