Tha "iMPACT!" Dispatch: Merry Gimmickmas!

With the kind of booking that TNA has become famous for, it would stand to reason that their Christmas special would feature nothing but gimmick matches. However, I have to give the devil its due; most of the matches were decent, to varying extents.

Not to mention, even though it was a special episode to celebrate Christmas, they still made sure to push their important matches for the upcoming Final Resolution pay-per-view. Somehow, with all the gimmick matches, TNA still managed to put out a damn solid Christmas special.

Matt Morgan was given the role normally assumed by Jim Cornette tonight, as part of TNA's experiment to give him more and more face time. I appluad TNA for doing this. Morgan is over with the crowd, can talk on the stick, and looks intimidating; something that normally doesn't happen with figures of authority.

He announced a Six Sides Of Steel Match to open "iMPACT!" I popped for the Christmas lights around the walls of the cage, and thought that the match, for the most part, was a solid curtain jerker. I thought the ending seemed a little overbooked and clusterfuckish, but it didn't take away from the rest of the match.

Last night, Team 3D proved that even an old dog can do something entertaining. Most of the wrestling world is in agreement that these two jumped the shark a while back. However, tonight they delivered comic gold. The three midgets of Lethal, Sabin, and Shelley coming out to give their wishes to "Bubba Claus", as I called him, was very funny, even if the fat bastard did take a shot at me. Yeah, I'm behind a keyboard, so what? I was behind your mother last night, would you prefer that?

I also LOVED the line that Brother Ray used when talking about SoCal Val. "You want a date with SoCal Val, Black Machismo? Okay, here's 5 bucks. Don't forget to bring me back the change!"

The match was decent, but I thought the stipulation behind it was a little weak. The winner of the match had to pull a stocking off of a pole opposite to their side of the ring. Attached to the stocking is a slip of paper which will determine the type of gimmick match between the six at Final Resolution. So now there's going to be an Ultimate X Match at the upcoming pay-per-view. I'm sure that the match will feature plenty of O's, but I kinda wanted to see a "Plate Glass Table Match". Seriously, TNA. You guys overdo it with gimmick matches, but you might wanna try that one out sometime, it might be a sweet match.

The next match was a match featuring all the Knockouts in TNA. For my money, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky just may have the best asses in wrestling. Then again, it may be partly thanks to what they do with them. Damn, that is a sweet entrance. I was a little confused as to how some of the toys in the toybox present in the ring could be construed as weapons. Seriously, most of the stuff looked like it was plastic. Awesome Kong won the match, which was smart booking. I think she may be able to execute a powerbomb better than any guy in the business right now.

Speaking of execute, I really wanted to kill myself while watching the "Silent Night, Bloody Night" brawl. First of all, this is the gayest name I have ever heard for a match, hands down. Secondly, why was Sharkboy put into this match? Think about it-this was essentially a bastardized version of Monster's Ball, so why is Sharkboy, TNA's jobber-for-life, being put into this environment? To me, it just screamed that he was going to take a massive bump. Unfortunately, this didn't really come to fruition, since Rellik's finisher looks like a really sloppy version of the Jackhammer, and that was the biggest bump he took.

I do have to say, though, that I loved the tape of his fins. Subtleties get character over, people.

The main event of the night was AJ Styles vs. Kaz in a Ladder Match. This match was straight-up hype. Styles and Kaz showed off everything they had to offer in this match. I popped when Kaz ran up the ladder that was propped against a turnbuckle; I was really hoping to see him run up, then deliver the Flux Capacitor to Styles. That would have been a ridiculous O.

Kaz went over in the match, and I'm not sure what will come of it. He's a great worker, but I just can't pitcure him ever holding the TNA Heavyweight Championship, and the X Division picture is fairly murky right now. I fear that eventually, his push will run out of gas and he will fade back into obscurity. Let's hope not, though.

As per the pre-match stipulation, Styles, the loser, had to dress up in a reindeer costume. This prompted Kurt Angle to come out, and with a few harsh words to Styles, dismiss him from the "iMPACT!" Zone.

Throughout the night, Eric Young had been having a party backstage. Through his promos, he got to prove that he was comedic gold, we got to see one of The Bushwhackers, and Joe's heel turn continued, as he took out his aggression of "not getting that money" on the party decor. Throughout all of the segments, Eric remained steadfast in his belief that Santa was coming, even at one point becoming confused and believing that Santa was actually Shrek.

However, at night's end, "Santa" showed up, and he and Eric went down to the ring to greet Kurt Angle. Angle used this as an opportunity to call out Christian Cage, and, when Cage didn't come out, went after Santa. Poor Santa. This makes it twice that he's been beaten up by Angle (the first coming at Armageddon 2004 in The Angle Challenge); you'd think he's learn to leave him alone. Cage then came out and attacked Angle as "iMPACT!" went off the air.

Overall, I can't complain about this show. Obviously, the elephant in the room of gimmick matches was prevalant tonight, but all the same, it was still a damn solid show. I am legitimately excited about Final Resolution. My one big beef with this show is this-last week, Petey Williams won a TNA Heavyweight Title shot. This week, he was nowhere to be found. There was a brief mention of him, but he didn't wrestle, he didn't have an interview, he didn't even appear at Eric Young's Christmas party. What gives, TNA?

Tha results:

*Booker T, LAX, and Scott Steiner def. Jimmy Rave, Lance Hoyt, James Storm, and Robert Roode inside Six Sides Of Steel
*MotorCity Machine Guns and Jay Lethal def. Team 3D and Johnny Devine in a Double North Pole Match
*Awesome Kong pinned Christy Hemme to win the Knockouts Match
*Rellik def. Sharkboy, Abyss, and Black Reign in a "Silent Night, Bloody Night" Street Fight
*Kaz def. AJ Styles in a Ladder Match

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