When "Saturday Night's Main Event" was filmed before me and the rest of the crowd live at Toronto's Air Canada Centre this past Monday, the entire "Biggest, Strongest, Smallest, Strangest" concept was NOT put over to the audience.I'm not exactly sure why basing the broadcast around this idea was necessary but it honestly translated much better to me on TV than it did when I saw the event live.
WWE could have even taken it a few steps further with some additional adjectives: "Sexiest", "Greatest" and even "Worst" could have been thrown in there. But I'll discuss this all in order of appearance.
THA BIGGEST
As reported in "Tha Raw Report" this past week, SNME showcased a Great Khali squash of John Cena. The first...and probably last of its kind. Clearly setting up a John Cena victory in the Falls Count Anywhere Match at One Night Stand, commentators Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler did their best to put over the fact that The Great Khali has never been pinned.
Yeah...this was the same schtick they gave to Umaga before he did the job to "The Champ" a few pay-per-views ago. The Cena/Khali feud is certainly representative of the "Biggest" alright...as in biggest let down...or debacle... or piece of shit (feel free to continue this line of dissing in your comments O-sters, you get the picture).This subtitle could have also read "Tha Dumbest". Although this wasn't shown on TV, of course, the crowd in Toronto got to witness the boneheaded Khali walk towards the ring before he was announced...only to stop, turn around, exit the arena and re-enter as his music played. The guy can really work a gimmick.
THA STRONGEST
Speaking of switching subtitles, "Tha Lamest" could have been attached to the Bobby Lashley/Vince McMahon arm wrestling contest. Never one to usually diss a Vinnie Mac segment, I thought that this "match" was a waste of time.
It also marked the first moment that the commentators' use of kayfabe crossed the line. During this contest, Cole remarked that it had been a bad week for Lashley as he was pinned "this past week on 'Raw'" by Shane McMahon. Of course, at the time that Cole was recorded saying this, the match on "Raw" hadn't yet happened.
To paraphrase a fan at ringside's sign: "Boo-urns!".
THA GREATEST
Edge's promo was the only thing that let on to his hometown crowd that "Saturday Night's Main Event" was based on this weirdo concept. He said it himself: of all the one word terms to describe the superstars of WWE, he claimed to be the "greatest". And it is honestly hard to argue with him.
Just ask Lawler and Cole who appropriately put over his accomplishments, including but not limited to his numerous TLC matches, many title reigns, the highly-rated live sex celebration, his Money In The Bank victories (currently the record holder with two!) and his being from Toronto.Okay, I personally added the last one, but you know it counts!
In addition, Edge, along with MVP, Chris Benoit and dare I say it...Batista, had the greatest match at SNME. Hey, three out of four workers who can actually work ain't bad. There was an awesome pace to this match with great chemistry between the partners who don't generally work with each other. Easily the only real wrestling match of the night.
And thanks to Michael Cole for reminding the audience that Benoit was born and raised in Canada. I'm still hot that he's announced as being from Atlanta, Georgia. Please.
THA WORST
No thanks to Torrie Wilson, who as glamorous and sexy as she STILL is, was easily "Tha Worst" ring announcer of all of the Divas who got that job on this night. Something about the way she pronounced each guy's name was just super annoying.
THA SMALLEST
Honestly, the match with The Boogeymen and The Irish men wasn't too low on the entertainment scale. The little guys are good workers and are great at portraying their respective characters. I didn't even mind Lil' Boogeyman and Hornswoggle running in on Extreme Expose...who I've been dying to get to...so without further ado:
THA SEXIEST
I want Layla to have my children. Seriously. I don't even know what the rest of Extreme Expose looks like...or what their names are...or why they're even taking up precious screen space when I could be staring ever so lustfully at...Layla.Oh my Layla, how I love thee. Is there honestly a flacid penis on earth when this woman is girating and dancing in that ring? I usually wouldn't put over waste of time segments during wrestling shows, but God this woman is perfect!
In case it wasn't obvious, it only makes sense, I add another adjective to the proceedings:
THA HORNIEST
As in...me! Let me make this official right here and now. Will you marry me, Layla? I'm not fuckin' around folks...seriously, if ANYONE in Tha O-ster Nation can actually communicate this to Ms. Layla El herself, I would be eternally indebted to you!
THA STRANGEST
This entire concept helped for the final match of SNME to make sense. Although it still didn't make sense that we were forced to watch it. You gotta hand it to Steve Lombardi...who clearly played Doink The Clown on this evening. The guy has been in the E for as long as I can remember...literally as long as I've been a wrestling fan.
I have, in all liklihood, witnessed him jobbing more than any other wrestler ever...and he still has what quite obviously is a very secure job with the world's largest, most successful and popular wrestling company. He worked the crowd in classic Doink-fashion to a tee and looked like he was having some fun in there.That about all that was fun about the match featuring Doink, Eugene and Kane taking on Umaga, Kevin Thorn and Viscera though. A lame gimmick match with no storyline implications whatsoever. What may have been lamer however, was the ending of the entire show: a you-just-finished-watching-a-pay-per-view-like montage of the night's events.
This was necessary, why? Message to WWE: If you're going to feed us shit shows, fine. We're getting used to it, anyway. But don't try to convince us that it was dope. And for the love of God, please allow for One Night Stand tonight to showcase a decent amount of O's! You "O" it to us!
4 comments: on "Saturday Night's Lame Event"
I thought that was one of the things you liked about SNME... the matches with no storyline implications...
I think wwe felt it necessary to switch formats since they were on NBC, much like they initially done on ECW... This was more of a roster "showcase" than anything
Well, the white ropes looked real sharp.
As for the rest of the show it seemed like the "E" just phoned it in. Special shows like Saturday Nights Main Event should have at least something special about them besides having Eugene on the card.
It also seemed like the Card was bassackwards. Start off with the WWE champion and finish off with a bunch of mid-carders?
One last thing... How in the hell dose The Boogieman still have a job? He's mostly only in tag matches now and he has a midget taking most of the in-ring workload. He should be fuckin' embarrassed. How the fuck dose this guy even show his face in the locker room week in and week out.
Has Doink the Clown always been the same person?
There was something missing big time form SME last night. Back in the 80's and early 90's SME had a special feel about it that feeling was missing last night. Maybe because we have RAW now a days, and 3 hours of other WWE programing in Smackdown and ECW plus you have so many ppvs now a days.
The old school SME had good backstage skits and a solid main event, like someone pointed out already the card seemed backwards last night with the WWE champion fighting in the first match and the mid-carders fighting in the main event. They didn't even seem to try to sell the ppv that hard last night. The best match by far was Edge & MVP vs. Benoit & Batista, which should have been the main event.
Dan-E-O, you want Layla I'll take Brooke, she was a killer butt.
By the way anonymous there have been many many Doinks in the history of the WWE and the indy scene.
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