One Night Stand Needs A New Name

As Big Daddy Donnie has mentioned a number of times over the past week, how often does a person have a one night stand three times?! For this obvious reason, last night's WWE pay-per-view - the third of its kind - needs to change its name.

In addition, the event that originated as a homage to the original ECW is now nothing more than a Vince Russo-esque gimmick-fest nowhere near the standards of yesteryear's Extreme Championship Wrestling.

If this isn't sufficient enough reasoning, the PPV needs a new moniker simply so that it no longer starts with the letter "O". Because there weren't many O's at One Night Stand last night.

Gimmick Match #1 - A Stretcher Match between Rob Van Dam and Randy Orton. If this truly is RVD's last match in the company, at least he was able to go out on the event that he came up with, albeit a severely bastardized version of it. It's also interesting that Van Dam went over by - at the last minute - kicking Orton in the head to topple him onto the stretcher as it was just inches from the finish line.

Signs that RVD is 'outta here' included taking a sick DDT on the outside of the ring minutes after claiming victory. Evidently, Randy Orton's "Legend Killer" status is in heavy rebuilding mode. He seems poised to perhaps get a run at Edge's title in the near future.

Big props to RVD for once again making Orton's offense look O-worthy. Not enough can be said about a worker's ability to sell a move in order to make his opponent look monstrous. You John Cena fans wouldn't know about that. Tha O Show wishes Rob Van Dam the best in all his future endeavours. *snicker*

Gimmick Match #2 - A Tables Match between CM Punk, The Sandman, Tommy Dreamer and Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von and Matt Striker. I'm honestly a fan of every worker in this match. I think Burke, Punk and even Cor Von who I hated as Monty Brown in TNA have very bright futures in this business.

One bright spot in modern day WWE programming is being given the opportunity to see these guys in action on a weekly basis AND on a monthly basis and the now tri-branded pay-per-views are giving these guys a chance to shine. And shine they did on this occasion. I hope the upcoming draft only furthers the push of the previously mentioned competitors.

Not that this match was an O-fest or anything but the E clearly attemtped to ECWify the first couple of bouts to perhaps prove some sort of allegiance to this event's history. In keeping with this, the finish of the bout was certainly O-worthy. Punk's sick superplex of Striker off the top rope through Burke lying on a table! Dope.

Gimmick Match #3 - A Ladder Match for the World Tag Team Titles between The Hardys and The World's Greatest Tag Team. This was easily the best match of the night. An expected O-fest that had as many sick spots and bumps as one would expect in what is likely WWE's best match.

The Hardys, as always, performed their asses off. And Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas proved that they are top-of-the-roster-worthy. One of the biggest O's came in the form of Charlie Haas setting up Matt Hardy on the outside of the ring on a ladder - similar to how he would on the top rope inside the ring awaiting Benjamin to leapfrog his shoulders and down onto the opponent.

In this case, Shelton climbed another ladder inside the ring and right after signaling how crazy the upcoming spot was catapulted himself down on Matt Hardy's back. Honestly, between Matt and Jeff, the brothers Hardy have to be at the top of the all-time list for greatest bump takers in the business.

The only thing I didn't like about the match is usually the thing that I dislike about all ladder matches. You just KNOW when the finish is NOT going to happen because of how slow the competitors climbs the rungs of the ladder and half-heartedly attempted to retrieve the belts hanging above. By that token, you just KNOW when the finish IS going to happen by how fast they climb and grab the titles.

It happens every time and last night's ladder match was no different. Regardless, this was one of the only matches actually worthy of being on a pay-per-view with the reputation of being extreme.

Gimmick Match #4 - A Lumberjack Match between Mark Henry and Kane. This some ol' bullshit. First off, no way in fuck should an artistic master of wrestling like Chris Benoit be a lumberjack - better known as a nothing-better-to-do spectator - for a any match, let alone one between the fat waste of shit Henry and the I've-seen-it-all-before mediocrity that is Kane.

Look at the other lumberjacks: the seldom-used Val Venis, Stevie Richards, Balls Mahoney, Chris Masters, Kenny Dykstra and Johnny Nitro, just to name a few. All trapped in a no-storyline-for-me world. No Finlay, No MVP...so therefore there should have been no Benoit!

An O-less match, needless to say. Had Benoit been in a match at One Night Stand, the O-count on this evening would have definitely been higher.

Gimmick Match #5 - A Street Fight between Mr. McMahon and Bobby Lashley for the ECW World Championship. This match was nothing more than a glorified 3 on 1 rematch between Vince, Shane, Umaga and Lashley.

At least, I predicted correctly that Shane O Mac would deliver some O's. A top rope elbow to Lashley on the announce table and a Shane O Mac-inator (garbage can included, of course) inside the ring - although he missed it. Vince's son is truly the greatest non-wrestler wrestler on the planet.

However, I predicted incorrectly that Vinnie Mac's ECW title reign would be a good thing. At this point, I have no idea why it happened. Lashley winning back the ECW title very simply sucks. He is the black Batista. All muscle, no charisma and limited wrestling skills. And the crowd loves him. I still don't get it.

Gimmick Match #6 - A Pudding Match between Candace Michelle and Melina. That's right folks...a Pudding Match! Last year, we get Rey Mysterio VS. Sabu. An unbelievable encounter. The year before, the much heralded Mike Awesome/Masuto Tanaka match. Incredible! This year, a fuckin' Pudding Match between two slutdogs!

Are you kidding me? This is extreme? Yeah, extremely fuckin' wack! I think I may have seen Melina's nipple at one point in the "match". And while watching two hot chicks throw each other around in a pool of pudding sounds like fun, this bout was a sheer embarrasment to the product. Nuff said.

Gimmick Match #7 - A Steel Cage Match between Batista and Edge for the World Heavyweight Championship. I love Edge: A true heel in every sense of the word. The bell rings and dude heads STRAIGHT to the cage door in attempt to escape the ring and retain the title in record time.

I love Edge (Part 2): The guy manages to get a halfway decent match out of the sack of crap that is Batista. Edge also joins The Hardys on the all-time greatest bump takers list. An awesome seller with some of the best facial expressions in the business, Edge knows how to tell a story in that ring. I pray he holds that title for a long time - just as he deserved to the previous times he held a major championship.

Gimmick Match #8 - A Falls Count Anywhere Match between The Great Khali and John Cena. I'll keep this brief. No O's and John Cena wins. What else is new?

Apparently this: WWE has this great idea for their next pay-per-view. Next month, Vengeance will be subtitled "The Night of Champions" when all matches will be for championship. Interesting. I could have sworn the E has done this before. Oh yeah...it was called Backlash...only they didn't seem to give a shit about putting over the whole every-match-is-for-a-belt thing.

Evidently, the Wellness Policy in WWE doesn't apply to Vince McMahon. 'Cause he's on some crazy shit.

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