Tha Raw Report - Vince Gone Wild!

How ironic is it that in my article on One Night Stand, my last paragraph read, "Evidently, the Wellness Policy in WWE doesn't apply to Vince McMahon. 'Cause he's on some crazy shit"? Perhaps Vinnie Mac is an O-ster and I sparked an idea for him last night.

Then again, perhaps I'm a mark for myself.

Either way, the man knows how to work a gimmick. Just bordering on the plain silly, McMahon's portrayal of a crazy person last night on "Raw" was pretty entertaining. Is it just me, or is the whole licking-the-gums thing that Vince was doing something that people do when they're crackheads? Anyway, more importantly than being humourous, the gimmick made for the some interesting matches.

Last night's edition of "Raw" saw more title defences than some pay-per-views. Not more than the upcoming very original idea of "The Night of Champions" at Vengeance, mind you. (Please tell me you read the sarcasm). And all because Vince lost his ECW Title the night before and just simply needed to exact some revenge on anyone holding a title on "Raw".

Correct that...anyone holding a "belt" on "Raw"! Don't lose it on me Vince, Trevor Murdoch said it first! And let's start with Murdoch and his partner Lance Cade, shall we?

Is it a good thing that Cade and Murdoch are the new World Tag Team Champions? Let's look at how this puzzling story unfolded. The cowboys take on The Hardys numerous times for the straps and simply cannot get the job done. They then turn pretend-babyface in order to seemingly lure The Hardys into their devious trap.

But this is all for naught. Because a night after getting busted up in an as-expected sick Ladder Match, The Hardys are forced to defend their titles against Cade and Murdoch who just happened to be the recipients of a shot due to McMahon's rage.

They then go on to win the belts without cheating (save for the botched brushing the foot off the bottom rope spot at the end of the match). And THEN transform back into heel form after the finish...belts already in hand. If you ask me, this makes Cade and Murdoch look weak - even in a title reign situation.

Santino Marella finally defended his Intercontinental title again. And just when you thought that perhaps the angle involving this guy was about to improve, he's put into yet ANOTHER match with Chris Masters. A match that Marella wins in yet ANOTHER mediocre fashion. If you ask me, this makes Santino Marella look weak - even in a title reign situation. (Is there an echo in here? - Maybe it's just me, *licks gums*).

Onto the third title defence of the evening, John Cena defended the WWE Championship against Umaga and The Great Khali. Defended...yeah right. Did anyone in their right mind have any inkling of a worry that Cena would lose his title?

This is one of the many problems with the John Cena character. His wrestling prowess is so far-fetched that you are conditioned to believe that he will never lose his title. The major dilemma with this is that it completely buries other workers in the process.

Remember thinking that, at separate times, Umaga and The Great Khali were legitimate threats to Cena's title reign? Each superstar was billed as an unstoppable monster. Yet time after time, they end up being Cena's bitches. And last night on "Raw" was no different.

We went from having NO ONE defeat Umaga by pinfall or submission to having Cena punk him out using both methods within a month of each other. Ditto for The Great Khali...only this time, the "unstoppable monster" who last week had never been pinned has been beaten TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW with that lame-ass F.U. The burial of The Great Khali is now complete.

Now before you start posting comments about how shit The Great Khali is as a worker, let me save you some time. This is not about Khali's workrate. No one is saying he deserves to be a world champion. This is about PROPER use of a character.

Weeks ago, Big Daddy Donnie remarked on "Tha O Show Radio" how he loved the way in which WWE was using the Khali character. In part to hide his weaknesses, Khali simply brutalized his opponents in a quick and dominant fashion. He was clearly a threat to John Cena or just about anyone else for that matter. Now, he's a joke and the character cannot possibly go any further.

Don't believe me? What kind of push has Umaga received since being defeated by John Cena? "Go ahead, I'll wait" (props due to Katt Williams for that line, if you haven't seen him do stand-up, you need to check him out). Exactly.

As for the other occurences on "Raw", did I actually see Cryme Tyme in a match? And did I just mistake Candice Michelle for a black woman? Girl's got some soul or so it seems. Is it just me or is she actually getting hotter? And what's this shit on my gums tonight?!

O to Johnny Nitro for his "what the?" handstand kick to the head. It's sad that even in his new tag-team situation with Kenny Dykstra, the guy can't buy a push. And I didn't mention it in my One Night Stand article, but how many times does Candace have to defeat Melina in order to actually get a shot at the Women's Title?

Ric Flair was wearing a new Four Horsemen t-shirt. Could the sort-of-predicted resurgence of this storied faction be making a comeback anytime soon? Not likely, but WWE never seems to pass up on revisiting old-ass storylines. Case and point: Flair VS. Randy Orton.

This match reeked of "I've-seen-it-all-beforeness". Isn't Flair a "legend" that Randy has supposedly killed already? Decent match nonetheless, but let's hope the upcoming draft pits Flair in a more intriguing situation for TV.

Speaking of the draft, I PRAY that WWE doesn't go and do their breaking-up-tag-teams gimmick. I can't remember a time when it worked. What happened when, in previous drafts, tag teams like The Dudley Boyz, The Bashams, The World's Greatest Tag Team and even The Hardy Boyz were split up? They ALL got put back together again! The shit just doesn't work.

A three hour "Raw" is scheduled for next week. Yeah, that's what we need. An extra hour of this crap. To be fair, "Raw" wasn't all that horrible this week. Let's just hope Vince keeps licking his gums and shakes things up in WWE for the better.

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