Judging Judgment Day

Okay, so I gave in and spelled Judgment Day the way WWE wants it to be spelled. That's simply my way of saying that I was surprisingly pleased about SOME of the performances that I bared witnessed to last night, as WWE's pay-per-view event eminated from St. Louis.

"St. Losers" would be more like it though. The crowd proved they live in a total mark town. Instead of O-ing for the sick back and forth action displayed by the likes of Elijah Burke, CM Punk, MVP and Chris Benoit in their respective matches, the biggest pop of the night seemed to come when John Cena somehow managed to get The Great Khali's arms trapped between the top two ropes Andre The Giant-style.

Ironically, Big Daddy Donnie and I took the PPV in at a theatre that may as well have been called "Markville" (strangely, there really is a Markville mall just north of Toronto's east end!).

We, in fact, were at Queensway in the west end of Tha T-dot, where there were plenty of young marks in attendance. (Shout out to Jeffrey and Daniel...you'll learn one day).

Donnie and I spent most of our time attempting to school these youngsters on what really makes wrestling entertaining. To be honest, we were fighting a losing battle and as adults, should have known better than to get involved in these 'mark-uments'. The crowd cheering after Bobby Lashley pinned Shane McMahon set us off, for example.

"That sucked!", we yelled...referring to the fact that we just saw a three-minute squash on a pay-per-view. "You people paid money to watch a pay-per-view and are happy that the match ended so quickly?!", I asked. Silence.

"John Cena is the best!", a young mark behind us exclaimed. "Name one good move of his!", I challenged. "The STFU", he responded. "It looks horrible", I snapped, "Name another!". Mark: "The FU" Me: "You mean the bodyslam from the shoulders? GARBAGE!"

Why we bothered, I have no idea. But on to what was good about the event.

As predicted on this past week's edition of Tha O Show Radio, Elijah Burke and CM Punk put on a wrestling clinic. It contained plenty of great momentum switches, slick moves and smart selling (especially on the part of Punk and his injured ribs). Both competitors won in this match even though Punk scored the pinfall.

As Donnie and I tried to explain to the young marks, good wrestlers help for their opponents to look good during a match. Clearly, Punk and Burke were able to work excellently together. Their styles truly complimented each other as they were able to entertain through WRESTLING and telling a story about one-ups-manship. Again, even with Punk scoring the win, having Burke perform so well in front of a pay-per-view audience will HOPEFULLY see his status elevated in the company.

We sat there commenting about how either Punk or Burke would make a great next ECW Champion. It's a shame the match wasn't for a number one contender's spot.

In keeping with what was great about Judgment Day, it seems as if an interesting pattern developed last night. The greatest matches were made up of battles between brothers with corn rows and the best white boys on the roster! Burke VS. Punk, of course being the first match. Chris Benoit VS. MVP was the second.

Splitting victories in the contests, MVP was the brother going over on this night. And his gaining of the United States Championship was well deserved. Even as I remain one of the biggest Chris Benoit marks alive, it was great to see MVP attain his first STRAP (screw you Vince!) in the E.

What an excellent match! Even the collar and elbow tie-ups at the top of the contest looked really tight...even enough to have the two combatants grapple to the outside of the ring while still locked up! This particular event deserved a Japanese-style applause as it ended in a stand-off/staredown...but alas, the crowd was too busy anticipating the "spectacular" main event that was Cena/Khali.

As in the CM Punk/Elijah Burke bout, the storytelling in this US title match was excellent. Working Benoit's knee, MVP was able to take advantage of the Rabid Wolverine's weakness throughout most of the match. His executing of The Playmaker out of an attempted Electric Chair was dope. And his rollup after snapping Benoit's hurt knee - drop toe hold-style - for his second CONSECUTIVE pin was even more impressive.

Never one to enjoy a pinfall by rollup, if you've got to do it, THIS was the way to get it done. Kudos to WWE for not pulling the classic one-fall-a-piece scenario so common and expected in 2 Out of 3 Falls matches. MVP going over the way he did ( 2 falls to none) makes up for his many previous losses to Benoit, ensuring that the new champion looks strong while NOT making Benoit look like a chump.

It was a legitimate looking win over an excellent champion who, as always, showed the world how a wrestling match should be performed. A true highlight of the night.

Unfortunately, Judgment Day wasn't all that amazing. The angle currently existing between Randy Orton and Shawn Michaels doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I disagreed with Donnie when he O'd for Khali's defeat of HBK by way of the referee deciding that Shawn couldn't continue a couple of weeks ago on "Raw". And I also don't like Orton picking up the win over HBK in much the same way last night.

Now, Michaels is one of the best sellers in the business. It's not easy having to perform an entire match "out on your feet" as Shawn did last night. So, as usual, he did a great job of playing up his injuries. However, with all of the legit injuries that are depleting the WWE roster as of late...why write a worked injury into a storyline on "Raw"?

What happens to Shawn now? I'm not sure I understand where this angle is headed...but it was cool to see Shawn Michaels' wife enter the ring at the end of the match to attend to her broken down husband. Didn't look too bad there, Whisper...wonder if you'll officially become a Diva anytime soon!

I mentioned earlier that I'm not a big fan of wins via the rollup. But hell, you gotta pop for Edge retaining his World Heavyweight Championship using such a move last night. Hell, you gotta pop just for the fact that Batista is NOT the champion again. And thank God. Is there anyone with a more brutal workrate?

Similar to the Benoit/MVP affair, Batista played up his injured knee at Judgment Day. But he did so...HORRIBLY! Amazingly, WWE actually replayed this THREE times just to get the point over: Edge throws Batista into the steel steps outside of the ring and Batista visibly rams his own knee into them! How wack is that?

Make no mistake about it. I pointed this out to the Batista-mark sitting behind us. "See how shit he is!" (or something like that), I yelled.

So the Hardys are still the world tag champs after defeating Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch in a match that wasn't announced until the day of the pay-per-view. And the only thing that really interests me is the reason why Matt Hardy has worked EVERY SINGLE show lately. Tag team match here, singles match there, "Raw" on Monday, "SmackDown!" on Friday...anything goes for young Matthew. Inexplicably.

So what happens to Cade and Murdoch now? Something tells me that this "feud" is not over. Something else tells me that something cool better happen to finally get me interested in this storyline!

And by the way, why was the "SmackDown!" team of JBL and Michael Cole calling this "Raw" match?

Speaking of angles that I'm disinterested in. Judgment Day had its curtain jerked to see Ric Flair make Carlito tap to the Figure Four Leglock. And the wrestling world collectively asks "why?". In an angle that should have and could have been a big match at WrestleMania 23, it instead becomes a sidenote bout on a sidenote PPV. Sorry guys.

And now for the REAL main event...

The end of this article without discussing ad nauseum how brutal the concept of having John Cena as WWE Champion continues to be. The "monster" that is The Great Khali is no more. He tapped to the STFU (even with his foot underneath the bottom rope, by the way). And the "champ" is still here. Thanks a lot marks...see ya next show.

One last thing...Kane is on the Judgment Day promotional poster and not on the actual show. This makes sense, how?

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