Tha Raw Report - It Sucked. Period.

It is painfully clear that I am not a fan of sports entertainment. I'm a wrestling fan. Sure, I grew up watching The Hulkster tell me to say my prayers during his promos, and I dug it. But the crap that WWE is feeding us today is beyone ridiculous.

And the marks seems to simply eat it up happily. I realized recently that one of the biggest difference between a fan of wrestling and a true mark is that the mark never asks questions. He or she simply consumes what the E presents on TV and is automatically satisfied.

This was evident in the amount of "Bobby! Bobby!" chants spat out by the crowd last night during "Raw". Were none of these people asking why Bobby Lashley is the current star of the "Raw" show even though he is supposedly an ECW superstar?

Yeah, I know O-sters. This question is not a new one. Nor are the several that will be asked throughout this article. But I, as a wrestling fan, refuse to sit idly by and NOT question the crap that is being spewed out of the modern day world of WWE.

Here's another question: Since when is a Gauntlet Match one where the competitor "running the gauntlet" gets to take a break between opponents? Call it what it is: four separate matches! Far be it from me to ever sing the praises of John Cena, but to be WWE Champion and have Bobby Lashley "dominate" the "Raw" broadcast last night must have gotten under Johnny boy's skin.

It sure as hell got under mine. FOUR Bobby Lashley matches?! Not to mention, one of the worst things about this angle is the fact that you absolutely KNOW that they are going to feed him jabrones for the first couple of "gauntlet rounds". Enter Chris Masters and Viscera. When was the last time either of these two guys won a match? Exciting stuff.

Now you tell me that One Night Stand - an incredible Rob Van Dam-invented concept for ECW - is now going to feature matches that include Vince McMahon VS. Bobby Lashley and John Cena VS. The Great Khali? This, of course, begs another question: what did I do to deserve this?

Mike Awesome VS. Masuto Tanaka-like matches, these WILL NOT be!

Another question about last night's "Raw": what the hell was the deal with that weirdo music being played every time footage of Shawn Michaels was shown?

Oh, I'm not done...not by a long shot. Why is Carlito's "Back Cracker" now known as the "Back Stabber"? Is this because Joey Styles originally coined the move's name? Is it because of Carlito's new heelness that the new name is somehow more appropriate? Are most WWE fans too mentally docile to even question this? Gotta be a "yes" to the last question.

Here's some more for ya...Why is Candice Michelle beating Melina week in and week out and STILL not getting a title shot? How many non-title matches is she supposed to win before being in contention for the Women's Championship?

What the hell makes WWE think that Johnny Nitro and Kenny Dykstra make a better tag team than MNM? Granted they pulled off a pretty cool tandem move last night - Dykstra with Matt Hardy draped over his knees while Nitro slingshotted himself into the ring with an elbow. But still...is there really any future for this team?

Also, if Melina and Nitro are no longer a pair...why do they both still have the exact same entrance music?

Why were Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin COMPLETELY inaudible on commentary during the Hardys tag team match against Nitro and Dykstra? Was it just me or were they not even wearing headsets? It seemed to appear as if this was done on purpose as Jerry Lawler tended to repeat every answer Haas and Benjamin gave to questions asked them.

And here's the kicker! Want to know how TRULY bad "Raw" was last night? One of it highlights was John Cena's in-ring promo as he faced The Great Khali. Yep, I said it.

Remarkably, Cena's "I'm not afraid of you anymore" speech made perfect sense. Not only what he said, but his delivery of his words were on point. No gimmicky phrases or corny jokes...just the straight goods - based on the fact that he made the giant tap out the night before. Imagine that.

Thankfully, Khali's foot being under the rope as he tapped at Judgment Day was acknowledged. Sadly, this will only drag out an already brutal feud. Prepare for a One Night Stand worse than any fat chick could ever provide. With so many unanswered questions presented by "Raw" last night, only a true mark could be excited for the next pay-per-view event.

Share |