Match One: Raw vs. Smackdown Battle Royale
The match is actually ongoing when the show starts, so I don't have a list of competitors. Two draft picks are on the line. Raw teams up to eliminate Kane, Big show and Khali tee off. All of Smackdown eliminates Khali. Sheamus goes to work on Wade Barrett, interestingly Nexus and the Corre are showing brand loyalty, Vladmir Kozlov is eliminated off-camera, although a replay shows it again.
Eliminations are slow, Evan Bourne and Mark Henry eliminate Ezekiel Jackson, Brodus Clay and Cody Rhodes almost have Sheamus on the ropes, Evan Bourne saves him, Heath Slater out, Chris Masters shortly after, Wade Barrett goes, Kofi Kingston eliminates Ted Dibiase, Mark Henry and Brodus Clay simultaneously eliminate each other, Big Show eliminates Yoshi Tatsu, Sheamus with Cody Rhodes on the ropes, Drew McIntyre makes the save, later goes for a Futureshock on Sheamus, reversed, Sheamus dives for McIntyre, McIntyre ducks, eliminates Sheamus with a knee from the apron, commercial.
Back on, not much appears to have changed, Evan Bourne eliminates Drew McIntyre, Bryan Danielson going after Cody Rhodes, Santino Marella tries to eliminate Big Show with a Cobra, Show actually grabs his hand and Cobras Santino for the elimination, Mason Ryan tosses out Cody Rhodes, Kofi Kingston eliminates Bryan Danielson, it's Show and Kingston vs. Ryan and Bourne. Giants tee off, not-giants tee off.
Bourne has Kingston in the ropes, Bourne tosses Kingston to the apron, Kignston goes for a body drop, Bourne goes for a sunset flip to the floor, realizes the implications and both men climb back in the ring. Big Show goes after Evan Bourne, who goes up top, caught, eliminated. Mason Ryan holds his own for about 30 seconds before being tossed out by Big Show.
Winners: Smackdown (Big Show and Kofi Kingston survive)
Smackdown gets their first draft pick, and it's...
JOHN CENA TO SMACKDOWN!
Holy shit, the rumours are true! I guess we know who's picking up Edge's spot, and John Cena actually looks thrilled with the move.
After a commercial, Todd Grisham interviews John Cena, who's getting a huge reaction. John Cena says he's excited, and drops a ton of Sci-Fi references before saying that he will bring the WWE championship "Back to the Smack". The Miz interjects and says that the best part of this is that after Sunday, Miz can't see him. Apparently Michael Cole will face JR later tonight.
They show a replay of R-Truth attacking John Morrison, before R-Truth comes out without music to address the crowd.
"RALEIGH, NORTH CAROLINA... Shut up! Don't boo me, 'cause you booin' yourself. Okay, let me break it down for you. The topic of the day is you. That's what's up, you. You see, I ain't got no home training, I'm speaking to those who listening, it's all about you. Last week, John Morrison, my friend, my pal, y'all gonna stop with that 'what'? He came out and challenged me for my spot in the championship triple threat match at Extreme Rules! Y'all pissing me the hell off (responding to "What" chant)! Why'd he challenge me? Because of you! Why did I accept? Because you wanted me to. You wanted me to. I lost because of you. You know what I'm startin' to realize? Now y'all got me pissed off. I spent my entire career trying to please, and trying to be what you wanted me to do, and that ain't got me diddly squat. I come out here rapping and dancing every week, just so y'all can dance and rap along with me, and may I add, a lot of y'all need to get some rhythm. A lot of y'all are out of tune and off beat.
Oh, look at little Jimmy! He is so cute! He's singing What's Up with the Truth, sing it little Jimmy! What's up! What's up! Oh, little Jimmy. Hey, little Jimmy, am I making you smile by singing What's Up? Shut up! Am I making you smile? You like singing What's Up, Jimmy? Okay, you singing What's Up, is that putting titles around my waist? I didn't think so, little Jimmy, so wipe your nose and shut up! For ten years, I chose you. I chose every last one of y'all. But now? I'm officially giving every last one of y'all the boot. Sayanora, peace out! Deuces! Don't be booing me, 'cause you be booin' yourselves. You know what else, Raleigh? Ten years of frustration and disappointment? When I let that go, y'all, it felt marvelous! And I'm just being honest with y'all, for the first time in my life, the Truth has set me free!"
John Morrison attacks Truth from behind and pummels him with punches. Referees seperate the two, Morrison charges anyway, then again. It's interesting to note that Truth said "ten years", thereby acknowledging not only K-Kwik, but also his time in TNA.
A third promo airs showing Amazing Kong gripping a doll with both hands before popping its head off. This time the promo zooms in on her face, and the caption reads "Kharma", with HARM in red.
Match Two: Eve vs. Layla
Michelle McCool walks out before the match begins. Layla plays to the crowd but retreats when she sees McCool.
Lcokup, Layla with a knee, punches to the back, whip, reversed into a leg sweep for one, Michael Cole interrupts this match, Eve rolls up Layla for three.
Winner: Eve Torres
Fuck you Michael Cole, that was actually not too bad. Hey Kong, want to restore dignity to the Women's division? Start with an Amazing Bomb to the Cole Mine. McCool gets in Layla's face and she responds by smashing her head into the barricade. She breaks down sobbing before throwing McCool into the announcer's table.
Oh, and there's still a draft pick.
Rey Mysterio to Raw!
If you ignore last year, this is actually the third year in a row that Rey Mysterio's been drafted. Backstage, we see JR warming up for his match.
Todd Grisham asks Cody Rhodes his thoughts on Rey Mysterio being drafted. Rhodes says that he's going to give him a going away present in the form of a new mask from an anaesthesiologist.
Match Three: Draft Pick Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus
Lockup, Sheamus presses Kingston into the corner and punches him, drops knees, chops in the ropes, springboard shoulder for two, arm trap clothesline, goes for his signature rest hold, whip, charge, Kingston dodges and Sheamus hits the post. Kingston with a crossbody for two, ten punch, rolls off, Sheamus interrupts Kofi's train of thought with a clothesline, goes for the high cross, reversed, misses a bicycle kick, Kingston hits Trouble in Paradise twice for the win.
Winner: Kofi Kingston
John Cena is shown as part of the Smackdown locker room backstage.
RANDY ORTON TO SMACKDOWN!
Holy shit! Raw's entire main event scene just went to Smackdown! It's pretty much just the Miz and HHH now.
Match Four: Michael Cole vs. Jim Ross
Unless this is a slobberknocker, this will probably be a waste of time. JR needs to just beat the shit out of Michael Cole for a good ten minutes.
Michael Cole makes fun of JR's gut, gets some coaching from Jack Swagger, goes for a slap, leaves the ring, takes JR's hat, walks around with it, climbs back in the ring, stomps on it, gets some more coaching, starts doing pushups, JR grabs him, shoves him to the ground, Cole cals for a time out, Jack Swagger brings a stool into the ring, climbs in and starts acting as a cornerman, drinks water, goes for a body slam, JR lands on him, starts punching the shit out of him, Cole bails out of the ring, Lawler tosses him back in, JR goes back to the punches, Jack Swagger attacks Lawler, peels JR off of Cole.
Winner by disqualification: Jim Ross
Swagger locks in the ankle lock, Michael Cole is bleeding from the mouth, Swagger rips JR's belt off and re-applies the ankle lock while Cole beats him with the belt. Jerry Lawler gets back in the ring, clotheslines Swagger to the outside and picks up the belt before beating Cole with it until he and Swagger run away.
GM/Matthews: "This Sunday at Extreme Rules, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole and Jack Swagger will be a tag team Country Whipping Match."
With JR having done this before against Jonathan Coachman, this makes JR the first non-wrestler to have his own trademark match.
Backstage, The Miz again bemoans a lack of screen time but asserts that he is still awesome.
Slam of the Week is the Orton/Nexus affair from last week. Randy Orton is in the ring.
Match Five: Double Draft Pick: Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler
Orton with a body slam, drops a knee, cover for one, Ziggler with a kick to the knee, neckbreaker, cover for two, stomps in the corner, foot choke, fireman's carry, cover for one, punch, chinlock with an armbar, Orton punches his way out, Ziggler goes for the ropes, Orton follows with a clothesline out of the ring, follows, Ziggler with a thumb to the eye, dropkick over the barricade, heads back into the ring, Orton beats the count at six and hits a Thesz Press, dual clotheslines, snap scoopslam, high angle back suplex for two, whip, Ziggler with a boot, clothesline reversed into an Orton backbreaker, calls for an RKO, Vickie with a distraction allowing Ziggler a roll-up for two, Orton hits the RKO for the win!
Winner: Randy Orton
Smackdown gets its inevitably superfluous two draft picks.
CM Punk actually interrupts the draft pick.
"I find it extremely ironic that this Sunday, the pay per view is called Extreme Rules. I have no doubt that we're going to get nasty, we're going to get extreme with each other, but the word rules just doesn't apply, except one: you have to beat the referee's ten-count, and believe me: I am going to beat you with so many sticks, so much furniture, with my head, my elbown, feet, knees, and my own two hands and you will have no one to blame but yourself. You put me in this situation. A simple RKO out of nowhere will not get you the 1-2-3 this Sunday, Randall, and I'm going to send you packing to Smackdown beaten up, broken down, turned inside out and hurt. A former shell of what you used to me."
"There are going to be many things that I miss from being on Raw. One of those things that I won't be missing is having to hear you ramble on and on. After this Sunday, you won't be talking, you won't be walking, you won't be eating, you won't be drinking, you won't be moving, all you'll be is sleeping. Unconscious sleep. Because I will be the last man standing!"
The draft picks come next, I guess.
Mark Henry to Smackdown
Sin Cara to Smackdown
Match Six: Double Draft Pick: Wade Barrett vs. Rey Mysterio
Barrett with punches, whip from the corner, body slam reversed, Mysterio with a kick, punch, Wade Barrett with a Black Hole Slam for two, mounted punches, stomp, foot choke in the corner, cover for two, knee to the back, surfboard. Mysterio escapes with kicks, crossbody for two, Barrett catches Rey on another attempt, slams him into the corner, sets him up, Mysterio punches Barrett out of the corner, hurricanrana to the ropes, 619, diving crossbody for three.
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Big Show to Raw!
Alberto Del Rio to Raw!
Alberto Del Rio is shown backstage freaking out as Brodus Clay realizes he's been seperated.
Extreme Rules Card:
Last Man Standing: CM Punk vs. Randy Orton
Tag Team Country Whipping Match: Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross vs. Michael Cole and Jack Swagger
World Heavyweight Championship: Ladder Match: Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio
WWE Championship: Triple Threat Steel Cage: John Cena vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz
There's also the Falls Count Anywhere match between Cody Rhodes and Rey Mysterio, but I'm really just recapping their recap of the card.
Teddy Long announces the main event for the final draft pick:
Main Event: Draft Pick: Six-Man Tag: CM Punk, The Miz and Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian, Mark Henry and John Cena
Miz and Christian lock up, Miz with a shoulder tackle, boot to the gut, Christian with a whip, forearm, boot to the gut, Cena in, Miz bails, commercial.
Back on, Punk whips Cena, reversed, suplex, hip toss, dropkick, tags in Henry, punches, stands on him, Christian in, punch, whip, reversed, Christian with a clothesline, again from the top rope, Pun goes for a GTS, Christian goes for the Killswitch, Del Rio blocks, Punk with a kick, Del Rio in, dropkick to a sitting Christian for two, punches, whip, knee in the corner, Miz in, stomp, running stomp, camel clutch, chinlock, Christian punches his way out, Miz throws him down, tags in Punk, stomp, head slam, leg drop for two, whip, arm wrench, tags in Miz, Punk with kicks, Miz with stomps, taunts Cena, Christian with a kick, goes for the Killswitch, Miz with a clothesline in the corner for two, Del Rio in, boots, drops knees on the arm, covers for two, armbar, sets Christian up in the corner, Christian punches his way out, Del Rio falls, Tornado DDT, both men unable to get to their feet, Miz and Cena in, shoulder tackles, Protoplex, You Can's See Me, Mark Henry clotheslines his own partner and leaves the ring before press slamming Christian on the steel steps. Skull Crushing Finale for the win.
Winners: Team Raw
Now time to find out the final draft pick that will close the show. This has to be good.
JOHN CENA BACK TO RAW!
The fuck? John Cena attacks the rest of Team Raw, focussing on The Miz, who he throws into Del Rio and CM Punk. The show goes off the air with John Cena putting a Raw shirt back on.