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A World Without Wrestling...

The following article was written by our good friend Robert McLearren. Robert is a major contributer to Tha O Show. We are happy to publish his piece.

Let us venture into an alternate reality. What if wrestling never existed? No WWE, TNA, ECW or anything resembling it. Where would the stars that we’ve grown to know and love be doing? Where would their lives have gone without wrestling?

Chris Jericho: Has just become the nation’s newest senator. After brushing off not 2 but 3 sex scandals (one involving an unnamed woman only referred to as “ass clown”) his magnetic personality still allowed him to win in landfall fashion.

New Jack: New Jack is currently serving 3 consecutive life after being found guilty of two stabbings and beating one man to death. He was recently quoted as saying “go **** yourself you ****** white *** ******* *** drinking piece of ****.

Steve Austin: Sheriff Austin is running for his third consecutive term as Sheriff of Houston, Texas. He can boast the lowest crime rate in the state and the recent charges of “stomping a mud hole in some sumbitch and walking it dry” as well as D.U.I. have been dropped as no-one was willing to testify against him.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts: Jake Roberts is still selling used cars in the Atlanta area.

Ric Flair: Has been released on bail after being arrested on 16 counts of sexual assault and lude & lascivious conduct.

Randy “Macho Man” Savage: Even in an alternate reality, Randy is still proudly cashing cheques from Slim Jim. He is getting ready to celebrate his 15 year anniversary as assistant plant manager.

JBL: Oil Baron John Bradshaw Layfield, has become the richest man on the planet after Bill Gates recently died in “questionable” circumstances. JBL was unavailable for comment.

Rob Van Dam: Van Dam, after serving six months for possession of an illegal substance has continued his career as a Yoga instructor and ballerina.

“Diamond Dallas Page”: Page is a successful author, teacher, inspirational speaker, actor, basketball star, mechanic, lecturer and was able to assemble his own computer. From spare parts. That he welded himself. Blindfolded. Chuck Norris calls DDP for advice on everything.

Mark Henry: Mark has been certified as the first human being to carry an african elephant on his back. So far only four elephants have been killed in his "clean and jerk" process. In his down time he likes to play fight with silverbacks and consume alligators. Whole. He is currently PETA's public enemy #1.

Bobby Heenan: “America’s Favorite Personality” is finally set to retire after a stellar hosting The Tonight Show. Local news anchor Larry King and washed up comedian Jay Leno are among the names rumored to replace him. Critics are skeptical of anyone's ability to fill Hennan's shoes.

Velvet Sky: Can be seen nightly as a feature at “The Palomino”. 2 for 1 bud specials this week!

Mick Foley: Mick is still giving classes on getting into the movies and will be in town this week to sign copies of his book “My life as a stunt man”.

Andre “The Giant”: Andre is enjoying his retirement after being the most dominant center in European Basketball history. He is considering coaching the French National team next fall, as it is made up of his six children, all standing above seven feet tall.

Owen Hart: Owen was just selected as High School Teacher of the year, he was congratulated on being a “real inspiration” by his pupils. He has coached the school football team to 6 consecutive provincial titles.

Elizabeth: President of the “Miss Universe Pageant”, and the host of her own cooking show, Elizabeth is a media mogul. Her grace, class and beauty are recognized world wide. She was recently arressted for insider trading.

John Cena: Just made my burger.

2 comments: on "A World Without Wrestling..."

kathy said...

Loved your article...especially the CENA part. Reminded me of when i worked at McDonalds many years ago....i worked with some really hot guys, better looking then him lol

Anonymous said...

hahaha john cena: just made my burger