Smackdown Smack Talk

Smackdown starts with Jack Swagger walking to the ring in his gear with the belt around his waist. He's still trying the "Odds on favorite" tagline, which is kinda shit, but his cooler bravado is better than his former fist pumping frat boy routine.

Out to face him is John Morrison, who's giving away shades now, Hitman-style. Grabs the mic in the ring and says "Roll it" to the footage of Swagger losing to Orton on Raw. Makes fun of the "Sthpeetth Impediment" enough for Swagger to revert to pissy bitch mode.

Striker Says What? "Don't let that sleepy Gary Busey face that he has fool you; Jack Swagger knows that he can beat you anytime." He then goes on to put over collegiate accomplishments for a couple of minutes. Much like Looney Tunes, what you see is for the younger audience, but what you hear makes the adults smile.

They make a point of officially halting the match due to blood…excuse me…a small little knick on Swagger's eyebrow. This seems like a work to promote the Wellness Policy; the rubber gloves, the towel, the match being stopped for a moment or two. If this is the case, this is fucking horse shit and tells me that the Wellness Policy is about appearances. It also tells me that WWE is adding more water to their mightily watered down TV product.

Jericho is backstage with his NXT rookie Wade Barrett. Swagger interrupts and says he's pulling for Y2J, once again trying to be "cool".

Shad Gaspard is in the ring now sporting a shaved head. He shows the JTG beat down again from last week. Cuts a pseudo monster heel promo on taking what you deserve. This is HIS time apparently. Out comes JTG and he's quickly dispatched with a big JBL boot. I'm sorry, but if I'm breaking out one of Cryme Tyme into their own, I'm backing JTG and not Shad. Overall he's a better worker and does more innovative moves…but then again, that's already R-Truth's spot. Shad's seemingly doing what they want(ed?) Ezekiel Jackson to do.

I'm not trying to generalize black workers at all; I'm just too cynical to allow WWE to have the benefit of the doubt. Shad came out all cleaned up, and tried to cut a promo that was flatter than fuck. Oh, and they had him come out to Cryme Tyme's music, which shows that they really didn't care about the segment anyway. This will only amount to a feud between the two that'll remind us of Carlito vs. Primo without the intrigue.

Drew McIntyre is out for a match against Matt Hardy. He has a mic and says that he's not going to waste his breath on the crowd. Um, OK? They're doing a spot with Matt being loopy from shots to the head. But they are making Hardy look strong here. Oh, except for the "Future Shock DDT" outside on the floor. It's over.

Odd thing was that the ref was looking at the whole exchange and had a decidedly "meh" expression on his face like, "OK, you just smashed his head on the floor. Can we finish up now?"

CM Punk is out with his Straight Edge posse and his bi-racial Teletubby NXT rookie Darren Young. Apparently Young is due for a trim and an indoctrination ceremony. Darren changes his mind midstream and the SES take exception to it. Rey Mysterio makes the save and they tease the head shaving on Punk. The match for Extreme Rules is set.

Trent Barretta and Caylen Croft are out to be "The Dudebusters" and heel on the Hart Dynasty. And out come the Harts to start the match and enhance our illusion of a tag team division in the Fed. Doesn't last long, as DH Smith picks up the win with the Sharpshooter. Considering that they jobbed so quickly, I'm confused as to why Trent and Caylen, "The Dudemasters" were packaged as a team and given mic time to make jokes beforehand.

Dolph Ziggler backstage interview turns into a sleeper hold on Josh Matthews.

Swagger is backstage with Edge. Another "Sthpeeth Impediment" joke ensues involving a Sthpeer referenthe.

Jericho and Edge's # 1 Contender match ends with a double countout and they cliffhang it. Triple Threat match here we come; stay tuned.

Obviously, WWE is strongly standing behind Jack Swagger, evident by him opening both big shows this past week. Although he lost to Randy Orton on Raw this past Monday, he did get a victory over John Morrison this week (for what that's worth, anyhow). I like that once he became champion he chilled the fuck out and now walks around like he's the cool guy with the deep voice. It suits him just as much as being the hyper-active douche when he wasn't champion.

Darren Young came out of tonight's show looking dumb and deserving of last place in NXT rankings. He smiled and nodded like a receptionist through Punk's promo on his accepting of Straight Edge life and then (on cue and weak as a kitten) he changed his mind. Get this kid back to FCW and repackage him with a less vanilla name or just future endeavor his ass.

I gotta say, the matches were solid in general, but a lot of things seemed thrown into this week's edition of Smackdown, including Shad, Ziggler, Drew McIntyre spending a minute telling us he's got nothing to say. And I'm not complaining but where were the SD Divas this week?

What an odd mixture of messages in the same show when pertaining to the referee situation. One match is stopped twice due to blood that I didn't even catch that was from a knick near the eyebrow and it was done with towel and all. Matt Hardy gets his head beat in and a DDT on the floor and no one says a thing.

And who the fuck is naming these workers these days? Is Pat Patterson sitting in the back with a baby naming book?

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