ECW On SyFy Recap

Tonight we're in Orlando, Florida. Savannah introduces the former ECW champion, Mr. All American American himself, and he comes to the stage with a mic in hand.

Swagger: "Finally this show is worth watching again! It's great to be back here, the place where I got my start, for the ECW Homecoming - a concept where 8 stars of the past compete with 8 stars of today, to determine who will get an ECW Championship match at the Royal Rumble. A lot of things have changed, there are tons of new faces, but a lot of things have stayed the same - like Christian.

He's still a chump, and Tommy Dreamer is still fat! But for the clueless who still don't know who I am, check this out." Swagger throws us to a video package of his match highlights. For some reason in this video package we get signs in the crowd reading SAY IT DON'T SPRAY IT with pictures of Daffy Duck.

If Swagger commissioned this video package, why would he put anything in it that makes him look bad? "My name is the All American All American, Jack Swagger - you're once and future ECW Champion!" His Age Against the Machine music plays and he poses to a chorus of boos. Zack Ryder's OHHH RADIO music hits and he and Rosa Mendes make their entrance in front of Swagger, who has a disgusted look on his face.

Savannah gives Zack his introduction. I must also say Savannah looks stunning in her sparkling red dress tonight. Dreamer comes out and we get highlights of Ryder running him down two weeks ago on the show.

* Zack Ryder v. Tommy Dreamer

Tie up to start. Ryder shoots Dreamer off the ropes and gets knocked down with a shoulder. Mendes is already concerned, jumping up and down, telling him to get back in the match. Dreamer hits a knee lift and clotheslines Ryder to the floor. Mendes distracts Dreamer and Ryder gives him an arm drag from the apron to the floor. Knee lunge, Dreamer is thrown back in, near fall.

Ryder applies a side headlock and yells WOO WOO WOO. Dreamer hits a sunset flip for a near fall, Zack hits a Rough Ryder for one of his own. Facewash in the corner. Ryder goes to the top as his girlfriend says WOO WOO WOO but Dreamer's move says SU SU SUPLEX off the top and both men are down. Both recover and Dreamer hits a high back bodydrop and a powerslam for 2. Ryder is caught coming off the ropes and catapulted into the turnbuckle, then hung in the tree of woe for the E-SEE-DUBYOO dropkick.

Ryder rolls under the ropes to avoid a DDT and he snaps Dreamer off the ropes before hitting the Zack Attack for three. WINNER: ZACK RYDER. We get a preview of Goldust v. Vance Archer in a Homecoming Qualifier, and of Swagger vs. Yoshi Tatsu in said same before we go to break.

Savannah introduces Tony Atlas. OH GREAT ANOTHER ABE WASHINGTON SHOW. Abe puts himself over as the biggest name in sports entertainment and flashes the applause sign. He then says he won't rip on Tiger Woods because he's classier than that, and then says he supports Tiger cause "us pimps got to look out for each other."

He even claims Tiger used to call "before his wife took his phone and whupped him upside the head with it" causing Atlas to bust into the lone highlight of any Abe Washington show - HUH HUH HUH laughter. Abe also says Tiger's new diet is a three day diet because that's how long you have to be on it before you start cheating. HUH HUH HUH. Abe welcomes Trent Baretta and Caylen Croft to the show.

I wish they would go back to the Bittersweet Symphony music - their new guitar rock intro sucks and makes them look and sound generic as everybody else. The gamer geeks piss off Abe by jumping on his future, then say they're better than DX and the Hart Dynasty because "you can't compare Nintendo 64 to the X-Box 360." Abe gets one of the few funny/truthful jokes he's ever had on his show when Croft and Baretta reach for the coffee mugs and they are empty. "We can't afford drinks, this is ECW not Monday Night Raw!"

I popped for that. The gamer geeks get heat by telling Tony Atlas he's old and nobody cares. Abe actually stands up for him and says "nobody talks to him like that." Atlas: "Thank you Abe, I didn't know you cared!" Abe: "I DON'T care you big dummy but we're all out of time!" They wrap the show.

Swagger meets Tiffany backstage. "How is it possible you're still running this place?" Tiffany: "It's so much easier and better without you here." Swagger: "But not better looking. Clearly you brought me back here because you need a good champion.

Without me all you've got around here are a bunch of..." and Hurricane Helms flies in. Swagger asks what powers he has. "I can do anything, except maybe fix that speech impediment... Sssitizen Ssswagger!" Tiffany giggles. Hurricane flies out. Swagger says "whatever" and walks away. Commercial.

After commercial break we get a Tribute to the Troops video package putting over John Cena.

* Vance Archer v. Goldust (ECW Homecoming Qualifier)

Without even looking at spoilers to refresh my memory, I already know who I want to win this match, and who is probably going to win instead. Whenever they put the ECW Homecoming logo on the screen I honestly expect to hear Josh Mathews tell us that ECW Homecoming is brought to us by Avatar, in theaters now.

Goldie knocks Archer down with a butt bump early and works him with punches in the corner. Archer counters with a hard reversal whip to the opposite corner and follows with some pounding on the mat before a scoop slam and a chinlock.
Crowd pops for Goldie as he gets back to his feet but a leg lariat puts him down for 2.5. Goldie fights out of a front facelock with punches, ducks a clothesline and hits a few of his own. Drop down jawjacker punch and bulldog for 2.5 follow. Vertical suplex blocked. Archer does his flip to a whip DDT for three and it's all over.

WINNER AND ECW QUALIFIER: VANCE ARCHER. Christian watches on backstage on a monitor. A screen graphic shows us Vance Archer, Ezekiel Jackson and Kane are the qualifiers so far. We get a teaser for Swagger v. Tatsu and then commercial break.

We get a Smackdown Rebound focused on Mysterio and Batista when we come back. This video package gives me the perfect opportunity to plug another live edition of Ring the Bell at 11 PM EST in the www.angrymarks.com/chat room, airing immediately after ECW. Join us there for all the fun! More video highlights follow as we see Regal turning on Big Bad Vlad last week to side with Zeke the Freak.

Vlad and Zeke will face each other on Superstars this week so stay tuned! Backstage Tatsu is warming up and Christian is giving him advice. Swagger interrupts and asks if Christian is Mr. Miyagi. Christian: "Haven't changed one bit since you went to Raw? You're still the same old dork." Tatsu makes a joke in Japanese.

"You tell him in whatever language he speaks I'm steamrolling him tonight, then at the Royal Rumble... you're mine!" He leaves. Tatsu in broken english: "Whatta... JAWKASS!" Christian: "I was thinking the same thing." Commercial.

Video package for The Marine 2 when we come back from break. It comes out on DVD next week. Yay and stuff.

* Jack Swagger v. Yoshi Tatsu (ECW Homecoming Qualifier)

Swagger comes out and does push-ups on the ramp. Sexton informs us that both Evan Bourne and Matt Hardy will have qualifying matches on the show next week before Tatsu heads to the ring. The bell rings and Tatsu jumps up and down with excitement. The two tie up and Swagger does an amateur wrestling takedown and a gutwrench to the mat, rolling with Tatsu wherever he wants the match to go.

Tatsu tries to fight out with elbows, gets taken back down with ease, then hit with hard forearms as the ref warns him to take it easy. Swagger ducks down for Tatsu coming off the ropes, Tatsu kicks him in the head instead, ducks him on the other side then gets a takedown of his own followed by a near fall dropkick. Swagger powers him into the corner, whips him to the other and splashes him to follow up.

Swagger poses like it's already over, pulls him up by the arm and hammerlocks it behind Tatsu's head. Crowd chants YO-SHI. Swagger clubs his back and hits another takedown, cranking on his arm as Tatsu squirms and sells. Tatsu counters a gutwrench powerbomb, Swagger ducks a buzzsaw kick, and the two face off as we go to commercial.

Reminder that Timbaland will host Raw and Sheamus will face Cena next week as we come back from break. Swagger has Tatsu hammerlocked on the mat as we return from action with a "during the break" highlight of Swagger hitting a wheelbarrow suplex. Tatsu escapes but Swagger blocks Tatsu from going to the ropes before he can even begin and snaps his neck down to the canvas hard before a near fall. All of Swagger's offense seems to be focused on the neck and the back now.

He slams Tatsu down one handed, does some push-ups, then drops a series of elbows to the small of his neck, followed by a legdrop to the back of his head for a near fall. Tatsu is asked if he wants to submit as we go to another live edition of Ring the Bell in the www.angrymarks.com/chat room, with ECW once again going past 11 PM EST. Tatsu finally gets free and starts throwing kicks as Mathews calls him "The Cardiac Kid." Tatsu counters Swagger into a near fall.

These guys keep ducking each other's finishers. Swagger floats Tatsu to the apron, he hits a spear from there, cuts off Swagger with an elbow when he tries to charge the ropes to throw him off, and hits a spinning wheel kick for 2.9! Tatsu is tripped into the ropes and Swagger tries to roll him up for a near fall. Swagger pearl harbors Tatsu and shoots the half for 2.999. All American power slam but Swagger doesn't make the cover.

He pounds his chest and yells WHO, AM, I before he does his elevated splash in the corner and makes the cover - Tatsu saves himself with a hand on the ropes. Swagger argues with the ref and Tatsu SUPERKICKS HIM FOR THE PIN. WINNER AND ECW QUALIFIER: YOSHI TATSU! We see a replay and Yoshi celebrates on his way up the ramp. One more graphic to show us the qualifiers as ECW goes off the air. G'night everyone!

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