Tha Raw Report

"Raw" comes live from Sheffield, England with Guest Host, Ricky Hatton. Ricky shows a clip of his win in the arena three years ago when out comes Jerishow.

Dressed in suits, they talk smack with Ricky. Show offers him a free shot like Mayweather.

DX interrupts and makes a mockery of Jerishow. Hatton makes the match for DX vs. Jerishow.

First match of the night, Kelly Kelly vs. Alicia Fox. Quick match, not much to mention other than how hot all the ladies looked. Fox gets the pin.

Shaemus recap of last week and what he did to Jamie Noble. Shaemus comes out for the second match of the night and plays up the Irish angle as he takes on a no name English jobber. The Celtic Warrior runs over his competition. Pure boos for the warrior, but of course. An Irish wrestler in England is guaranteed heat.

Now were 45 minutes in and we’ve had 2 matches….not good, both were short and shit.

Back to Ricky in the back with the Bella twins sporting Hatton wife beaters. They ask for dart lessons from Hatton? Then Santino interrupts and says he’s Ricky’s alter ego “Ricky Fatton”. Santino is interrupted by Chavo who says Santino is a suck up.

They shoot some darts and Chavo challenges Santino but Ricky says they should do the boxer vs. the wrestler tonight. It’s Chavo vs. Ricky Hatton!

The Miz interview, yawn...The Miz is interrupted by Jack Swagger. These two argue like two 10 year olds. Swagger brings one word to mind, geek. Jack tells The Miz he is going to go undefeated for the rest of 2009. Riiiiiighhhtttt...

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne. Swagger dominates from the top of the match. Bourne mounts a comeback and attempts to pin Swagger but to no avail. Big boot by Swagger to Bourne and out comes The Miz. Belly to belly by Swagger and Bourne lands a kick to the chin. Bourne goes to the top ropes and a hits Swagger off the top and catches the win. So much for being undefeated for the rest of 2009, Jack. The Miz rubs the loss in Jack's face. I’m not really interested in two dickheads feuding (Miz and Swagger).

Special Edition of the V.I.P. Lounge, MVP has Mark Henry in the ring. Henry introduces the V.I.P. guest of the week. The captain of their SS team Kofi “I’m suddenly not Jamaican” Kingston.

OK, why is Kofi the captain? They replay the clip from last week. They pop a bottle of champagne; the cork goes flying into the crowd. They toast to Kofi. I love how they steal from hip-hop – "ballin’" - isn’t that Jim Jones’ shit?

Legacy comes out and security backs down and lets 'em in the ring. Fuckin' Randy lookin' older than me, what’s he 28? Orton and crew lay down some disses. Orton says that Kofi, MVP and Henry belong in the hood where they came from. Ummm...Why is the Fed promoting racism? Then they cut to commercial after Kingston slaps Orton for his comment.

Back from commercial and it’s the scheduled match of Mark Henry vs. Randy Orton. Legacy and Henry’s crew remain at ringside. Henry starts off good but Orton shows us why he was champ. Wearing down Henry on the mat. Henry comes back with a scoop slam and pin attempt on Orton.

Corner splash and multiple head butts to Orton by Mark and Randy drops. Orton comes back, fails a sunset flip but recovers and hits the RKO and gets the pin on Henry. Kofi hits the ring and clobbers Orton with a right hand. Randy is furious and tells Kingston he’s got a problem now.

The Boxer versus The Wrestler. Chavo takes on Guest Host Ricky Hatton. Hitman Hatton comes out in a sombrero and poncho. Um ok…This is a MMA match.

Chavo slaps Ricky and gets chased. Hatton’s all over Chavo till Chavo takes him down. Hatton escapes and catches a kick to the gut and Chavo goes in on Hatton 'til Ricky lands a knockout blow and Chavo attempts to get up.

Pretty shitty fiasco of a match. I guess since they were in England they needed some sort of angle with an English celebrity.

I wonder how many shirts the King has with crowns, he must have a ton. He’s got a new one very week!

Cena and Hornswoggle in the back talking DX trademark infringement. DX interrupts. These guys hardly seem like their about to fight.

“Contrary to popular belief we have never tweeted each other, not that there is anything wrong with that” Triple H gets the joke of the night.

So DX are chasing a Leprechaun...Hey at least it’s sorta funny. Hornswoggle is in Cena gear but changes back to DX gear when Shawn and Hunter leave the room. Ok WTF I gotta say it...Cena’s gonna win at SS.

Flash back to last week with Ozzy and Sharon. Say no to drugs kids. Just look at Ozzy for proof.

Main Event of the night, DX vs. Jerishow. Cena’s at ringside with the announcers. Jerishow starts off good but DX gets it rolling and has Jericho on the run. Jericho comes back and tags Show who manhandles Michaels. HHH gets in and goes for a pedigree only to get flipped then speared by the giant.

Tag to Jericho, who takes it to HHH on the mat. Chris fails a pin attempt then tags Show in.

Big Show wears down HHH and goes for a pin but Trips kicks out. Head butt by Show and he tags in Chris who fails to contain HHH, who gets the tag to bring in the Show Stopper. Michaels takes out Jericho then Show and goes to the top ropes and hits Jericho off the top. Shawn tunes up the band but misses. Walls of Jericho to Shawn but he gets out. Big Show goes for a knockout blow to Shawn but misses and hits Jericho. Chris gets KO’ed. HHH takes Show out the ring and Michaels gets the pin over Jericho.

After the match they announce the main event for next week. A triple threat tag team match. DX vs. Jerishow vs. Cena & The Undertaker. Undertaker comes out to the ramp! WOW! That’s what I call stepping up your game WWE.

RAW was uh…bareable this week; maybe if we cut the fat out it could be great.

Ok let me see, "Raw" on Monday, ECW on Tuesday, "Superstars" on Thursday, "SmackDown!" on Friday and "Vintage Collection" on Saturday. A WWE PPV once a month on Sunday. So even if you don’t have the WWE channel you can catch wrestling pretty much 6 out of 7 days a
week.

Yeah Vince got shit on lock. TNA you can try to compete but McMahon certainly has a leg up.

Notice they started the show in Canada with a recap of "Vintage Collection" from Saturday with The Undertaker vs. Hogan from SS 1991. This was the match when Hogan lost his WWE belt via a Flair assist. Coincidence they showed Hulk losing after the hype with him signing to TNA??

Tha Results:

Alicia Fox def. Kelly Kelly
Shaemus def. an English Jobber
Evan Bourne def. Jack Swagger
Randy Orton def. Mark Henry
Ricky Hatton def. Chavo
DX def. Jerishow

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